Revelations
by livsgirl
Summary: Olivia has secrets that she is terrified to reveal to Alex. Alex has secrets as well that she is scared to let Olivia know about. Will they be able to reveal them to each other or keep them to themselves. Rated M for possible future chapters
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I had been wondering what my next story would be and I had no clue. The next thing I know is that this story popped in my head. I have no clue where I'm taking it or anything else. Throwing it out there to see id you readers like it and would like me to continue. **

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Olivia Benson leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. The only thing she wanted more than the sleep her body so desperately needed was to catch the sick sadistic bastard that they were after. She glanced at her watch and realized that Elliot Stabler, her partner for the last five years, still had ten minutes of sleep left. She was thankful because that meant she would have a chance at thirty minutes when he was done. She leaned over to look the file over again when she heard the tell tale sound of heels clicking on the tile. She groaned to herself the last thing she wanted was to have to deal with Alex Cabot their ADA on as little sleep she had.

She had had what she called a school girl crush on the woman since she walked into their bull pen about six months ago. Every since that day her crush had slowly grown into a full blown infatuation. It had gotten to the point where Olivia was coming up with every excuse in the book to see the blonde hair attorney. Even going so far as to volunteering to get the warrants that, Munch and Fin, the other detectives in the squad, needed for their cases. Once Elliot asked how long was she going to dance around it and just ask her out Olivia did everything she could to avoid Alex.

Which was probably one of the smartest things that Olivia had ever done because no matter what she could never and would never act on her feelings. To begin with Alex was a co worker and she had learned not long after joining SVU when she slept with Brian Cassidy not to mix business with pleasure. Secondly Alex was straight as they came. That revelation was discovered the night her and Elliot had gone in search of her and found her out on a date with Trevor Langen of all people. Most importantly and quite possibly the deciding factor on why she wouldn't pursue her was the fact that she was the product of a rape and raised by an alcoholic mother while Alex from a very influential family and had more money than the Kennedys

Olivia wasn't talking about the money she made from being an attorney. Oh no. Alex was from old school money and had her eyes on the DA's chair and eventually the senate. She had made that clear when she started with the unit with the comment that she planned to stand on their shoulder and reach as many constituents as possible. For as long as Olivia could remember there had never been an openly gay DA in office another reason why she was out of her league. No one, especially Alex, should have to give up their dreams for her. Maybe if she was someone else yes but with her background she didn't deserve someone so good.

Alex stopped when she saw Olivia sitting at her desk. She could tell by the way her shoulders were slightly drooping that she was exhausted and willing to bet that she hadn't had any sleep since Monday when they caught the new case. She had originally joined SVU to help her political career along but once she got to know the detectives and how they handled the cases they were dealt she decided if she spent her whole career as their ADA she would be happy. To hell with the DA's chair and the senate, especially if it meant she could work side by side with detective Benson.

For a while there Olivia was coming to her office almost daily. If it wasn't for them to go over her testimony, as if she ever needed to, then it was for warrants. It was when Olivia started showing up for Fin's and Munch's warrants that she had confirmed her suspicions that Olivia was interested in her. Then as quickly as she started coming she stopped which had greatly disappointed her not that she would ever show it..

"Any new leads?" She asked as she approached Olivia's desk noticing how she straightened her shoulders as if she was preparing to battle. It was the same manner in which she now entered her office. She deeply missed the slightly relaxed Olivia that would come in from time to time.

"No nothing." Olivia bit out as she spun in her chair to face the attorney.

"I thought you guys could use some fuel." Alex almost whispered as she sat four cups of coffee on Olivia's desk along with a bag of food.

"Thank you" Olivia answered with a genuine smile as she reached for a cup that had her name on it.. She was silently praying that it wasn't solid black when she took a big swig and was amazed to find it just the way she likes it.

"Did they do it correct because if not I can go back and get you another cup."

"They did and even if they didn't I don't expect you to make a special trip" Olivia said as she stood "Thank you so much. Please have a seat I need to go wake Elliot."

"Thank you" Alex said as she took the seat that Olivia offered her admiring the view of Olivia as she quickly took the stairs two at a time. Amazed as always at the power and strength that was hidden beneath Olivia's frame.

"Hey El." Olivia said as she opened the door.

"Can't I have five more minutes?" He grumbled as he rolled over.

"Nope buddy its my turn for thirty and besides there's a present for you downstairs."

"If it's Kathy please cover for me while I jump out the window. She was pissed as hell when I called earlier and told her it would be another night before I could come possibly later."

"Nope its Alex and she brought coffee and food."

"Don't get me wrong Liv I love the thought of coffee and food." He said as he stood and realized it had been almost twenty four hours since their last meal "But isn't Alex being downstairs a present for you not me. I mean I am married and like Alex and everything but not in the way you do."

"I swear to god Elliot if you don't get out of here in the next few seconds you and Kathy will never have to worry about having children again."

"Alright alright" he growled as he slung the door open as she crawled into the bed for her nap.


	2. Questions

**A/N: Thank you so much to those who have reviewed, favorited, and/or following this story. You really know how to boost a girl's ego. Sorry for the delay but here is the next chapter. Hope everyone enjoys it as much as the last one.**

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Alex looked up trying her best to hide her disappointment when Elliot appeared and Olivia wasn't behind him. She knew she was exhausted and knew she needed the rest but she was hoping she would come back down. As cruel as it sounded she almost hoped they would get a lead just so she could see her for a few more minutes.

"What happened to Liv?" Alex asked trying to sound as casual as possible.

"She's trying to catch thirty why?" Elliot answered while he straightened his tie. How long were these two women going to dance around each other?

"No reason I just thought she would be coming back down with you. She didn't grab anything to eat and I know how she is when she's on a case. She will starve herself which isn't good."

"Why not take a bagel up to her." Elliot said with a small smirk on his face. If they weren't going to do anything about the attraction they obviously had for each other then he mine as well torture them until they did. Have a little fun at their expense lord knew they needed the laugh. "She likes hers with a little bit of cream cheese on hers."

"I know how she likes her bagel Stabler." Alex bit out and wished she could take it back as soon as it was out of her mouth, especially when he had that look on his face. It was the face that told her he knew how she felt about Olivia.

"Well then" he said handing her the bag "Take it to her."

Alex jerked the bag from his hand and headed toward the stairs. She hated the fact that he knew that she wanted Olivia. It wasn't that she was scared he would say anything because she knew that without a doubt he would take a secret to his grave. To her showing any form of desire meant weakness to her and weakness she couldn't afford. Not when she had to work with the attractive brunette every day. When she was so sure she felt the same way just to have the ball tossed to left field instead of right field. As much as it hurt she did thank god that Olivia changed her attitude before she made a fool of herself and made a move. One that she now knew would make the workplace filled with even more tension than what it already was on a daily basis.

"Olivia" Alex called out softly hoping if the detective was sleeping she wouldn't wake her but she knew from experience that when she was in the crib she would wake when someone whispered her name.

"Yes Alex." Olivia groaned realizing that her attempt of escaping the attorney that tortured her was short lived. She knew how she could be sometimes when she was as exhausted as she was at that moment. The last thing she needed was to make a bigger ass out of herself than what she had already done. They way things were going lately it looked more like she was going to make a bigger ass of herself.

"I woke you I'm so sorry please forgive me." Alex said quickly as she started to back out of the room.

"Alex Stop." Olivia said a little harsher than she intended to cussing herself when she saw Alex shy away at the tone she used.

"No Olivia its fine. I know you're running on fumes and shouldn't have come up here to bother you. Please get some rest."

"Alex you came up here for a reason." Olivia said as she sat up in the bed "What is it you need?"

"It's nothing Liv please go back to sleep. I know you haven't gotten a lot of sleep."

Olivia shot out of the bed and gently grabbed Alex by the wrist but quickly let go when Alex acted as if she was about to be hit.

"Alex" Olivia asked questionably

"Sorry you just scared me. I forget sometimes how fast and strong you are being a woman."

"I use it to my advantage in the field" Olivia said knowing there was more to the story but feeling as if it wasn't her place to probe this time "Will you please tell me what you needed. You came up here for a reason."

"I was bringing you your bagel." Alex said looking away knowing that Olivia was putting two and two together scared to see the look in her eyes "You forgot it and I know how you are when you're on a case. You'll go days without eating. To be honest all of you will."

"Thank you." Olivia whispered as she reached out to take the bag allowing her fingers to graze across Alex's hand.

Alex's breath caught in her throat feeling the electricity shoot through her and her hand on fire where Olivia had touched her. She was torn between pulling back or trying to maintain the connection for as long as she could. Finally desire one out and she kept her hand there until Olivia pulled away.

"I..umm..put the cream cheese on it the way you like it." Alex said and then quickly amended "Or at least what I could remember from the day I met you and Elliot at the bakery."

"Thank you Alex I, well we, greatly appreciate it and your right I think it's been at least twenty-four hours since I've ate possibly longer. Unless you want to count the handful of peanuts I had this morning."

"I wish you wouldn't do that. You need to eat so you can keep up your strength. What if you had to wrestle the perp and you were too tired and he got you, killed you. What then? Mind telling me that?"

"Alex calm down." Olivia said in the calm and soothing voice she only used for victims. "Whether I'm full of energy and food or not I run a risk of being killed. Where is all this coming from? You've never been concerned before is everything ok?"

"Yeah everything is ok. I'm so sorry I bothered you." Alex said as she spun from Olivia and ran down the stairs before Olivia even knew what was happening. She couldn't believe she had just said what she said. She had got to learn to keep her distance from the detective. If she hadn't stopped when she did she was about to say what about how am I suppose to live without you? Thank god her brain caught up with her before her mouth got her in trouble.

Olivia shook her head as she darted after Alex. She took off at a dead run when she hit the bottom of the stairs hoping to catch Alex just glancing in Elliot's direction. By the time she hit the street Alex was nowhere to be found. Damn that woman can move Olivia said to herself as she pulled her phone out and sent Alex a message. Something was wrong and she wanted to know what it was. Hell it would eat at her till she discovered what it was.

_Alex, I'm worried about you. I hope you know that you can talk to me if you need to. Please let me know you made it home ok._

Alex looked at her phone in the bathroom of the precinct as she shook. She had to back away from the detective keep her distance. She had almost lost it tonight something that she couldn't afford to she had learned her lesson a little over a year ago. Slowly with shaky fingers she replied to the text.

_I'm fine thank you and I'm walking in my building now._


	3. Discovery

"Hey El what the hell is up with Alex?" Olivia asked when she came back in and collapsed back into her chair. She knew it would be useless to try to nap now not with her mind going ninety miles an hour and focused on Alex.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." Elliot said looking up at her with a puzzled look on his face "I figured you said or did something."

"ME? What the hell El?"

"All I know was she was smiling and laughing when she went up there and was running like her life depended on it."

"El I swear I have no clue what happened she brought me the bagel thought she had disturbed me." Olivia said as she raked her hand through her hair "I jumped up to stop her from leaving and she pulled back almost as if I was going to hit her. Then suddenly she was saying that if I don't eat and have to wrestle a perp I could get killed. This was out of the blue."

"Pulled back like you were going to hit her? Damn how did you go at her? Apparently not how you want since she left and you're here talking to me."

"You pervert!" Olivia almost shouted as she threw her pen at him which he ducked easily "I asked her if where all that was coming from and if she was ok. She said yes and took off running. With as fast as she runs she should join the department hell by the time I hit the street she was gone."

"Street? Why did you go to the street she ran into the bathroom."

"SHE WHAT?"

"I saw her run into the bathroom I started to follow her out but when she went in I just figured she really had to go or was sick. I was giving her some privacy."

"Damn it why didn't you go in?" Olivia asked as she stood and headed out

"Because I have a wife and three daughters I learned a long time ago if they are sick stay out."

Olivia shot him a look over her shoulder at him as she headed out the bull pen and to the bathroom. _Please please please let her still be there _she silently prayed as she took a deep breath before entering the restroom.

"Alex." She said as she saw the blonde leaning over the sink and rushed to her side. Maybe she had misinterpreted what she saw and Alex was sick that was why she ran out of the crib.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry" Alex whimpered out as she coward down on the floor covering herself.

Olivia stopped cold in her tracks seeing Alex's response to her. After ten years on the force she knew women only responded like that for one of two reasons and on occasions both. They were either abused as a child or were in an abusive relationship. God help the bastard when she got her hands on him. She would make damn sure he would never lay a hand on another woman especially Alex.

"Alex." Olivia whispered as she squatted down to her level and raised her hands up to show she was not a threat "Please relax its just me Olivia. Honey I'm not going to hurt you I promise you."

Alex glanced through her covering of arms and realized what she did. Oh god, now Olivia knew the truth and would think even less of her hell even pity her. Alex wanted a lot of things from Olivia but the one thing she didn't want was her pity. Her love yes, her pity no.

"Alex I need you to look at me please." Olivia said calmly even though her anger was boiling over to the max "It's just me Olivia and I'm not going to hurt you. Now I'm going to walk toward you but it's ok."

"I'm fine Olivia" Alex bit out as she sat up straighter and started to stand to her feet.

"Let me help you up Alex that's all I'm going to do." Olivia said as she slowly advanced toward Alex with her hand held out. She could see the hesitation in Alex's eyes and knew her overly independent side was coming out "Just let me help you to your feet that's all then I can back away if you like."

Alex for the first time since Olivia walked in looked into her eyes. Instead of seeing the pity she thought she would see she saw compassion and anger. Alex knew the anger wasn't at her but at the one who had hurt her. She slowly extended her hand and allowed Olivia to help her to her feet. True to her word as soon as she knew she was steady on her feet she took a few steps back.

"Is this far enough or would you like me farther back?"

"That is fine." Alex said trying to regain her dignity.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"No I wouldn't and I would prefer that you didn't say anything either."

"Very well." Olivia said knowing from experience that you couldn't make victims talk until they were ready "So here's the story we're going with. I came in her found you. The reason you ran out of the crib was because you weren't feeling well and thought you were going to be sick. It was something you ate earlier ok."

"What?" Alex asked confused

"If anyone asks because Elliot saw you run in here you ran because you were sick from something you ate earlier."

"You're…you're not going to tell him?"

"No I'm not." Olivia said as she took a small step forward "But I do want you to know that I am here when you want to talk about it or just need to vent to someone. "

"Olivia I appreciate it but I will be fine I promise."

"I understand but I want you to know that you do have people to lean on if and when you need it ok." Olivia said still taking small steps toward Alex until she was less than an arm's length away.

Alex nodded as tears started to fall from her eyes.

Olivia seeing her crying slowly reached out giving Alex plenty of time to pull away and wiped a tear that had trailed down her cheek. She had to fight hard to keep her face neutral when Alex flinched at the touch. She vowed then and there to kill the bastard that had hurt her.

"I'll never hurt you Alex I promise you." Olivia whispered wishing she could lean in and kiss the hurt away.

"I need to leave." Alex choked out.

"Ok. But please let me know you made it home ok." Olivia answered as she dropped her hand to her side and backed up "Alex if you ever need me for anything and I do mean _ANYTHING _call me I'll be right there no matter the time."

"Thank you." Alex whispered as she made her way around Olivia and out the door.

Olivia stood there clenching her fist and breathing heavy. She had never wanted to hurt someone as bad as she did at that moment. God help the bastard whenever she could get her hands on him. She took a few deep breaths and made sure she was calm and collected before going back into the bull pen.

"Hey did you catch her?" Elliot asked glancing up at her before looking back down at the file he was reading

"Yeah apparently she ate something earlier that made her sick." She said as nonchalant as she could

Elliot glanced up and studied his partner. After working together they could read each other like a book which was great for searches but not when it was personal. He could tell she was lying and something was bothering her. He also knew it had to do with Alex and there was no telling what type of promise she made to her. One that she would take to her grave the same as he would if she had shared it with him.

"Sure we'll go with that." He said letting her know that he knew something was up but knew to leave it well enough alone "When you need back up we've got your back."

She simple nodded his acknowledgement and they both went back to work the sooner they caught this bastard the sooner she could take care of the bastard that was hurting Alex.

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**A/N: So I am taking this story in a direction I have never taken any of my stories before. I thought I would change things up and have them overcome different obstacles than I usually do. I hope everyone enjoys. As always reviews are welcomed**


	4. Fighting

"Liv wake up" Elliot called into the crib.

"I'm up" Olivia said as she sat up quickly and slid her feet into her shoes. She grabbed her service weapon and badge from under the pillow and quickly clipped them to her belt. "What do we have?"

"Hopefully a break in this damn case." Elliot said as he started down the stairs "A witness finally came forward with a partial license plate."

"Wait" Olivia said stopping in her tracks "You woke me for a partial license plate. Elliot what the hell are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking about that little girl that's in the hands of the sick sadistic bastards whose doing god knows what to her right now." He said spinning around and closing the gap between them

"AND I'M NOT" Olivia shouted at him.

"I WONDER"

"YOU BASTARD." She spat out as she pushed him from her "I have been here night and day don't tell me I'm not thinking about that little girl."

"Which is apparently too long together." Cragen said as he separated the two detectives "Fin take him out. Munch take her. Everyone take a few go home shower get a decent meal in you."

"Capt the case." Elliot said as he struggled to free himself from Fin's grasp.

"TARU is running the plates. I will man the phones." Cragen said leaving no room for arguments "We have been going nonstop since Monday at three when the call came in. It is now Friday at noon. We haven't had a decent meal since lunch on Monday and by the smell of everyone no one has showered since Wednesday so please for the sake of everyone here go home shower, grab a decent meal and maybe a decent nap."

"What the hell happened here?' Alex asked as she walked into the bull pen. Elliot was struggling against Fin to break free and Olivia was giving Elliot looks to kill.

"Nothing" Olivia growled out as she broke free from Munch's hold and stormed out of the bull pen.

"It certainly doesn't look like nothing' Alex said as she watched Olivia leave wishing she could chase after her and fix whatever was wrong.

"Welcome to the 16 when we have lived here all week." Cragen said as he stepped forward "They haven't had a decent night's sleep since Sunday and who knows when was the last time they had a decent meal to eat. Now what brings you down here?"

"I was going to see where we were and if you needed anything." Alex said glancing at the door that Olivia had ran out of.

"She'll be ok'

"Who?"

"Benson."

Alex spun around and stared at Cragen as if he had two heads. That was when she realized that she had been staring at the door that Olivia had taken off out of. If she was honest with herself she wanted to follow her and make sure she was ok, take care of her. Try to give her the security that she had given her the other night in the bathroom. In essence a way to thank her for keeping what happened the other night a secret.

"You kept staring at the door. Benson will be ok trust me." Cragen said as he motioned her to follow him "Unless you needed to speak to her about something?"

"No I didn't." Alex said as she took a seat in Cragen's office.

"Want to tell me what's bothering you?"

"Nothing"

"Alex please, you have been with us long enough for me to tell when there is something wrong. I can tell by the look on your face that there's something bothering you."

"I don't see how they go like they have this past week.'

Cragen looked at her with a puzzled look on his face.

"This is the first *major case* if you will that they've worked since I've been with the unit. It amazes me how they run on no sleep, no food, no.. no nothing. They are running on nothing. If I don't get at least six hours of sleep a night I become the wicked witch of the east."

"Its something you learn early in your career.' Cragen said as he pulled a small glass and a bottle of scotch from his desk drawer and pouring some in the glass before sliding it over to her "As you advance you learn to extend your time of no sleep, food, or anything else for that matter. I promise you each and every one of them when they were rookies probably couldn't last past twenty-four hours and now they can go almost ninety-six hours without sleep."

"But that can't be good for them." Alex said almost to herself as she took the drink that Captain Cragen offered her.

"Truthfully no its not but in this career especially this division you do what you have to. Thank the lord above though cases like this are few and far between. As bad as it sounds its almost a blessing to get the *routine* rape cases as if there is ever such a thing."

"This can't be good on their marriages?"

"Your right its not. Elliot refuses to talk about work at home . He is trying his best to keep his world from home which causes him and Kathy, his wife, to fight more often than not. Munch has been married and divorced three times and one look in his eyes you can tell he's given up on love. Fin well, he has a son that he doesn't know an ex-wife that probably has a contract hit out on him at the moment. Olivia, well, she hasn't had a meaningful relationship in years. Most of the time it's a few quick dates here and there. She has dedicated her life to the job and the victims."

"What about you?" Alex asked noticing he had left himself out. "And why didn't you have a drink with me?"

"Me" Captain Cragen took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly "Well I didn't have a drink with you because I'm in AA. I buried myself in the bottle after my wife died.'

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be its funny actually. I was cleaning the walls on the pool, the one that landed me in hot water with IA. How dare someone on a cops salary have an in ground pool. She begged me for, I wound up being under investigation for close to four months and yet we hardly used it. Anyways, I'm cleaning the pool when I received the call that she was so scared of getting. Her plane went down not long after takeoff. No survivors. The next thing I know I'm sitting in my living room trying to make sense of the color scheme on my new big screen TV. Another thing she wanted but we really couldn't afford. So not long after that I discovered that I could drink till I didn't feel the pain. It worked for a while until my drinking started interfering with my job. I had to get help or lose the last thing I had left. I've been going to meetings for over ten years now."

"wow. Knowing what you know and been where you've been don't you worry about them."

"Every second of every day, Alex. My door is always open and the phone is always on. My guys know they can call me or come to me anytime. I have driven them home when they were too drunk to walk. Not long before you came I arranged a transfer for a detective Cassidy. I take care of my guys. We're family and family looks out for each other. Alex that goes for you too."

Alex's head shot up and stared at Captain Cragen. She couldn't believe that Olivia had told the captain how could she have been so wrong about her. Then again she was wrong about Jess as well. She had been so sweet, loving, attentive, and caring. Then she showed her true colors.

'Don't look so shocked Alex.' Cragen said as he stood "You may not wear blue but you work with us. In our line of work that's all it takes."

"Thank you Captain." Alex said taken back "It means a lot to me believe me. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get back to work and I'm sure you do to."

Cragen simply nodded as Alex stood and left his office. He watched her walk out of the bull pen and wondered what was going on with her. She turned pale as a ghost when he said he was there for her to as if he had discovered some big dark secret. One that she wanted remained buried. One that if he had his way would remain buried until she came to him.

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**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, favorites, and follows. That means a lot. I did change a few things up from the show. I had Cragen have the talk with Alex that Liv had with Casey . It seemed fitting there. I hope everyone has enjoyed it so far and likes where I am taking it. As always reviews are welcomed.**


	5. shots fired

**A/N: Dear readers I have good news and bad news. The good news is I have been able to post two chapters in two days. The bad news is that I am now on twelve hour shifts so there's no promise if I can update on a regular basis but I will try to do my best. As always reveiws are welcomed.**

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"I'm sorry" Olivia muttered to whoever she just bumped into.

"Olivia?" Alex said trying to pull Olivia from her thoughts.

Olivia looked up at the voice and found herself staring deep into the crystal blue eyes that haunted her every waking morning and every sleepless night. There was no way to mask the smile that crossed her face. She reached out and pulled Alex close and tight against her body without thinking. There was no denying the attraction between the two when she heard Alex's breath catch in her throat and how her pupils dilated till they were almost black.

Then as quickly she was in her arms she was pushed toward the alley and on the ground. She fought the flashbacks that was threatening to overcome her long enough to look up. That was when she noticed that Olivia had her gun drawn and was shouting something that she couldn't make out. She backed up against the wall and made the biggest mistake of her life she shouted Olivia's name which caused her to look in her direction and take her eyes off the target.

She had always been told that when something traumatic happens it always happens in slow motion. She had never believed that until that moment. The sound of the gun fire sounded as loud as the cannons use to sound when her father took her to revolutionary war reenactments. The bullet seemed to freeze through time moving at a snail's pace till she saw it impact with Olivia's body and throw her backwards on the ground. That was when everything returned to normal pace.

Everyone started screaming and running while the blood poured out of Olivia. She crawled as quickly as she could with tears pouring out of her eyes. It was her fault she distracted her. She took her cream colored jacket off and balled it up placing it on the wound on Olivia's left shoulder pressing as hard as she could on it trying to control the bleeding.

Even though she didn't want to she had to remove her hand from the wound long enough to get Olivia help. There was no doubt in her mind that other people had called 911 but she could get the response time tripled if she called and identified herself and the victim. As soon as the operator answered Alex went into her speech.

"This is Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot. I am at the corner of fifth and upper Manhattan Street. We have an officer down Detective Olivia Benson with the 16 SVU has been shot. The suspect is still at large, consider him armed and dangerous. Please send medical attention immediately she is fading fast."

Alex threw the phone to the ground and pressed as hard as she could on the bullet hole.

"Stay with me Olivia" Alex yelled at her with tears running down her face "Stay with me I need your help. If I lose you I'm a dead woman."

Olivia forced her eyes to stay open and focused on Alex. She hurt so bad and was so tired. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and go to sleep. Sleep would make the pain end. She was set to do that till she heard Alex yelling at her, screaming that she needed her. That if she left her she was a dead woman. With the last ounce of strength she had she wrapped her hand around her weapon and pulled it closer to her. As carefully as she could she took Alex's hands from her body and placed her gun in her hand.

"Level it front sight, once you have the target in sight gently squeeze the trigger. Don't jerk just squeeze. It will automatically re-chamber the next round. There is one in the chamber and thirteen in the clip. Make all fourteen shots count when you kill the bastard that's been putting his hands on you. Then call Elliot. Tell him you're calling in my favor. He'll have your back."

Olivia smiled with the last bit of strength she had before laying her head back and closing her eyes.

"OLIVIA OLIVIA" Alex screamed as she tried to look for a pulse and not finding any "WHERE THE HELL IS THAT AMBULANCE."

She started screaming and kicking begging them not to hurt her when she felt someone jerk her to her feet. She felt the cold piece of steel in her hands and brought it up and placed her finger on the trigger. She was about to squeeze the trigger when whoever had her had dropped the magazine from the gun and ejected the casing from the chamber. Before she knew it she only had the bottom half of the gun in her hand and the slid was on the ground. That was when she realized it was Elliot who had dragged her to her feet.

"El get Liv there's no pulse." She cried.

"I know" he said his jaw set tight staring off into the distance. The amount of anger and rage he had coming off him was vibrating off the street. Cops who were arriving on scene were taking one look at him and taking off in another direction.

"Then do something damn it" She cried as she began to hit him along the chest and neck.

"Alex there's nothing I can do for her" he growled grabbing her wrists tight "The paramedics have her and there's a straight path to Mercy for her."

"DAMN YOU" She shouted as she broke free of his grasps and smacked him across his face and hard "She wouldn't have been out here if you hadn't pulled your damn stunt. You just couldn't let her rest could you? She always lets you guys sleep and pushes herself. But you had to be selfish. When she finally needed a nap you couldn't let her have it. Just because you hate your FUCKING life Elliot Stabler doesn't mean you get to make everyone else miserable."

Elliot pulled his hand back to strike back without thinking when he found his feet wiped out from beneath him and a hand at his throat squeezing tight.

"I suggest you think twice take a deep breath and get the hell out of here to cool off." Fin said through snarled teeth "Every one of us is pissed, exhausted, and out for blood but you do not take your anger out on Cabot. You want to go rounds I'll let you up and we can go at it."

"That's enough" Cragen said pulling Fin off Elliot. "We have one of our on barely hanging on by a thread and you want to act like children. Great way to show Benson the respect and love she deserves, try to act like the professionals you are suppose to be."

Both men looked at each other and then to the ground. Captain was right they could fight about everything later. Hopefully later wasn't going to be after a twenty one gun salute.

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**I know you guys hate me now. **


	6. The Hospital

Alex's breath caught in her throat when she entered Mercy General's ER waiting room. For a second there she had to wonder who was guarding the mean streets of New York with how many cops were in the room. One by one they all turned to look at her. The look in their eyes made her want to shriek away and hide but the will power she used in the court room took over and she walked toward the officers.

"Do we know anything about Detective Olivia Benson's condition?" She asked the first one that she stopped at seeing his name tag read Salvador

"No ma'am we don't." He said with a forced smile "Let me get a doctor to look you over though ma'am."

"Thank you officer Salvador but I don't need a doctor."

"Ma'am you're covered in blood I need to make sure it's not from you."

Alex looked at him and then down to her clothes. That was when she realized why they had looked at her the way they did. Her panty hose were torn from where she had crawled on her hands and knees to Olivia. Her shirt and skirt was torn and covered in blood, Olivia's blood. There was dried caked up blood on her hands as well. Almost as if on cue she could taste the metallic taste of blood in her mouth. Suddenly she felt very weak and sick to her stomach.

"Ma'am" Salvador said as he reacted quickly and caught the blonde before she hit the floor "I need assistance over here now."

The registrar behind the county paged for a nurse and a gurney to the waiting room immediately. Within seconds the waiting room was a mixture of dark blue uniforms with duty belts that held a variety of tools for their survival and a sea of white and green scrubs with a stethoscope around their neck. Officers jumped out of the way while some pushed on lookers back.

"Does anyone know who this is?" A nurse asked as she checked Alex's pulse and breathing.

"That is ADA Alexandra Cabot." An officer said stepping forward "She's one of us."

The nurse looked up into the faces and noticed the change. Everyone suddenly stood erect almost as if ready to pounce. Two went to the door and posted guard not letting anyone in or out at that time. Another officer snatched the id card off of a nurse that was working on Alex and scanned it on the door while two others immediately stepped forward and held the door open for them. There was no denying what they were saying. Get your ass in there and save her. We refuse to have to bury two in one day.

The nurse kicked the brakes free on the gurney and shouted make way and get me a doctor to trauma room two immediately. If this blood on her belonged for her it wouldn't be long before she was coding.

"Get the clothes off her now." A doctor ordered as she stepped in and gloved up "We have to find her injuries immediately.

Everyone jumped into action and began doing what needed to be done. The clothes were cut off her body and another nurse began to wash her slowly and gently. An IV with saline was started and she was placed on a heart monitor. So far everything was looking good for her, other than a few cuts and scrapes there was no major injury.

"ma'am" A nurse said as Alex started to come around "My name is Jill Bennett. Can you tell me where you are?"

Alex looked around and saw everyone staring at her and she started to panic. She began to pull at the cords that were tying her down and screaming for Olivia.

"Ma'am I need you to calm down" Jill said as she stepped closer to her "You're safe and no one can hurt you back here."

Alex calmed down as she stared into the deep brown eyes that reminded her of Olivia's. They were so warm and caring and full of compassion. Something that brought her great comfort and extreme heart break at the same time.

"Ma'am, can you please tell me where you are?"

"Mercy General' She said in a voice that was cold and void of all emotion.

"Can you tell us your name?"

"I am Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot."

"Ok Ms. Cabot." Jill said satisfied that she was lucent enough to answer questions "Can you tell us where you're hurt and who hurt you?"

"I'm not hurt" Alex whispered "The blood belongs to Detective Benson. I was with her when she was shot."

"Yes ma'am. You are suffering from shock though. We need to get your bodied warmed back up and some fluid in you. Just to make sure you suffered no internal injuries we will be taking some x-rays as well. This is just procedure."

"I don't need that I just need to know about Detective Benson." Alex ordered knowing everyone would know her secret with the x-rays.

"Are you family ma'am?"

"No I am not" Alex said staring at her hands as she realized that she would never be able to call Olivia hers. Not only because she thought Olivia was straight but because she there was a good chance she would die if she hasn't already. "Not blood anyways but I am work family."

"I understand that but we need to speak to a blood relative."

"I understand and know your protocols Nurse Bennett but I suggest you watch how you word that when you walk out to tell the officers in blue out in that waiting room. To them they are family and blood. That is liable to have you injured and this is New York no one ever see's anything."

"I know how officers are Ms. Cabot, my fiancé is on the force and my father retired from the department. We are waiting on her commanding officer to arrive with her paperwork so we can notify the family."

Alex felt the color drain from her face and the room start to spin. The nurse may not have realized what she said but the attorney in her picked up on it immediately. They needed her paperwork to notify her family. Olivia was dead. There was no denying that to herself as much as she tried. She had been there when she watched the life drain out of her after she handed her, her weapon. Alex should have realized then that she was dead. An officer is trained and believes their service weapon is an extension of themselves. They never surrendered their weapons until they are called to walk the streets of heaven. Then, and only then, would an officer willing pass their weapon on, or allow another person to take it and never a second sooner.

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**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. I know I left you with a cliff hanger last chapter and still haven't answered the question on everyone's mind. Yes, I know I'm still hated for the moment. The next chapter should answer everyone's question I promise.**


	7. Truth exposed

"Ma'am, my name is Captain Donald Cragen with the Special Victims Unit at the 16," Cragen said walking up to the registration desk with his credentials to the woman seated behind the desk. "You have one of my officers, a Detective Olivia Benson that was brought in with a GSW to her chest and my ADA, Alexandra Cabot, who collapsed in the waiting room."

The woman glanced up and looked at his ID before looking at him. She looked back at the computer screen and began typing without ever say a word to him. After a few seconds she looked back up at him with a smile.

"Yes sir, Detective Benson is currently in surgery and Ms. Cabot is in trauma bay two."

"Trauma bay two? I didn't think she was hit."

"We weren't sure but when she came in she was covered with blood and then passed out. We weren't sure if she was injured. She was rushed into the trauma bay where we checked her over. Other than a few scrapes and bruises, she is fine but there is a note in the computer about Nurse Bennett wanting to speak with an officer. I told her not to bother the guys out here, they already had enough on their plate."

"Does it state why or just that she needs to talk to an officer?"

"Just that it she needs to talk to an officer."

"If you could page her for me I will be happy to talk to her. Do you know how long Detective Benson will be in surgery?"

"No, sir, I do not but the doctor is well aware that the family is here waiting." The register said nodding toward the officers that were patiently waiting. Well, as patiently as they could, knowing one of their own was in there. "And Nurse Bennett should be available in a few minutes."

"Thank you." Cragen said as he walked over to let the boys know what was going on.

"Gentlemen," Cragen said as he approached the group, "Detective Benson is currently in surgery and I will be talking to the nurse about ADA Cabot here in a few minutes. Physically, she is fine but she did witness the shooting, so mentally there may be some problems."

Everyone simple nodded acknowledging what he said.

"Captain Cragen?" Nurse Bennett said as she walked through the double doors.

As soon as she called his name the few officers that were sitting immediately stood, waiting yet dreading what she was going to say. Those that were standing took a step forward with their hat in their hands and their face betraying the confidence they were exuding.

'I am Captain Cragen," Cragen said extending his hand to the women.

"Nice to meet you sir I am Nurse Bennett," She responded shaking his hand, "If you can come with me where we can talk more privately?"

"Ma'am, with all due respect," An officer said stepping forward, "Could you please just tell all of us at once on the outcome of Detective Benson?"

"Gentlemen, I promise you the second I know something you will too," She said with a conviction that had everyone believing she would, "I need to talk to Captain Cragen privately, and it is not about Detective Benson."

"Yes, Ma'am," he said as he stepped back into the circle of officers that seemed to be growing by the second.

"Please excuse them," Cragen said falling in step beside her, "We tend to get a little impatient when it's one of us."

"No need to explain, my fiancé is at the 22. Believe me, I understand."

"Thank you," Cragen said entering a room she motioned him into, "I was told that Cabot's chart is notated to speak to an officer. If you need extensive personal information I can have DA McCoy down here with her file immediately."

"No, sir, I don't need her personal information," Bennett said closing the door behind her, "I need to talk to you about what was discovered on her x-rays."

"Her X-rays?"

"Yes, sir, I had a complete order of x-rays ordered, just as a precaution. When I was examining the photos, I discovered some things that needed to be brought to your attention."

"Isn't this violating some type of oath?"

"To openly discuss this matter with anyone other than the patient and anyone she approves of, yes, but..."

"It's never good if there's a 'but' involved."

"No sir it isn't," She said, flipping on a light that illuminated multiple photos of Alex's body, "I am obligated to bring what I believe are cases of abuse, neglect, or any crime of that nature to the police."

Cragen nodded, not liking where this conversation was headed. In his almost twenty five years on the force, when a conversation stated in this manner, it was not in your favor.

"Looking over her x-rays, I have noticed several healed fractures."

"Not from common accidents either?" he asked, already knowing the answer

"There's no way, sir. These healed fractures are what you see from a victim of abuse. By the healing of this fracture here," She said pointing at an x-ray, "I would say as current as about six months possibly a little longer but not by much."

"Can you give me a full rundown please?" Cragen asked even though this was the last thing he wanted to hear.

"Her right arm has been broken at least twice," Bennett began pointing at various bones as she talked, "She's had a fractured orbital bone along with a broken nose. Her left arm here is the most current break. By the looks of things, she either had a piss poor doctor or didn't receive medical attention."

"More than likely didn't receive medical attention," Cragen muttered

"I agree," She said before she continued, "Her left shoulder has been dislocated before and by the looks of the damage, several times. This type of damage we usually see from people who have been positioned with their hands tied behind their back. Her ribs are one healed fracture after another."

Cragen ran his hand over his face not believing what he was hearing or seeing. How could someone hurt anyone, especially Alex? Much less, how did they survive? He had gone toe to toe with her and had on several occasions, had made the comment of that he pitied the fool who tangled with her outside of work. Apparently, he was wrong on every aspect.

" It appears," the nurse continued, pulling him from his thoughts, " that at one time or another she has been bound to something. Her ankles and wrist show cartilage damage that is similar to someone constantly trying to work their way out of restraints."

"What type of life has she lived?"

"To be honest, and put it blunt, sir," She said as she cut the machine off and turned to face him, "She has lived as a human punching bag for some sick, deranged ass hole. How she is still alive is a miracle within itself? The x-rays show a constant escalation of violence toward her."

"Can I ask a favor of you?"

"Anything, sir."

"I need what you have discovered to stay right here and never make to another officer. I'm not asking you to make it disappear. I am just asking that it stays here. I will have my unit to do the investigation. After all, discretion is our specialty. Hopefully, that way, we can minimize knowledge of this."

"As long as you don't try to bury it, sir, I will. If I find out you are not investigating, I will notify Internal Affairs."

"There is no need for that, believe me, this matter will be taken care of and I can guarantee that this bastard will never put his hands on her again."

Bennett smiled at Cragen, her only prayer was that they made it as slow and painful for him as he had made her life. There was something about the look in his eye that told her that he would make damn sure that this man suffered ten times worse that Alex ever had.

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**A/N: So Olivia has survived the shooting and is currently in surgery. Now will she survive the surgery? Am I forgiven for the moment? LOL. I Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter**. **As always reviews welcomed.**


	8. Confronting Alex

Cragen stood outside of Alex's room. While he was discussing Alex's past injuries she had been moved from the trauma bay to a standard ER exam room. For the first time ever he was at a lost on what to say when he entered the room. If this was a normal everyday case of abuse he would walk in and identify himself and why he was there. This case was far from ordinary. This was one of their own.

"Alex' Cragen almost whispered as he slowly opened the door and stepped in.

Alex head shot up when she heard her name and she shivered when she saw who it was. The look in his eyes told her he was beyond pissed and was barely hanging on by a thread before he lost complete control. She couldn't blame him after all she was to blame for him losing his best detective.

"Captain I'm so sorry." She choked out as a fresh batch of tears started to fall from her eyes. "I never meant for this to happen. I hope someday everyone will be able to forgive me."

Cragen stood there taken back. Was Olivia shot trying to protect Alex? Did she already know what Alex was going through and was quietly investigating it? If so why didn't she read him in? He understood that Alex probably wanted to keep this investigation as quiet as she could but he would of remained silent. Olivia knew he hated to be kept out of the loop. He couldn't protect them or back their plays if he didn't know what they were doing.

"Alex no one blames you." Cragen said as he pulled a chair up by her side. "It's not your fault."

"Yes it is Captain" Alex whispered as she looked away unable to look him in the eyes.

"Alex trust me no one blames you." He said as he reached for her hand and almost cringed when she jerked away as if he was going to hit her. "This happens. It's the nature of the job. Each and everyone of us knows the danger we are walking into when we accept employment. You are not to blame."

"I called her name." Alex yelled spinning around to face him "I screamed her name and she took her eyes off the target because of that. If I hadn't yelled she would still be alive she would still be here."

"Still be alive?" Cragen repeated slightly confused before he realized that everyone was so focused on her healed injuries no one probably filled her in on Olivia. "Alex, Olivia is still alive she's in surgery right now."

"Please don't lie to me Don to protect me. I was there when she took her last breath."

"Alex I've never lied to you and I have no intention to start now. Olivia is alive. We did lose her briefly but the paramedics were able to get her back. She is currently in surgery and everything is touch and go at the moment. Unfortunately that is all I know but I do promise to keep you updated with whatever information I have or know."

"There's no way she gave me her gun. I watched her become lifeless."

"Her gun?" He asked confused. Of course Olivia would have given Alex her gun. She would need it to keep them both alive till back up arrived. "Why does her giving you her gun equal her being dead?"

"If there's one thing I've learned by being an ADA is that an officer never surrenders their weapon until death. Their weapon is an extension of themselves. Something that they would never willingly give up till their death. Even then I have a feeling that most of them would prefer to be buried with it."

"You're right on both accounts." Cragen answered as he handed her some tissues "The only time we willingly give it up is on retirement or when we know we can't continue the fight. My guess would be that she handed you the weapon to keep you safe until back up arrived. She realized the extent of her injuries and knew she wouldn't be able to hold on that long. But I swear to you Olivia is alive and currently in surgery."

"She's alive?"

"At the moment yes but she's not out of the woods yet."

"Oh god I thought I killed her"

"Alex even if she doesn't make it, and there's still that chance, you are not to blame. She would have died doing what she loved,helping others. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I had left the station and was walking back to my office. Olivia wasn't paying attention and bumped into me. You could tell her mind was a million miles away. When I called her name she reached out and pulled me against her. Then before I knew it she had shoved to the ground and toward the alley. When I looked up she had her weapon out and trained on someone. She was shouting something that I couldn't understand. I screamed her name and she looked at me. That was when she was shot. I crawled to her applying pressure and called for help. The rest you know."

"What did the shooter look like?"

"I have no clue my eyes were on Olivia. I never looked in the direction she was looking."

"Alex." Cragen said dreading what he was about to have to ask her "I need to ask you about your injuries."

"It's just a few scrapes from where I caught myself when she pushed me to safety and crawled to her. The nurses have cleaned them up. None of them needed more than some antibiotic ointment and a bandage. As a precaution they told me that they would be prescribing me an antibiotic to take and 800 milligram matron for pain. They say once this IV is finished I will be released."

"I wasn't talking about those injuries" Cragen said as he swallowed hard "I need to know about the healed injuries that showed up on your x-rays."

"I'm clumsy" Alex whispered as the color drained from her face "I keep running into the door or tripping when I walk. It's not easy to walk in these four inch heels."

"Cabot I've been doing this for close to twenty five years and to be blunt with you that is the oldest excuse in the book. None of your injuries are consistent with a fall or running into a door. Not unless that door has the ability to keep your arms pinned behind you for hours."

"Captain Cragen without a complaining witness you have no case and as of this moment you have no complaining witness."

"Alex I swear to you that none of this will leave the 16. It will be discretely investigated and there will be no trial. We are trained to deal with highly sensitive case. There will be a total of five people that will know and there will never be a paper trail."

"I can't." Alex said as she buried her head in her hands.

"You can and if you need protection you have it. We will all rotate shifts to make sure you're covered. If anyone asks you received a credible threat from an inmate with ties to organized crime."

Alex looked up and stared into Cragen's eyes. There was something about the look in them that told her it was safe to talk to him and that it would be discretely investigated no matter what. Someone was hurting a member of his family and that never bode well for them. She truly believed him when he said that it would never leave the 16, and she was willing to bet his office to be exact, that it wouldn't. The guys would take it at face value about the threat and do what was asked of them. For the first time she saw a way out of the dark hell she had been living in.

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**A/N: I received a review stating that Alex had always been so strong and couldn't see her as a victim. That is true but the one thing I have learned in fourteen years in a uniform is that it's the one's that you think are the strongest are the ones that are being used as punching bags at home. They have the always in control nothing ever gets to them persona. The downfall in this profession is that you know how to hide everything and if you admit that there is a problem you feel as if you will be seen as weak. Hang with me I will reveal everything about Olivia in the chapters to come. Hope everyone enjoyed it and as always reviews are welcomed.**


	9. Secrets Revealed

"I first met Jessica, or Jess as she preferred to be called, at a club a little over two years ago." Alex said as she started telling the story that she never wanted anyone to find out about "Yes Captain Cragen I am gay I just don't advertise it. If asked I will say but I do not introduce myself as I'm ADA Cabot and I'm gay."

"That's understandable and as you know gay, straight, or bi is not an excuse to beat on someone."

"I know. Please don't misunderstand I don't make it a habit to pick people up in clubs but there was something about her. I was drawn to her. We danced and talked throughout the night. When it was time to part we exchanged numbers. It was about a week later she called and we met for coffee."

"Nothing out of the ordinary then?"

"No sir it was your typical abuser scenario. Everything was great she held doors open for me, she would pull my chair out. She treated me like a princess. No one had ever treated me like that before. I was truly thinking that I had found the one to settle down with."

"When did the abuse start?"

"About seven months into the relationship."

"What was the first event?"

"She had shown up at work one day and saw me talking to a fellow co-worker. I never knew she was there. When I got home she was waiting for me. I thought she was there to surprise me like she had from time to time before. When I walked up to hug she just slapped me. Asked me why I was trying to hug and kiss her if I wanted a dick. I told her to get out and never come back."

"She did come back?"

"Yeah later that night, she woke me up beating on the door. It was your typical story. I fell for the oldest line in the book. She swore to me that it was an accident and it would never happen again. Just that when she saw me *flirting* with my co-worker she was so mad and the longer she sat and stewed over it the madder she became. That by the time I made it home she was so furious she couldn't see straight."

"Was it for a few weeks or few months that she was the loving woman you originally fell for?" Cragen asked knowing the ritual of abusers.

"It lasted for about a month."

"What happened?"

"I had to work late one night. As soon as I came through the door she knocked me into the wall. Said she should have known a slut like me would conveniently have to work late. Wanted to know if he was as good as her? When I stood up I told her to leave and never come back. She pushed me against the wall and choked me till I passed out."

Cragen tightened his jaw and stared straight ahead hearing Alex tell her story was like someone hitting him in the gut. He had heard thousands of stories like this before but coming from someone he knew it was twice as hard to hear.

"When I came to she had me handcuffed and tied to the bed. Told me she was going to show me what I was missing. Make me hate men."

"For how long?" Cragen asked clenching his jaw tighter

"Most of the night." Alex choked out showing the first emotion since she began to tell her story "I was so sore the next day I had to call in. I was hurting so bad I was scared I would have to go to the hospital and I knew they would make a report. After that it just became a regular occurrence."

"For how long?"

"At least once a week for almost two years. It stopped the month I started as your ADA."

"Why?"

"Truthfully?"

"Preferably."

"I met Olivia. There was something about her that I knew I was safe and to be honest with all the detectives I work with. So, I made sure we were out one night where she could see Liv. I told her if she didn't leave she wouldn't have to worry about me pressing charges she needed to worry about what she would do. She said she didn't care she could take her. I agreed possibly but could she take on the whole NYPD because that's what she would do if she touched Liv or me again."

"That made her stop?"

"That got her to leave. I came home from work the next day and all her stuff was gone. I moved out and into a new apartment within the same week. Now she is just threatening me and harassing me. I can handle that a lot better than what I was receiving."

"Alex I will need you to write this down. Make a statement that will stay between the four of us and when Liv is better we will read her in."

"I can't. If I do everyone will know that I was weak. They will know I got what I deserved."

"Alex at no time did you deserve anything you received at the hands of that _bitch_." Cragen lashed out finally losing his cool "If I could wrap my hands around her neck and squeeze at this moment I would. I don't give a damn about my career. I will promise you this. You will never have to worry about her again."

"How can we get her without everyone knowing though?"

"I still have a few friends and I will call in a few favors."

"Cragen please don't risk your career for me. I'm not worth it."

"You are more than worth it and what I do with my career is my business. Besides I won't have to worry about that , as soon as I read the guys in they will have a discussion with her."

"I can't have them getting in trouble for me."

"Alex don't worry. They will just reach an agreement with this Jessica. As you know threatening and or harassing an ADA is a federal offense. She can stop and forget you exist or have a talk with the FBI and spend a little time in a federal prison. Her choice."

"If she doesn't agree?"

"Huang can contact the FBI put you under surveillance and we will get her that way. If it goes that far we will need a statement about you being harassed and threatened by this woman. That's it. Think how many attorneys and cops are threatened on a daily basis. No one will think twice about it."

"I don't know how I can ever thank you." "I said it before and I will say it again. You're family and we take care of our own. There are never any questions asked ok."

Alex simply nodded at him. For the first time in almost two years she finally felt as if she could find peace in her life. She would no longer have to look over her shoulder constantly and wonder when not if she would be struck again. The only thing that was left to make her life normal again was to have Olivia survive the surgery. The way her life and luck had gone though told her she wasn't going to be that lucky.

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**A/N: Let me start with saying thank you so much for the reviews, follows, and favorites. You guys really know how to boost someones ego on writing. Thank you so much. So Alex's secret out. What will the guys do when they discover what has been happening. Brothers and sisters in blue always take care of each other no matter what. As always reviews are welcomed.**


	10. Telling the guys

Elliot stood outside of Alex's room. Not only was he trying to work up the nerve to face Alex after the way he acted but he also heard Captain Cragen in there. All of which translated to a double ass chewing probably at the same time. The one thing he was willing to bet on was that by the time the ice princess was done with him he would never have children again. Hell he'd probably be lucky to leave with all body parts intact. Taking a deep breath he knocked on the door.

"Come in" Alex called out thinking it was a nurse on the other end of the door. What she wasn't prepared for was the man who acted as if he was going to hit her earlier. It took all her restraint not to cower back and remain in the position she was in.

"Hey Cabot" He said nodding toward her before looking toward Captain Cragen "Captain."

"Stabler." Cragen said standing. Now that he knew Alex's past he could only imagine what was going through her head since Stabler acted as if he was going to strike her earlier "is there something you need."

"I would like to apologize to Cabot for my actions earlier." He said looking down at the ground like a child who had been scolded "I was more than out of line and not justified for anything. I wanted to make sure she reported me to Internal Affairs."

Alex's head shot up when she heard Elliot talking. She was amazed that he was taking the blame and that he was out of line. But then again Elliot wasn't Jess and an officer's code of ethics was certainly different than that of a standard person.

"Elliot I deserved it. I'm not going to report you."

"Cabot no one especially a woman deserves to be treated the way I treated you earlier."

Cragen looked from Alex to Elliot and back. He knew with her history she wouldn't report a thing and was willing to chalk it up to the stress of Olivia being shot. He took a deep breath and caught Alex's eyes. Silently he asked her permission which amazed him when he received it. He nodded slowly before turning to face Elliot.

"Go bring Munch and Fin in here we need to talk."

The color drained from Elliot's face but for once he did as he was told without arguing. Within minutes Three of his detectives was standing in Alex's room looking as if their world was about to collapse.

"Gentlemen what you are about to learn will stay between the four of us and will never be spoken of again do you understand."

Fin turned and locked the door while Elliot made sure all the blinds was closed. Once that was done three pairs of eyes were on Captain Cragen in silent agreement that what they were about to learn would never leave between the five people in that room.

"Alex, do you want to tell them?"

Alex shook her head unable to look at the detectives as they discovered that she was one of the victims that they worked endlessly to receive justice for.

"Alex has a complaint that is not going to be filled" Cragen began making sure each and everyone understood what he was saying "For over two years she was the victim of not only mental abuse, but physical and sexual abuse. The perps name is Jessica Johnson she had met her at a club and they had hit it off. It began as the perfect relationship until about seven months in. That was the first time she struck her. It was another month before anything happened again and that was when the sexual abuse started and was repeated on a regular basis."

Cragen stopped to look at Alex and his heart broke when he saw how white she was. He glanced back up at his detectives and could see the anger flashing through their eyes. May god rest her soul when they got their hands on her.

"The abuse ended about the time she started as our ADA. That was when she felt safe enough to stand up to Jessica. She told her that if she ever laid another hand on her she would have to deal with us. Jess did the smart thing and left immediately. Now she is stalking and harassing her on a regular basis. Now here is where it gets a little tricky."

The guys head perked up interested in how protecting Alex and getting her justice was tricky.

"We do not have a complaining witness on the abuse."

All three detectives looked directly at Alex. It was Elliot who spoke up first.

"Alex we can and will protect you no matter what. We will guarantee you that we will get the bitch if you will sign a complaint form."

"Thank you stabler but I refuse to be known as the ADA who was too weak to protect themselves."

"But."

"But nothing Stabler" Alex shot back with one of her cold stares.

"As I was saying" Cragen said hoping to diffuse the situation some "What we do have is an Assistant District Attorney that is being harassed and threatened. One that she will sign a complaint form too. You three know as well as I do that that is a federal offense. So she needs to be convinced to forget Ms. Cabot exists or enjoy one of the government's fine establishments for about three years. All of this is done quietly. If she does not agree to it Huang will be read in and only then. That way protection from a woman who has possible ties to an organized crime family can be established and she can be caught. Are we clear on the task at hand."

"Yes sir." They all said in unison.

"Good. Did we have this conversation?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Cap" Fin said stepping forward "we all came in here as a unit to see our ADA."

"Smart man." Cragen said with a smile on his face "Now if you will please excuse me I need to see if I can find any information out on Benson."

The men stepped to the side to allow Cragen enough room to leave. They took a few minutes to look from each other before a silent decision was made. Munch nodded his head as he moved to the chair that Captain Cragen had occupied just moments before. Fin and Stabler looked from Alex to Munch and back as if to silently tell her he had first watch. They turned and walked out the door with a new determination written on their faces.

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**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. I promise everyone will find out about Olivia on the next chapter. Please just hang in there a little longer.**


	11. Update on Olivia

**A/N: So here it is the much awaited chapter. How has our favorite detective fared so far? Did she survive the shooting or will they be planning a funeral for one of their own? As always reviews are welcomed. **

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"Excuse me I'm looking for Nurse Bennett" Cragen said as he walked up to the nurse station.

"Yes sir I'll have her paged." A nurse said looking up at him.

"Thank you" Cragen said as he looked around the emergency room. They were unusually busy for this time of day. Like most hospitals most of their business occurred at night when the doctor offices were closed and most of the people were injured in bar fights. He smiled when he saw Bennett walking toward him.

"Captain Cragen I was told you wanted to speak to me."

"I did. I was wondering if you had any news on my detective and I was going to let you know the matter we discussed earlier is being handled."

"Thank you I appreciate that." Nurse Bennett said with a smile "I guess you could say we think a like because I was just coming from the OR waiting rooms. I was able to find out that they just finished on detective.." Bennett looked down at the paper she was holding "A detective Benson about five minutes ago."

"What's the verdict?"

Bennett laughed at his choice of words but knew what he meant "All I know is that she made it out of surgery and is now in a recovery room. I wish I could tell you more but that's it. I did make sure that a message was left with the doctor to locate you first and brief you. I figured it would be better coming from you than any of us. I also told him that you would be found in Ms. Cabot's room."

"Thank you" Cragen said extending his hand "You have been so helpful."

"Anytime sir." She said shaking his hand "I am here till seven if you need anything. Just have one of the nurses page me."

"I will." Cragen said as he turned and started walking back to Alex's room when he noticed a doctor in surgery scrubs walking up to the door. He took a few quick steps and stopped the doctor from entering.

"I'm Captain Cragen" He said showing the man his badge "I need to see some identification before I can allow you into the room."

"I'm Dr. Thacker" The man said extending his hand "You're the man you I was told to come looking for when I finished the surgery on Ms. Benson."

"How is she?"

"If she makes it through the night I'll be amazed. To be honest sir I'm not sure how she has survived up to this point. By all standards she should be dead. The bullet nicked her artery and caused massive internal bleeding. I will tell you I lost her twice on the table and the last time I was about to call it when her heart started beating again. I can't explain it and I'm not even going to try. I can say she is a hell of a fighter."

"You have no idea doctor."

"If what I've witnessed in that operating room I would hate to met her in a dark alley. I feel sorry for the fool who tries."

"Many have tried none have succeeded."

"I promise you this I will do everything in my power to make sure this one doesn't succeed in taking her down to."

"Thank you. We would appreciate it."

"I do need you to contact her next of kin. They need to be here to make the decision if needed."

"We are her next of kin." Cragen said as he looked down "Her mother died about a month ago. She has no other blood relatives. Her partner Detective Elliot Stabler is listed as the primary medical power of attorney and I am second. If that decision must be made we will make it together."

"Yes sir." The doctor said suddenly feeling sorry for the woman he just operated on. He was sure that someone as beautiful as her had someone waiting at home for her. "Then let me prepare you. If she makes through the night I am ordering an EEG. There were extensive periods she went without blood and oxygen to her brain. Worse case scenario is she is brain dead. The best case is she'll have some cognitive function issues."

"Thank you. Please keep us updated and this is my cell phone number." Cragen said as he handed the doctor a business "I need to be notified immediately of any changes."

"I will." The doctor said as he turned and left.

Cragen stood outside Alex's room trying to decide his next move and how to break the news to her. How would Alex survive if the person that she leaned on passed? At some point Olivia had earned her trust and broke through her ice façade, something that none of them had accomplished. Taking a deep breath and not knowing what to say he turned and walked toward the waiting room. It would be easier to tell the boys in blue than the blonde haired angel that had already lived through hell.

Cragen stopped and stared at the faces of all the officers that was waiting for information. As he looked from face to face he realized that there were officers here that he had no clue who they were. Some he recognized from some past cases. There were even some rookies fresh from the graduating academy class just two weeks ago. The one thing that they all had in common besides the uniform was the look on their face. When he walked through the door everyone stood and looked at him as if their world was ending. He hated being the barer of bad news.

"Gentlemen I have news on Detective Benson." He said "She has survived the surgery. Honestly the doctor doesn't think she will make it through the night. If she does she will be tested for brain activity in the morning. Due to the extensive time spent without blood or oxygen to the brain there is a chance of her being brain dead or possibly having decreased brain functions. We are now down to a sit, wait, and pray period."

Each officer nodded in what could be called light acceptance. In actuality they were preparing themselves for the worse. Each officer compartmentalizing, as needed to perform their duties until the day came that they either laid their sister to rest or had the privilege of taking her home. There was no denying it each were praying for the latter.

"What about ADA Cabot?" an officer asked as he stepped forward.

Cragen quickly read his name tag so he could address him personally "Officer Salvador, ADA Cabot is doing fine. She was suffering from shock. Her only physical injuries were minor scrapes and bruises. Once she has completed the IV they have her on she will be discharged."

"Thank you sir." He said as he stepped back with his brothers

"I want to personally thank each and every one of you for being here for Detective Benson. At this moment in time there is nothing more that we can do. So please take this time to rest, go home and spend some time with the family. I promise you will be notified immediately of any changes."

"Yes sir." They all said in unison. Each officer began to turn to one another. They were taking time shaking hands giving each other brief hugs that was followed with words of encouragement. Slowly one by one they began to disperse from the waiting room and out into cold New York evening. Each and every one of them saying the same prayer, Please lord let her survive and come back to us and please let me be the one to find the bastard that put her there.

Cragen grabbed his phone and texted his two detectives that was gone to return immediately. As he slid the phone back in pocket and headed through the door he felt as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. How was he going to tell Alex that who she saw as her savior may not make it through the night and if she did there was a chance that she would only be the shell of the woman she used to be.


	12. Telling Alex

Cragen smiled at Alex when he re-entered her room. Munch glanced up from the paper he was reading and barely nodded acknowledging the Captains presence in the room.

"What did you find out?" Alex asked afraid of what the verdict about Olivia would be.

"Wait till Stabler and Fin return" He stated as he took the chair on the other side of her bed.

"Oh god." Alex gasped.

"Relax Cabot she is still alive." Cragen said as he turned to face her "I would just like to say everything at once that is why I say wait till they return."

Each of them remained silent lost in their thoughts. Munch was lost in his thoughts about how to catch three perps at once and one of them could never have a complaint. Alex was wondering how the squad would treat her once they discovered she distracted Olivia. Cragen was lost in the thoughts that he and Stabler would have to make the decision in the morning that neither of them wanted to ever make.

"You paged?" Fin said as he stepped in holding some papers in his hand.

"I did" Cragen said standing "Please shut the door I have news on Olivia.

Stabler quickly secured the door behind him before glancing at each person in the room. Each pair of eyes held the unspoken fear of losing Olivia while each face remained neutral trying to be strong for each other.

"I talked to her surgeon" Cragen stated pulling each one out of their own thoughts "He was straight forward and honest with me. If Olivia makes it through the night he'll be amazed and he's not sure how she's survived up to this point. The bullet nicked her artery which caused a massive internal bleed. He lost her twice on the table and almost didn't get her back the last time." He stopped and looked at each person before continuing "If she does survive the night he is ordering an EEG for brain activity. He is afraid that with the extensive periods she underwent without blood or oxygen has caused brain damage. To put it blunt he's afraid she may be brain dead. That is the worst case. The best case is she'll have some cognitive function issues which will require extensive therapy. Even with the therapy there is a chance she will not fully recover."

Each detective stood there as stoic as always although one look at their faces one could see they were falling apart. Munch who had noticed the tears pouring from Alex's eyes quietly slipped her some tissues and the held her hand to offer comfort. She squeezed his hand tightly to thank him without having to speak.

"Elliot." Cragen spoke his voice full of the heartbreak he was feeling "If there is no activity we have to make the decision and sign the needed paperwork."

"I know" He choked out as the tears he was fighting started to fall. "Where is she? She doesn't need to be alone right now. She's never left me alone."

"El" Fin whispered placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't El me" he almost screamed "I'm her partner I should be with her. I have to. We've..we've…we've never left each other."

Fin grabbed Elliot as he was finishing his sentence and held him tight against him. He knew what it was like to lose a partner in the line of duty,especially one that you were very close with like they were. He stood there and let him beat him on his back with his fists until he broke down and cried. After a few minutes he whispered something in his ear and he nodded. Standing he pulled himself together and turned to face Alex.

"I'm so sorry Alex." He whispered as he quietly advanced toward her taking a seat on the edge of the bed "I know how much she meant to you. Please remember she is a fighter and if I know Liv she's probably arguing about dying right now."

Everyone laughed knowing how true that statement was.

"I'm sorry too" She choked out as she fully broke down in front of everyone no longer caring or having to be the ice princess they all knew "I distracted her. That's how she got shot. I um I um I called her name which called her to take her eyes of the suspect. When she did they fired and hit her. If I had just kept quiet she would still be here."

"It happens" he said squeezing her leg quickly before letting go "You can't blame yourself. If you do the guilt will eat you alive."

"yeah but.."

"But nothing. I woke her too early for something that wasn't concrete. If I had let her sleep she wouldn't have been on that street. Ultimately the blame is with me. It's like you said I was being a selfish bastard when I woke her."

"No what it was" Cragen said stopping the guilt trips before they got worse "Was Olivia doing the job she was trained to do,a job that she loves with all her heart. It was simply a case of the wrong place at the right time. If she hadn't been there god knows how bad it could have been."

Everyone was silent and nodded in agreement knowing how true those words were. Each of them at one point or another had been in the wrong place at the right time. Fin had to take the life of a twelve year old one time when he stopped at a store to pick some items up. He had been grabbing a gallon of milk when he heard some order the cashier to hand over all the money before he shot her. Fin responded by announcing himself and pulled his weapon. He had taken one to the abdomen because he had hesitated when he saw how young the perp was. When the young kid had leveled the gun for a second shot he fired two quickly taking the young man out. To this day he still lived with the guilt of killing a young man even though it was more than justified.

Munch the ever calm detective that never acted as if anything bothered him remembered when he had to take the life of young woman in front of her two kids. She had walked into the restaurant branding a gun. He jumped up and started ordering her to drop the weapon. She kept waiving it around till she turned it toward the manager and said it was all his fault. She pulled the trigger and shot him in the leg. Munch fired a kill shot right off. It wasn't until after she hit the ground he realized her two children was watching everything. No one knew but that was the case that kept him awake at night.

Elliot, the hot headed one who up until Olivia, had gone through partners like they were water remembered the time he hesitated on taking a shot in a hostage situation. That hesitation had cost him the victim's life, a bullet in his leg, and his partner transferring out of the unit. The face of the victim till this day still haunted his dreams.

"We've all had situations that made us question ourselves and our jobs" Cragen stated pulling each person from their guilt ridden thoughts "But it is those situations that have made us the officers that we are today. What happened today is no different. We can sit here and dwell on it or we can honor Olivia by finding the bastard that tried to take her from us. Which one will it be?"

There was no need for them to stop and think it. They knew the answer to that question in their sleep.

"We're getting the bastard." They said with renewed determination in their voice.


	13. Discharged

Silence seemed to settle around the room and everyone seemed to be lost in their thoughts. Alex took this time to look around the room and study each detective. Even though she had worked with them for a little over six months now she felt as if she was truly seeing them for the first time today.

Munch looked as if he had aged ten years since she saw him this morning. The lines around his eyes seemed more prominent and spoke loudly of the sadness he had endured throughout his life. His career in law enforcement had led him to seeing and dealing with more than any one person should ever have to. Because of this he had been divorced three times but the one that hit him the hardest was his second divorce. He had truly loved her and would give anything to have her back.

Elliot was the hard ass no nonsense cop that took no shit from anyone. He had more than enough excessive forces in his file to cost him his career. Underneath that tough exterior though was a heart of gold that would do anything to help a friend. He was the type of man who did the honorable thing no matter the cost. He married Kathy his wife at eighteen when she informed him she was pregnant. He joined the marines to support his family and then gave up his dream of being an architect to join NYPD.

Fin, who was leaning against the wall, looked nothing like the cop he was. To run into him on the street one would think that he was a local drug lord. In truth he was the one who was never supposed to make it out of the wrong side of the tracks and make something of himself. He was born in raised in the Bronx and nightly would have to hide under the bed to avoid being shot while he slept. By some miracle he had become a top notch officer who served most of his career in Narcotic till he transferred to Special Victims Unit.

"Excuse me Ms. Cabot." A nurse said opening the door causing everyone to jump and reach for their guns "I'm here to remove your IV and have you sign your release papers."

"Thank you." Alex whispered as each man slightly relaxed but not much.

The nurse taking a quick glance around the room was not sure if she should enter. The way they jumped and reached for their weapons had terrified her but then again she should know better than to spook a room full of cops. She entered and quickly removed Alex's IV and had her sign the need paperwork. Alex was about to stand when she stopped her and informed her that she had to be taken out in a wheelchair. The change of color in those steel blue eyes told her that she was pissed at that statement. The man who seemed to tower everyone in the room stepped forward.

"Alex just let them push you to the doors to the waiting room then walk from there."

"Stabler I am capable of walking and will walk out of here."

"Ma'am its policy."

"Ma'am you can bring the wheel chair she will use it to leave." Elliot informed the nurse while maintaining eye contact with Alex leaving no room for arguments.

Cragen helped Alex to the chair and Elliot carefully pushed her out of the room and toward the exit. They were almost to the door when she turned in the seat to look at Elliot.

"Will you please take me up to where Olivia is?"

The pleading tone in her voice was almost his undoing. Never in a million years did he ever think he would hear the ice princess use a tone like that. It was almost childlike and shattered his heart into a million pieces.

"Of course" He said turning the chair toward the elevator.

"Thank you."

"You know Alex" Elliot said placing a hand on her shoulder without thinking "We would be delighted if you two got together but I would prefer that you confess how you feel to Olivia first. If you do it will cost me three hundred dollars."

"Elliot I have no idea what you are talking about and what do you mean three hundred dollars?"

"Alex please I am a detective and trained to notice things. Like the prolong looks you give her when you think no one is looking. How you make sure she's eaten or had her coffee. How you know how she likes her coffee and bagel or that she prefers ham to turkey if she can get it but most of the time she can't."

"Elliot, I believe you have hit your head. I like Olivia but only as a friend."

"Tell yourself that lie all you want but we all know the truth and honestly could care less."

Alex spun in the chair and stared at Elliot wide eyed.

"Don't look so shock Alex we know Liv is gay and we don't care. We don't say anything because she doesn't say anything. We figure is she wanted us to know she would tell us. Since she hasn't spoke up yet we're happy to keep things like they are at the moment."

"And the three hundred dollars?"

"It's a running bet me and the guys have. I have three hundred that you will admit how you feel first. Fin has three that Liv will. We all know that isn't happening and Munch has three that you two will confess at the same time."

"Cragen?"

"Would have our hide if he knew about the bet, so, we left him out of the bet."

"I hate to break it to you but Olivia may be gay but she's not interested in me. You should cancel the wages now."

"Alexandra Cabot you may be a hell of an attorney but you would make a lousy detective. That woman has been head over heels for you since the day you walked into the precinct."

"She may have been but she's changed."

"That is our fault" Elliot said coming to stand in front of her "We may have ragged her about always going to see you. When we started that she stopped going to see you all the time. I'm sorry we didn't think she would respond like that. Of course the dinner with Langen we caught you in didn't help matters either."

"It was a business dinner" Alex groaned out as she covered her head in her hands "he was offering a job in his firm. I turned him down on all levels I might add."

"I'm sorry Alex" Elliot whispered as he dropped to his knees "If we hadn't teased her she may have kept coming and we could have skipped all this. Lord knows that woman deserves all the happiness she can get after the life she's had."

"What do you mean?" Alex asked curious about the brunette that stole her heart

"That Alex I will not tell you. It's Olivia's life and her story to tell. I'm liable to be shot when she realizes I outed her to you so I think I have said enough."

"Fair enough but I have one more question for you?"

Elliot nodded for Alex to continue.

"What did Cragen mean when he said that after the test that you two might have to sign the papers?"

"A medical power of attorney" Elliot said exhaling "Olivia has no living family left. Her mother passed away about a month ago and her father was never part of her life. She went down and had a MPOA drawn up. It states I am primary and Cragen is secondary. If we are both alive and competent at the time the decision must be made together and be in agreement."

Alex pales when she realizes what this means "Please take me to her." She choked out as tears started falling from her eyes.

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**A/N: As you can see work has allowed me to write more. I love my job. I know everyone is dying to find out about Olivia and you will I promise. I hope everyone has enjoyed this chapter and as always reviews are welcomed.**


	14. getting her way

**A/N: Here is the much awaited chapter. I hope everyone enjoys and please have a safe and happy Thanksgiving with your friends and families. As always reviews are welcomed.**

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It took all Alex had not to cry out when she saw Olivia. She looked so fragile and broken laying on the bed with all the tubes and wires coming out of her. It was a far cry from the badass detective she had seen slam a perp one handed when he charged her.

"El" she cried reaching for his hand.

"Alex she'll make it" He whispered as he took her hand in his "She's a fighter and we need her. It will be ok."

"Excuse me are you family?' A nurse asked walking into the room.

"We are, I'm her partner Elliot Stabler and this is our ADA Alexandra Cabot." He answered the look in his eyes daring the nurse to challenge him.

"No more than ten minutes" She said as she turned to walk out.

"Ma'am ten minutes isn't going to work" Alex said standing with Elliot's assistance "I will need you to bring me one of those chairs that pull out into a bed as well as one for him. We will also need pillows and blankets to go with those."

"This is the Critical Care Unit and no one is allowed to stay in the patient's room."

"Then I guess I didn't make myself clear. I wasn't asking I was telling. I will be staying along with this man here." She said using the voice that made defense attorneys piss their pants "In the waiting room will be three other gentlemen that I want taken care of as well."

"I have said it before and I will say it again…" She started to say but was stopped by Alex

"Bring me the head nurse now." Alex ordered as she made her way to Olivia "I will take this matter up with them."

The nurse walked away shaking her head. She could tell just by looking at the woman she had money and apparently thought that money could get her whatever she wanted. She was happy to pass it off the charge nurse Daniels. Let her deal with the almighty everything is handed to me ice cold blonde bitch.

"Mrs. Daniels the woman visiting the patient in room 225 would like to speak to you. She wants to stay the night and I informed her it's against policy. She demanded to speak to the head nurse."

"I'll handle it." She answered as she headed off to the room.

"Ma'am I was told I was needed in here" Daniels said as she entered room 225.

"Yes, We are going to need two of those chairs that fold out to a bed" Alex said as she stood and turned to face the nurse "Stephanie?"

"Alex? What brings you here and what happened to you?" She said as she quickly approached the blonde and hugged her close.

"This is Olivia Benson." She said pointing toward Olivia on the bed "She was shot earlier today. I work with her."

"Translation is you two are dating and don't want anyone to know."

"No we are not dating." Alex said purposefully "She is a detective with the unit I prosecute for. She was shot earlier today and I was with her."

"Which would explain all the bruises and scrapes on you, but you need to remember who you're talking to here. This is a friend of mine always meant we've been sleeping together for the last three weeks or longer."

"I hate to disappoint you this time Stephanie, but that isn't the case."

"Don't tell me the ever outspoken, always gets the woman she wants, Alexandra Cabot has met her match and she is making you work for it."

"Hi I'm Elliot Stabler." Elliot said coming to Alex's rescue after watching her squirm for a few "I'm Detective Benson's partner."

"It's nice to meet you. I'm charge nurse Daniels. I went to the same private school as Alex and we dated during college." She said shaking his extended hand.

"So if I want any blackmail stories come to you." He said with a grin on his face as he wrapped an arm around Alex and pulled her close to him. It wasn't an act of intimacy but that of a protective gesture.

"Oh no there's not enough money for me to tell those stories." She said laughing "That woman right there is not one to cross."

"Tell me about it."

"Now about those beds?" Alex asked bringing them back to the subject at hand.

"Alex this is CCU no one is allowed to stay."

"You mean no one but me and him." Alex informed her.

"Alex."

"Let me put it to you in a language you understand Stephanie. That woman that is hanging on by a thread is there because of me. She saved my life today. If by some miracle she wakes up the first two faces she will see is my beautiful face and his ugly mug. There's no room for negotiation here do you understand."

Stephanie groaned. She knew what Alex was like when she got in these moods and truthfully she was thankful she decided against law and went into nursing. She pitied the poor suckers who had to go against her in court.

"I'll have some orderlies bring up two of the chairs that convert to beds from the maternity ward along with blanket and pillows. " Stephanie said with resigned sigh 'Will you need anything else?"

"There will be three gentlemen that will be camped out in the waiting room. They are her Captain and the two other detectives that she works with. Make sure they have anything and everything they need."

"That won't be a problem."

"Thank you and I want you to find the best doctor and physical therapist for Detective Benson. Everything will be billed to me.'

"She is probably going to need both an orthopedic and neurology doctor."

"I don't care get her both. Hell, get a cardiologist and pulmonologist on standby as well. They damn well better be the best the United States has to offer."

"Consider it done.' Stephanie said with a smile as she headed toward the door "Oh and Alex you can tell yourself that lie all you want but it's plain to see that you have feelings for the detective. Not that I blame you if I wasn't already married to Diane I'd jump that in a heartbeat."

"Guess she has your number" Stabler said doubling over with laughter after the nurse had left the room.

"Can it" Alex growled "I got us to stay didn't I?'

"Do I want to even know how you got her to change her tune so quickly without any vocal bodily injury threats?"

"Money."

"You didn't offer her any."

"No this hospital receives a nice size donation from my trust fund twice a year. If they want it to keep coming I get my way. That and Stephanie knows when I have my mind set on something there's no use in fighting me on it.'

"Don't we all counselor" Elliot said laughing "Don't we all."


	15. The next morning

Once the chairs were moved in and everyone was settled Alex fell asleep almost instantly. Elliot jerked awake when he heard screaming. He instantly pulled his gun scanning the room when he realized it was Alex. He looked over and realized that she was deep in a nightmare. His heart shattered seeing the tears coming out of her eyes and her pleas. Elliot quickly went to her side and tried to wake her up.

"No Don't Please." Alex cried as she jerked away feeling someone touching her "I'm sorry."

"Alex, Alex" Elliot said backing away carefully "I'm sorry I didn't think. I was only trying to wake you up. It was a nightmare honey everything is fine. Jess isn't here and she can't hurt you no more. We won't let her."

"I'm sorry Stabler."

"Nothing to be sorry about" Elliot said taking a small step forward but stopping seeing the fear in her eyes "It happens. We all have our demons that cause us nightmares. Hell it was easier to pull you out of yours than it is Liv at times."

"Thank you." Alex whispered laying back hating to feel so weak and needing someone.

"Anytime counselor" Elliot informed her as he settled back down in his make shift bed "Alex, you do know that you can talk to me or any of us about anything. We're here for you."

Alex simply nodded in the dark unable to find her voice being overcome with emotions from the gentleness she was seeing from him.

It wasn't Alex that woke Elliot next instead it was a flood of nurses who came charging into the room when the monitors began to go off. Both him and Alex was on their feet instantly trying to get out of the way of the nurses. After a few minutes Alex grabbed Stephanie.

"What's happening?"

"Her blood pressure has dropped dangerously low and her heart has slowed. We are trying to get everything back up where it needs to be. If not there is a chance we could lose her." She answered knowing it was best to be up front and honest with Alex.

Alex stared on with terror written all over her face after a few minutes she made her way through the maze of nurses and leaned down to whisper in Olivia's ear.

"Don't you die on my Liv. I need you too much. I can't survive if you die."

It was almost as if Olivia heard and understood what was said to her. Slowly her blood pressure and heart rate began to climb. All the nurses just stood back amazed. The one thing they were coming to realize is they had one hell of a fighter on their hands and it appeared she was fighting for the blonde. As mad as they were that she had gotten her way earlier they were now extremely thankful that she was there. They would take anything to avoid losing a life on their shift.

The rest of the night continued on without any further incidents. Both Alex and Elliot were thankful for that. They had just fallen asleep when Stephanie and a man in a doctor's coat entered the room.

"Hey Alex" Stephanie said walking up to her "This is Dr. Matthews from Los Angeles. He is a leading Neurologist where a possibility of decrease in brain activity has occurred."

"Ms. Cabot" He said extending his hand "It's a pleasure to meet you. I have a list of credentials and training that you are more than welcome to inspect before I begin my examination of Ms. Benson."

"That won't be necessary but thank you. If Stephanie says you are the best than I will believe that." She responded shaking his hand "I want you to do whatever you need to do for her and money is no object."

"Very well." He said reaching for her chart and begun reading it. As he read he found it amazing that the woman lying in the bed was alive. After a few minutes he looked back up at the set of crystal blue eyes that tried to hold the fear she felt at bay. "She is already schedule for an EEG. The test is scheduled for thirty minutes from now. Once we perform that test I will be able to tell you what you're looking at. But to be honest I don't foresee a good outcome. Most people who have gone through what she has don't usually survive. Please understand I'm not trying to disparage you but I don't believe in leading my patient's family on and giving false hope."

"Thank you." Alex whispered as she stood "I appreciate the total honesty you are giving me. Do you know when will they come and take her for the test?"

"I will have a nurse come and take her in about ten minutes if that's ok? The test itself will take approximately an hour maybe a little longer. After that we will know what we are working with and we can plan our method of treatment if it's needed."

"Yes sir and I want to thank you for coming here on such short notice."

"It is not a problem ma'am" He responded as he headed for the door.

True to his word a nurse was in the room about ten minutes later to take Olivia to the test. She briefly described to Alex what would happen during the testing and how they would go about it. She asked if Alex had any questions.

"Can I go with her?" Alex asked

"You can go as far as the door to the testing area. That is it." She answered as she undid the locking mechanism on the bed.

Alex followed them out of the room and stopped when she saw the uniform officer posted at the door looking back at Elliot for an explanation.

"Captain ordered a guard with her at all times." Elliot said as gently as he could "We're not sure if she was shot as a fluke accident or a possible hit on her. It's just a precaution. As for you one of us will be with you at all times."

Alex simple nodded and ran to catch up to Olivia with the officer and Elliot on her heels. The elevator ride was filled with an eerie silence as they rode to the basement. Alex followed behind the nurse until she stopped and turned around.

"Ma'am I'm sorry but this is as far as anyone can go."

"Is there a place I can wait around here?"

"No ma'am there isn't" The nurse responded scanning her badge to enter the restricted area. "But we will be taking her directly back up to her room when she is finished."

"I'm sorry ma'am but that officer is under protective custody" The officer said stepping forward and speaking for the first time "She is not to and will not leave my sight. Where she goes I go and there is no room for discussion on this matter."

"Then I suggest you keep up." She growled not happy with the fact she would have a shadow.

Alex stood there and watched them wheel Olivia away until the door closed and she couldn't see them anymore. She slowly turned toward Elliot not bothering to hide her fear.

"Come on" He said taking a tentative step forward not wanting to scare her as he wrapped his arm around her "We have at least an hour before we know something so please allow me to buy you some of the worse breakfast you will ever find."

Alex nodded as she leaned against him needing his strength to make it through the next hour.

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**A/N: I want to thank everyone for the wonderful reviews I have been receiving. YOu guys really know how to boost a writer's ego. I love it thank you so much. Now Back to Back updates. Thankfully work has been slow even with the Black Friday sales starting early. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday with family and friends. As always reviews are welcomed.**


	16. Learning Olivia's secret

"Alex you need to eat" Elliot said as he watched her push her food around. Granted it wasn't the best food around but it was something.

"I can't" Alex answered without looking up "I don't really have an appetite."

"I know but trust me you need the nourishment."

Alex just shrugged and continued to push the food around on her plate. After a few minutes of silence she looked up at Elliot with pleading eyes.

"Tell me about her."

"Do what?"

"Tell me about Olivia. I want to know everything."

"Alex it's not my story to tell it's hers."

"I know El but what if she doesn't make it." Alex choked out as tears began to pour from her eyes "I'll never have the chance to know and I want to know."

Elliot sat there and stared at her. He was truly torn about what to do. Olivia had trusted him with her darkest secret and he never wanted to betray that trust. At the same time he understood Alex's need to know. With a silent prayer to the lord above that Olivia would forgive him when she survived he began a story that he didn't feel as if he should tell.

"As sure as I sit here with you I never told you anything about her. Do you understand?"

Alex nodded anxious to hear anything about Olivia that she could discover.

"Olivia was the product of a rape." Elliot began as he exhaled "her mother was a senior at college and was cutting through an alley way to make it home quicker. She was jumped from behind and knocked out. When she came too there was a man on top of her raping her."

Alex covered her mouth with her hand trying to keep the gasps in. No wonder she fought so hard for victims.

"About two months later her mother discovered she was pregnant. Abortion was illegal and her family begged her to put her up for adoption. For some reason Serena, her mother, chose to keep her. Which I'm not sure if that was the best thing she ever did or the worse thing. Truthfully I believe it was a mixture."

"I can only imagine what her life was growing up?"

"From what Olivia told her it was a deadly combination of happiness and abuse. Having Olivia there was a constant reminder of what had happened to her. In her attempt to cope with what happened she turned to alcohol. Growing up she was constantly reminded how she had destroyed her life."

"It wasn't her fault."

"I know that and you know that but how many times do the victims blame themselves and others around them. It was the same case here, except this time there was a constant reminder calling her mommy not flashbacks."

"How bad was her childhood?"

"One filled with years of abuse both physical and mental. When she was sixteen her mother came at her drunk and Olivia for the first time defended her self. She kicked her mother into a wall. When she did she hit her head so hard she passed out. Except Olivia didn't stop there she had continued kicking her mother until she was afraid she was going to kill her. She left that night and called a child's advocate attorney she had met one time before by the name Symone Brice. Symone helped her get some counseling and get out."

"How?"

"I'm not really sure Olivia has never disclosed that to me. I do know that at some point Olivia and her mother attempted to build a relationship but that was short lived. Olivia accepted a proposal from one of her mother's students. When her mother threatened to have him expelled and charges placed on him she broke off the engagement but a short time later she moved out on her own. She went to college on an academic scholarship and graduated with honors. She has a dual degree in Criminal Justice and psychology believe it or not."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah." Elliot said smiling "Liv is a lot smarter than she lets on. She passed all tests needed for the department and entered the academy. She was in the top three percent of her graduating class. She worked long and hard and within six years made detective. It took another year before she was able to receive the transfer to SVU like she wanted."

"I don't understand why work in a division that would be a constant reminder of your conception and life?"

"To get her mother the justice she never received. Her mother rapist was never caught. Olivia has the case file in her top desk drawer. On the side she works it trying to find the perp. I think it's a combination of two things. A she wants to give her mother justice and B she wants to meet the man who fathered her and I use that term loosely."

"I understand the need and want to capture the rapist but to meet him why?"

"To prove she's not like him. There's one thing you've got to understand. Olivia would give anything to have someone to come home to and have a child with that person. But she has it in her head that since half her genes are that of an alcoholic and the other half is a violent rapist that she has no chance. That one day she will snap and become either one of them if not the two combined. One night she will get drunk and force herself on her partner. As for the child she is so terrified of making the same mistakes her mother did that she would forgo her happiness as a mother to save the child a second of pain."

"That couldn't be further from the truth Elliot. She has to be the most compassionate, loving, caring person I've ever met. Hell I've seen her with children she is a natural."

"I know that and you know that but she doesn't believe that. She truly believes that she will become her sperm donor and mother. Which is why, she won't allow herself the happiness she deserves. She always find some reason to sabotage or run from whatever relationship she is in at the time. She would prefer to bury herself in her work than go home to any empty house. I've heard her make the comment that this is the life she deserves."

"It's not Elliot. My god, that woman deserves all the happiness that can be given to her and everything handed to her on a silver platter."

"So counselor" Elliot said as he leaned back and raised one eyebrow "Are you the one to give her everything on a silver platter and all the happiness in the world?"

Alex smiled the first real smile she had smiled since everything happened yesterday after noon "I would love to be Elliot I would love to be."

"That's what I want to hear" Elliot said standing and collecting their trash "I think you two would be good for each other. I mean really good. I also think it's time to head back upstairs so we can meet with the doctor. He should be done any time now."

Alex smiled as she stood and followed Elliot out of the cafeteria. She knew he was a devote catholic and for him to support them meant everything to her and she knew it would mean the world to Olivia. Now all she needed was the first bit of good news she had heard in over twenty four hours.

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**A/N: You guys are amazing and I love each and everyone of you. Thank you so much. As always reviews are welcomed.**


	17. Test Results

**A/N: The much awaited chapter is here. Let me start with a medical disclaimer. The only thing I know medically is what I have learned from shows like ER, Grey's Anatomy, or the few and extremely far between visits for on the job injuries. My expertise falls under policing and crime scene. If anything is wrong please forgive me. As always reviews are welcomed.**

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As Alex and Elliot walked back into the waiting room she wondered who was working the case of the missing child since none of them had left the hospital since their arrival. She really wanted to ask but didn't want to bring up a sore spot, at the same time though she didn't want to lose the life of a child because of her.

"Hey El, can I ask you something?"

Elliot stopped and turned around "Alex you can ask me anything?"

"The case you were working on, whose working it now?"

"Brooklyn SVU picked it up for us." Elliot answered as he looked away "They've taken over our squad room so we can be here for Olivia."

"I was wondering." Alex whispered looking away.

"Hey, relax." He said "That's what we do if one of our own is hurt, besides Brooklyn is second only to us."

Alex rolled her eyes when he said that. Leave it to him to think they were the best. Of course after working with them and seeing their dedication to the job she would have to agree with him. Not that she would ever tell him that.

Alex smiled at the three men who was patiently sitting in the waiting room if you wanted to call it that. Each of them had a five o'clock shadow growing and their clothes was so wrinkled that Alex was sure a steam press wouldn't get the wrinkles out.

"Alex" Cragen said pulling her from her thoughts "After we talk to the doctor Fin will escort you home and stay with you."

"Thank you Captain but I have no intentions of leaving her side."

"Then how about you leave long enough to take a quick shower and change your clothes."

"What if she wakes up while I'm gone?"

"Let's make this deal?" Cragen said desperate to get the woman to go home and change. Sure they were used to living in the same clothes for days on in but he had a feeling that she was the type that showered at least twice a day "Depending on what the doctor says determines if you go home to shower. If he says that its unlikely for her to wake up anytime soon go home shower and change. If he says she's liable to wake up any minute then stay here."

"But what about you?" Alex asked "When was the last time any of you had a chance to shower or have a decent meal.'

"Alex. We're accustomed to this lifestyle." Fin said stepping forward "This is nothing compared to some of the other times ok."

Alex started to argue when the doctor walked in. The look on his face made her heart drop to her feet.

"How bad is it?" Alex asked as she subconsciously stepped toward Elliot.

"I have good news and I have bad news" He said as he ran his hand through his hair. It was moments like this that he hated his job. "The good news is she is not brain dead."

"Thank god" Alex gasped as she fell against Elliot as everyone breathed a sigh of relief. That was a load off of their minds. "What's the bad news?"

"The bad news is that the testing showed that there is some cognitive brain damage. Unfortunately we won't know the full extent until she wakes up."

"Give us a ball park of what we are looking at?" Cragen asked

"It could be something as simple having short term memory loss to normal everyday functions, such as speaking, walking, things like that. Not only that, but Traumatic Brain injuries, or TBI's as we call them, have been known to completely change a person's behavior. I have seen some people who were the most loving and compassionate person you have ever met turn into the meanest person and vice versa. But again this is something we will have to wait until she wakes up to discover. "

"When will she wake up, doctor?" Munch asked.

"Not anytime soon. The surgeon placed her in a medically induced coma and considering the full extent of her injuries that is the best thing he could have done. Now in my personal opinion I would like to keep her in a medically induced coma. That will give the body the rest it needs and relieve some of the stress she will endure as she struggles to deal with the TBI."

"What about after?" Alex asked "What type of medical issues are we looking at?'

"She will need therapy and plenty of it." He stated "Possibly around the clock care until she can start taking care of herself if that will ever happen. Now again please remember this is all determined by how she is when she comes too. My suggestion to you is to prepare for the worst hope for the best."

"In that case" Alex said finally speaking up and breaking the silence that had fallen over the room "I need you to locate the best therapists there are and have them flown here or at the very least prepare them for when they will be needed. I do not care about cost or anything of that nature I will pay what I have to pay for her to have the very best."

"Alex she has insurance with the city." Cragen stated knowing how easy it was for medical bills to drain someone's account.

"I'm aware of that" Alex informed Cragen as she turned to level her famous court room glare "I want her to have the best and she will have the best. If it will make you or her feel better feel free to have her insurance billed first and I will catch the difference. But when I say I want the best I mean I want the best."

Cragen just shook his head in disbelief this woman was probably as hard headed as his detective was and god help them both if they ever got together. He could only begin to imagine the fights they would have in their personal life. If they were anything like the ones in their professional career there would never be a dull moment in their lives. He was about to open his mouth to agree with her when they heard some shouting coming from the direction of Benson's room. All four men quickly drew their weapons and ran from the waiting room with Alex on their heels.

They stopped suddenly when they saw the guard Cragen had posted at the door had a woman against the wall and placing cuffs on her.

Elliot was the first one to step up and say anything the anger coming off him in waves.

"Who the hell are you and why are you trying to enter her room?" He growled through clenched teeth.

"I'm Olivia Benson's girlfriend. Who the hell are you?" The blonde hair woman with almost grey like eyes answered.


	18. Is it true?

Alex felt her heart drop to her feet, her girlfriend. She slowly looked to the ground feeling like an idiot. Of course Liv had a girlfriend. Why wouldn't she? She was a stunningly beautiful woman who deserved to have someone to look after her. As much as it killed her to know that she had someone and she couldn't be that someone she was at least thankful that she did have someone.

"I'm her partner." Elliot answered back "And you're not her girlfriend, I would know."

"Oh that's right" The woman smirked "You're the bigoted Catholic partner that wouldn't have her back if she told. I've heard about you."

Elliot lunged toward the woman but was stopped when Munch and Fin grabbed him pulling him back. Alex jumped back and almost coward against the wall seeing the anger coming from him. She was fighting hard to keep a flashback from surfacing.

Cragen stepped in quickly hoping to diffuse the situation before anyone got killed. With everything else going on at the moment he really didn't need IAB breathing down Elliot's neck for what he would considered a good shoot.

"Ma'am" Cragen said stepping up to the lady while motioning for the men to remove Elliot "My name is Captain Cragen. I am Detective Benson's commanding officer and unfortunately I cannot allow you into her room."

"THE HELL." She screamed in his face still struggling against the officer that held him securely in his grasp.

"At this moment I have no way to substantiate your claim that you are her girlfriend. I'm not saying you're lying." He said quickly holding his hand up to stop the woman from speaking "But like my detective said we have heard nothing about you. At this moment Detective Benson is in protective custody and there are only five people who are allowed into her room at the moment and you are not one of the five."

"Just who are the five allowed?" She asked calming down a little but not much.

"The five that were just standing here and only those five, ma'am." Cragen stated "If you do attempt to visit Detective Benson again before we can verify who you are you will be arrested. Do you understand?"

The woman glared at Cragen until she realized he was not backing down, finally she simply nodded. Seeing her agree the officer who was holding her finally let her go and removed the handcuffs but took a guarding stance in front of Olivia's door in case she wanted to attempt to run in there.

Realizing that no matter what she wasn't getting into Olivia's room she headed for the elevator. She stopped long enough to look at Alex.

"Figures you would be allowed in." The woman growled out before heading on.

Alex who was trying her hardest to keep her composure and lose it in front of everyone just simply stared at the woman. What did she mean by that? Did she feel threatened by her? If so, why? Alex was pulled from her thoughts hearing Cragen's voice.

"Are you ok?" Cragen asked seeing the look of panic on Alex's face.

"I didn't know she had a girlfriend." Alex mumbled.

"Honestly I'm not sure if she does or doesn't." Cragen said carefully approaching the woman who looked like she was going to lose it any minute. "I can tell you this though Olivia is not the type of person who would pursue one while with another. The fact that she was flirting with you and somewhat pursuing you leads me to believe that she does not."

"But you heard her Don."

"I'm pretty sure this entire hospital heard her." He said laughing when she looked up at him shocked "She could be an ex that doesn't understand the meaning of we're over or she could be the person who shot Olivia here to finish the job. Either which way I don't care and I'm not taking any chances. Are you ready to go in there and see her now?"

"I..I..I can't." Alex informed him trying to keep the tears at bay but failing miserably.

"Why not?"

"What if that really is her girlfriend? Then I have no right to be there."

"Alex even if that is her girlfriend you still have every right to be there if not as how you want to be than as her friend and co-worker."

"I can't. I just can't."

"Alex" He called after her as she turned and darted for the elevator. Seeing that she wasn't listening to him he quickly called for Fin.

"Yeah Capt." He asked poking his head out of the waiting room.

"Catch her and no matter what she says do not let her out of your sight." He ordered as Fin turned to catch Alex "I swear to you if you do I will have your shield in the morning." He shouted to a retreating back.

Fin raised his hand in the air and waved as an acknowledgement of what he was told. The doors were just starting to close when Fin quickly stuck his foot in the elevator doors to stop it from closing. He stepped in giving Alex a slight nod as he stepped in and stood to the side trying to give her some space.

"Detective I know Cragen said for you to follow me today but that is not needed."

Fin just smiled and nodded not saying a word. He wanted to wait till they were out of the hospital before she exploded. He just hoped this elevator was quick enough to get them there because it appeared she was seconds away from the famous Cabot temper.

"Did you not hear me?" She questioned.

"I did." He replied quietly as the doors opened and she darted from the elevator.

Fin took a deep breath and jogged after her. For a woman in a suit that had to cost at least one of his paychecks and four inch heels she sure could move. By the graceful movements he was willing to bet she jogged on a regular basis to.

"The pool car is over here." Fin stated as he stopped beside her "There is no need for a cab."

"I told you I don't need a babysitter."

"I'm not a baby sitter." Fin told her as he gently took her by the arm "I'm your protective detail."

"I DON'T WANT ONE." Alex screamed at him as she jerked away from him.

"Whether you want it or not you have it."

"You can go back and tell Captain Cragen I refuse."

"No ma'am." He said with a grin "I was told if I let you out of my sight I can kiss my shield good bye in the morning. Not to mention I do kind of like my life so I would prefer not to be killed."

"I promise you detective, I will make sure that your shield isn't taken and Cragen won't kill you just for not following me."

"It's not Cragen who will kill me." He said with a smile "It's Liv and believe me I've been on the receiving end of her fury once before I would prefer not to be a second time. What I received before would be mild considering what I will receive if I let anything happen to you."

Alex looked at him as if he had two heads.

"I'll explain all to you at your house." Fin said laughing as he lead her to the pool car.

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**A/N: Threw a twist in that no one saw coming. Have to keep you on your feet. lol but seriously thank you for the reviews and I hope everyone had enjoyed this chapter. As always reviews are welcomed.**


	19. Alex's Apartment

Alex instructed Fin to her upper Manhattan apartment. It wasn't until they were in the elevator and almost to her pent house floor that she started to become nervous. She had not allowed anyone into her sanctuary since she moved from her old apartment. She could only imagine what he would think of her once he saw her apartment. She already knew they called her ice princess when she wasn't around and thought she was using them to achieve political greatness. Well she was until she met Benson and got to know her.

Fin couldn't help but notice the change in Alex once the elevator doors closed. He got as close to the opposite wall that he could thinking that his close proximity was the problem. But he noticed that the closer they got to her floor the more nervous she became. That's when he realized what was terrifying the blonde.

"Alex I will wait outside your apartment, if you like." Fin said breaking the silence.

"What" Alex almost screamed as she flew against the wall scared.

"I'm sorry" Fin whispered as he carefully turned to face her "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's ok" Alex croaked out trying to regain her composure but failing miserable "I was just lost in my thoughts."

"I was saying I will wait outside your apartment if you like."

"That's ridiculous Tutuola you are more than welcomed to come in."

Fin tried not to cringe hearing his full last name. He didn't care how many times he reminded her to call him Fin she still addressed him as Tutuola at times. He was coming to realize it was done when she was scared.

"Alex, I can see that you are nervous about having me in your apartment." He answered as he heard the elevator ding signaling their destination "in light of everything you are probably terrified to have anyone in your apartment. I understand that and I have no problem waiting for you outside your apartment ok."

"Thank you but please do come in." Alex whispered with as much as fake courage as she could muster.

"Are you positive?"

"Yes it will be easier believe me."

Fin nodded as Alex unlocked her door. She stepped in and motioned for him to enter but he stood where he was.

"What is it now?"

"I'm waiting for you to move from the door." He answered smiling "I don't want to scare you anymore than what you are when I pass by you."

"Thank you" She answered shakily as she quickly darted across the room. As hard nose as he came off and appeared to be it was times like this that reminded her of all the compassion he had hidden away.

"I'm just going to shut the door" he said as he slowly closed it silently praying she wouldn't freak out when she heard the door click "Would you like me to lock it as well?"

"Yes please never leave it unlocked."

Fin felt a fresh batch of anger run through him hearing the terror in Alex's voice at the thought of an unlocked door. He carefully closed the door and started to lock it when he stopped. Alex had a total of eight different forms of locks on her door. Exactly how bad has this Jessica bitch been terrorizing her?

"All of them?" He asked chancing a look over his shoulder. Alex stood against the wall as pale as she could be with her arms wrapped around herself in a protective manor. One look into her eyes told him she was caught in her own flashback. He turned carefully and stayed where he was while calling her name.

"Alex I need you to look at me" he said in a voice that even he didn't recognize. As god as his witness when he got his hands on Jess he would kill her and Olivia owed him two months worth of on call's for not filling him in. "Please look at me."

"No please don't' Alex sobbed out as she slid down the wall "I promise he's just a co-worker please don't."

Fin grabbed his weapon and scanned the area thinking he missed something as he entered. He was pretty sure he didn't. He saw the baseball bats she had in each corner of the room discretely hidden. There was probably a knife or two under the couch cushions. Lord only knew what she had hidden around her bedroom.

"Alex you're having a flash back focus on my voice please."

"I'm sorry" Alex cried as she flinched as if she had been hit.

"Alex its Tutuola and you're having a flashback. Just listen to my voice." He said re-holstering his weapon "We are at your apartment so you can shower and change. I am your protective detail and I promise you she will have to kill me to get to you. Take a few deep breaths and attempt to relax."

He breathed a small sigh of relief when he saw her doing as he instructed. That meant he was penetrating the flash back.

"It won't happen again I promise."

"It's ok Alex. Just listen to my voice. We are here so you can shower and change. Everything is ok and Jess can't get to you."

Fin's breathe held in his throat when those blue eyes so full of terror connected with his.

"Tutuola?"

"Yes, Alex. It's just me and you here. That's all I promise you."

Alex's eyes darted around the room. She had brought someone home. Jess always told her if she ever brought some one home she would kill them and then make her pay.

"You have to get out of her." She said jumping up suddenly panicked "If she knows you're here she'll kill you. Please I can't be responsible for two officers shot."

"Good thing I won't hold you responsible then and I am not leaving." Fin said with a slight smile. "I'll take my chances."

I would rather take my chances with this woman than the Captain or Olivia he thought to himself.

"But." She started to say and was stopped by Fin.

"Alex she can't and won't get to you here while I'm with you. I will protect you with my life. That is what a protective detail does ok. Right now I need you to relax. Tell me, short of me leaving, what I need to do, for that to happen. Tell me and I will make it happen."

"Can you check the apartment please?"

"Sure" Fin said as he made his way up the stairs. He cleared each and every room shaking his head at the number of bats and other weapons he found hidden in different locations. The only thing he didn't locate was a gun which he wasn't sure if he was thankful for or fearful for.

"All clear." He announced as he bounded down the stairs careful not to scare her anymore than what she already was.

"Thank you detective" Alex said standing from the couch and heading toward the stairs "I have made coffee if you would like some. Creamer is in the fridge and sugar is on the counter. Help yourself to anything you find in the fridge or cabinets to eat."

"Yes ma'am." Fin said as he watched Alex walk out of his line of vision and reached into his pocket for his phone as he headed for the kitchen.

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**A/N: Again thank you so much for the reviews. I truly can't say it enough especially with this story. I was afraid that it wouldn't take off with Alex being a victim of abuse, the way I have portrayed her. It is hard enough for someone to come forward with an allegation of abuse when they are in a position that she is in but it is even harder when it is a same-sex abuse case. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. As always reviews are welcomed.**


	20. Fin

"Captain its worse than we thought." Fin said the second Cragen answered the phone.

"_How do you mean?"_

"Capt. She has bats at every conceivable spot in her house and a few I wasn't even sure you could put a bat in. I have found knives hidden throughout the apartment when I cleared it for her and I'm pretty sure there is a gun or two here as well. I just didn't feel right opening her drawers in the bedroom to verify that thought."

"_What else?"_

"She moved into an apartment building that has security scanners to enter the elevator unless the door operator does it for you. Her door is extremely solid; I'm willing to bet hard wood and metal, with eight different forms of locks on it. The second I entered the apartment with her she went into a flashback. I offered to wait outside the door for her in the elevator because I could see she was becoming more and more nervous the closer she got to her floor. She kept saying that I had to leave she couldn't be responsible for another officer's death."

"_Why does she think that?"_

"Apparently Jessica told her that if she ever brought anyone back here she would kill them and make her pay. I want this bitch Captain and I want her today."

"_You're not alone there Fin."_

"What's the plan?"

"_Elliot is staying here with Olivia just in case anything happens. I have Munch researching Jessica Johnson and see what all we can find on her. Morales is pulling the street camera's with a hope that we can get a decent shot of who shot Olivia and maybe a clue of what happened. If we don't have any clear shots with the cameras then we are in the dark until Olivia wakes up. As for you, you are to remain with Alex until either Munch or myself relieves you."_

"Yes sir." Fin said as he snapped the phone shut and fixed him a cup of coffee hearing Alex come toward the kitchen.

"Did you find everything you need detective?" Alex asked with a forced smile on her face as she entered the kitchen.

"I did thank you" Fin said trying to keep his shock at bay at seeing her in a pair of jeans and t-shirt. "Can I fix you a cup?"

"Please. I like mine with creamer." She said moving to take a seat at her table.

Fin quickly fixed her coffee and brought it to her. As quickly as he could without startling the blonde he moved back to the island and leaned against it.

"Detective you are more than welcomed to have a seat. I don't bite unless asked and if you sit in this chair you will have a perfect view of the door."

Fin choked on his coffee hearing Alex say she doesn't bite unless asked. In the short time he has spent with the ball busting attorney he was learning things that blew every preconceived notion he had of her from the water. The only conformation of something that they already knew was she had plenty of money and the fact she was willing to use it all on Olivia and her re-cooperation bumped her up on their scales.

"Alex I don't want to scare you. I can stay right here or I can move anywhere else you would like me to move to."

"Please sit." Alex said motioning to the chair "Besides you offered me an explanation about why you believe Olivia would kill you if you let anything happen to me."

Fin slowly approached not wanting to terrify the blonde more than what she already was. He slowly took a sit while watching her face for any signs of discomfort. He could only imagine the ball busting he would get from Olivia if she ever found out she moved to fast and scared Alex.

"Alex truth is Olivia likes you and cares for you a lot. Probably a lot more than what she would ever admit to us or herself for that matter. When it comes to people she cares about she will stop at nothing to protect them. At the moment she's not able to do that but we are. If we fail at that the ass chewing and beating we would receive would be something to be written in the history books. I can promise you that."

"She is protective that is for sure." Alex said with the first genuine smile on her face since she entered the apartment.

She allowed her mind to wander to a case where a man had charged off the witness stand at her. She stood in the spot frozen and terrified as she tried her best to keep her composure intact. Before she even could register what was happening Olivia had jumped the railing that separated the lawyer's tables from the spectators, as they often called them, and closed line the man. Before the bailiff could even make his way to her she had flipped the man over and wrenched her cuffs onto the man's wrist. She seemed to take great pleasure in hearing the man scream as she did so.

"I want to know something though." Fin said pulling her from her thoughts.

"What is that?" Alex said as she stood to top off her coffee silently asking him if he would like some more as well.

He nodded yes as he moved his cup to her to allow her to fill it and re take her seat before continuing.

"Why did you feel safe enough on letting Olivia know your situation and not the rest of us? Alex we don't judge. Never have and never will."

"Actually I didn't tell her." Alex said remorsefully as she looked away "She accidently found out on her own and I begged her not to tell anyone."

"That explains it then." Fin answered willing to leave it at that "So are there any errands or anything of the nature you need to do today?"

Alex turned and stared at Fin for a minute shocked at his response but then quickly remember how they were. If you told them something and asked for it to never be repeated then it wouldn't be, even under threats of death. If anything was ever said between them it was always taken at face value never any questions asked. If they were, they were done silently and never voiced out loud.

"Alex our job is all about discretion. When it comes to the five of us, we are firm believes in never repeating what is told to us in confidence if we can avoid it all costs."

"I know I guess I'm still getting used to it." Alex said as she stood and started to walk into the living room "Come on let's get this day over with."

"You're the boss.' Fin said smiling as he quickly followed Alex out of the apartment

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**A/N: Look's like Fin is out for blood on Jessica now as well. Rule number 1 in Law Enforcement You mess with one you mess with us all and believe me that's never in your favor. I know the questions are still running through your head. Will Olivia wake up and who is the mysterious "girlfriend" I promise to answer those soon. Thank you so much for the reviews and please keep them coming. **


	21. Frustrations

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update but life had to intervene. I hope everyone enjoys the chapter and as always reviews are welcomed.**

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If Munch had thought it would do any good he would have gladly beaten the computer with his fist. He had been researching Jessica Johnson for the last few hours and was unable to come up with anything. There had been no activity on her social for the last two months, no tax returns filed for the last two years and the only driver license on file had been suspended almost two years ago, as well, for a failure to appear warrant, on a felony drug possession charge, that was still valid.

The only physical address on file for her was for a building that had been torn down at least five years before she ever registered at the address. Munch shook hi s head you had to love the government at times. Her mailing address was a P.O. Box at a mail and more in the South Bronx that was frequently used by every low life imaginable. Over the years and several investigations every detective had discovered that they rented more boxes than they actually had. If you ever questioned the clerk on duty it was always the same response _hey man I don't know they paid for like six months in advance in cash when I wasn't here. _

Just like every other avenue of research that he used and went down this too was a dead end. It was almost as if she had dropped off the face of the earth. Had this been any other case or victim he would have let his mind run rampant on one of his many conspiracy theories that he had. The one that seemed to be prominent in his mind though was she was a spook. This wasn't a regular case or victim so for once he kept his thoughts too himself.

"What do you have?" Morales asked walking in.

"Nothing" Munch said flipping the screen off "I'm working on an old case. I had gotten a new lead but turned out to be another dead end."

"Here" Morales said walking over to the screen and inserting a disk "Let me show you what I have on Olivia's shooter."

"Please tell me they smiled for the camera."

"Unfortunately no." Morales said disappointed as the screen came to life "But here they are getting out of a vehicle that was parked to the side. A few frames later there they are with their gun pulled."

"At Olivia."

"Just to make sure I ran the camera's side by side." He stated opening another window on the screen "Here is Olivia when Alex bumps into her. Now if we watch them together then we see the assailant pulling the gun and Olivia shoving Alex to safety. The assailant is shouting something but there is no audio. Here we see Olivia look toward Alex's direction and the assailant fire their gun."

"Damn it was as if they were waiting for her to be distracted."

"Only way to get her."

"So where is the frame that shows us the shooters face?" Munch asked.

'There isn't one."

"Then why did you feel the urge to show me Olivia getting shot on tape."

"Because of this." Morales said pointing back at the screen "The street cam's images are too grainy to get any detail from them. At one point it looked as if they looked right at the camera before getting in the vehicle. I thought I would use the street cameras to follow the vehicle to see where it would lead us."

"Please tell me that lead us somewhere."

"It did. About a mile up they ran a red light and that activated the camera which captured their license plate."

"I never thought I would say this but for once I'm glad big brother is watching us." Munch said as he started typing the license plate into the computer.

"No need to trace it detective, I already have and it was reported stolen this morning about an hour before the shooting."

"Then what is the purpose of this display then?"

"For this." Morales said with a smile coming across his face "The car comes to a stop here and the driver gets out. We follow her on the cameras into this store, The Stop and Shop. Believe me detective I have shopped there several times and when I say they have cameras on every aisle and corner of the store I'm not exaggerating."

"That is the best news I've heard so far." Munch said reaching for his phone and hitting the speed dial button.

"We've got it Captain" Munch said as soon as he heard Cragen answer "Morales was able to follow her on the streets and to a store called The Stop and Shop. He says they have camera's covering every inch of that store and with any luck we should be able to get a clear image of her from their cameras."

"I'll meet you there." Cragen said quickly disconnecting the call.

In less than twenty minutes Munch was pacing in front of the store waiting on Cragen. He was just about to enter the store without Cragen when he pulled up. He simply nodded as he opened the door and followed Cragen into the store.

"Ma'am, I'm Captain Cragen with the Special victims Unit" He said showing her his credentials "I need to speak to the store manager immediately please."

The girl who looked like she couldn't be more than twenty years old popped her gum before reaching for a paging system.

"Jessica you're needed to the front please." She said before turning the system off.

The two men looked at each other with the same thought running through their mind. There was no way this could be the same Jessica they were searching for? That would be too easy.

"Hello gentlemen I'm Jessica" A female who only appeared to be a few years older than the cashier said as she approached "How can I help you?"

"I'm Captain Cragen and this is Detective Munch with the Special Victims Unit. If you don't mind what is your last name?"

"Chandler."

"Miss. Chandler yesterday at approximately 1330 hours there was a person that entered this store after abandoning a stolen vehicle. We would like to obtain your security footage to get a clear picture of the suspect."

"All of this for a stolen vehicle? When my Honda was stolen it didn't get this type of attention."

"No ma'am the person we're hoping to get a picture of is also a suspect in another crime."

"So that explains it." She answered with a smile "You can have all the footage you want as soon as you show me a warrant."

"Excuse me?"

"Show me a warrant and you can have everything that is listed no questions asked. Until then forget it. Big brother has his hands in too many things as it is no. Automatically allowing you to have the tapes just gives the government a bigger hold."

"That will not be a problem ma'am. This detective will stay here till I return with a warrant in about an hour. He will be here to make sure that you or a member of your staff doesn't erase the tape. Please understand if you tamper with those tapes you will be arrested and charged with Obstruction and destruction of evidence. Do you understand?"

"I do."

"Good" Cragen said as he turned toward Munch "Have her show you where the security room is and post guard outside of it. I want no one in or out of it till I return."

"Follow me then detective" Jessica said as she turned to head toward the security room and Cragen quickly left the building.


	22. Warrant

"Cabot" Alex said as she answered her phone terrified of what she might hear when she saw Cragen's number on her caller ID. How she managed to maintain a steady voice full of confidence could only be attributed to years of being a top notch lawyer.

"_Alex we need a warrant." Cragen said the second he heard her voice. _

"A warrant?" Alex asked glancing at Fin who just shrugged his shoulders "For what?"

"_In an attempt to identify the shooter Morales pulled all the traffic cam's. Unfortunely we were unable to get a picture of good quality. So Morales used all the traffic cams to keep an eye on the perp. In doing so he watched the shooter enter the store The Stop and Shop. When we arrived and asked for their tapes the manager stated with a warrant only. We need it to get a crystal clear picture of the shooter."_

"Are you sure it is the same person who he witnessed on camera shooting Olivia?" She asked even though truth be told she didn't give a damn if it was or wasn't. It was a lead which was more than they had since the shooting yesterday.

"_He is."_

"Not a problem Captain I will get it and meet you there."

"_Thank you."_

Alex hung the phone up and looked at Fin whose eyes were filled with questions.

"Morales used the traffic cam's to follow Olivia's shooter till she entered the store The Stop and Shop. When Munch and Cragen arrived and asked for the tapes the manger said only with a warrant."

"Which judge do you want me to take you to?" Fin asked as he turned the car around to head toward the court house.

"Petrovsky should be in now."

Fin nodded as he gunned the gas a little harder wanting to get to the court house as quick as possible.

"Detective can I ask you something?" Alex asked unsure if she really wanted to know the answer to what she was going to ask or not. But it had been gnawing at her since the hospital.

"Anything Alex." Fin said turning onto Pearl Street.

"Do you think that blonde at the hospital this morning is really Olivia's girlfriend or was that possibly the person who shot her?"

"Who Stacia?" He asked not realizing what he said.

"You know her name?"

"I do Alex" Fin said as he parked the car and looked at her "Because at one time her and Olivia was dating. I was under the impression that Olivia had broken it off with her a few months ago but to be totally honest with you I don't know if she did or didn't."

"Oh" Alex mumbled as she turned and looked out the window feeling her hear t shatter even more. "Why didn't anyone else know?"

"I'm not sure I was supposed to know either."

Alex turned her head quickly and looked at him with a confused expression

"I was out on a date one evening when I ran into Olivia and Stacia." Fin explained

"Because you saw her out with a woman you assumed they were dating? Detective you know better than to jump to conclusions."

"Well" Fin said not really wanting to hurt the ADA more than what she already was no matter how hard she tried to hide it "Let's just say there was no denying they were together."

"I see." Alex almost choked out as she began to open the car door but stopped. "What makes you think that they had broken up?"

"Just a couple of months ago I had asked her if they would like to join me and Jane on a romantic midnight cruise around the Statue of Liberty. She had thanked me for the offer but would have to decline because they were no longer together."

"Now I'm confused Fin if she told you they were no longer together then how are you not sure if they are or are not together now?"

"Because about two weeks ago I was out and saw them together. They were having dinner at a nice little cozy restaurant." Fin said deciding honesty would be the best way to go "they were holding hands and Stacia had leaned over and given Olivia a kiss. Seeing that I thought maybe they had resolved their issues or decided to give it a second chance."

"Then why didn't you speak up when she arrived at the hospital?"

"Because I don't know for sure and until I do I will keep my mouth shut. Then the icing on the cake I'm not sure how much of her personal life she wants everyone to know. Until she's awake and can tell me I will be the stupidest detective you have ever met."

"Odafin Tutuola you are a lot of things but stupid certainly isn't one of them." Alex said laughing as she stepped out of the car.

Alex and Fin arrived at Petrovsky's chambers just as she was preparing to leave for court. Alex asked if she could sign a search warrant quickly and explained what the situation was. She glanced at Fin and asked him to raise his right hand and swear to the warrant. Without a second thought he raised his right hand and swore that everything was true to the best his knowledge. She signed the warrant and then folded it handing it to Fin.

"Between the three of us in this room and these walls I pray that the low life that shot Detective Benson decides to go out in a blaze of glory and save the tax payers some money."

"We all do your honor." Fin said as he took the warrant from her and led Alex from the office.

Alex and Fin made it to the car as quickly as they could and peeled out from the court house parking lot. As he turned the corner he quickly placed his light on the roof and flipped the switch. She grabbed her cell phone and called Cragen back letting him know they were on their way and they had the warrant.

Alex took a deep shaky breath as she stepped out of the car and tried to calm her nerves. She had never been so thankful to be sitting still as she was at that moment. She knew that officers went through an extensive driving course at the academy and after what she just experienced she could only imagine what that entailed.

"Here you go Captain." Alex said handing him the warrant "It is for all security tapes from twenty four hours before the shooting till now."

"Thank you." He said starting to turn but was stopped by Fin.

"Want me to stay for it?" Fin asked

"No you're her detail for now. Besides the only thing we are going to do is seize the tapes and take them to Morales. He already has a time line set up and knows what to look for. That way the only time we will be wasting is the drive back to TARU and him setting it up."

"Yes sir." Fin said as he watched Cragen turn and almost run into the store. One look at Alex he knew they were both saying the same prayer. Please lord let there be a useable picture so they could finally have a face to put on a would be cold blooded cop killer.

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**A/N:** **I know everyone is anxious about what is happening with Olivia. There are about two more chapters and then we will start to learn more about Olivia. Please just bare with me I promise all questions will be answered. Now some questions about the mystery blonde that showed up have been answered.**


	23. Suspect discovered

"It would have been nice if we could have skipped the dog and pony show" Munch said as he placed the box of tapes in the trunk "Right now is not the time to worry if big brother is over stepping his bounds."

Cragen cocked his head to the side and stared at Munch in amazement. There was no way Munch, the king of conspiracy theories, was saying not to worry about big brother right now. Hell every opening he had he would point out how it smelled like a conspiracy theory when they worked a case.

'What?" Munch asked seeing the look Cragen was giving him.

"Nothing it's just out of the ordinary to hear you say something like that."

"Well she just cost us precious time on locating and apprehending Olivia's shooter."

Cragen reached up and squeezed the detectives shoulder before giving him a slight nod. Munch had never been one to outright show any emotions or feelings. Years as a homicide detective in Philadelphia and three divorces had taught him to compartmentalize better than an officer he had ever met. Any pain, anger, or any emotion he ever felt was expressed with his dry humor and numerous conspiracy theories. They all knew it, which was why they tolerated his wild off the wall rants at times. So to hear him say there was no need to worry about big brother told Cragen exactly how bad the shooting had affected him.

"Take these tapes to Morales and let him work his magic" Cragen said after a few minutes of silence "Once you drop them off head home and get a decent meal, a hot shower, and some sleep. I'm going to head to the hospital and give Elliot the same opportunity."

"I'm good Capt." Munch said as he slammed the trunk closed "I'll get a bite after I drop the tapes off with Morales and take a shower and nap at the precinct."

"Munch" He started to say but stopped with the shaking of his head.

"Every second we're not looking for this low life is every second they are a step ahead of us. I'll rest once we catch the bastard or read him his last rites."

"Be careful." Cragen said as he turned and headed for his car. It was times like these that he greatly appreciated the dedication his officer's had to not only the job but each other as well.

Munch used lights and sirens all the way to TARU and dropped the tapes off to Morales. He instructed Morales that this was top priority, not that he needed to, and he was to be notified immediately if he obtained any pictures or information from them. Once that was completed he quickly made his way back to the precinct. After a quick shower in their locker room he literally drug himself into the crib and fell onto a bed, within seconds he out like a light getting some well overdue sleep.

He felt as if he had only been asleep when he was being woken by someone. Whoever was waking him from some much needed sleep better have a damn good reason.

"Munch wake up I have it." Morales repeated again. As bad as he wanted to walk over and shake Munch away he knew better than to place his hands on him. It wasn't just because he knew Munch hated to be touched but because the last thing anyone ever wanted to do was wake an officer by shaking him. He had made that mistake not long after he had started with Olivia and found himself on the business end of her Glock. A mistake he vowed to never make again.

"What?" Munch asked throwing his legs over the side of the bed

"I have the picture of the shooter."

"About damn time." Munch said standing forgetting his need for sleep as he headed out of the crib to see what Morales had.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Fin fell back against the couch and pinched the bridge of his nose. It had gotten to the point of all the words and letters running together after spending all day in Alex's office working on his backlog of paper while Alex did the same. The one thing he had come to realize was that he had a new found respect for the attorney and what she did daily.

"Are you ok detective?" Alex asked as she looked up from the brief she was currently working on.

"Yeah everything just seems to be running together." He said as he rolled his head from side to side trying to work out the soreness he felt building "I have no clue how you do this on a daily basis."

"Actually you get used to it after a while." She said closing the file and stretching behind the desk "I haven't had a day of straight paperwork since I clerked in law school though. For over a year all I did was research and preparing briefs. I know that first year I felt just like you do know."

"Believe me when I say I have a new found respect for you and your job."

"Thank you Fin." She said smiling. "If you want you can take a break and stretch your legs."

"Want to move around?"

"Actually I'm fine but I can't imagine how sitting all day as affected you."

"Driving me up a wall." Fin said as he stood and stretched "But the bright side is that I am now caught up on my DD5's and that will never happen again."

"I think I would have a better shot at pulling teeth without Novocain when it comes to getting DD5's from Olivia." Alex said laughing as she remembered one of their many fights over the paperwork.

"It's not exactly high up on or list."

"Who are you telling detective. I called her one time for it and she informed me that there were more precious things to do than the damn paperwork I wanted."

"That must have been the day you came storming in the precinct and informed her that what you had to do and needed was just as precious as what she was doing."

"Oh you remember that?"

"Remember it" Fin said as he looked at the ground "Hell to date I think that had to be one of the hottest fights you two have ever had. Just put that passion in the bedroom and oh yeah."

"ODAFIN TUTUOLA" Alex almost screamed but managed to control herself.

"What?" He said with a little cocky smile "I'm just stating the obvious."

"Do you men ever get your mind out of the bed room when you see two women fighting?"

"What's the fun in that?"

Alex just laughed as she leaned back in the chair. "Let's head to the station and see what Munch and Cragen have?"

When Fin and Alex walked into the bull pen Munch, Cragen, and Morales was all standing around the electronic station staring at a picture on the screen. As they neared the screen and Alex was able to get a closer look at the picture she felt the blood drain from her face and before she could stop herself a blood-curdling scream rip from her lips.

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**A/N: Oh yeah another cliff hanger. Sorry ;) **


	24. It's Official

All three men jumped at the sound of Alex screaming and several uniformed officers rushed into the bull pen with weapons drawn. Cragen who could always think fast on his feet told them everything was ok that she saw a rat. Which technically he wasn't lying she did see a rat but it wasn't the four legged type.

"Alex relax" Fin whispered using the same voice he used at the apartment when she was trapped in a flashback. "You're at the precinct and you're safe."

"That's Jessica" She said more to herself than anyone else "She shot Olivia."

Cragen and Munch looked at each other as their worse fear was confirmed. Deep in the gut they had a feeling that it was related to Alex but silently prayed that they were wrong. They were hoping that they it was an inmate that was out for revenge. They knew that that theory would keep her from blaming herself.

"I need to leave. I have to get out of here." Alex said as she spun around and sprinted for the door.

"Alex Alex wait" Fin hollered as he took off after her.

"Please Fin just leave." Alex said as she stopped and turned around to face him "This is my problem. I brought this on myself and deserve every bit of it. You guys on the other hand do not. Olivia is hanging on by a thread and that is because of me. I will not have another officer give their life because of me."

"That's not your decision to make. It's ours and its one we made when we chose this profession and it was a sealed deal the day we graduated and took our oath."

"IT'S NOT YOUR DECISION." Alex screamed "I WILL NOT BE THE CAUSE OF HAVING TO BURY ONE OF YOU."

"Then do it for Olivia." He said in the same calm voice that he had used since this morning "If you truly care for her the way that we know you do then do it for her."

Alex opened her mouth and closed it quickly. Do it for Olivia. Didn't he understand that her leaving was for her? As long as she stayed she was endanger. They all were in danger and she be damned if she would do that either. There was no way in hell she would endure the looks that she knew she would receive from Olivia if she caused the death of the only family she had left.

"Forget it Alex and get every thought of leaving out of your head." Fin said knowing the look in her eyes all too well.

"Fin.."

"Come with me." He said as he gently guided her from the building and to the squad car. He was thankful when she allowed him to seat her in the car and buckle her in. Without saying a word he slid in behind the wheel and drove a path that was becoming all too familiar to him in the last twenty four hours.

"Why are we here?" Alex asked when her brain registered where he stopped at.

Fin just glanced over at her as he got out of the car never saying a word. He walked around and opened her door extending his hand to assist her in getting out of the car.

"I asked you a question detective" Alex said as she accepted the assistance Fin offered "Why are we here?"

Fin never said a word and just smiled at her before guiding her through the hospital and into the elevator. He stood next to her in the elevator and when other people began to get on the elevator he pulled her tight against him. Once they reached Olivia's floor he guided her out of the elevator and down the hallway.

He stopped at Olivia's door and showed his identification to the guard at the door. He also vouched for Alex to keep her from having to dig around in her purse for her departmental ID. When he opened the door he nodded at Elliot to leave the room for a minute. Elliot's nodded could barely be seen as he agreed and stood to leave the room.

Once Fin was sure the door was shut behind Elliot and they were alone he turned Alex toward Olivia and made sure she was staring at the brown hair detective.

"That right there should be reason enough for you to stay." Fin almost whispered "Take one look at her and tell me you can leave her. Tell me you don't love her like the way we all know you do. That walking away is the best thing for you and her."

"She has someone." Alex choked out as she began to cry.

"And, if that's true then fight for her. Show her how you feel about her. I have nothing against Stacia she seemed like a nice person when I met her and who knows her and Olivia may get along great but she belongs with you."

"I may be a lot of things detective but I am not and I will not be a home wrecker." Alex whispered as she slowly moved forward without even realizing it.

Fin smiled as he watched Alex. "Call it what you want but if you ask me it's not home wrecking if it's two hearts that belong together becoming one."

Alex carefully sat on the bed next to Olivia and gently caressed her face. There was no denying the instant relaxation that transformed her body or the smile that tweaked at the corners of her mouth.

"Will she ever forgive me?" Alex asked as she tore her eyes from Olivia and looked at Fin.

"For what?"

"Not telling her about my situation? Not going to her for help?"

"Alex" he answered as he stepped forward and sat in the chair closet to both of the women "In this field we have worked with victims since our first day on the street. We have learned that you can't help someone till they are willing to help themselves. The number one rule is you never blame the victim."

"Fin thank you." Alex said as she reached down and took his hand in hers and squeezed it.

"I will leave you two ladies alone so I can brief Elliot." Fin said standing suddenly feeling like a third wheel "There is an armed guard right outside the door. If you decide to leave have him call me ok."

"I would like to stay here if that's ok."

"More than ok." Fin said as he headed to the door stopping to take a brief look at the two ladies before walking out the door. He couldn't help but laugh at the irony of him having to stop Alex from running instead of Olivia.

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**A/N: I had every intention of updating last night but between the shooting in CT and the none stop drunks and combatives I dealt with last night Life had other plans. To everyone who had reviewed, favorited, or followed this story you guys sure do know how to make a bad day somewhat good. Thank you so much. So it is official that it was Jess that shot our favorite detective. Now to deal with that pesky girlfriend of Olivia's. **


	25. Waking

It had been two weeks since that day that Fin had helped her open her eyes as she liked to call it. Her life had become a routine of sorts since that day as well. She spent her days in the court room and her evenings in Olivia's room preparing for trial. Fin or Munch would always show up around nine to escort her home and stay with her. The rest of the time she had an assigned uniformed officer that shadowed her. She could only imagine the type of background investigation they had endured from Captain Cragen before being chosen. True to his word the officer was lead to believe that she was assigned the protective detail because she was with Olivia at the time of the shooting and it was a precaution since they were uncertain who the actual target was and the motive behind it.

Then one week ago Fin had arrived in the middle of the day with orders from Cragen to bring her to the hospital. As soon as he had told her that she almost panicked but Fin assured her that everything was ok. All he was told was the doctor wanted to meet with Elliot and Cragen to discuss the next step of her treatment. Alex was shocked and asked why she was called for since they had power of attorney of her medical affairs. Fin had laughed when she asked him this and informed her that even though they may have medical power of attorney they wanted her included in the decision that was made.

With fear and worry like she had never experienced before she entered Olivia's room with the same confidence that she entered the courtroom on a daily basis. Elliot and Cragen was waiting for her and instantly paged Dr. Mathews. He arrived within a few minutes and informed her that he would like to stop the medication that was keeping her in a medically induced coma. For the most part the majority of her injuries had healed to where she would still be in pain but nothing like she was. He also pointed out that the longer they kept her under the harder it would possibly be for her to come out of the coma. After a brief discussion everyone agreed that it was for the best. Dr. Mathews thanked them for their time and instantly wrote the order to stop the medication. Before leaving the room he did remind them that there was no guarantee that she would wake up because they weren't sure how much of the coma she was in was actually medically induced.

For two days straight Alex never left her side just in case Olivia had woken up even for a brief moment. It was during those two days that she had considered her options concerning Olivia. The one thing she had come to realize was that as much as she wanted to deny it she couldn't, she loved Olivia with all her heart and had for a while. The more she came to terms with it the more she realized that as much as she hated the title of a home wrecker when it came to Olivia she didn't care. She wanted and needed the brown haired beauty in her life and was willing to give Stacia a run for her money.

This was why she went to Captain Cragen and informed him of what she had discovered about Stacia and asked him to track her down. He had looked at her funny and asked why she would want to do that. She did her best to explain how she felt and why she wanted Stacia to have the time with Olivia. She was determined that if she was going to fight for Olivia that the very least she could possibly do was make it a fair fight. Not that that really mattered because everyone knew that nothing was ever fair in love and war.

It took him a couple of days but Cragen had informed her that with the help of Fin they were able to track her down and informed her that they were able to substantiate the claim of her being Olivia's girlfriend, at least to an extent. Since the evidence they had had pointed to them having been in a relationship but had broken up. With some further investigation they were able to discover what appeared to have been reconciliation between the two ladies and they were willing to place her on the allowed visitor list. Stacia had been overjoyed at the discovery and immediately went to see Olivia.

Since she was now on the list Alex did her best not to run into the woman. Yes she had every intention of doing what she could to call Olivia hers but she had no intentions of rubbing salt into an open wound. Most days after court she would call ahead to Olivia's assigned guard and find out if Stacia was visiting or not. If she wasn't immediately after court Alex would have her detail take her to the hospital and then would dismiss them. From that time on she would sit in Olivia's room going over her work or watching TV until one of the guys would show up to take her home and stay with her.

Today was no exception to any other day except that court had ran over and that infuriated her beyond belief. Deep down she knew she had to see Olivia. Why she didn't know.

"_Officer Ramirez" The officer said answering the phone that was issued to them and passed on at shift change to the officer relieving them._

"Ramirez this is ADA Cabot. Is Detective Benson alone?" She said pacing her office.

"_Yes Ma'am and she has been for the last two hours."_

"I take it since I had not received a phone call that there has been no change in her situation?"

"_That is correct ma'am." Ramirez answered knowing he would rather face a rip or loss of his job than to deal with the anger of the blonde hair attorney. He had been warned by many officers to make sure to do as she asked otherwise there would be no telling what type of ass chewing he would encounter. Hell he was shocked when the nurses bent over backwards for her._

"Very well." Alex answered as she stopped pacing and sat down in her chair leaning back "It will be about twenty minutes before I can leave here and head that way. I am stopping on my way though to grab some dinner what would you like to eat?"

"_Where are you planning on stopping ma'am?" Ramirez asked having learned the hard way on his first shift on refusing dinner from the attorney._

"I am stopping at the deli to grab a sandwich but I will stop any where you would like."

"_The deli is fine with me ma'am I would like a roast beef sub with lettuce, tomato, pickles, black olives, oil and vinegar with light mayo and mustard."_

"Very well" Alex answered as she folded the paper she had just written the officer's order on and placed it in her jacket pocket "I should be there in about an hour give or take."

"_Yes ma'am" Ramirez answered as he hung up._

It was almost an hour later when Alex was able to breathe a sigh of relief when her detail pulled up to the entrance of the hospital. They parked in the spot marked for police cars only and silently escorted the attorney to the detective's floor.

"Officer Ramirez here is your dinner and I wish not to be disturbed till either Fin or Munch arrives do you understand?" Alex asked handing him his dinner as she walked on into the room.

"Yes ma'am I do but…" He started to say but was cut off when she entered the room and shut the door behind her. Oh lord he knew he was about to lose his shield in about thirty seconds. In all fairness though she had not waited to hear what he had to tell her though so it wasn't entirely his fault.

"Let me tell you about..." Alex started to say but stopped when she realized that she was not alone in the room like usual. Instead she was staring into a pair of brown eyes that she had began to wonder if she would ever see again. That normally would have made her jump for joy except for the fact that she was staring into those eyes over the shoulder of the blonde haired woman hugging her.

"Alex" Olivia croaked out as she watched the woman she loved drop her briefcase and run from the room when Stacia turned around to face her.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the wait but Olivia is now finally awake. Hopefully we can see the full extent of her injuries now. Although please remember that I know nothing Medically expect what I have learned from ER, Grey's Anatomy and such. If any of the information is wrong please forgive me. I do research it to the best of my abilities. As always reviews are welcomed.**


	26. Stacia

Stacia looked from the brunette detective to the door and then back to her. She had truly believed that there was no one more hard headed than Olivia but the two run ins she had had with Alex led her to believe she was wrong. She smiled as she leaned forward and kissed Olivia's forehead.

"I'll be back in a few minutes." She said as she stood and left the room.

Alex quickly walked down the hallway and stopped at the elevator. She continuously punched the button of the elevator in an attempt to make it arrive faster. She had the thought of with all the money they received from her the least they could do would put in faster running elevators. She was just about to give up and head toward the stairs when a hand reached out and grabbed her. She screamed before she could stop herself. She was spun around and found herself staring into a set of grey eyes.

"Alex stop." Stacia said. She opened her mouth to speak again when she felt something cold and hard being pressed into the back of her head.

"Unless you want to meet your maker at this moment I suggest you release your hold on ADA Cabot at this moment."

Alex stared at Stacia and the glanced at her protective detail. Why were they still here? She had dismissed them for the evening when she had arrived. As she stood there staring at Officer Rogers she had a moment where she considered ordering them to shoot her but then she hated herself for that thought. Not only because that wasn't who she was but because if this is who Olivia truly wanted she would never forgive herself for hurting Olivia by taking her from her.

"Lower your weapon Rogers" Alex finally said "This is Stacia, Detective Benson's girlfriend."

"Ex-girlfriend" Stacia said with a smile as she saw the look of confusion pass over Alex's face.

"What?"

"I'm her ex-girlfriend" Stacia repeated with a smile "I would like to buy you a cup of coffee to explain everything."

"I thought you two were together?" Alex mumbled

"We were till a certain blonde woman started working as her ADA." Stacia answered as she guided Alex onto the elevator and punched the button for the cafeteria.

She stared at the blonde and had to shake her head. She had heard Olivia talk about her and how she felt about her but how it could never be returned. How she didn't look at her in the manner that she looked at her. Stacia couldn't help but laugh to herself. For a detective when it came to matters of the heart she was pretty dense.

Alex was trying to grasp what Stacia was telling her. That she was her Ex-girlfriend. If that was true what was it that Fin had seen? Could it just have been as bad as it sounded a simple booty call? That didn't seem like the Olivia she had come to know and fall for though. But then again each person has a dark side.

The elevator stopped on the ground floor and both women walked silently into the cafeteria and fixed a cup of coffee to their liking before finding a table to sit at. Alex stared into her coffee cup for a few minutes till she finally looked up at the woman across from her.

"I'm sorry I caused your breakup" Alex said suddenly feeling very low for what she had caused. It looked like she was a home wrecker after all and she hated that.

"Honey don't worry about it." Stacia said as she reached across the table and patted Alex on the hand "It was what it was. We dated other people and the first time she told me about you I knew that was it. We had fun while we were together but her heart wasn't mine. It never was."

"I never thought she was interested in me." Alex said with a smile "Let me rephrase that. I thought she was for a while. I mean she flirted and everything and then suddenly she stopped coming to see me. It was like she was trying to avoid me."

"It had taken a while but I had finally convinced her to go ask you out. For some unknown reason Liv doesn't believe she is deserving of love. But moving on, from what I could gather her and Elliot had needed to get a warrant or something from you and found you having dinner with a low life scum sucking bottom feeder Trevor Langen. At least that's what she called him."

"A business dinner" Alex groaned was she ever going to live down having dinner with him.

"Well she thought it was more." Stacia informed her "That hurt her, a lot. I tried to get her to talk to you but once she saw that she thanked god she didn't, as she put it, make a total ass of herself. "

"That must have been when Fin saw you."

"Fin?"

"Short story Fin knew the truth about you guys but thought you had broken up till he saw you two at a restaurant."

"Yet you told Cragen I was her girlfriend. Why? I can see you care for her. Hell a blind man can tell that."

"Because her happiness is what matters the most to me. Make no mistake, I want to be the one that puts a smile on her face and the one she cries too when she has a bad day. If for some reason it's not me I want it to be someone she truly loves. I want her to have all the happiness she deserves and then some. Why did you say you were her girlfriend when you arrived at the hospital?"

"Because I thought that was the only way I could see her. I had no clue I would be denied by her Captain. I may no longer be her lover but I am her friend."

"What you said about Elliot?"

"She had made the comment about what she feared Elliot would say or do if he discovered she was gay. She said she couldn't stand to lose him because, him and the guys are her only family left."

"I know." Alex said as she finished her coffee "Listen I never meant to be a home wrecker and I truly am sorry about everything between you and Liv that may be my fault."

"Miss. Cabot don't be." Stacia said as she stood and they headed toward the elevator. "We had what we had and it was good while we lasted. But I am a firm believer that there is someone for everyone and that someone for Olivia is you. I am very thankful that she was respectful enough to come to me and be up front and honest about how she feels. It was because of that we were able to maintain a friendship. One that I would prefer not to lose but I understand if you have a problem with it."

"I understand" Alex said as she stepped onto the elevator "Now that I know the truth on everything I have no problem with you two remaining friends. Actually I wouldn't mind it at all."

"Thank you Alex." Stacia said as she stopped at Olivia's door and looked back at Alex in time to see her walking away.

Olivia looked up with a smile on her face when she heard her door open. Her face fell when she realized it wasn't the blonde she wanted to see.

* * *

**A/N: Another cliff hanger. Please don't hate me just yet. To everyone who is leaving me reviews thank you so much. I have said it before and I will say it again. You guy's really know how to raise someones spirit when they are down and boost an ego as well. **


	27. Surprised

"Hey don't look so happy to see me." Stacia said with a smile on her face as she reentered Olivia's room.

"I'm sorry I was just hoping that…" Olivia started to say but looked away instead.

"It was Alex coming through the door" Stacia said finishing the unspoken statement.

"Yeah I guess it's like I said I don't have a chance." Olivia said as she tried to keep her tears from falling.

"If that's how you feel detective I can leave now" Alex said stepping into the room dreading what she had to tell Olivia.

Olivia spun her head around and winced at the pain that shot through her. Silently she prayed she was hallucinating and not going to make a fool of herself. Hell for the past week in her drug induced sleep she could hear the blonde talking to her on a regular basis. Sometimes telling her about the cases she was prosecuting other times just rambling about nothing. As she came to a short time earlier and saw Stacia sitting in the chair beside her and knew everything she had heard was her imagination.

"Please stay." Olivia almost pleaded.

Alex smiled as she walked beside Olivia's bed. For a minute Olivia thought she was going to sit in the chair beside her bed. She sucked in a deep breath and cursed at herself inwardly when it hurt to do so when she sat on her bed instead..

"I am so sorry" Alex whispered as tears began to fall from her eyes and she gently caressed Olivia's face "This is all my fault and I hope someday you will forgive me."

Stacia stood and started to quietly leave her room when a voice stopped her.

"Stacia please stay for the next few minutes" Alex choked out "Once she hears what I have to say she may want me gone and she needs someone here. I would like that someone to be you please."

"Alex" Olivia started to say but was stopped when Alex placed a finger on her lips.

"I'm the reason you are in this bed Olivia. Do you remember when you discovered me in the bathroom?"

Olivia searched her brain and was becoming frustrated when she couldn't remember what Alex was talking about. Obviously it meant something to the blonde. That meant it was something she should know or have known.

"Relax" Alex whispered feeling Olivia becoming tense and aggravated "You have suffered some head injury so you may not remember."

Olivia nodded.

"To give you the extremely abridge version I was in an abusive relationship for years. When you feel up to it I will give you the full details if you like."

Olivia could feel her anger start to boil hearing that someone had hurt her blonde haired angel.

"The very person who abused me had also been stalking me. Apparently they were able to track me down and shoot you. I almost cost you your life because I refused to have you help me. If you don't want me here I more than understand and do not blame you. So if you want me to leave I will. It is up to you."

Stacia felt as an intruder standing there listening to everything Alex had just told Olivia. Stacia had learned from Olivia that Alex was an extremely private person and never let anyone in. She knew the price Alex was paying by telling Olivia everything. It was a price that she had no right to listen to or much less witness. She silently started to slide out the door again when Alex spun her head around and stopped her with a stare.

"Alex this is something between the two of you and not for me to listen." Stacia said answering Alex's unspoken question "I will wait in the waiting room."

"Thank you." Alex said finally starting to see what Olivia saw in her to an extent.

"I want the full story." Olivia said once Alex looked back in her direction.

"That's not something you needed to hear at the moment."

"I will decide what I want and not want to hear" Olivia growled out "Now tell me everything."

"Olivia…"

"DON'T OLIVIA ME. I WANT TO KNOW. I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW."

Alex recoiled back when Olivia started screaming. She could feel her whole body shaking and the tears to start pouring from her eyes. Instinctively Alex covered her face to shield herself from the blows that she knew would follow.

Olivia inwardly cursed herself for causing the blonde to feel fear especially fear concerning her. She would rather shoot herself than to ever have Alex fear her. She reached for and quickly withdrew her hand causing a pain to shoot through her when Alex began to plead for her to not to hurt her. At that very moment Olivia swore if she never did anything else with her life she would make damn sure that the bastard that hurt her would die a slow and painful death by her hands.

"Alex I need you to relax and look at me please." Olivia said in the most soothing voice she could use at the moment despite the pain she was in "I swear to you with everything I am I will never hurt you."

"Please, Please, Please." Alex continued to plead.

"Alex it's me Olivia. I need you to look at me please look at me."

Olivia's voice began to penetrate Alex's fear ridden haze. The more she heard Olivia's voice the more she became aware of her surroundings. Finally after taking a deep breath she looked at Olivia with shame and guilt written all over her face.

"Hey blonde" Olivia almost whispered when those blue eyes so full of terror, that it tore her heart to pieces, connected with hers eyes "Take a few deep breaths and relax for me."

Alex took a few deep controlled breaths as she stared at Olivia. As hard and as much as she wanted to look away she couldn't. Just looking into those eyes made her feel safe. She could only imagine what it would feel like to be in her arms.

"Tell me his name and he will never hurt you or another woman again." Olivia said in the calmest voice she could muster.

* * *

**A/N: Two updates in as many days. That's a record for me. For those that was shocked that Stacia eneded so nice I didn't intend for that to happen but with what has happened lately I decided not to have any arguments or fights between the two ladies and let Stacia admit defeat. Come on lets face it its not like she had a chance anyways. Thank you so much for the glowing reviews. I love them keep them coming. **


	28. Getting Comfortable

"It's time you told her everything" Fin said from where he was leaned against the wall just inside the door. He had watched the events unfold for the last few minutes not wanting to leave in case he needed to step in and pull Alex from her nightmare. Something he had managed to become extremely good at over the past month.

Both women jumped and Olivia cussed him for it. She reached for the first thing she could find and hurled it at him. He was able to duck it easily especially since it fell at least a good three feet short of its intended target.

"Fin" Alex said turning to look at him unsure if she should and wondering why he was there so early.

"We were told someone was awake and wanted to come see them." He said pushing himself from the wall. "Took you long enough there Benson."

"I'm sorry I didn't call you" Alex said realizing that she had never notified them of Olivia being awake. This meant Stacia had probably done so.

"The nurse did." Fin said as he smiled at Olivia "When she said there was a blonde in here with her we thought the best thing we could do is give you some privacy."

"I'm sure Stacia appreciated it." Alex answered with a smile "She was here I wasn't. I guess they didn't realize the need to contact me."

"I will make sure that is taken care of." Fin said turning to leave "Meanwhile tell her. I'm going to relieve your detail. I'll be waiting in the waiting room when and if you are ready to go home."

Olivia waited until the door was shut behind Fin before turning her attention back to Alex.

"I want to know who he is and why you have a detail." Olivia stated leaving no room for negotiations. This was one of the reasons that Olivia was a top detective and interrogator.

"I will I promise but let me go and let Stacia know that you haven't shoved me out the door yet."

"I think she can tell that since you haven't ran out there and told her to come in here. Stacia may be a lot of things but stupid is certainly not at the top of the list. Now tell me." Olivia said keeping her anger in check the best she could.

Alex stood and began pacing back and forth in the room. She had had this conversation in her head at least a million times. Of course each with the same outcome. Olivia standing and pulling her too her whispering everything would be ok and declaring her undying love for her. Hey a girl can dream right and truthfully she blamed Hollywood for the last part of her dream. If it wasn't for them she wouldn't still believe in happy endings.

Olivia followed Alex with her eyes silently willing her to confess everything to her. She not only needed but had to know who was hurting her. She may have been laid up in the hospital but she had plenty of brother and sisters in blue that would help her out. Hell she still kept in touch with some officers from her old precinct she worked at before becoming a detective. The amount of favors they owed her was beyond anyone's imagination. Simply telling them the man hurting her was the one that put her in here would be enough for them to seek blood and revenge. But first she needed a name to give them.

"Alex his name please." Olivia almost pleaded.

"You know court ran over today." Alex said as she ran her hands through her hair "That's why I was late getting here. Why I wasn't the one here when you came too."

"I understand about court. How many times have I've been there for what was supposed to be an hour or two and it ends up all day." Olivia said going with the flow. She had learned over the years that to get a victim to talk was much like getting a suspect to confess. If they started to ramble or talk about something insignificant let them and join the conversation where you could. Eventually they would feel comfortable enough to tell you everything you needed and wanted to know.

"Damn Langen decided at the last minute to throw a motion to suppress some evidence that he's known about since the charges were brought against his client."

"What evidence?"

"His DNA. The one thing that seals his fate. He's saying it was obtained illegally and therefore fruit of the poisonous tree."

"Was it?"

"What" Alex asked as she stopped pacing and stared at Olivia.

"I asked was it?"

"You tell me you collected the evidence did you obtain it illegally?"

"What case?"

"The Phillips case."

"NO I did not. I asked if he would submit to a DNA test he stated he would love to because it would prove his innocence. I guess it didn't work out in his favor."

"No it didn't and now that worthless lying backstabbing Langen is trying to toss it because he realizes it's the only way to get his client off."

"Hey you were the one who had a dinner date with him." Olivia said trying to turn the conversation personal in hopes of getting the information she wanted and needed.

"A BUSINESS DINNER" Alex ground out as she stopped pacing and glared at Olivia from the foot of the bed "What you saw that night was a business dinner. He asked me to dinner to invite me to his law firm. The same as he does every year and will probably continue to do so until he catches the hint or I kill him. I'm not sure which one will come first but hopefully one or the other."

"A business dinner?"

"Yes Olivia it was a business dinner and nothing more. The same thing it is at least three other times during the year, a business dinner."

Olivia somewhat smiled as she discovered this information. So the infamous dinner that sealed her fate of asking Alex out was a business dinner. If she dressed like that for a business dinner she could only imagine how hot she would look for a date. Olivia had to bite the inside of her mouth to keep from groaning out loud.

"Alex please tell me his name." Olivia said hoping that she wasn't misreading the signals and not jumping the gun. "I swear to you he will never hurt you again."

"I can't" Alex answered as she walked around the bed and sat by Olivia while staring at the floor "I can't tell you his name because it isn't a man but I can tell you her name."

* * *

**A/N: Slowly ever so slowly we are getting there. You have to work a victim much the same way you have to a perp. Let them hit that comfort level and then they will tell you everything. Its a slow process. I hope everyone has enjoyed this chapter and as always reviews are welcomed.**


	29. confessing

"Her name?" Olivia stuttered her injuries had to mess with her hearing as well "Did you say her name?"

"Yes her name." Alex said looking up at Olivia. She tried her hardest not to laugh at the look on her face. It was a mixture of hope, confusion, and pain. All of which she was responsible for and that tore her to pieces "Olivia I am gay."

Olivia opened her mouth and closed it several times before finally closing it and keeping it closed. Of all the confessions she had imagine coming from her this was not one of them. She had finally wrapped her mind around Alex being straight and her never having a chance. Then she throws this at her. What was she suppose to say to do.

"The dinner." Olivia muttered the first thing that came to her mind.

"Was a business dinner." Alex almost whispered as she slowly reached out and took Olivia's hand in hers breathing a sigh of relief when she didn't pull away. "We just discussed this. I wasn't lying to you. It was a business dinner."

"Who is it?" Olivia asked squeezing her hand trying to encourage her.

"Her name is Jessica Johnson" Alex said taking a deep breath and exhaling "I met her in a bar and we seemed to hit it off."

Olivia laughed but quickly grabbed her side and stopped.

"You find it funny that I picked someone up in a bar?"

"Truthfully yes." Olivia said biting back tears of pain "I just can't see you picking up someone from a bar.'

"You're right I don't pick people up in a bar. To be honest she was the first."

"When did it start?"

"Seven months into the relationship." Alex answered unable to meet Olivia's eyes "Up until that point everything was a perfect relationship. She opened doors for me, pulled my chair out, treated me like a queen. Something I hadn't had before."

"What set her off the first time?"

"She saw me talking to a fellow co-worker, a male co-worker."

"She attacked you at work and no one did anything?' Olivia asked almost seething at the thought that the DA's office saw the attack and did nothing.

"No she waited till I got home. I walked into my apartment and she was there. I thought nothing of it because she had surprised me at home numerous times before. I walked up to hug her and kiss her and she slapped me instead. Asked me why was I there with her if I wanted dick. I ordered her to leave and she did."

"But she came back?"

"That night and like an idiot I let her back in. She swore to me it wouldn't happen again and I bought it. That she loved me so much that she lost it when she saw me with a male co-worker."

"Alex it doesn't matter that is no excuse for her to put her hands on you. There is never an excuse to put your hands on another person."

"I know." Alex whispered as tears started to fall from her face. Olivia reached out to wipe them away but Alex shook her head no "Please let me finish before I lose my nerve."

Olivia simply nodded.

"After that she became the woman that I had started falling for for about a month. Then I came home late one night and that was it. She accused me of sleeping with my co-worker and called me a slut. Before I knew it she had me against the wall choking me till I passed out. When I came to she had me handcuffed and tied to the bed. Told me she was going to show me what I was missing. Make me hate men."

"Alex" Olivia said as she pulled her to her. She was thankful when Alex didn't stop her and crawled into the bed with her. It hurt like hell to have her laying on her side with the incision but she didn't care. She would give anything to stop the pain Alex was feeling at that moment.

"She um raped me none stop till the morning. I was hurting so bad I had to call in. After that it became a regular occurrence weekly for almost two years."

"What stopped her?" Olivia almost growled out but caught herself in time. If she ever got her hands on this woman may god rest her soul.

"You."

"Me?" Olivia asked shocked.

"Yeah you." Alex said looking up into Olivia's eyes "We were out one night and I saw you. I pointed you out to her and told her if she laid another had on me she would have to deal with you."

"That worked?"

"She did make a comment that she could take you and I told her she was probably right but could she handle the whole force because if she messed with you she would be messing with the whole force."

"If that worked that was too easy."

"It got her to stop hitting me, raping me, and to move out. But it didn't stop her terrorizing me."

"What is she doing now?"

"She has followed me and left me threatening letters as well. Has promised me that if she couldn't have me no one could. Which is how you wound up here fighting for your life, for that you will never know how sorry I am."

"She was the female that shot me?"

"Yes I didn't know it till about two weeks ago when Morales was able to get camera footage of the incident. You had pushed me into the alley and when I looked up you had your gun on someone, I never saw the suspect. I made the mistake of calling your name and distracting you. That's when she shot you. I am so sorry and I hope one day you will forgive me. I want you to know that I am getting you the best doctors in the world for you. Anything you need let the charge nurse Stephanie Daniels know and it will happen."

"Alex" Olivia said as she tried her hardest to keep her in her arms but couldn't because of her weakened state "I don't blame you and there's nothing to be forgiven."

"Yes there is" Alex said as she leaned down and picked up her briefcase "Because of me you almost lost your life. Because of me you have suffered some brain damage and to the extent we don't know. I may have cost you your career and for that I will be eternally sorry. I hope one day you will be able to forgive me for everything and if you can't I more than understand."

"Alex don't" Olivia started to say but was stopped by the sound of her room door being shut behind Alex as she quickly left the room. She laid back on the pillow and cursed the fact that she wasn't able to chase after her and tell her everything was ok.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. I know Alex has ran again but please remember she is the victim of abuse and blames herself fo Olivia getting shot. That is something that doesn't go away overnight. PeterPeter I promise baring any complications or incidents from work I do plan to continue writing throughout the holidays and hopefully update as well. You were not being selfish you were only willing to say what others were hoping for. If for some reason I am unable to update again before Christams. I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday. **


	30. The guys

The detectives of the 16 walked off the elevator with the first smile on their face in almost a month. About thirty minutes before they had received the call they prayed for daily, Olivia was awake. Cragen and Elliot had informed them to notify Cabot immediately. The nurse had informed them that there was already a blonde hair woman in the room with Ms. Benson. Not considering that Stacia would be there they had informed her that that was Cabot.

Elliot stopped in his tracks seeing Stacia walking out of Alex's room and toward them.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He growled as he quickly approached her.

"I was visiting Olivia." She answered.

"You're not welcomed here." He stated not bothering to hide his contempt for the woman. "So leave now."

"Stabler stop" Cragen ordered stepping forward and placing a hand on Elliot's shoulder "Alex was able to confirm that she is Liv's girlfriend and had her put on the list. You know that now stop it."

"Doesn't mean I have to like it Captain."

'No but you do need to honor Alex's wishes and your partner's wishes as well." Cragen said before turning to the woman "I'm sorry we haven't exactly been formally introduced but I am Captain Donald Cragen and these are the detectives that Benson works with. This is John Munch, Odafin Tutuola, and you know Elliot Stabler.'

"It is a pleasure to meet everyone I do wish it was under better circumstances" Stacia said shaking every detectives hand but Elliot's "I would like to clarify one thing though. There seems to be a miscommunication partly on my part and part on some misconstrued evidence. I am not Liv's girlfriend and I have not been for a little over six months now."

"Excuse me." Cragen stated standing a little straighter and starting to get pissed at the woman before him.

"I know I stated I was her girlfriend when we first met but I did that because I believed that was the only way to see her. Before you ask Alex does know everything. We just came back from coffee and me explaining everything."

"Then you should be leaving." Elliot said stepping to the side so she could pass.

"Actually Elliot' Stacia said taking a stand against the detective "Alex asked if I would wait. Apparently she is telling Olivia something that she is sure will have her shoved out of the room and her life."

"Let me by" Fin said walking past everyone and quietly slipping into Olivia's room.

Stacia looked between the detectives and Fin who had disappeared into Olivia's room with almost lightening like speed.

"Does anyone want to tell me what is going on?"

"It is pertaining to an ongoing investigation and we are not at liberty to discuss the details of the case at the moment." Munch said guiding her into the waiting room "But if Ms. Cabot would like you to wait then I suggest you do as she says. I can vouch for her not being one to piss off."

Stacia allowed herself to be guided into the waiting room and into a chair. After a few minutes of receiving some death glares from Elliot she decided it would be best to tell them the whole story from the beginning. She had just finished her story and believed that she had finally earned some respect from the detectives when Fin walked back into the room.

"How's it looking?" Cragen asked looking at his detective.

"Like she is going to come clean." He answered with a smile as he sat down.

"Really that easily?" Stabler asked knowing the hell they had gone through to gain some information from the attorney.

'Well she had a slight flashback with Olivia and shocking surprise she was able to bring her out a lot quicker than any of us ever had. I think she was planning of backing out when I told her it was time to level with Liv.'

"Do you think she will?"

"I stood outside her door and listened for a few minutes. When I walked away she was starting to tell Olivia everything.'

"Thank god." Cragen said leaning back. They had discovered over the course of their investigation that Olivia only knew she was being abused but Alex had refused help from her. They were hoping that Alex would level with Olivia herself to avoid them having to read her in. They could only imagine the amount of anger that would come from her once she found out.

They had just started to relax and thinking that for once Alex wasn't going to run when they heard the familiar sound of heels clicking down the hall at an alarming rate. Fin and Elliot looked at each other and shook their heads. Elliot had started to stand when Fin stopped him.

"Let me" Fin said standing and taking off after Alex.

"Alex wait." Fin said as he darted on the elevator with her "Why are we running this time?"

"I told her everything Fin just like you wanted. She knows all about how I let myself be abused and raped on a regular basis. How it was my fault she was shot. I called her name and distracted her. Therefore being my fault that she is in the hospital almost lost her life. How she has some brain damage and we don't know the full extent. When you wrap it all up in one neat little package my weakness has possibly cost her her career."

"Alex" Fin said reaching for her.

"NO detective." Alex stated firmly taking a step back. "I don't want her pity no more than I want yours. Please inform Captain Cragen that I want the protective detail stopped immediately."

"We will not stop the details Alex you can forget it."

"Yes you will and it will happen at this very moment. Place the officers you would have on me on her. If she comes and gets me so be it. At the very least when that happens I will know that Olivia will forever be safe. I will have it set up with my accountant that if anything is to ever happen to me that Olivia and her medical bills will be taken care of."

Fin who had finally had enough snapped and grabbed Alex by the arms and forced her to look at him. It killed him inside to see the look of fear in her eyes and know he was the cause of it at that moment.

"Damn it Alex I have had enough." Fin almost growled through clenched teeth "You're not getting her pity and you sure the hell aren't getting mine at the moment. IF anything I have had it with you and your attitude or whatever you want to call it. Let's start with you didn't allow yourself to be beaten and raped on a regular basis. It is not your fault she was shot whether you distracted her or not. It is Jessica Johnson's fault she was shot. She is the cold hearted bitch that tried to kill an officer not you. You may be a lot of things Ms. Cabot but weak is not one of them. Survivors of abuse and rape are some of the strongest people I have ever met."

"Fin…"

"Don't Fin me and fucking listen for once. Your detail is not being removed from you. If you no longer want the uniformed officers on, so be it. I will have Captain Cragen cancel them but you better prepare for me to move in and once Olivia is cleared for her to move in. You will not make a move without someone with you until she is caught and put away for life."

"NO Fin she blames me." Alex stated as she broke free of his grasp and turned to leave. "Leave it alone. It's best this way."

"Really, is it? Did she say that she blamed you?" He shouted from where he stood "Did she say it was your fault? That she couldn't stand the sight of you?"

"No"

"Then get off your high horse get on that damn elevator and get back up there to where you need to be."

"Why? Why should I?" Alex asked walking back with tears in her eyes

"Because she needs something to fight for, that's why. Because she has fought to stay alive for almost a month now, for you. If you walk away now you will only show that it was all for nothing. Was it for nothing?"

"NO"

"Then get on the elevator."

Between the look in his eyes and the tone of her voice she decided the best thing she could do was follow him back on the elevator. She dreaded what Olivia had to say to her and hoped that once Fin heard it he would honor her wishes and cancel the protective detail and let her get what she deserved.

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**A/N: I received a review wanting to know why didn't Alex leave since she had money. Abuse is about control. No matter how much money a person has. The abuser breaks them down till they feel as if they could not make it without them. Often leaving them to believe that they are nothing and no one would ever waste time on them. That they need to be thankful that they wasted their time on them. Abuse in same sex relationships are twice as hard. Not only do you have society looking down up on you for your lifestyle but now having to deal with the abuse as well. Because of this the reports of abuse in same sex couples are drastically lower than what it actually is. Anyways thank you guys so much for the reviews. I have said it before and will continue to say it you really know how to boost a girls ego. Thank you so much. **


	31. Elliot

Elliot slowly pushed the door open and peaked in at his partner "Hey you feel up to some company?"

"Where is Alex?" She growled as she flopped back against the bed frustrated that it wasn't the blonde she wanted to see.

"She ran past the waiting room and into the elevator." Elliot said as he made his way further into the room "Fin went after her.'

"Fin" Olivia said turning to look at Elliot "Why the hell did Fin chase after her? Why the hell didn't you step up and be a man and chase after her? Please tell me that at the very least since you couldn't chase after Alex that you could at least apologize to Stacia."

Elliot looked at the ground like a child who was getting scolded by his mother.

"You didn't did you?"

"I…"

"Save it Elliot" Olivia said looking away feeling the fight drain from her "You wonder why I kept this from you."

"Liv did you not think I knew, hell we knew. Why do you think we gave you such a hard time when you went to see Alex constantly? We, and by we I mean me as well, don't care that you are gay. What we do care about is your safety and heart. Which is why I was such an ass to Stacia? As for why Fin ran after Alex it's because during your stay at the hospital Fin and Alex has developed a good friendship. Which is why he went after her and I didn't. "

"You caring about my safety and heart gives you the right to say what you said to Stacia."

"No"

"Then why did you do it and don't lie to me." Olivia said finally turning to look at Elliot again.

"Because we want you with Alex." Elliot finally said after some debate on how to tell her figuring that being blunt and truthful was the best.

"With Alex really?" Olivia asked laughing "Let's compare here. She comes from old school money and I come from a rapist and an alcoholic mother. The woman has political aspirations and I promise you being with a half-breed female cop who sometimes struggles to make ends meet isn't going to help her attain them." Olivia looked around deciding on whether or not she should say anything about what she was recently told. Deciding to omit certain truths for Alex's protections she continued "let's not forget El, she's also straight, probably as straight as you are if not more so. Don't you remember the dinner we walked in on? The one with Trevor Langen? Say hello to the boyfriend and probably future husband. So I don't see me being with Alex, but thanks for the vote of confidence."

"You have always been loyal to the end I will give you that." El said standing and pacing the room. He knew once he revealed what he knew she would want to know it all "Listen Olivia we know she is gay and has been abused by her female lover. We have also discovered that it was her ex-lover that shot you as well. While its noble that even in your weakened stated you want to protect her there is no need at the moment."

"I want to know the full extent and everything you know." Olivia ordered as relief washed through her that they knew and was working her case.

"No you don't. Trust me."

"Tell me." Olivia growled as she attempted to sit up "I can't protect her or anything without knowing."

Elliot took a deep breath before he started a story he wished he could have ended before she woke up.

"Alex met a woman named Jessica Johnson and they began to date."

"Ok El I'm not one of your kids you read bedtime stories too I know the basics. Alex told me that. I want to know the extent of abuse and the threat level against her."

"No you don't Liv."

"Is this going to be a round robin argument? I want to know everything and I want to know it now."

"Believe me when I say that no one needs to know that information about someone they care about. Her threat level is high and she has a protective detail. At night either Munch or Fin stays with her. We make sure she is never alone I promise you that."

"I'm glad Elliot, thank you, but look at what I deal with on a daily basis. I can handle hearing what has happened to Alex."

"Liv do you trust me?" He asked already knowing the answer.

"With my life." Olivia answered without a second thought.

"Then trust me when I say that you don't need to know this. Drop it and just support her through everything and let her support you through everything ok."

"You do realize that when I am released I will get a hold of the file and find out for myself. Lets save everyone some trouble and just tell me now."

"When that happens it happens. But I refuse to be the one to tell you what occurred. Please Liv I beg of you not to go investigating on your own when you are released. Just let it be."

"Why Elliot? I want to know what she did to her I have to know."

"No you don't."

"I'm tired of you trying to father me all the damn time. I do this job the same as you. If you think I can't do this or handle it then I believe it's time for us to get new partners."

"It has nothing to do with whether I think you can handle it or not or that you're a female either."

"Then why the hell won't you tell me what happened? Why are you hiding it from me?"

"Because he knows all the information should come from me" Alex stated as she walked around the corner from where she had been listening to their conversation. Listening to their conversation though did give her some new found respect for the two detectives. Olivia was doing her best to keep her sexuality hidden and Elliot was trying to hide everything she endured.

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**A/N: I'm so sorry about the delay. I did not intend to take this long to update this story. We have to blame work for the delay. I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter and as always reviews are welcomed.**


	32. Telling Everything

"You want me to stay or go?" Elliot asked looking between to two women.

"Go" Olivia ordered

"Stay" Alex said at the same time.

"Someone make up my mind." Elliot stated not sure which woman's advice he should follow.

"I am" Olivia growled "Go."

"Ok" He said hopping up and quickly heading to the door "I'll be in the waiting room if you need me."

Alex waited until Elliot had left the room before slowly making her way to the chair next to Olivia's bed and taking a seat. She sat there quietly staring into space wondering how she could even begin to describe to her what she had endured.

"You know you can tell me anything right?" Olivia finally whispered breaking the silence.

"I don't know how to start." Alex admitted with tear filled eyes.

"Alex" Olivia whispered her heart breaking as she reached for the blonde "I don't want to force you to tell me but I really want to know. You understand right?"

"Here" Alex choked out shaking off Olivia's touch as she reached into her briefcase "Read this and it will explain everything."

Olivia quietly took the folder and held it in her hands for a few minutes as she studied the blonde. Taking as deep of a breath as she could she handed the folder back to Alex.

"I can see that you don't want me to know." Olivia whispered "I'm not going to force you to tell me but I do want to know when you feel comfortable enough for you to tell me. Can you promise me that?"

"I will." Alex answered taking the folder from Olivia "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Both women sat there in a comfortable silence. After a while Olivia laid back and began to doze off. She was almost asleep when Alex spoke up.

"She dislocated my left shoulder several times. It was usually done by her keeping me handcuffed for hours on in and pulling my arms up high to inflict pain."

"Alex it's ok if you're not ready."

"I know" Alex answered before continuing "Both of my arms have been broken numerous times. The most recent being my left arm, it was done just a few weeks before transferring to your unit. As you can tell my nose has been broken along with my eye socket one time. I have so many healed broken or fractured ribs that there are too many to go into detail on. My ankles and wrist bother me on rainy or cold days. That is because I have cartilage damage to the areas from being tied down for so long and struggling to break free. That is not counting the emotional and sexual trauma I have endured for a while now."

"Why didn't you come to us?" Olivia asked when she was finally able to find her voice.

"And tell you what Olivia?" Alex asked as she glared at Olivia "That I'm one of the very people I fight for justice for. How would that look?"

"That would look like you needed help and we would have provided it."

"NO it would have shown you how weak I was." Alex started to scream as she jumped to her feet.

"I swear to you if you run out that door I will be right on your heels."

"You can't move remember."

"I don't FUCKING CARE I will go after you" Olivia shouted back feeling herself close to losing her temper.

Alex stopped hearing Olivia scream and cuss at her. In the time she had worked with her she had never heard her cuss or scream maybe a handful of times. Those times were either at Elliot in one of their fights or at a perp. Never once had she cussed at her. Yelled yes, cussed never.

"And what teach me a lesson?" Alex asked "Knock me around till I learn that you're the boss. Maybe teach me not to defy you."

"Alex I will never raise a hand to you." Olivia whispered shocked that Alex would think that of her.

"Why not she did?"

"We're going to start with the most important thing. That is that I'm not her. Secondly because no matter what you never and I mean NEVER raise your hand to anyone with the exception of justified self-defense. What she did to you is not in any way a form of self-defense. Torture most definitely but self-defense never."

"Olivia I'm damaged she's proven that.'

"No you're not damaged not even remotely damaged. What has happened is that she's broken you down. That's what abusers do. They break the one they are supposed to love down in a form of control. All an abuser wants is control. It's not about love or anything else. It's about one thing and one thing only and that's control."

"Like that of a rapist." Alex said with a cruel sounding laugh.

"Yes" Olivia said struggling to get out of the bed "Now please come to me. I will not hurt you ever."

"Detective please stop moving you've had a major injury and just woke up." Alex said when she registered what Olivia was doing.

"Then come over here to me please." Olivia almost cried out as she grabbed her side once she had her legs over the side of the bed .

"Olivia please lay back" Alex whispered as she moved back toward Olivia. "You will bust your stitches if you don't."

"Then I suggest you get over here so I don't." Olivia stated still attempting to stand.

"You have to be the most stubborn and hard headed woman I think I have ever met" Alex said as she rushed to her side. "Please lay back before you cause more damage to yourself."

Olivia reached up despite the pain that course through her and gently caressed Alex's face. Even though she tried to mask it Olivia saw the brief flash of fear in those crystal blue eyes.

"I swear to you Alex I will not hurt you." Olivia whispered as she began to wipe the tears that were starting to fall from Alex's eyes "What I will do is help you in every way possible and keep you safe. I will only do that if you allow me too. I will not force you to take my help. Alex I ask of you and beg you to let me please?"

"Yes" Alex answered as she gently laid Olivia back down "I will let you help me. Now please rest."

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**A/N: There are no words to express my thanks and gratitude for everyone who reads, reviews, favorites, and follows my stories. Thank you so much. **


	33. Protection

Alex glanced over at the sleeping detective and smiled. It had taken her almost twenty minutes to convince her to take a shot for the pain. She was determined not to take it quoting that she wouldn't be able to protect her if she was out. Alex had pointed out that in the condition she was currently in that she wouldn't be able to protect her anyways. Olivia had only raised her eyebrow at her as if daring her to try her. To calm her fears Alex brought Stabler and Fin in and assured her that they would be there to protect her. Olivia had accepted that and finally agreed to the shot.

"So I hear the detective is awake." Stephanie said as she walked into the room to check on Alex.

"She is but has been given a shot for her pain" Alex whispered as she stood and hugged Stephanie.

"Get your hands off her" Olivia growled as she struggled to get out of bed grabbing the nearest thing she could and threw it at the woman while shouting for the officer at the door.

Within seconds the officer stationed at the door was in the room with his weapon drawn as Olivia lunged at the female. Alex quickly caught Olivia before she fell to the floor and helped her back into the bed. The officer seeing who was in the room re holstered his weapon and asked what was going on. Alex quickly explained that Olivia had woken up and saw Stephanie in the room and lunged at her believing it was the one who was stalking her. The officer nodded and assumed his post back outside the door. Once the officer was outside Alex turned her attention back to Olivia.

"Relax please" She pleaded with the detective who was still struggling against her. For someone who almost died several times she was still amazingly strong.

"Stop protecting her and let me at her." Olivia said still struggling against her "I swore to you I will keep you safe."

"Olivia this isn't Jessica" Alex said running her hands through her short hair and smiling down at her "This is Stephanie Daniels, I went to college with her and she has been helping me get you the best doctors in the United States. She is the charge nurse on this floor."

Olivia stopped fighting Alex and glared at the woman who was standing to the side and back some.

"Hi" Stephanie said raising her hospital identification up so she could see "I'm not sure who you think I am but I promise I am not that person. I work here at the hospital and I have known Alex here since we were in college. She went Law and I went premed but settled for nursing instead. After witnessing your temper and anger I would prefer to never be on the receiving end. All I can say is God help that person when you are a hundred percent."

"Never hurt Alex and you won't have to worry about that." Olivia said laying back content that Alex was not in danger.

"Sorry" Alex said once she had Olivia settled back into the bed and resting.

"No problem" Stephanie answered with a smirk on her face.

"Don't start Steph." Alex said shaking her head.

"Yeah sure. Can I see you in the hallway for a minute?"

"Yeah" Alex said turning to Olivia "Just lay back and relax ok. I will be right outside the door and the guard is there so I will be fine. I also need to let Fin to go on home I plan to stay here for the night."

"No Alex" Olivia groaned out as the pain hit her from her sudden movement "Go home get some rest. There's no need for both of us to be lacking sleep. Tell Fin I said not to let you out of his sight."

Alex just shook her head as she followed Stephanie out of the room. Now that she was awake there was no way she was going to leave her side, at least not for tonight or possibly longer depending on what Stephanie had to say. If it was bad she would be happy to permanently move into Olivia's room till she improved.

"What was it you didn't want to say in front of her?' Alex asked as she stepped out of ear shot of the officer at the door.

"Dr. Mathews wants to retest Olivia in the morning. He already has an EEG scheduled at nine. I already have a physical therapist that's en route from Texas that specializes in rehabilitation of gunshot victims."

"There's more that you're not telling me isn't there."

"Yeah" Stephanie exhaled 'What type of person was she before the shooting?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean was she short tempered, had the patience of a god, things like that."

"She has to be one of the most compassionate person who I have ever met. I have seen her sit for hours with the patience of a saint with a victim and minutes later lose it with a perp within thirty seconds of entering the interrogation room. It all depends on what the situation calls for. Why? "

"I'll be totally honest with you" Stephanie said taking a step closer "The part of her brain that was affected by the lack of oxygen is the part that not only coordinates movement but behavior as well. With this type of injury I have seen people who were calm, laid back, and never raise a hand to anyone become the most violent person you have ever met. With what I just witnessed I wanted to warn you."

"Thank you" Alex said with a smile "What you saw in there was not a violent streak that you are afraid is coming out. What you saw was the protective cop that she is well known for. I happen to have a threat against me at the moment which is why you see all the security, comes with the job from time to time. She is aware of it and coming too probably registered that threat immediately seeing a stranger in the room."

"Alex just be careful please. I don't want to see you hurt."

"I have never feared and will never fear for my safety when I am with her" Alex said hugging Stephanie to her "Thank you so much for your concern though I do appreciate it."

"I just want you to be careful that's all."

"I will" Alex said with a smile on her face as she headed back into Olivia's room.

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**A/N: Two chapters in two days. This is what happens when I'm placed on desk duty. Thank you so much for all the reviews on the last chapter. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter just as much.**


	34. Second testing

Olivia woke in the middle of the night groaning in pain. She smiled when she saw Alex stretched out in a make shift bed next to her. She had to admit she had to be one of the most stubborn women she had ever met. Hearing a noise to her right she turned her head quickly and almost laughed at Fin who was curled up asleep in the recliner chair.

"I wouldn't laugh if I was you." He mumbled "I'm doing this for you."

"I know and I'll never be able to repay you." Olivia said as she attempted to sit up and bite back a groan of pain

"Sure you can." He said standing and stretching "Get well so you can take over this duty and find the bitch and make her pay. Are you in pain?"

"Yeah."

"I'll get the nurse" He said as he nodded and headed for the door.

Olivia turned and looked at the blonde attorney who was asleep next to her. Her blonde hair seemed to fan out around her as if it was a halo. Her face showed no signs of the pain and stress she experienced from day to day. She truly looked like the angel she always pictured her as.

"How long do you plan to stare at me detective?" Alex asked as without opening her eyes.

"I thought I told you to go home and sleep there."

"I don't listen very well do I" Alex stated as she pushed herself up into a sitting position

"Apparently not." Olivia said with a smile on her face "But I will have Fin take you home when he comes back."

"No." Alex almost whispered as she stood beside Olivia's bedside "I want to be here with you. I need to be here with you."

"Alex" Olivia started to say but stopped when she heard the almost pleading sound in Alex's voice "Ok. Help me out of the bed so you can have it. There is no way that little thing is comfortable."

"Let me get this right. You want me to help you, the one who was shot and almost died, out of the bed so I can be comfortable and you can be in pain."

"Yeah"

"Olivia I have actually become quite comfortable with these pull out beds. I slept on one for the first week you were here. Believe me when I say I have learned how to make them comfortable."

"If you want to swap let me know."

"I wish I could take your place right now." Alex sighed as she ran her hand down Olivia's arm "I'd give anything to swap with you."

"I didn't mean that." Olivia whispered raising Alex's face so she could look into her eyes. The glow coming from the hallway where Fin had left the door cracked framed her face just right "I never want to see you here, Alex. This is what I'm paid to do. I'm fine with it. I don't blame you and I would like you to stop blaming yourself."

"I know."

"You need another shot for pain?" Stephanie asked as she entered the room carrying a needle with her.

"Please but not as much as last time. I don't like to be out like that. Especially when" She motioned over toward Alex not wanting to say the words that scared her to the depths of her soul.

"I will do my best detective" Stephanie said with a quick glance at Alex before administering the injection. Within minutes Olivia began to doze in and out till she finally gave up the fight and succumbed to sleep. Once Alex was positive she was out of pain and back asleep she too fell fast asleep.

"Good morning Alex" Dr. Mathews said as he entered reading Olivia's chart "I was informed by Stephanie that she has told you about the testing to be done today and what we are possibly facing at the moment."

"She has" Alex answered as she finished folding the bed back together. She had been awakened by Stephanie a good twenty minutes earlier to prepare her for Dr. Mathews arrival.

"Good." He said before turning to Olivia "We have not been formally introduced but I am Dr. Mathews. I was brought here by Ms. Cabot to attend to you. While you were unconscious we performed an EEG where I was able to detect some brain damage due to the lack of oxygen from the few times we had to resuscitate you. I kept you in a drug induce coma to assist your healing and hopefully increase your brain function in that area. Now that you're awake I would like to repeat the test."

"Doesn't sound like I have much of a choice does it?" Olivia almost growled out as she felt herself getting angry for no reason.

"You can refuse? That is a right that you have. I would need you to sign a form though." Mathews informed her.

"She's not refusing" Alex answered glancing at Olivia silently letting her know that this was not an option. "She will take the test."

Olivia grumbled and looked away. She couldn't explain why she felt like punching the doctor across the room the closer he got. She made a mental note to have Stabler investigate him when she finished with the testing. The one thing that had kept her alive all these years was her gut instinct.

"Very well" He answered turning back toward the door "A nurse will be in shortly to escort you to the testing area."

A nurse, who Olivia had never seen before and sent her into defense mode, showed up a few minutes later to explain the procedure to her before escorting her out of the room. Alex sensing her changed in attitude stopped the nurse and leaned down and whispered this was one of her assigned nurses. Alex explained that because of the risk she was assigned certain nurse and all had cleared an intense background check that was performed by Captain Cragen himself.

Olivia accepting this answer looked to the nurse to continue. Once she was finished explaining everything and making sure that Olivia had no questions she prepared Olivia for movement. As before Alex, Fin, and her guard followed her to the testing area until they couldn't go any further. . The nurse stopped outside a secure door and stepped to the side allowing them a few minutes.

"Olivia this is as far as we are allowed to go but I promise you I will be waiting for you upstairs when you are done." Alex said as she squatted down to look at her.

"You don't have too." Olivia stated looking away. She hated how Alex squatted down to look at her. It almost made her feel childlike.

"I know I don't have to but I want to." She said taking her hand in hers "You asked me to let you protect me now I ask you to please let me take care of you."

"Fin" Olivia said without answering Alex "I want you to make sure she gets a good breakfast."

"Will do."

"Thanks." Olivia said before she turned to face Alex "I will but please promise me you will let Fin take you and get a good breakfast."

"I will" Alex said laughing as she stood up. Only Olivia would be going into a test that could determine the fate of her career as an officer and worry if she was eating a good breakfast.

Olivia turned toward the nurse and nodded her head letting her know she was ready. Well as ready as one could be considering what she was facing. She also hoped that this testing would explain why she found herself so angry all the time as well. She was really getting tired of having to reel in her anger.

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**A/N: Three updates in three days. Desk duty is good for something instead of driving me insane. PeterPeter to answer your question I am uniformed and was involved in a fight which resulted in a few minor injuries. On another note today is New Year's Eve. If you are going out tonight please don't drink and drive and be safe in whatever you do. I wish everyone a happy new year.**


	35. Anger

Alex and Fin had just stepped off the elevator when several nurses rushed past them. They pasted themselves attempting to get out of the way as much as possible when they realized everyone was running into Olivia's room. They chanced a look at each other briefly sharing the fear they suddenly felt before darting off in the direction.

Fin stopped when he entered the room and heard someone shouting for some restraints. A quick look around the room he noticed the doctor was nursing what would be one hell of a shiner later and Olivia was struggling against everyone.

"Liv we're here" Fin said pushing through everyone and coming to the side of her bed thinking she began to panic when they weren't there like promised "You were done with your testing early apparently that's why we weren't here when they wheeled you back in."

Olivia glanced up at him and gritted her teeth. How dare he walk into the room and explain everything away. Just who the hell did he think he was? She waited until he was close enough to reach before she knocked him up side the left side of his face with the metal bed pan that was left for her earlier.

Fin stumbled back and grabbed his face. He was struggling to keep from losing his temper and giving her a what for when he realized Alex was slowly making her way into the room. Even though she was putting on a brave front for everyone else he could see the terror in her eyes.

"Alex" he said jumping between her and Olivia "Wait outside until we get her calmed down."

"Fin let me by I can calm her down." She stated trying to side step the detective and make her way over to Olivia. She couldn't pin point why she thought she could calm Olivia down but somehow she knew.

"Not on your life." He said as he began to push her back some to keep the distance between her and Olivia. He knew if she got close to Liv and was injured she would never forgive herself.

"Let her go before I kill you." Olivia growled seeing Fin put his hands on Alex.

"Fin let me." Alex said looking over his shoulder at Olivia who was being held down by several nurses while they were trying to restrain her arms to the bed with no luck. She had to laugh at the scene. Who would have thought that a woman who almost died had so much strength in her? "She won't hurt me."

"Alex she just knocked me upside the head."

"Probably long overdue as well" She said a she pushed him back and moved past him.

"Olivia calm down please." Alex pleaded as she slowly moved closer to the fighting detective.

"Ma'am please stay back." A nurse ordered.

"Tell her what to do one more time and I'm going to put you through that wall you bitch." Olivia growled finally breaking one arm free.

"Unless you ladies would like to have one hell of a fight on your hands let the blonde through." A voice boomed from the doorway.

Alex glanced over her shoulders and nodded at Elliot who had arrived and saw what was happening.

"We are not liable if she is injured." Someone stated.

"No I am." He growled back towering over the nurse. "Go Alex."

Alex slowly walked up to Olivia's bedside making sure she maintained eye contact with the brunette detective. She took a deep breath and reached out to place her hand on Olivia's shoulder.

"Lay back and relax for me" She ordered "Stop fighting these nurses. They are not going to hurt you or me I promise you."

Olivia did as she was told and took as deep of a breath as she could. She opened her eyes and cringed when she saw the fear in them that Alex was trying to keep at bay.

"I want everyone out of here." Olivia finally said once she knew she could talk without breaking down. "Now."

Alex looked around and motioned for everyone to leave. Fin motioned that he and Stabler would be right outside the door if she needed them. Alex waited till everyone was gone before she took a seat next to Olivia on the bed.

"Want to tell me what that was about?" Alex asked as she ran her fingers through Olivia's hair noticing how long it was getting and that she needed a haircut.

"Alex please I beg you to leave this room and not look back." Olivia said as tears started to pour from her eyes and she looked away "I saw the look in your eyes and I was the cause of it. I can't handle having you terrified of me. Right now I'm certainly not the person you want to be near."

"I'm not leaving."

"I saw the fear in your eyes and I put it there. For your safety leave."

"For your information if I feared for my safety I wouldn't be this close to you. Other than you knocking Fin upside the head and giving everyone the fight of their life why don't I want to be close to you."

"Please don't tell the guys." Olivia pleaded finally looking Alex in the eyes again.

"It will stay in this room I promise."

"I can't explain it but I feel like my temper is always at a boiling point. There are times I honestly want to fight whoever walks through that door. The last thing I want is to have that feeling or act on it with you. I couldn't even tell you what set me off when they went to move me back into my bed."

"Your brain injury."

"What?"

"You have what is called a Traumatic Brain Injury, or TBI, Stephanie told me the other day after you tried to attack her that the part of the brain that was affected controls movement and behavior."

"I don't understand.'

"She has seen people who were the calmest most loving person you have every met turn into the most violent person they have ever seen. If you are feeling angry and bouts of violence that is why. We will get you the therapy that you need for it."

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

"Because I was waiting till the results of this EEG was in. If there had been some improvement there was no need to worry you."

"I wish you would have told me."

"I promise from here on out not to keep anything from you." Alex said smiling as she saw the slight twinkle she always loved returning to Olivia's eyes.

"Thank you but I would still feel better if you stayed away from me."

"Why is that?" Alex asked still confused as to why she shouldn't be near her.

"Because I have become the one person I have worked my entire life not to be, my father."

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**A/N: I actually didn't think I would get a chance to write tonight since I was off on NYE for the first time since I started working in this field. But I did. Yes the TBI is affecting her behavior. Please remember though the chapters with medical information may not be accurate. I know nothing of the medical field. I do research the information to the best of my ability but we all know the type of information we can get off the internet. PeterPeter I did win the fight. I always win the fight. I may be battered bruised and stuck on desk duty but I win. Truthfully if we don't win the fight our family has to plan our funeral. **


	36. Coming to terms

"I'm not scared" Alex whispered as she cupped Olivia's face with her hands and wiped her tears away with her thumb. Unable to help herself she closed the gap between them and kissed her gently on the lips.

"You guys..Whoa sorry." Elliot said turning quickly and heading back toward the door.

"Come back Stabler" Alex said as they broke apart laughing. "Olivia needs to talk to you."

"I do?"

"Yes about what you just told me."

"Alex you swore." Olivia said feeling her temper rise again.

"Not that Liv but the last line." Alex answered as she stood and smiled down at Olivia "That is something he can answer for you not me. When you two are done talking I will be in the waiting room I promise."

"Something tells me she knows my life story which means somebody talked while I was out." Olivia growled as the door shut behind Alex. There was nothing more she wanted to do at that moment than to lay Elliot out.

"We had already lost you three times." Elliot said walking to Olivia's bedside and taking a seat "We were told not to expect you to make it through the night and if you did you were probably going to be a vegetable. I took her to breakfast and she wanted to know more about you."

"Elliot…"

"I'm sorry Liv but honestly with the amount of damage you sustained there was a huge possibility that we would have to plan your funeral. She didn't want to have to bury you and not know anything about you. The look in her eyes and the sound in her voice was too much for me. She wasn't supposed to say anything and let it come from you in time."

"She didn't tell me you just did." Olivia said with a smirk on her face. Even with a brain injury she was still on top of her game.

"I'm really sorry."

"Oh it will be a long time before I forgive you believe that but what amazes me is knowing that I'm a half breed future alcoholic rapist she's still here."

"She's still here because you are not those and will never become those."

"Won't I El." Olivia said finally facing him "Don't you want to know about a few minutes ago. Why the nurses were trying to restrain me and the doctor now has a black eye."

"I'm going with he pissed you off."

"El I've turned into my father." Olivia finally said after a few minutes of silence. "I couldn't begin to tell you what set me off. All I know is, I have this raging amount of anger in me and I snapped. They didn't say anything or do anything but I knocked him so hard he flew across the room."

"Olivia after all you've been through your allowed to snap."

"Alex says it's because of my brain injury. Apparently the part of my brain that was affected controls behavior. I already have violent tendencies this just put me over the edge."

"Liv it doesn't send you over the edge."

"Did you not hear me? I knocked the doctor across the room. After all Alex has endured the last thing she should have to worry about is when I will lose it and beat her too. I saw the fear in her eyes when she approached me."

"I also noticed she was the only one who could calm you. All she did was lay a hand on your shoulder and talk to you."

"Yeah and you were the dumbass to let her near me when I was like that. Damn it Elliot I want you to protect her at all cost, even from me."

"Liv…"

"Don't Liv me just listen. When you leave this room I want you to escort her home and no matter what don't allow her near me. I can't and won't live with myself if I hurt her. Promise me that."

"Yeah sure." He exhaled as he stood "She's going to be pissed."

"I rather have her pissed and safe than here and hurt. Maybe once I learn to control my temper better she can visit but until then forget it. I can't chance it."

"I'll take her home right now." He mumbled as he headed for the door. He wasn't sure who was going to yell at him more. Alex when he told her not to return or Olivia when Alex defies him. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"How is she?" Alex asked when she saw Elliot enter the room with a look on his face.

"She's good we talked."

"And?"

"And you need to get your stuff so I can take you home." He finally said looking her eye to eye. He cringed to himself when he saw the anger and hurt building in her eyes "She doesn't want you anywhere near you till she feels as if she could control herself better."

"Unless you plan to put me in handcuffs and drag me away detective" Alex growled through clenched teeth "I don't see myself leaving her side."

"Alex please' he begged grabbing her as she stormed by him 'You don't understand her biggest fear in life is that at some point she becomes her father. Right now her biggest fear is coming true."

"Maybe in her eyes but not in mine." She said as she forcefully removed his hand "You are more than welcomed to follow me in there or you can keep your ass right here. But either which way I will be in that fold out bed like I was last night in her room. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal counselor" he answered as he began to follow an extremely pissed off Alex Cabot.

"Detective I don't know where the hell you get off ordering me away but that is not happening." Alex said as she stormed into Olivia's room. Elliot stopped just inside the door and leaned against the wall where he could keep an eye on Olivia using the mirror on the wall.

"Alex leave now.'

"No" Alex said getting in Olivia's face "If you want to lose your temper and hit me then do it now because otherwise I will be pulling that bed out again and staying here."

Elliot groaned as he watched Alex did the woman have a death wish.

"Alex please."

"Please what?"

"Please leave you don't know how dangerous I can be. My father was a violent rapist and my mother was an alcoholic. Not a good combination with a TBI, as you called it."

"Olivia" Alex said in a calmer voice turning her head so that she could look into her eyes "I can't explain it but I should have been terrified and still terrified to be near you with what I just witnessed. I'm not going to lie I was fighting a flashback when I saw you hit Fin. But somehow somewhere that I can't explain I knew you wouldn't hurt me and I could calm you. I can't explain it and quite frankly I'm not looking to right now. What I do know is that I feel the safest when I am with you. I know without ever hearing you say it that you would rather kill yourself than to ever cause me pain."

"Alex the look in your eyes…"

"There's not a moment I'm not afraid I will turn a corner and see Jess. I wake up in cold sweats screaming because I'm reliving what she has done to me. It takes all I have not to cower down on the floor when a suspect starts screaming on the stand. Don't tell me to leave because you saw fear in my eyes because I live with fear every day."

"You've never woken up screaming here." Olivia whispered as she reached forward and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

Elliot shook his head as he made his way out of the room. Olivia was a top notch detective but slow as hell in her personal life.

"Exactly' Alex said as she took Olivia's hand in hers "And I can tell your temper is boiling right now. At this moment there is probably nothing you want to do more than to swing right."

"Yes" Olivia said breathing hard

"But you're not because you would rather kill yourself then hurt me."

"Alex" Olivia pleaded

"I'm not leaving" Alex said as she leaned down "I'm going to be right here by your side every step of the way. You're not pushing me away Olivia Benson. We will face this and every other obstacle you encounter together. Do you understand?"

"You're crazy" Olivia mumbled as she pulled Alex to her and kissed her hard.


	37. Treatment options

"Alex" Dr. Mathews said as he entered the room reading Olivia's test results.

"Yes" Alex said pulling away from Olivia and smiling at the slight blush she saw crossing her face. There had to be a camera here somewhere where they could watch them and think it was funny to walk in on them.

"I have Olivia's test result in." He said finally looking up causing Olivia to cringe at the sight of his eye.

"Dr. Mathews, I'm so sorry about your eye." Olivia said feeling every muscle in her body tense. Alex must have felt it as well because she reached down and ran her hand up and down Olivia's arm. The simple gesture seemed to calm her immensely.

"It's no problem." He answered waving her apology away "Are you two ladies to hear the results.

"Do you want me in here to hear the results?" Alex asked looking at Olivia.

"Now you give me a choice?" Olivia asked with some laughter in her voice.

"Yes now I give you a choice." Alex answered squeezing Olivia's hand. She desperately wanted to be in the room when Olivia was told the results but deep down she was afraid Olivia would tell her to leave.

"Stay but please bring Elliot in here too."

Alex nodded and quickly left the room to retrieve Stabler. She was thankful that when she motioned him to come with her he simply nodded and followed her no questions asked.

"We ready?" Dr. Mathews asked once everyone Olivia wanted there had gathered around her.

"Go ahead." Olivia said grabbing Alex's hand and holding on to it as if it was a life line for her.

"There has been slight improvement since the first time I performed an EEG." Dr. Mathews said looking Olivia directly in the eyes "The part of your brain that was affected is what we refer to as the cognitive function of the brain. It controls your behavior, causes you to have problems concentrating, organizing thoughts, become easily confused and sometimes forgetful. You can experience difficulty in solving problems, making decisions, and planning. I have encountered cases where judgment has been affected. At times it can affect your balance as well."

"How do we treat it?" Alex asked "What do we need to do?"

"There have been some advancement's using what's called a hyperbaric oxygen therapy. The sessions would need to be about an hour long to start with and would decrease over time. The first week I would like to perform it daily."

"What exactly is hyperbaric oxygen therapy?" Alex asked

"It is a treatment where hundred percent oxygen is administered at a pressure greater than the atmospheric pressure at sea level. It allows for a much larger oxygen-carrying capacity in the blood even in the absence of red blood cells, which carries oxygen throughout your body. This is giving us a method to deliver oxygen enriched blood to parts of the body that would not normally receive any because of a traumatic injury. Therefore in theory allowing the body to build new tissue and rebuild itself."

"How soon would you want to start this?" Olivia asked feeling nervous about the experiment he wanted to do. She hated to be anyone's guinea pig.

"The sooner the better." He said putting his clip board down at Olivia's feet "Keeping you in the drug induced coma assisted your body in healing some. It allowed you to stay in a relaxed state which kept your blood pumping at a constant steady rate. I'm not going to lie to you I had hoped that it would improve the area more than what it had but unfortunately it did not."

"Does this mean the damage could be permanent?" Olivia asked scared that this could affect her job.

"Depends, the sooner we start the treatment the better chance we have at a somewhat full recovery."

"What do you mean a somewhat full recovery?" Olivia growled sitting up to get closer to the doctor.

"There could be a chance you could have some long term effects from this injury. Unfortunately we won't know the full extent until time goes on."

"Is there anything else we can do?" Alex asked placing a hand on Olivia's shoulder.

"Along with the hyperbaric oxygen therapy I suggest having a behavioral therapist and a physical therapist. When I finished with the EEG I tested her reflexes and noticed some delayed reactions along with some trouble with hand eye coordination. Despite all the earlier evidence" he said pointing to his face in a joking tone. "The behavioral therapists will assist her in gaining control of her emotions again. They will be able to teach her coping mechanisms when she feels her anger reaching its boiling point."

"Can I ask you something and you be totally honest with me doctor?" Olivia asked

"Olivia I will answer any question you have honestly and to the best of my ability as well. If I cannot answer it for you I will find you someone who can or do whatever research is needed."

"Not going into great detail my genes are half violent. My father was not the nicest person you would ever meet. How much of a bearing does that hold on my behavior? "She asked before looking at Alex "I need to know how much danger she is in by being around me?"

Alex stared at Olivia silently letting her know that no matter what she proved she was staying by her side and letting her know that no matter what she was helping her through this.

"Despite what several scientists have tried to prove there is no correlation between the so called violent gene and brain injuries. Olivia I have spent my entire career in this field and have seen the nicest people you have ever met become the most violent and vice versa. I have actually had a wife that said she thanked god every day that her husband received a TBI. He had gone from beating her on a regular basis to becoming the type of man he should be. I have also had cases where the person became violent and with therapy returned to their old self."

"Until my therapy is complete how much danger is she in?" Olivia growled spinning her head around to face the doctor "I have to know."

"Honestly there is no way of telling. That is another time will tell factors."

"Thank you doctor." Alex answered walking forward to shake his hand "I greatly appreciate everything you have done for Olivia."

"My pleasure." He answered shaking her hand. "Should I schedule her for the hyperbaric oxygen therapy?"

Alex and Elliot both looked over at Olivia waiting for her response.

"As soon as possible and I'll need a behavioral therapist ASAP as well."

"Very well I will start therapy at nine in the morning." He said turning toward the door "If you have any further questions you have my personal cell to reach me any time."

"We do thank you." Both Alex and Elliot said in unison.

"I think I will head back to the waiting room so you two ladies can talk." Elliot said heading toward the door noticing the looks the two women were giving each other.

"Alex…" Olivia started to say but was stopped by Alex raising her hand.

"Don't Alex me we've had this discussion and I am not repeating it." Alex said softening her tone as she spoke "I'm safe with you. You know it and I know. Now it's been a long morning already. Please lay back and relax while I work on finding you the therapists that you need."

Olivia just nodded as she laid back and closed her eyes. She really wanted to argue the fact that it was too dangerous for her to be near her but couldn't find the energy at the moment. She made a mental not as she dozed off to try to convince Alex to stay away until she spoke with the therapist.

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to post this chapter but not only was this a difficult chapter for me to start but I had to try and research treatment options. Please remember I know nothing medically except what I learn off Gray's Anatomy and ER or from the internet. To the reviewer who let me know about the hyperbaric oxygen therapy I thank you so much. **


	38. Fighting Elliot

"Good evening Ramirez" Alex said as she entered her apartment "Where is Detective Benson at?"

"In the kitchen ma'am"

"Thank you." Alex said as she walked into the kitchen. She leaned against the door way and watched the detective. It had been a little over two weeks since Olivia had started her rehabilitation. She spent the first week in the hospital performing the hyperbaric oxygen therapy daily for one hour each time. She also met with a behavioral therapist and the physical therapist twice a week.

After that first week she was released but had to return daily for treatments. Alex, Cragen, or Elliot made sure she made it to her appointments as needed. Admittedly it was mostly Elliot that Olivia wanted taking her. Alex was hurt at first until she discovered why she wanted Elliot taking her and then she was pissed.

Olivia, who was always one to push herself past the point of no return, had Elliot taking her to a firing range daily. Once she chewed Elliot a new one for allowing Olivia to do that, not that anyone could stop her. Of course once Olivia had discovered what she had done they had gone a few rounds in her kitchen as well. By the time they were done she was short a drinking glass and had a hole in the wall.

Once she calmed herself down and kept the flashback at bay she found Olivia packing, once again citing that she was too dangerous to be around and needed to leave. Alex, who had come to the conclusion she had a death wish, yanked Olivia's bag out of her hand and flung it across the room and went toe to toe with her again. Finally they both calmed down and had a civil conversation, where they reached an agreement.

Since Olivia was determined to push herself Alex had gone and bought her a BB gun and large hunting targets to practice her shooting with. That seemed to help her immensely. She smiled as she reached the door and leaned against it to watch Olivia. She had the BB gun she had bought her eye level in her hand repeating front sight front sight. She slowly pulled the trigger as she repeated squeeze, squeeze, squeeze and bang. Alex cringed as she watched the small hole appear to the upper right of the large target.

"Damn it" Olivia growled as she slung the glass next to her across the room.

"You know if you keep that up detective I will have to replace my glasses by next week." Alex said smiling.

"Maybe if you would have been smart and let me leave you wouldn't have to." Olivia growled as she spun around to face the attorney.

"I've done told you I'm by your side every step of the way and I don't care about the glasses."

"You know for a smart woman you can be pretty dumb" Olivia growled as she got in Alex's face.

"If you're going to do something then do it" Alex growled back as she pushed off the wall.

"Damn it" Olivia said spinning around and firing three quick shots all hitting bulls eye "You don't know what you're asking for."

Alex raised her eyebrow as she maintained eye contact with her. She took a deep breath when Olivia holstered the weapon and pulled her fist back. Before Alex could blink she slammed her hand into the wall next to Alex's head.

"Let me go Alex" Olivia whispered into her ear "I can't be saved."

Alex held it together till she heard Olivia slam her bedroom door. Only then did she stop fighting the flash back and sunk to the floor. She came too with Office Ramirez standing over her and coaxing her out of it. She accepted his help to her feet and thanked him.

"ma'am" Ramirez said stopping Alex from heading to Olivia's room "Detective Stabler arrived a few minutes ago and is in the room with her."

"Thank you Ramirez" She said as she went up the stairs. She stopped outside the door when she heard the two shouting at each other.

"Damn it Olivia you need to pull yourself together" Elliot shouted at Olivia. He was tired of playing with kid gloves with her "You have an ADA downstairs that is trapped in her own hell because of you. Do you realize every time you scream and punch a new hole in the wall you're a reminder of Jess to her?"

"You think I don't know that." Olivia growled as she pushed him away from her.

"Then straighten your ass up before you become Jess."

"Stabler that is enough" Alex ordered as she entered Olivia's room.

"Alex stop protecting her it's only a matter of time before she strikes you."

"You bastard" Olivia growled pulling Elliot around by his color and delivering a well placed punch "It will be a cold day in hell before I lay a hand on her."

The surprise attack caused Elliot to stumble backwards and into Alex. Alex not meaning too screamed when she fell back into the door. Hearing Alex scream and seeing Elliot fall back into her seemed to have been the final straw for her. She snatched Elliot up and slung him out the door.

"Alex Alex" She whispered dropping to her feet "Talk to me. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine Liv." Alex answered as she sat back up.

Olivia reached out and gently caressed the spot on the side of her face where she hit the door as she fell. "You're going to have a bruise."

"It's not my first one." Alex stated as she pushed Olivia's hand away "I know how to cover them so they can't be seen."

"Alex are you ok?" Elliot asked as he stood back up and headed back in.

"Don't go near her." Olivia ordered as she propelled herself toward him causing both of them to tumble out into the hallway with her on top.

"I swear to god if you go near her again I will kill you." Olivia growled as she delivered punch after punch to Elliot's upper body.

"Then do something" Elliot screamed as he flipped her over his head with him landing on top "Because I will be here and near her till you can do it yourself."

"Not if you're going to hurt her, you're not." Olivia answered as she delivered a well placed knee to his groin.

"I didn't hit her." Elliot groaned as he rolled off Olivia "You punched me which knocked me off balance. I didn't know she was behind me when I stumbled. You knocked me into her."

"What did you say?" Olivia asked

"I said you knocked me into her."

Olivia stood and looked from Elliot to Alex and back. Then slowly everything replayed in her head and she felt sick to her stomach. She started to run past Alex when she grabbed her and stopped her.

"Don't run out that door.' Alex whispered.

"I hurt you." Olivia said looking away unable to meet her blue eyes "I swore to myself I would never do that and I have."

"I stepped into a fight between two hard headed detectives. I'm lucky all I got was pushed into the door."

Olivia continued to stare at the floor before she finally raised her head and looked Alex in the eyes.

"I need to increase my appointments with the behavioral therapist." Olivia said so low that Alex almost didn't hear her.

"Then we will call her in the morning and increase your visits." Alex said pulling Olivia to her and waving Elliot back "Anything else you need?"

"A gun" Olivia said with her eyes glued to the red spot forming on Alex's cheek.

"No this is truly an accident." Alex said turning Olivia's face so she could look into her eyes "You did not do this on purpose. This occurred during your fight with Elliot. It is truly an accident and not something I'm covering for."

"I don't like feeling like this" Olivia said breaking down in Alex's arms "I'm so terrified that I won't fully recover or that I will lose it and hurt you."

"To heal you must relax Olivia "Alex said as she motioned Elliot to sneak by. She knew that Olivia would hate it if he saw her crying "Come on let's get you back in bed."

Olivia allowed Alex to guide her back into her room and into the bed.

"What if I don't fully recover?" Olivia asked "What then?"

"We will face that when and if it happens" Alex said as she slid into the bed next to Olivia and opened her arms for her to come to her. "Olivia you have only been having therapy for two weeks now. This is a major injury not something you can heal from overnight ok. It takes time. Please allow yourself the time needed. That is all I ask ok."

"Mkay" Olivia mumbled as she began to drift off.

* * *

**A/N: Please don't be mad that I have Olivia completely out of character in this chapter. Please remember that she is suffering from a TBI and it can alter her behavior. To my reviewer about the hyperbaric treatement any extra information you can give I would love and thank yo so much for assisting on this treatment form. To everyone else thank you thank you thank you for reading, following, favoriting, and reviewing this story. **


	39. Fin's Help

"Hey Liv the number to your behavioral therapist is on the fridge don't forget to call her and schedule your extra appointments today." Alex said as she walked out of the kitchen.

"I won't" Olivia said with a mouthful of cereal.

Alex stopped in her tracks and smiled at the image before her. Olivia was stretched out on the couch eating a bowl of corn flakes in her pajamas. Her hair was still wild from her sleep and she had to have the cutest look Alex had ever seen. There was no doubt in her mind that if she wasn't already in love with the detective that that look right there would have sent her over. Maybe after everything with Jess was settled she would finally tell Olivia how she felt.

"Alex" Olivia said pulling her from her thoughts "Once I get back to work I'll start repaying you for everything. It may take a while but it will get paid off."

"Make you a deal" Alex said smiling as she wiped some milk off the corner of Olivia's mouth "If you guys catch Jess and make her stop harassing me we'll call it even."

"Ms. Cabot your escort is here." Officer Freeman, the day time guard, informed her breaking the mood.

"Thank you" Alex said walking to the door to put her coat on "Call me if you need anything Liv."

"You know I would have done it if you were a stranger right?" Olivia asked jumping to her feet.

"I know" Alex whispered

"Then stop feeling guilty' Olivia ordered as she closed the gap between them "You had nothing to do with me getting shot."

"But I will have everything to do with you getting well" Alex informed her leaving no room for arguments "I'll be home in time for dinner. Call me if I need to pick dinner up."

Olivia nodded in agreement as Alex headed out the door. Once she was sure she was gone she reached for her phone and dialed the number of the man she knew would help her.

"Detective Tutuola" Fin said answering his phone on the second ring.

"Are you available to drive me around today?" Olivia asked as she cleaned her bowl.

"When?" Fin asked glancing at Elliot.

"Preferably as soon as possible. I have some errands I need to run and my therapy starts at eleven."

"Give me ten and I'll head that way."

"Thanks man I owe you and do me a favor will you bring me everything you have on Jess."

"Anytime" Fin said with a smile on his face. The fact she was asking for Jess's file meant she was getting back to her old self.

"I take it the black eye your sporting has to do with Liv asking me to take her around town today." Fin said approaching Elliot.

"She had another episode last night that sent Alex into a flashback."

"What did you do to make Liv attack you?"

"I told her it was her fault that Alex was living in her own nightmare. She grabbed me and punched me which sent me into Alex."

"Which caused a new set of anger to erupt from her' Fin said finishing Elliot's statement.

"Yeah"

"Has either woman bother to tell the other how they feel?" Fin asked even though he knew the answer. As much as he loved both women they were as hard headed as it could be at times. This was becoming one of those times.

"Not to my knowledge" Elliot said standing

"Figures" Fin said as he headed for the door. "Let Capt know I'm with Liv today."

"Will do" Elliot called after the retreating form hoping that maybe Fin could get through Liv's hard head, before she did something she would regret.

"Liv where are you?" Fin called out as he entered Alex's apartment.

"In the kitchen."

Fin walked into the kitchen and took notice of the damage on the wall. There were three holes that were obviously made by a fist. One look at Olivia's hand told him it was made by her fists.

"Want to tell me what happened?" He asked pointing at the holes in the wall.

"Short story my temper." Olivia said placing a glass in a bag as she finally looked up at him. "I need to run several errands today before my therapy. I have the hyperbaric therapy at eleven and an appointment with my behavioral therapist here at two."

"Where do we need to go?" Fin asked taking the bag Liv was holding from her.

"I want to stop by the cleaners and drop off Alex's suits for her. I know she uses the one down the street on the corner. I need to find out where these glasses are sold so I can buy a replacement set and I need to go to a hardware store as well. On our way home I want to stop by the grocery store. I want to do something nice for Alex."

"So you've become her little bitch huh?" Fin said laughing but stopped when he saw the look that crossed her face "Liv I was kidding I'm sorry."

"It's the least I can do Fin." Olivia said with tears in her eyes "There's a mark on her cheek and I'm the cause of it. I put these holes in her kitchen wall and that's not counting what's in my bedroom. She's down to three glasses because I get so angry I throw them across the room. Every time I try to walk out the door to save her from me she stops me. I can't deny her when she looks at me with those eyes."

"Aww has this injury made you soft hearted?" Fin said with a twinkle in his eye.

"I will show you how soft hearted I am if you keep that shit up." Olivia growled.

"Yeah yeah yeah," Fin said guiding her to the door "Any time you want to go rounds let me know. I'll take you on any day of the week."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for the kind reviews on my last chapter. I seriously thought everyone would be mad with me in how I took Olivia's behavior. I thought after the intense chapter we had yesterday we could use somewhat nice and fluffy chapter this time around. I hope everyone enjoyed it and as always reviews are welcomed.**


	40. Dinner

Alex sighed as she entered the apartment and smiled the first real smile she had smiled all day long. Today had truly been the one to test her patience, a test that with no doubt she had failed. A child molester had almost walked free due to a technicality from the lab and just when she didn't think her day could get any worse that worthless piece of shit Langen decided he wanted to subpoena Olivia on a case knowing full well she was unable to testify. Once Alex had gotten wind of the subpoena she stormed into Judge Moredock's court room and ripped him a new one in front of everyone. The well deserved ass chewing had cost her three hundred dollars and two hours in a jail cell. When she was finally allowed out, even though she had posted her bail within thirty minutes of being arrested, she was summoned to Donnelly's office. Donnelly, who was about as straight laced as they came, called her into her office and not so politely explained to her if it happened again then she would find herself out of a job.

Normally she would argue the legality of the subpoena with her and justify her outburst but today she only wanted to head home to see Olivia. She had been worried about the detective since she called Elliot to find out how the day's therapy sessions had gone and was informed that she had called Fin to drive her around town. Instead of arguing with her she smiled in acknowledgement hoping to speed the process along and finally hit the destination she had been trying for since two that afternoon, her apartment.

"Where's Olivia?" Alex asked Ramirez, trying to hold the panic she felt at bay, as she kicked off her heels and hung her coat up on the coat rack by her door.

"She's in the kitchen" Ramirez said standing.

"Thank you." Alex said as she passed him and motioned him to sit back down. She was coming to realize that once everything was cleared up she would truly miss Ramirez.

"I hope you don't mind but Detective Benson said it was ok to watch the game that is on."

"Please enjoy yourself Ramirez." Alex said as she stopped by the dining room table noticing a vase with flowers in the center. She smiled as she took a closer look at the arrangement. There was an assortment of white, pink, orange, red, and yellow with red tip roses arranged around a single lavender rose in the center. Alex reached out gingerly touching the lavender rose knowing that it meant love at first sight.

"Hope you like them" Olivia said from the kitchen doorway pulling Alex from her thoughts.

"I love them" Alex said choking back tears as she turned around to face the brunette. She wanted so badly to pull her into her arms and kiss her. "Thank you."

"Great." Olivia said visibly relaxing "Why don't you head upstairs and change dinner should be ready shortly. I know you told me to order whatever but I really wanted to cook you a nice dinner. A way to say thank you for everything you have done for me."

Alex, who was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, quickly headed up the stairs stopping long enough to give Ramirez a quizzical look.

"I don't know Ms. Cabot she's been like this since the behavioral therapist left this afternoon." Ramirez said answering her unspoken question.

Alex not wanting to lose the good mood and a chance at a peaceful night hurried upstairs to change. Within minutes she had changed into a pair of jeans and a t shirt before she pulled her hair into a pony tail.

"I take it you had a good session with Cobb today." Alex said walking back into the kitchen.

"I guess you could say that." Olivia answered nonchalant "Of course it helps when you are shown the error of your ways." She added with her eyes glued to the mark on Alex's face.

"Anything I can do to help?" Alex asked hoping to change the direction Olivia was heading as she made a mental note to kill Elliot first thing in the morning.

"Want to fix us some drinks?"

"Sure" Alex answered as she opened the cabinet where the glasses were kept stopping when she noticed a full set that was slightly different from her previous ones in their spot.

"I tried to find your exact set but I wasn't able to" Olivia whispered coming to stand next to Alex suddenly terrified that Alex would hate what she had done "These were the closest that the sales lady could find."

"I love them" Alex answered turning to face Olivia "Thank you for them."

"I've also started repairing the walls I have damaged" Olivia informed her as she pointed to her attempts as a handyman. "I know its not the best but I'm going to work on it daily till your wall looks like it did the day you moved in."

Alex laughed when she saw Olivia's attempts at repairing the wall. One look her repair attempts told her that if she could never be in law enforcement again that being a building super was definitely out of the equation. If she was Honest with herself she really didn't care how many holes wound up in her walls as long as she was never on the receiving end of Olivia's anger. There had been many times she had referred to them as Olivia's therapy sessions.

"Olivia I greatly appreciate everything you are trying to do. It means a lot with you attempting to correct your behavior." She whispered finally reaching out and touching the brunette for the first time since arriving home.

"Thanks." Olivia said as she felt a blush creeping up her neck as she leaned into the simple touch Alex was offering her. "Why don't you go sit down and I will serve you dinner."

"On one condition?" Alex said deciding to take a chance.

Olivia nodded for her to continue.

"After dinner please come to my room with me and watch a movie. Any one you want."

"If you still want to do that after hearing about my sessions today and what I've come to realize I would love to watch a movie with you."

"That is a deal I am willing to accept" Alex stated as she walked toward the dining room.

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**A/N: To my faithful readers and SVU followers I do know that Moredock did not become a judge till season 10 but at the time I was writing this at work his name was the only one that came to me so I stuck with it. I hope everyone has enjoyed this chapter and as always reviews are welcomed.**


	41. Sessions

Alex took the plate Olivia handed her and dried it off before placing it in the cabinet. She smiled at the simplicity and almost domestication of the simple action and couldn't help but wonder if this is what it would be like with Olivia. She really wanted to take the chance and find out but she would be the first to admit that she was what one would call gun shy after everything that happened with Jess. Even despite the outburst she had witnessed from Olivia she knew without a shadow of a doubt that Olivia would never hurt her.

"That's it Alex" Olivia said as she began to wipe the counter down. "Why don't I pour you a glass of wine and you go relax?"

"You can pour me a glass of wine if you like" Alex answered as she took a seat at her kitchen island "But I would prefer to sit here and hear about your sessions today."

Olivia pulled the bottle of Chardonnay, what she had discovered to be Alex's favorite, out of the fridge. She pulled the cork from the bottle and filled a glass before sliding it to Alex. She took a deep breath as she re corked the bottle before returning it to the fridge and grabbing herself a bottle of orange juice. She turned and leaned against the refrigerator as she stared at the blonde haired beauty before her.

"Well" Alex said arching an eyebrow.

"Well what?"

"Well, I don't know tell me how the Knicks did" Alex smirked as she took a sip of wine "What do you think Olivia?"

"You would have to ask Ramirez about the Knicks game. I was busy learning how to repair holes in the wall." Olivia answered deciding to tease the attorney a little.

"Your sessions, Olivia, tell me about your sessions."

"Which one would you like to hear about first?" Olivia asked noticing the slight change in Alex's tone.

"Which one would you like to start with?" Alex asked deciding to answer a question with a question.

"Let's start with the hyperbaric treatment. It was an hour long as always and I do believe my body has finally become accustomed to them."

"Why do you say that?'

"I no longer get the headaches afterwards."

"That's good. Anything else about the treatment?" Alex asked deciding that she had had better luck at getting perps to confess on the stand than getting information out of Olivia at times.

"Well yeah" Olivia said as she began to bite her bottom lip "Dr. Mathews would like to perform what is called a functioning MRI."

"What is that?"

"It will show the tissues of my brain and the areas of activation in my brain. Basically they would be looking at two things at once. I would be performing certain tasks so they can see the neural activity in the brain. It will help them focus on what behavioral, physical, and occupational therapies I will need."

"So when did you schedule the test. I would like to be there for it and will see what I need to move around on my court calendar."

"I didn't schedule one." Olivia said sighing.

"Why not?"

"Alex do you know how much one of those cost?

"Actually not a clue and personally I don't care if Dr. Mathews says you need it."

"Alex" Olivia whispered looking away from the blonde as she began to peel the label off her bottle "I saw the bill today."

"What bill?" Alex asked certain that she had had better luck questioning perps at this point.

"The bill for the hyperbaric treatments. Do you know how much each session costs?"

"Honestly not a clue but I'm sure my account can answer that question if I had a desire to know."

"Jesus Alex each session is almost two grand and I have already had ten."

"So that's twenty thousand where are we going with this?"

"Where are we going with this?" Olivia growled out feeling her temper starting to rise "Alex that's twenty thousand and I still have lord knows how many more. A damn Functional MRI costs between four and six hundred dollars an hour and the test can take up to three hours. So max that is another two thousand dollars."

"Ok"

"OK?" Olivia almost screamed but stopped herself "I can only imagine how quickly I am depleting your savings. I'm not…I won't do that. So I told Dr. Mathews not to do the scan. I also told him that today was the last of my sessions."

"YOU WHAT." Alex screamed jumping from her chair before taking a few deep breaths to calm down "Olivia you will continue the treatments and have the MRI he wants to perform done. I do not care what the cost is and to be quite honest I can more than afford it."

"Sweet Jesus Alex how much money do you have?" Olivia said more to her self than to Alex

"The last time I checked it was just this side of two million but that was back in January when I had to file my taxes. I'm pretty sure it's grown since then."

"Two million? I knew you had money but never had a clue of an amount like that."

Alex smiled as she walked around the small island and took Olivia's hands in hers.

"My family has done well over the years and also invested very well. When I turned twenty one I received control over the trust fund my grandfather started for me when I was born. When my father passed a few years ago I received not only a large sum of money from his life insurance but another trust fund that he had set up. That is not including the stocks and bonds that have been in my family for years that I inherited being an only child. The money I earn on interest alone is enough for me to survive off of."

"Wow" Olivia said more to herself than to Alex.

"Yeah wow. So when I informed Stephanie that money was no object I meant money was no object. Now we will call him in the morning and reschedule all the appointments you have cancelled and schedule you for the MRI test he wants to perform as well."

"Alex" Olivia started to argue but stopped when Alex placed a finger on her lips.

"There is no room for argument here. Dr. Mathews is the leading doctor in TBI's so if he says he wants to perform a test or believes one is necessary it will be done no questions asked. Before you say it this has nothing to do with guilt. It is simply me wanting to see one of New York's best detective's get better so she can get back to doing what she does best, helping victims." And maybe a little guilt mixed in she added to herself.

"There's no winning this is there?"

"None at all."

"Now I see why you have such a high conviction rate." Olivia said laughing.

"My conviction rate also has to do with how well the detectives in the squad investigate. I happen to have some of the best working my cases. Now about your behavioral therapy."

"She wants to see me three times a week and has started me on some anger management techniques. If those don't work she wants to try a drug therapy regime."

"When will we know if the techniques work?"

"I guess the next time I put my fist through your wall we'll know."

"I was thinking about that and I did some research online. Actually try more along the lines of shopping on line. I have ordered one of those kick bags like the ones in the gym at the station and a boxing bag. They should be here by Monday. I figured we could make some room in the living room and set them up. That way you can take your anger out on the bags."

"Alex I think the point is to control my anger not to take it out on anything."

"Agreed but I also came to realize that a good portion of your problem maybe the fact that you are trapped in an apartment, you can't leave unless you have an escort and there is absolutely no working for you. Let's face it Olivia you weren't made to do nothing. The boxing bag will be great for your hand eye coordination."

"Alex there is no way I can ever repay you for what you are doing for me."

"I told you this morning Olivia stop Jess and that will be repayment enough."

"I promise you Alex I will do everything in my power to guarantee that Jess will never bother you again." Olivia said as she allowed Alex to guide her from the kitchen to her bedroom.


	42. FMRI

**A/N: I have good news and bad news for everyone. The good news is I am finally off desk duty. The bad news is that with that means the updates of the chapters may not be as often as they have been. On another note I want to thank everyone for the reviews and PM's I have received about this story and a special thank you to the reader who is helping me with the medical portion of this story. Without you who knows how bad the medical portion would be. Thank you so much.**

* * *

Alex glanced over at Olivia and smiled at the brunette who was trying to mask her nervousness. It had been just under two weeks since Olivia had decided to cancel all her therapy and the needed tests because she found out the cost of treatment. Despite the small argument, actually disagreement, they had over her treatment it had been probably one of the best nights of Alex's life.

They had retired to her room to watch a movie and within minutes Olivia was sound asleep. Once she had finished preparing briefs and going over case files Alex had debated on waking Olivia so she could go to her room but decided to let her stay. After all it wasn't their first time sharing a bed since she had come to stay with her. Within minutes of crawling into bed to sleep Olivia had rolled over and wrapped her arm around Alex and pulled her tight against her. That was how she woke the next morning still wrapped in Olivia's arm. She had to admit that not only did it feel right but that night had to be the best night of sleep she had in years.

"Are you ok?" Alex whispered as she leaned closer to Olivia

"Just scared." Olivia responded "What if I can't be an officer anymore?"

"Olivia I told you one step at a time. You are one month into rehab. I can tell though that your hand eye coordination has improved with the boxing bag."

"I want El to take me to the range but I don't want you mad at me for it." Olivia said catching Alex's eyes finally.

"Liv" Alex whispered placing her hand over Olivia's and entwining their fingers "I didn't want you to over exert yourself and that is why I was mad. I was and still am afraid that if you try to push yourself too much too far too fast that it will set you back."

"I know but I hate not working. I hate having to rely on others. It's always been just me. You know my life story. I don't know how to depend on others. When I do I feel like I'm imposing."

"Do you feel like you have been imposing on me?" Alex asked even though she could read the answer on Olivia's face.

"Yes." Olivia said looking away.

"I promise you Olivia" Alex said as she gently turned Olivia's head so that she was looking at her "You have in no way imposed on me. To be honest I am finding it quite enjoyable coming home to someone I can talk to. I can say without a doubt in my mind I will miss you being there when you are well enough to go back to your place. So at no time do you need to feel as if you have or are currently imposing on me."

"Ms. Benson" Dr. Mathews said as he stepped into the waiting room just as she started to answer Alex "We are ready to start your testing."

"Will you be here when I am done?" Olivia asked terrified.

"Wouldn't have it any other way detective."

Olivia nodded at Alex as she stood and followed the doctor down the hall. He briefly explained the procedure and how it would be performed. She nodded in agreement to everything he said not really catching much.

"Are you ready to begin?" Dr. Mathews asked pulling Olivia from her thoughts

"How soon after this test will we discover if I can go back to being a cop?" Olivia asked as she fought to keep the tears at bay.

"A portion of the test will test your hand eye coordination. If that is severally damaged I will not lie to you your chances of returning to law enforcement is slim but if there is slight damage we should be able to do what is called occupational therapy and have you back on the force."

"How much longer?"

"Olivia, at the very least your look at another two months possibly more."

"Ok"

"You ready now?"

"Let's get this over with." Olivia said as she laid back.

"Ms. Cabot" A nurse said as she walked out into the waiting room almost three hours later. Even though Alex knew the test itself would take a while she was truly starting to worry.

"Yes ma'am" Alex said standing quickly.

"Hi I'm Nurse Fowler and Ms. Benson is done with her testing. I have been asked to take you back to where she is."

"Ok" Alex said as she followed her back to where Olivia was.

"Hey you." Alex whispered as she walked into the room smiling when she saw Olivia sitting on the exam table.

"Hey" Olivia responded smiling back "I hope you don't mind but I wanted you back here when they told me the results."

"Olivia I meant it when I said I am here every step of the way with you. If you want me in the room for results then I will be right here. I will hold your hand if that's what you want."

"Thanks" Olivia said reaching for her hand. She was terrified of what she was about to hear. She had no clue what she would do if she was told she couldn't work for NYPD anymore.

"Ladies" Dr. Mathews said as he walked into the room "Are you ready to hear the results?"

"No yes I don't know." Olivia said squeezing Alex's hands tight.

"Liv look at me" Alex said waiting till she had Olivia's attention "No matter what we hear today we will face it and face it together. Remember what I keep saying we will take everything in stride and one step at a time. OK?"

Olivia nodded fighting to hold her tears back.

"Go ahead Dr. Mathews" Alex said as she hugged Olivia tight to her.

"Good news ladies, your F-MRI, as we call them, did show us the areas of the brain that was damaged. It does show it is where your behavior is controlled and a small portion of hand eye coordination. Using this method we could see the parts that were previously damaged and the repairs that have been made using the hyperbaric treatment method. I believe that if we continue on with the line of treatment we are using there is no reason as to why she shouldn't make a full recovery."

"Thank god" Olivia exhaled finally letting the tears fall from her eyes.

"That doesn't mean you are in the clear. We still at the very least have another month of treatment using the hyperbaric chamber. What I would like to do is continue treatment for let's say two weeks and perform another F-MRI to see where we stand. I know Ms. Cabot had gotten you a behavioral therapist before you were discharged. Are you still seeing him or her?"

"It's a her and I am. I see her three times a week."

"How are your outbursts?"

"They have declined significantly since I was taught some coping mechanisms and Alex has purchased some equipment for me." Olivia said proud of the fact that she had been controlling her outbursts.

"What type of equipment?"

"I ordered a kick bag and a boxing bag." Alex answered "I thought the boxing bag would help with the hand eye coordination and the kick bag she could just beat up if things got too bad."

"That's original" Mathews said laughing "You're right on the boxing bag but maybe not so on the kicking bag. We want her to learn to control her outburst. Yes she does need an outlet but she needs to learn how to prevent or stop outburst. She won't always have a bag around."

"I understand that" Alex answered slightly defensive "But Olivia has always been the go go go type of person. I have never, even when she is sick, seen her sit around. I thought this would give her something to do and occupy her time."

"Olivia do you feel as if that has helped you?"

"Honestly yes." Olivia answered with a smile. "It's not so much as a way for me to exert my anger so much as it is a way for me to work out and stay busy. I work out on the kick bag for about an hour every morning and about an hour every evening on the punching bag."

"Normally I wouldn't suggest something of this nature but if it is working to occupy you and not a method of outburst for your anger I say keep doing it. Are you on any medication at the moment?"

"No sir." They both answered together.

"Good I would like to try and keep it like that. Let's leave medication as a last resort for now. If at any time though the coping methods stop working, please let us know and we will try some new ones. If they don't work then and only then would I suggest medication. The reason I say that is because anti-depressants and such alter the chemical make-up of the brain and we won't get an accurate reading on a F-MRI."

"That's not a problem there because anything I take will have to go in my jacket and that will prevent me from getting back to my job till I'm evaluated by the departmental shrink."

"Olivia" Alex said in a warning tone letting her know that if she needed to take them she would no questions asked.

"I think I have covered what I need to this visit." Dr. Mathews said standing "I know we have covered a lot today do either of you have any questions."

Olivia looked at Alex and shook her head no and Alex did the same.

"I would have to say not at the moment." Alex finally answered.

"Very well" He said heading for the door "If you think of any Alex you have my number please feel free to call me."

"We will."

"Good. You ladies are free to leave. I have your appointments set up for the next two weeks for the hyperbaric treatments there is no need to stop by the scheduling station on your way out."

Alex and Olivia both stood and followed Dr. Mathews out the door. Olivia who was still slightly scared never let go of Alex's hand till they had made it to the car. Once there she turned and face Alex.

"Alex I honestly have no clue where I would be right now if you weren't here. There is no way I can ever repay you or thank you enough for everything you have done for me."

"Olivia I am just thankful that I can do something."

"I know" Olivia said as she pulled Alex into a hug. "I know."


	43. Time with Elliot

The ride home was silent and slightly unnerving to the two women. Olivia waited until they had secured the door and motioned for the officer to make himself scarce. She turned to talk to Alex and found the blonde quickly retreating into the kitchen without a second glance.

"Alex is everything ok?" Olivia asked following Alex into the kitchen.

"Yes" Alex asked without turning around to face her.

"Alex please look at me" Olivia almost pleaded.

Alex took a deep breath and hoped she was masking what she was feeling before turning around.

"Alex" Olivia whispered as she closed the gap between her and Alex "If you're worried about Jess I will stay here till we catch her and you don't have to worry about that ok."

"Olivia that's not what's bothering me." Alex replied honestly for the first time in she couldn't remember how long.

"Then talk to me, please. Tell me what has you so worried."

"I guess I never thought about you leaving and going back home. Somewhere in my mind I had it that you would stay here. I know its childish or whatever you want to call it but I never once considered you leaving. I don't want you to leave."

"Listen even when I move back home" Olivia said silently adding to herself that she didn't want to move back home "We will still see each other every day and can have dinners, go out to plays or movies or just have a girls night at one of our apartments."

"Yeah but it won't be the same as having you here and to be honest for once I truly enjoy having someone to come home to."

"Thank you but did you think I was just going to mooch off you forever."

"I don't see a problem with it."

Olivia started laughing and pulled Alex too her "of course you wouldn't. You are an angel sent from above believe that." Olivia whispered as she pulled away and caught her crystal blue eyes "I need to go call Elliot I need to talk to him."

"Olivia" Alex said in a warning tone.

"Al, I have to have some guy time per say ok." Olivia responded placing a finger on her lips to silence her "You can lay all the rules you want out for him when he arrives ok. I need this ok."

"Deal" Alex said knowing how important it was for Olivia to maintain some autonomy even though she hated the thought of him intruding on her time with her. Hell if she wanted to be totally truthful she hated the friendship they had. It wasn't so much as their friendship as he was the one she turned to and leaned on when she needed somebody. There was nothing more Alex wanted then to be the one Olivia would turn to when she needed a shoulder to lean on. Granted she had been doing that since she was injured but there was going to come a time when it wasn't going to be her anymore and Alex hated that thought more than anything.

"Where too?" Elliot asked as they stepped onto the elevator with Olivia. He had been amazed that Olivia had called him since they hadn't talked since that night they fought in Alex's apartment. It wasn't their first fight and there was no doubt in his mind that as long as they remained partners that it wouldn't be their last fight, but that was the first time it had ever became as physical as it had with them. He was still sporting the bruise to prove it.

"Let's hit the range" Olivia answered with a smile.

"Umm Liv did you not hear that ass chewing I just got." El said looking at her "I would prefer to go home alive. She laid out the rules and I have every intention of following them to a tee."

"Aww is the big bad detective scared of the big bad ADA" Olivia said in a teasing tone as she pushed him into the wall.

"When it comes to you hell yeah." He answered honestly "You didn't see her when you were in the hospital. There's nothing that woman won't do for you Olivia. I can only imagine the amount of money she is spending on your rehab. She told Stephanie if they weren't the leading doctors in the field you needed she didn't want to see them. She would accept nothing but the very best for you."

Olivia fought to fight the tears at bay hearing Elliot tell her that. She knew that Alex had gone above and beyond for her and was paying at the very least forty thousand a month for her hyperbaric treatments that wasn't counting the other therapy she was doing as well or any extra testing that was ordered.

"Let's compromise then" She said "Remember the place where you had the twin's birthday party?"

"The one with the laser tag?" Elliot asked confused and wondering where she was going with this line of thought.

"That's the one. Let's go there. She didn't say anything about laser tag."

"You want to play laser tag?"

"Elliot it is similar to clearing a house. I have to use hand eye coordination and memory function. If you won't take me to the range that's the next best thing. Besides they have some arcade shooting games there that I can practice on."

"I never thought of that. Speaking of shooting games I should bring Dickie's play station II over. He has some shooting games that uses a controller in the shape of a gun. You could use that to help with your shooting and hand eye coordination."

"Please don't tell Alex that she will purchase every system and shooting game on the market for me if she thinks it will help.'

"Let's see how you do tonight and that will determine if I keep my mouth shut."

"Oh really?'

"Yeah Liv just think about it ok. She doesn't want you at the range shooting yet."

"Don't remind me." Olivia groaned.

"Shut up and listen for once. She doesn't want you at the range but she drove all over New York to find a hunting target and sent me to purchase a BB gun that would resemble our weapons. That way you could still practice shooting but lessen your chance at a reoccurring injury. It's helped you right?"

"Yeah the last time I shot it I got almost all the shots in the bull's eye."

"Right and she ordered you the boxing bag to help with your hand eye coordination as well."

"Yes."

"Has that helped?"

"Well yeah."

"Ok then. Let's see how you do with the games. They give you the fast past, twenty things happening at once, scenario's as you would have serving a warrant or going on a raid. You could use that to help your focus and judgment shootings. Hell write a report after each board to practice your recall skills of the events that happened leading up to and after each shooting."

"As much as it pains me to say this I think you may actually have a good argument there." Olivia said shaking her head as she followed him to the car. Never in her life time could she have imagined herself using hunting targets, BB guns, boxing bags and now possibly playing video games to help her career. Then again as the saying goes there's a first time for everything.

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**A/N: I honestly didn't think I would have time to write another chapter now that I am off desk duty but somehow I did. I have to say thank you for all the glowing reviews. There's nothing that makes my day more than to wake up after a five or six hour nap to work twelve hours and see such rave reviews. Thank you guys so much. **


	44. Asking

"Hey you" Olivia said as she leaned against the doorway of Alex's bedroom.

"Hey yourself" Alex said looking up from the brief she was reading over. Her breath caught in her throat when she looked at Olivia. She was wearing a pair of black jeans that hugged her just right and a charcoal grey turtle neck that appeared to fit her like a second skin. What really set the whole scene off was what had become known as her trademark leather coat she was holding over her shoulder with one finger. Everything about her at that moment screamed heartbreak and danger yet at the same time Alex had never felt safer.

"Are you ok?" Olivia asked when Alex never said anything else.

"Yeah sorry my mind was still revolving around the brief I was working on." Alex said and how to undress you at the moment she added to herself.

"That good?"

"That important" Alex said placing the paperwork on the unoccupied side of the bed. "How was the range?"

"We didn't go to the range." Olivia answered as she pushed off the door way and walked into the bedroom taking a seat on the foot of the bed.

"Olivia I really didn't expect either you or Elliot to listen to me when I said absolutely no range."

"Well apparently you have Elliot terrified of you." Olivia said with a genuine smile crossing her face "What exactly happened while I was out?"

"Nothing once you left I talked with Ramirez for a few and then came up here to prepare for trial tomorrow."

"No' Olivia said laughing "I meant when I was out in the hospital. Elliot made the comment to me that there was nothing you wouldn't do for me."

"Olivia I only wanted you to have the best and with Stephanie's help you have the best" Alex answered as if she was ordering dinner "Now stop changing the subject and tell me if you didn't go to the range what did you two do and how much trouble did you two get into."

"For once we behaved and we played laser tag."

"Laser tag?" Alex asked as she tried to picture two grown adults who were cops playing laser tag.

"Yes laser tag. Like I said you have Elliot terrified of you and he refused to take me to the range stating he loved his life and would like to live. Then I remembered where he held the twin's birthday party. It had laser tag and to me that is similar to clearing a house."

"How did you do?"

"Died a few times but that can happen in real life when clearing a house, for the most part my shots were on point. We did discover that when I begin to get tired I tend to have some issues."

"Like?"

"That is when I start to feel my anger rising and I have trouble focusing. There were a few times that it would have been a bad shoot but most of the time I would have been cleared by IA."

"So we need to slowly work you up to where you need to be. Do you think that playing laser tag on a regular basis would do that for you?"

"Maybe I don't know to be honest." Olivia said shrugging her shoulders "Elliot is going to bring Dickie's Play Station II over tomorrow. He has some shooting games and a controller in the shape of a gun. We're going to see if that will help some as well."

"If that works let me know and we will go and purchase a system for you and as many shooting games as you want or think you need."

"That's what I told him you would do." Olivia said standing folding her coat over her arm "Listen Alex you have gone above and beyond the call of duty for me. You will never know how thankful I am for everything, but Alex…"

"There are no buts here detective we have gone over that" Alex stated interrupting Olivia "If a gaming system helps you then we will get you a gaming system."

"I was going to say if but Alex if you keep it up you're going to spoil me and I might not want to leave."

"Olivia you work harder than anyone I have ever met and have overcome more than what anyone should ever have too. If there's one person on this earth that deserves to be spoiled it is you." And if getting you a gaming systems gets you to stay I'll by one every week Alex silently added.

"Thank you." Olivia mumbled as she looked away embarrassed.

"You are more than welcomed."

"Great, yeah well," Olivia said as she headed toward the door "I'm exhausted so I am going to take a shower and hit the sack."

"I will be doing the same once I finish with this." Alex responded as she picked up the brief she was reading.

Olivia reached the door and glanced back at Alex. Noticing she had picked the brief up and began reading through it again. Her glasses was slightly crooked on her face and she was chewing on the end of the pen that she held in her left hand. There was a fire in her eyes that was unmistakable and caused Olivia's breath to catch in her throat. She realized she wanted Alex to look at her with that fire in her eyes.

"Hey Alex?" Olivia asked getting her attention.

"Yeah" Alex said looking up from her brief and straightening her glasses. She had never been one for glasses before but there was something about seeing Alex wearing them that did something to her.

"I was wondering if you would like to go out Friday?"

"Sure Liv. I can only imagine how you feel being trapped in my apartment on a daily basis."

"No Alex" Olivia said taking a deep breath and praying that what everyone had been telling her was the truth otherwise she was about to make the biggest fool of herself since her freshman year of college "I meant would you like to go out on Friday as a date."

Alex smiled as she sat the brief down in her lap and took her glasses off. She studied Olivia for a few seconds. It wasn't to make her nervous or scared that she would refuse but simply because she enjoyed seeing the vulnerable side of Olivia. It showed a softer more caring side of her that she only witnessed with victims.

"Oh ok" Olivia mumbled as she looked away feeling like the biggest fool there was and wanting nothing more than to deliver a few well delivered punches into the punching bag.

"Olivia" Alex called out stopping her realizing how Olivia was interpreting the silence "Please turn around?'

"No Alex it's ok" Olivia said trying to keep her breathing even not bothering to turn around "I just misread everything its called transference and common with injuries like this. Let's just pretend I never said anything because I'm really enjoying this friendship we have developed."

"Turn around" Alex ordered as she placed a hand on Olivia's shoulder, having silently made it across her bedroom to the door, and could feel the tension vibrating through her body.

"Alex" Olivia said shakily

"Face me."

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she slowly turned around.

"I'm sorry if you misread my delay in answering."

"NO NO NO" Olivia said as she attempted to pull away, having stopped listening at hearing the word misread, but discovered the blonde bombshell had more strength than she let on "Its my fault."

"Jesus woman you don't make anything easy do you?" Alex almost growled out, realizing in typical Olivia fashion she had stopped listening about three words in. She made sure she had Olivia's attention before continuing "I would love nothing more than to go out with you on Friday."

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**A/N: Finally our two favorite women are getting to where they need to be. I am so sorry about the delay in updating the story. I hope this chapter more than makes up for it.**


	45. Preparing

Alex paced back and forth in her bedroom as she changed outfits for the fifth. She couldn't even remember ever being as nervous about anything as she was that night. She couldn't even remember when was the last time she was worried about what someone would think about her as she did at that moment. Never in her life did it seem as if her self-worth was dependent up on one person, Olivia.

She had spent the week since Olivia had asked her out on a date trying to find the perfect outfit. That of course had to entail about three trips to different clothing stores and still coming up with nothing. It didn't help matters that she had no clue where Olivia had planned to take them. She was trying her hardest to keep from asking finding herself wanting to be surprised for the first time since she could remember. When Wednesday finally rolled around and she still had nothing to wear she had finally relented and asked Olivia what the plans were.

Olivia had looked up from the couch where she was reading a police procedural book and smiled at her. She was amazed that Alex had waited this long to ask questions about the date. She had figured the morning after she had asked her out she would start questioning her like a suspect on the stand. Instead she had simply fixed her some breakfast and layed a gently kiss on her head before heading out for work. Olivia who had really wanted to surprise Alex simply smiled and told her the required dress was business casual.

Alex wasn't sure if she was relieved or made her more frustrated hearing the response. She had tried to find more information out but was met with a brick wall. Then the ever inquisitive attorney side reared and she began to question Ramirez. To her dismay the only thing the officer knew was that it was business casual and Olivia was pissed he would have to tag along. They had reached an agreement where he would be in a black suit and appear as their driver since she couldn't lose him. Alex just nodded as she realized her first date with Olivia would be watched by one of New York finest and could easily be spread around the whole department if they felt the urge.

A knock at the door pulled Alex from her thoughts. She took a deep breath, taking one last glance in the mirror before heading to open the door.

"My god you're beautiful."Olivia breathed out handing Alex a single lavender rose taking in the simple black pants with a cream colored blouse that Alex was wearing. She had topped the outfit off with a pair of maybe two inch heels and was allowing her hair to flow freely.

"Thank you" Alex whispered as she took the rose from Olivia blushing from the compliment and the sight before her. Olivia, who she was coming to realize only owned black slacks, was wearing a pair of black slacks and a light blue turtle neck shirt that formed her body like the charcoal one did the other day. This time instead of her leather coat she was wearing a black blazer. A jacket she had seen several times before in court.

"Are you ready?" Olivia asked pulling her from her thoughts.

"I am" Alex said nodding as she took the hand that Olivia offered her and escorted her down the stairs. She allowed Olivia to escort her from the apartment and down to the waiting car. There was no denying the shivers that ran up and down her spine when Olivia placed her hand on the small of her back.

"How did you?" Alex asked seeing a black Lincoln town car with Ramirez standing by in a black suit.

"The guys" Olivia said as she assisted Alex into the car "I couldn't get them to lose the guard for a night so I told him that they needed to make him look like a driver and not a cop. They pulled this car out of impound and had the motor pool clean it up." Olivia slid in next to Alex and looked down at her hands "I'm really sorry about having to have a third person along. I didn't think when I asked you out."

"I'm with you that's all I want" Alex whispered before laying a gentle kiss on her cheek and settling against Olivia for the ride to the restaurant. Alex laid her head on Olivia's shoulder and closed her eyes enjoying the simple security and comfort she felt being with Olivia. Something that she had never felt with Jess even before the abuse had started.

"You ok?" Olivia whispered against Alex's blonde hair when they had stopped in front of the restaurant and Alex had made no attempt to move.

"I'm comfortable and would prefer not to move." Alex answered leaving out how she felt safe and loved for the first time in years and this was only their first date.

"I would like to give you a proper first date." Olivia said turning Alex's face up so she could look into her eyes "Shall I say as close to a proper date as I can at the moment."

Alex nodded as she leaned forward and initiated the kiss she had been dying for since she walked into the precinct almost a year ago. She opened her mouth and granted Olivia the access she asked for. The kiss was a slow and passionate kiss.

"Your dinner awaits" Olivia said leaning her forehead against Alex's as she struggled to catch her breath.

"My dinner is right here." Alex said not realizing what she had said for a few seconds. "Oh my I...I..."

"Relax Alex" Olivia said as she exited the car and then offered Alex her hand to help her out.

"I guess I let that slip out" Alex said blushing as she accepted Olivia's hand while getting out of the car.

"Make no mistake" Olivia growled as she pinned Alex against the car and leaned in dangerously close "I want you Alex and have for a while. But for once I want to do this right."

"I would too."

"Good" Olivia said taking a deep breath and pushing off and away from Alex. She smiled when she noticed the uneven shallow breaths that Alex was taking along with the flush that seemed to be covering her whole body. The fast beat of her heart was apparent in the pulse point on her neck. The very pulse point she wanted to bite down on and mark Alex as hers.


	46. Dinner Date

"Reservation for two under the name Benson" Olivia said as she stepped up to the maître de.

"Yes ma'am" She said glancing down at the reservation list and appearing to mark her name off the list. "Please give us ten minutes and your table will be ready. You may wait at the bar if you like.'

"Thank you" Olivia answered as she turned to Alex and begin to guide her to the bar "It will be about ten minutes before our table is ready and they will get us from here."

Alex nodded as she took a seat at the bar and smiled at how Olivia stepped close to her and turned her body where she could see everything. That simple action told Alex that Olivia was starting to return to normal. She was thrilled yet sad at the same time.

"Hey you ok?" Olivia asked noticing the change in Alex's eyes "If you would like to go elsewhere we can but I thought you would like it here."

"I am fine Olivia I just realized how well you are progressing in your treatments."

Olivia turned her head to the side with a questioning look on her face.

"Olivia for the first time since you have been injured you have positioned yourself so that you can see everything. Something you always did before the shooting and hadn't done since."

"Officer Survival." Olivia answered as if she was telling her the game score "Fin has been working with me on it. I have to be back in the game within the next month."

"Back in the game as in back to work?"

"Yeah my disability runs out and I have to get back to work so I can keep bringing in the money."

"Gather all your bills and I will take them to my accountant. He will handle everything from there and you can continue to stay out of work until you are hundred percent ready."

"I will not be a kept woman and you are already paying too much for me. I am eternally grateful for it and will forever be in your debt but I will not have you paying my bills."

"Too late detective." Alex said with a smile "I know how you feel about this so let's compromise. I refuse to accept any money for your medical expenses but I will happily work out a payment plan for your bills once you return to work. One month after you return to full duty we will negotiate a repayment plan."

Olivia was about to argue the point when the maitre de arrived and escorted them to their table. She had managed to get them a secluded table near the fire place. It offered them all the privacy they would need and yet offered Ramirez, who was sitting with a red head at a nearby table, full vision of them.

"What is good?" Alex asked as she picked up the menu and began to look it over.

"You haven't eaten here before?" Olivia asked shocked.

"No I haven't." Alex answered catching Olivia's eyes "I have been wanting too but being scared to leave your apartment and then having to eat alone in a restaurant like this is not my idea of a Friday night for me."

"The Pancetta wrapped pork loin and the roasted organic chicken is my favorite. Although I hear the spiced duck breast and braised octopus is outstanding as well."

"Exactly how many women have you brought here?" Alex asked suddenly wondering if this was a regular first date place for her and would she just be another notch on the bed post.

"Just one well now two" Olivia said reaching out and catching Alex's hand before she pulled away completely "The first one was my mother. She loved Scarpetta's and always wanted to eat here whenever we met for dinner."

"Oh Liv" Alex choked out feeling tears spring to her eyes "I'm sorry"

"Don't be." Olivia said trying to shrug it off even though it hurt her deeply "I have quite the reputation and I can see where you would misinterpret this."

"Order for me" Alex said squeezing Olivia's hand "You have been here before and know what I would like and not like."

"Alex?'

"I trust you order for me" Alex said closing her menu and smiling as the waiter approached.

Olivia took a second glance at Alex before turning her attention to the waiter. She ordered the roasted organic chicken for herself and the spiced duck breast for Alex. Once the waiter had left Alex continued to try and apologize to Olivia for her earlier action but Olivia kept brushing it off.

"Tell me about your mother?" Alex finally said after moments of silence. "I know she was a professor that taught English lit and apparently loved Scarpetta's and raised an amazing daughter entirely on her own."

"My mother was a falling down drunk up until the day she died. When she was sober she was a very loving and caring mother but when she was drunk that was a different story. When I was born abortion was still illegal and for some reason she refused to put me up for adoption. I had very little contact with my grandparents because they felt as if she had shamed the whole family being unwed and pregnant."

"She was raped." Alex stated shocked that they would feel like that.

"Back then it didn't matter. If you came up pregnant you married the father of the baby or whoever you were dating at the time. That was that. Tell me about your parents." Olivia said wanting to change the subject.

"What do you want to know? I had the Norman Rockwell photograph family, or so it appeared, growing up. My father was a high powered attorney and my mother was a house wife that looked the other way constantly. He was highly disappointed when his first and what ended up being his only child was a girl."

"They never had other children?"

"They tried and I would have had a sibling had my father not gotten mad at my mother and pushed her down a flight of stairs. Apparently asking my father to at least change shirts when he was with other women was unacceptable. He reminded her that he was the man of the house and could do as he pleased. She said something back to him so he shoved her down the flight of stairs. She was seven months pregnant."

"Alex I'm sorry."

"So was my mother. She delivered my brother still born later that night and had to have an emergency hysterectomy as well."

"Did he ever turn his anger on you?" Olivia asked suddenly hating a man that she had never met.

"There were a couple of times. Once being when he informed me that I was not only to date but I was too marry Trevor Langen as well. That was when I informed him that Trevor wasn't that lucky and I wasn't that desperate but his sister on the other hand was a different story. She had been very lucky several times and if I had my way she would continue to be lucky."

"You didn't?" Olivia said with slight laughter in her voice "You dated Trevor's sister?"

"I did for close to three years. Trevor, bless his heart, would always appear and escort me out on dates or so everyone thought. He would take me somewhere to meet his sister and then go do his thing. We would met back up in time for me to get home and he would escort me back home always being the perfect gentleman."

"Wow so Langen does have a heart or shall I say did." Olivia said shocked that Alex had known Trevor for as long as she had.

"He still does" Alex said feeling the need to defend the man that was her hero on more than one occasion "it's just hardened over the years."

"Why law were you wanting to follow in your father's footsteps since you were an only child?"

"No I was forced to become a lawyer. Since my father had no son's to follow in his shadow I was groomed for law school since age eight. Despite the fact that was the last thing I wanted to do I went along with it. I figured I could use my degree for good and help women like my mother, ironically to only to wind up being my mother years later."

"If you didn't want to be a lawyer what did you want to do?"

"Believe it or not I wanted to work in the medical field. I wanted to be a doctor specializing in pediatrics. What about you? Did you always want to be a cop?"

"Actually yes." Olivia answered leaning back so the waiter, who had arrived, could place their plates in front of them "I wanted to find the bastard who raped my mother." She said continuing once the waiter was gone "I wanted victims to know that not all cops were like the ass holes that investigated my mother's rape. I entered the hiring process toward the end of my junior year of college. Half way through my senior year I had completed everything and was set to enter the next academy class exactly three days after my graduation."

"Talk about jumping out of the pan and into the fire."

"You have no clue at all Alex" Olivia said laughing as they settled into a comfortable silence and began to eat their meal.


	47. Threats

The remainder of the dinner had gone by quietly and too quickly for Alex's liking. Olivia had signaled the waiter for the check and Ramirez to let him know they would be leaving shortly. Alex had quietly excused herself from the table and made her way to the restroom. She was in there for a few minutes when she heard someone call her name. She spun around and froze in her tracks.

"You were always such a slut" Jess growled as she closed the gap between her and Alex.

"OLIVIA" Alex screamed as she backed into the sink and bit her lip to keep from crying out in pain.

"She can't help you" Jess said as she tightened her fingers around her neck and squeezed "She'll never be able to help you or save you."

"Please please" Alex begged as the tears started to fall from her eyes.

"It's so nice to hear you beg. It reminds me of the times I had you tied to the bed. How you would plead and beg with me to stop. How you use to cry when I told you that you were mine and I would do what I want. That you'll always be mine."

"I'm not yours anymore" Alex spit out as she attempted to shove Jess away from her. If only she could get away from her Olivia could handle her.

"You will always be mine bitch!" Jess said as she pulled her hand back and slapped her across the face "I told you I would kill anyone you were with. How she survived the last time I shot her I have no clue but I promise you that she will not survive the second time."

"Please I'll go with you do whatever you want just please I beg you don't hurt her."

"Aww how sweet" Jess hissed into Alex's ear "That just tells me I will make sure that you watch every second of her suffering before I end it and come for you."

"I swear to god if you hurt her I will kill you myself." Alex growled suddenly fearing for Olivia's safety as she watched Jess start to walk out the door.

"You will do nothing you weak worthless slut." Jess said advancing on Alex.

Alex fought back the tears she felt coming and tried to stay focus on Olivia so not to show any fear or weakness to Jess.

"Oh my god, don't tell me the great fine looking detective is trying to teach you to have a backbone." Jess said with cruel sounding laughter "That is such a fucking joke"

Alex cried out when she felt Jess make contact against her cheek and then grabbed her slamming her into the wall across the room.

"I own you" Jess said as she spit on Alex "Don't you forget it."

"Hey" A woman screamed as she walked in and witness what was happening.

Jess looked up and smirked at the woman at the door. She always found it so funny and pathetic when people tried to save someone, especially someone like Alex. She glanced down and Alex who was curled up in a ball and begging her to stop. She felt such satisfaction seeing this and knew she couldn't wait till the day she watched her stand at Olivia's grave.

"I'm done with this piece of shit anyways." Jess said as she pushed the woman away from the door and left the restroom.

"Ma'am are you ok?" The woman asked as she approached Alex.

"No please don't hurt me I'm sorry."

"Ma'am its ok" The lady said as she reached out to touch Alex but pulled back when she screamed "Allow me to help you. I'm calling the cops now."

"Olivia." Alex stuttered out her body racked with sobs. "Get Olivia."

"Just hold on I'll get her" the woman said as she ran from the restroom and made her way to the middle of the restaurant and screamed "Is there someone here named Olivia?

"I am" Olivia said jumping to her feet and running toward the lady with Ramirez on her tail. "What is it?"

"Come with me" She said grabbing Olivia and pulling her toward the restroom.

Olivia started to pull away and flip the woman on her stomach with her hands behind her back when she realized that she was trying to pull her toward the bathroom. She pushed the lady to the side as she took off to a dead run into the restroom.

"ALEX" Olivia screamed as she looked around the room and saw her curled up in a ball crying. "What is it? What happened?"

"Please leave she'll kill you." Alex cried out as she pushed herself away from Olivia.

"Alex who will…' Olivia started to say when she realized what happened "Jess was here?"

"Leave she's promised to kill you." Alex said nodding.

Olivia stood quickly and started heading toward the door where Ramirez was standing. Before he could react she had grabbed him by his jacket and slammed him into the wall.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" She shouted into his face "YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HER."

"I'm sorry ma'am" Ramirez choked out terrified by the amount of anger he saw in Olivia's eyes.

"Sorry isn't good enough" Olivia said as she put her fist into the tile next to his head "Get your ass out there and find that fucking bitch. Do not arrest her drag her worthless ass back here to me. I have a bone to pick with her."

"Detective my orders are…" Ramirez started to say till Olivia literally jerked him off the ground.

"Your orders are to find this damn Jessica Johnson because I promise you if I ever see her like that again" Olivia growled as she pointed at Alex and felt her anger rise to levels she had never felt before "you will never wear the badge again in any state. Do I make myself clear?"

Ramirez nodded as she dropped him to the ground and he literally crawled toward the door trying to get away from the amount of anger he was witnessing.

"Alex" Olivia whispered as she dropped to the floor and slowly approached Alex "Take a few deep breaths and try to relax. You're at Scarpetta's with me and safe now. I am so sorry I left you alone. I swear to you it won't happen again."

"Olivia please leave." Alex pleaded "She wants to kill you."

"Then I suggest that bitch bring it" Olivia growled but stopped and took a deep breath when she saw Alex flinch at her tone. "I'm sorry"

"Liv please she wants to kill you." Alex said looking up into Olivia's eyes.

The fear, pain, and almost soulless like eyes she looked into was Olivia's undoing. She crawled the rest of the distance and pulled Alex into her lap despite her arguments. Once she felt Alex give up in the struggle against her she held her tight and allowed her to cry on her shoulder. As she felt her shoulder become soaked with tears she vowed then and there that she would make damn sure she was the first one to get her hands on Jess.

* * *

**A/N: Jess has finally made an appearance. Probably not the way you thought the rest of the date was going to go was it. Have to keep you guys on your toes. Thank you so much for the reviews. **


	48. Home

"Get your ass over here NOW" Olivia screamed into the phone before slamming it down on the dining room table and made her way up to Alex's bedroom. She took a deep breath before knocking on the door. The second they had made it home Alex had made a bee line for her room and refused to open the door for her so far. She had already delivered two well placed holes in the living room and one right next to Alex's door when she told her to leave.

"Alex please open the door for me." Olivia pleaded to a closed and locked door. When they first arrived home, Alex had slammed the door in her face and locked it. She was tempted to break it down and had stepped back ready to deliver the kick needed when Ramirez stopped her. After a brief scuffle between the two of them Olivia finally relented and saw his point of view.

"Olivia I want you to leave." Alex said taking a deep breath knowing the next words to come out of her mouth was going to kill her "It is best like this. I realized tonight that you aren't the woman for me. Please call Stabler and have him come and get you. I want you out of my house now."

"Alex" Olivia said taking a deep breath "I refuse to leave. Now open the door."

"Get out before I call the cops." Alex ordered in what she hoped was a steady voice as she frantically wiped the tears falling from her face away.

"Sweetheart" Olivia said finally giving in and shouldering the door open "I am the cops and I'm not leaving. Now I have no clue what she said to you or what she threatened you with but its just an idle threat."

"GET OUT" Alex screamed as she smacked Olivia across the face.

"You heard her" A voice whispered into her ear as arms wrapped around her waist and began to pull her backwards away from Alex.

Olivia dropped her center mass and grabbed the arms that was around her waist. She quickly bent at the waist and flipped the body over her shoulder and onto their back twisting their arm as they fell.

"Keep your hands off me Elliot."

Elliot quickly swept her feet out from under her and flipped her on her stomach. Without thinking twice he pulled both her arms behind her back and applied his cuffs. He hoped that quickly detaining her would get her listen to reason.

"Liv I have no clue what has happened but right now she is terrified of you and I will not let you get any closer. She wants you out of her house and you will follow her orders."

"Screw you." Olivia growled through clenched teeth as she bucked up kicking Elliot off her. She rolled over on her back and delivered two quick but strong kicks to Elliot's midsection causing him to stumble back. She used the temporary break to slip the cuffs to her front and jumped to her feet.

"Damn it" Elliot said winded forgetting how strong Olivia actually was despite what her size implied.

"STOP IT STOP IT" Alex screamed catching both of the detective attention causing both of them to stop in their tracks "I want you out of here Olivia. Please don't fight me on this and just do as I ask.'

"Alex"

"Don't Alex me just do it please."

"ok" Olivia almost whispered as she dropped her head in defeat "I will. Elliot please take these cuffs off so I can pack my clothes."

Elliot took a cautionary step forward half expecting this to be a plot from Olivia to break free. When he saw the hurt and defeat in her eyes he knew the fight was gone and quickly removed her handcuffs.

"Go get your stuff and I will take you to my house." He stated taking a step back giving her the room he knew she needed.

"No need Elliot" Olivia said turning quick so no one would see the tears forming in her eyes "I'll go home I have inconvenienced everyone enough."

"Alex what the hell happened?" Elliot asked turning to face the attorney once he knew that Olivia was out of ear shot. "Did Olivia cause that mark on your face?"

"What? No." Alex said shaking her head as she wrapped her arms around her as if to protect herself "Jess showed up at the restaurant."

"She what?" Elliot asked not sure he was hearing Alex right.

"Jess showed up in the restaurant bathroom and smacked me before she threw me into the wall. Olivia would never hurt me."

"Then why are you kicking Olivia out?" Stabler asked truly confused.

"She threatened her Elliot" Alex choked out as she finally looked up at him as the tears poured out of her eyes "She said she would slowly torture her and be successful in killing her this time. She couldn't wait to see me at her grave."

"I'm lost Alex, how the hell does that equal throwing Olivia out? By making Liv leave you're giving her the control she wants. Do you not realize that?"

"Elliot I don't care if I'm not with her in any way she is safe. She deserves someone who she shouldn't have to worry if she makes a wrong move it will send them into a flashback or someone who doesn't put her life in jeopardy just by being with her."

"Really?" He asked starting to get pissed with Alex "Just who the hell would that be?"

"Stacia."

"Stacia you want her to be with Stacia?"

"It's for the best."

"Don't you think if I wanted to be with her I would be with her?" Olivia asked from the door way having overheard their conversation "Alex I don't want her. I want you."

"Olivia she's best for you."

"So now you know what's best for me" Olivia said taking deep breaths to control her anger to not scare Alex anymore than what she already was "I'm glad you do. Alex I don't care if you have flash backs. We will work through them. I don't care if that bitch threatens me and wants to come after me. Actually that is what I want."

"Have you lost your mind?" Alex asked glaring at her with cold steel blue eyes. "She could kill you?"

"If she is after me then that means she has to leave you alone. You are safe. I want you safe and I want you happy. If I can't do the latter I will make damn sure I can do the former. I promise you that." Olivia said as she turned and faced Elliot "Will you give me a ride?"

Elliot looked from Olivia to Alex and then back to Olivia. He really wanted to turn and give Alex one hell of an ass chewing but knew better. In all honesty he wasn't sure how much more of a beating his body could take. He figured the safest thing he could do was to take Olivia where ever she wanted to go and then come back and give her one hell of an ass chewing screw the outcome. Boy was she going to get an earful.

"Where to?" Elliot asked as he started to reach for Olivia's suitcase but stopped when she shook her head.

"My apartment" Olivia said as she locked eyes with Alex "Thank you for everything you have done for me. I know you said it wasn't necessary but I will repay you everything."

"Come on" Elliot said leading Olivia from the bedroom and out of the apartment. Maybe once he got Olivia settled he would come back and try to knock some sense into Alex.


	49. Accepting

"El I need you to do me a favor." Olivia said opening the door to her apartment and dropping her suitcase by the door. She had forgotten how lonely her apartment was since she had moved in with Alex. Better yet she was amazed that she still had power to her apartment.

"I'll talk to Alex." He said assuming that was what she wanted.

"WHAT NO" Olivia said spinning on her feet.

"OK" Elliot said "What is it? Anything you want you have it."

"I need a full detailed background ran on each guard that is assigned to Alex and to the house. I want to know where their great great great grandmother threw her pot of piss out at."

"What?"

"You heard me" Olivia said opening her fridge then closing it depressed at what was molding in there "I also want Morales over to the apartment first thing in the morning."

"Why?"

"I need him to sweep for bugs, hidden cameras, the works."

"You're thinking there's a leak." Elliot said finally understanding her train of thought.

"It's the only thing that makes sense." Olivia stated stretching out on her couch. She could really tell the difference between her furniture and Alex's furniture "The only ones who knew that we were at Scarpetta's much less going out on a date was you guys and the guards, particularly Ramirez. I know without a doubt if you guys were going to smoke her out on our date that place would have been so covered by cops the pope couldn't have gotten a table."

"You're right" Elliot said agreeing with her.

"Also Ramirez had a red haired woman with him this evening. I have never seen her before so find out everything you can about her and perform the same background check as you are going to do on the guards."

"Done." Elliot said raising an eyebrow at his partner "And everything I just saw was what?"

"An Oscar winning performance if there are bugs or camera's in her apartment." Olivia said with a grin on her face.

"Every bit of that was planned and you couldn't let me in on it." Elliot said mad that he wasn't let in on the play that just happened.

"Sorry El I truly am but you have to understand. If Ramirez is the mole he was with us the whole time. If the apartment was bugged she could have heard the one sided conversation. Let's not forget the worst case scenario and that is somehow she can monitor both sides of the conversations."

"I have to say that is one scenario we didn't think on or plan for." Elliot finally admitted to her and silently loving the fact that his partner was returning to her old self.

"Me either since I started reading the file you guys have on Jess. After her showing up at the restaurant it's the only one that fits. We'll play this hand and if the hand is wrong we'll move on to the next one."

"Deal" Elliot said as he turned to head toward the door.

"Oh one more thing El." Olivia said stopping him as he headed toward the door.

"Go have the come to Jesus meeting you wanted to have with Alex before you discovered the truth. If Jess is truly watching and has been watching she would expect that. If you don't she may suspect something's up and throw the trail completely."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Now get out of here. I'm exhausted." Olivia yawned as she laid back on her couch and closed her eyes "Oh and send someone to get me in the mornign to meet you and Morales at her apartment."

Elliot just grunted in agreement as he left Olivia in her apartment and started to replay the last few days in his mind. Olivia had told him in the car after a treatment that she had finally asked Alex out and she had agreed. She had discussed not having Ramirez follow them when she was at Alex's apartment. The guys had brain stormed and came up with the idea of using the town car in the bull pen but Fin had discussed it with her in person at Alex's apartment. The car was signed out using a current case number that Fin and Munch was working on for an undercover detail relating to the case. No matter which way he thought of it they had made a rookie mistake and didn't sweep the apartment for bugs. Alex's attack fell on them.

"Alex Alex" Elliot called out entering her apartment and motioning for Ramirez to have a seat.

"What do you want Stabler?" Alex asked as she walked to the top of her stairs.

"What the hell was that" Elliot growled taking the stairs two at a time "Have you lost your damn mind?"

"Elliot that was none of your business" Alex stated as she spun on her feet and stormed back to her room.

"That is my partner and that makes it my business" Elliot almost screamed as he kicked Alex's bedroom door in "You had no right to do that. NONE. Do you know what it took for her to ask you out? Do you?"

"Elliot" Alex said backing up into the wall.

"Don't Elliot me. She finally worked up the nerve to ask you out. You two have a great date. Then Jess shows up and you throw her out."

"She threatened her."

"By you throwing her out you let Jess win. Do you realize that?" Elliot took a deep breath to calm himself "Listen Alex Olivia will stand by you through anything. She will take it as slow as you want or need to go. She will help you through every flashback and threat you will ever receive. I have never seen her as happy as I have with you. To tell her to go to Stacia, to be with her and forget you that was low Alex. I think the only way you could get any lower is to cheat on her. Is that it? Was she a game to you?"

"NO" Alex screamed as she smacked him hard against the face "She was never and will never be a game. As long as she's with me she's in danger. Breaking it off with her and throwing her out is the best thing for her, for me."

"I never thought I would say this but at this moment you have to be the stupidest woman I have ever met. For everyone's sake involved I pray to god you know what the hell you are doing." Elliot spat out as he spun on his heels and stormed out of Alex's apartment.

Alex fell to the floor crying when she heard her door slam behind Elliot. As she crawled in the bed she realized that tonight would be the first time since Olivia had moved in she wouldn't get any sleep. As she hugged the pillow tight against her trying to feel some security she silently prayed that Olivia knew what the hell she was doing because knowing she wasn't down the hall tonight was tearing her apart.

* * *

**A/N: Had you guys going for a minute there didn't I? Have to keep the twists coming to keep you guys on your toes. Remember rule #1 in investigations nothing is ever what it seems. On another note thank you so much for the reviews and sticking with me when it seems I tear our tow favorite leading ladies apart. **


	50. Meeting

"Are you ready?" Fin asked when Olivia opened the apartment door glaring at him.

"Do I look ready?" Olivia growled her voice full of sleep as she turned from him and made her way back into her apartment. "What time is it?"

"Six."

"Six" Olivia stated snapping her head up to glare at him "What the hell made Elliot tell you to pick me up at six?"

"He said to get you between six and six-thirty and to meet at the café down the street."

"I swear I will strangle that man when we make it to breakfast." Olivia mumbled as she moved toward her bathroom "Make yourself at home and give me ten."

"Six Elliot" Olivia growled sliding into the booth across from him but smiled when he quickly pushed a cup of coffee in front of her "Why the hell so early?"

"I figured that the safest way to talk would be for all of us to meet for breakfast." Elliot answered motioning for Morales and Munch who had just walked in the door.

"Here are all the backgrounds you requested" Munch said taking a seat and placing a huge pile of papers in front of her "Including the red head that you saw Ramirez having dinner with. Her name is Casey Novak and she just recently started with the ADA's office. She is currently a floater but she has put in a request for homicide when an opening occurs."

"Everyone comes out clean?" Olivia asked looking through the paperwork.

"They are as clean as the day Cragen ran them and chose them for the detail." Munch answered.

"No chance that Jess got to them?" Olivia asked desperate to find a connection on how she knew they were at the restaurant.

"If she did there is no trail that is for sure." Elliot answered "So that leads us back to Alex's place being bugged. This is a huge possibility, because to be honest with you Olivia we didn't sweep the place. Considering the security measures that are in place we didn't think she could access her."

"Come on El how many times have we posed as a gas man or delivery man to gain access without the tenant knowing. All she had to do is get a hold of a uniform and she's in."

"I know and believe me I am so sorry." Elliot said hanging his head.

"It's ok" Olivia whispered reaching across the table to place her hand on his "We have all made mistakes and I more than understand your line of thinking."

"So how are we going to go in without letting Jess know we have a line on her?" Fin asked

"Simple" Olivia answered with a smile "I'm going to go in with a few boxes as if I'm going back to pack the rest of my belongings. You guys will be with me to help me carry my belongings out."

"I have a transmitter that will be in one of those boxes that will jam any frequencies so she wouldn't be able to hear or see what is going on in the apartment" Morales piped into the conversation. "Once we are done sweeping the place we can turn it off because until then none of our phones or radios will work."

"Won't she suspect something?" Olivia asked not wanting to alarm the woman and have her go after Alex "How are we looking on guards for Alex today?"

"If it's the cheap versions that you buy on line which is more than likely it is then no. More often than not they tend to have some technical difficulties but they only last maybe ten minutes at most. So the second we enter we have to immediately sweep the apartment." Morales informed her.

"If there are devices how long will it take to discover them and disable them?" Olivia asked needing to know every step of the process.

"Once we locate the devices it will only take a matter of seconds to disable them. In most over the counter devices it is simply removing a battery for the micro cameras and as for the listening devices we could always stomp on them to break them."

"That's no good" Olivia informed him "We need it in tact to track her down if she doesn't fall for the bait."

"In that case it's a clip of a wire and they're done for." Morales answered.

"Good" Olivia said leaning back on the seat. It was almost seven thirty and she already felt like she had worked a full shift and was ready for a nap "El did you go back last night?"

"I did and I yelled at her like I would have if I wasn't let in on the game." Elliot said "But there's one thing I'm wondering though."

"What's that?"

"If you thought that Ramirez may be the mole or the place could have been bugged how did you two concoct this plan?"

"It's called whispering sweet nothings in her ear on the way back" Olivia said laughing "Or that was what it appeared to be to Ramirez."

"I'm sure that wasn't what you wanted to be the first thing you whispered in her ears." Elliot said wagging his eyebrows.

"Shut it El." Olivia growled without raising her head "Now I need to know what we are doing for extra protection for Alex while we are doing this."

"As for Alex" Elliot stated "Cragen is with her all day to day along with a few of my friends from ESU. They are some of my old Marine buddies and I called in a favor no questions asked."

"Good" Olivia exhaled. "How well do you know them and trust them Elliot?"

With my life" Elliot answered without having to give it a second thought.

"Do you think they would be willing to extend their detail?"

"For how long?"

"I'm thinking no more than a few days."

"Consider it done." Elliot said "I can fix it to where you have them for as long as you need."

"Thanks, I owe you man."

"Now have you thought about what's going to happen or how mad Jess is liable to become when we disable the devices and she discovers it." Fin pointed out.

"I'm hoping this will force her to make a move within the next few days" Olivia said looking Elliot in the eyes "We both know an abuser can't handle losing control and not being able to monitor Alex's every move will take control away. That makes them pissed and sloppy."

"I hope you know what you're doing." Elliot stated standing and leading the way out of the café.

"You're not the only man trust me you're not the only one." Olivia said sliding into the car silently praying that Jess would fall for this trap and what she was about to do wouldn't further jeopardize Alex's safety.

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**A/N: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for the glowing reviews along with the PM's I have received so far on this story. **


	51. Searching

"Now remember" Morales said as he placed the jammer into an empty box and handed it to Olivia "Once we activate the jammer everything will be out of service including our cell phones."

Everyone nodded in agreement as they each picked up an empty box and followed Olivia into the building. The ride up to the Alex's floor was silent with each lost in their own thoughts. Stopping outside Alex's door Olivia took a deep breath and a quick look around needing the encouragement for what she was about to do. She reached in the box turning the jammer on as she pulled out the house key she was given when she moved in.

"Ok let's go" Elliot said quickly sweeping into the room behind Olivia and heading for the stairs "I'll take Liv's room."

"I have Alex's" Morales said following Elliot up the stairs he figured that would be where the majority of the bugs should be.

"I'll take the kitchen and Munch will sweep the living room" Fin hollered out heading into the kitchen.

"Guess I'll take the office." Olivia answered heading into the direction of Alex's office.

She opened the door and stepped in slowly feeling like an intruder. In all the time she had stayed here she had never once entered Alex's office. She took this time to look around. Behind her huge mahogany desk was all her diplomas and a picture of a man that she assumed was her father. There was a book shelf to the left that was filled with a variety of law books. What she saw to the right probably shocked her the most. There was an assortment of hand drawn pictures from little kids that were framed and hung with pride on the wall.

She was walking toward the pictures to take a closer look when the device in her pocket began to beep. She jumped at the sudden intrusion and then took the wand out of her pocket and began to sweep it slowly over the area until it constantly beeped. Once it did she pulled the picture off the wall and located a small micro camera that was perched on top of the frame. She carefully removed it and placed it in her pocket.

Having found the first camera Olivia slowly and methodically began to sweep the room. When she was finished she had located two listening devices and another camera. The more she found the madder she was getting. She knew without a doubt when she got her hands on Jess she would never live to hurt another soul.

"Has anyone located anything?" Fin asked walking out of the kitchen.

"Oh yeah" Olivia said walking out of the office and securing the door behind her "I have two micro cameras and two listening devices, One of which was hooked up to the phone with this recorder system attached to it."

"That recorder system means she has been coming and going into the apartment." Elliot said following Morales down the stairs. "Yes we have located some devices as well."

Morales reached the bottom of the stairs and empty his pocket on to the coffee table and everyone followed in his steps. Once everyone had laid everything out they had ten cameras, twelve listening devices and two recorders.

"Do I want to know where all these were found?" Olivia asked amazed at the amount of devices that was laid out before her.

"Probably not." Morales answered after looking at the other detectives who seemed hesitant to answer her.

"Will you be able to tell anything from any of these?" Olivia asked turning toward Morales.

"The cameras and listening devices more than likely not. You can buy them a dime a dozen off numerous internet sites. The recorders I should be able too." Morales said picking a recorder up and flipping it over "They all come with serial numbers which I should be able to trace to where they were purchased. "

"Anything will help."

"This should help too." Morales said picking up a camera "These types of cameras are usually registered to their own private domain for the owner to view as they please. I should be able to track the web site that these are registered to and with any luck get a read at where they are watched from."

"Then lets nail this bitch" Olivia growled.

"Detective please remember all they have to do is go to an internet café to watch the video so they couldn't be traced back to them."

"Damn it"

"Liv" Munch said finally speaking up "Someone who has gone through this much trouble isn't going to wake for a computer to become available at an internet café. They will use their own computer to watch it. That way they could watch the video anytime they wanted as well."

"Can they download it so they can watch it over and over again?" Olivia asked

"Yes they can transfer the video to the hard drive on their computer if they so desire."

"Good" Olivia said looking up at the guys and smiling.

"Do I want to know why you have a cat that ate the canary look and grin?" Elliot asked knowing that the wheels in his partners head were turning.

"If we can prove that Jess was the one who purchased these and planted these then we just proved that she bugged an Assistant District Attorney's house and office, since I found these four in her office."

"That's why we're here."

"I know and that's why she just nailed the final nail in her coffin. She has violated the federal wire tapping law and done it to an ADA. The icing on the cake one of the recorders was connected to her work line."

"Therefore giving us the ability to charge her with numerous other charges up to and possibly including witness tampering." Fin said finally understanding where Olivia was going with it.

"Exactly"

"Are you sure you suffered a major head injury?" Elliot asked laughing as he smacked Olivia on the back "Because if I didn't witness it I would have said there was no way in hell."

"Alex has the bills to prove it." Olivia answered her mood suddenly changing "Speaking of which she should be coming home soon so we need to get out of here. Especially get these out of here. I know she's going to want to know but I would like to shield her as much as I can."

"Not a problem" Morales said gathering all the devices and placing them into one box after turning the jammer off "I need to get back to the lab and start processing all this. I can't promise I will have anything tonight but for sure I should have something in the morning."

"Thank you Morales and please let me know something as soon as you do" Olivia said leading the guys out the door.

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**A/N: I am so sorry that it has taken so long to update. I am now permantly off desk duty and back in the action so I no longer have the ability to just sit and write. You will see delays from time to time do to this. If you will hang in there with me I will try my best to make it well worth the wait. Or at least attempt to.**


	52. Returning home

Alex breathed a sigh of relief when she finally entered the elevator to take her to her apartment. Today had been another one of those days for the books. She was just leaving for work when two men arrived at her apartment and informed her that they were her additional detail for the day and possibly longer depending on what orders they received later. When she questioned them about who they were and who issued the order was when she discovered that they were old Marine buddies of Stablers and he had called in a favor. She was about to argue with them when she thought better of it considering what they were going to be doing in her apartment today. Apparently Elliot had thought ahead and figured she needed extra protection.

"Thank you gentlemen" Alex said as she reached her door and fished her keys out of her purse "I should be leaving in the morning around eight again."

"Yes ma'am" Sanders, a tall black haired man who looked like if he would flex his muscles his shirt would rip in two, replied as he stepped in the apartment and made sure it was clear before allowing her to enter "We were instructed to stay with you until we received a phone call from Stabler."

"Well then make yourself at home I guess." Alex said as she looked around the apartment seeing it was empty. She had spent the day praying that when she got home that Olivia would be waiting for her. The fact that she didn't see her anywhere told her they didn't find anything.

"Thank you but our orders are to post at the door." Chandler, the second guard who was slightly shorter than and not as built as Sanders, replied.

"Really you followed me into the bathroom at the courthouse but you can't stay in my apartment." Alex said feeling more frustrated as time moved on.

"We are to remain here until your other guard arrives." Sanders stated in his no nonsense tone he had used all day.

"Fine" Alex said dropping her briefcase on the floor "When Ramirez arrives tell him to make himself comfortable I am going to take a shower."

"Yes ma'am" Sanders said before securing the door behind him.

Alex shrugged out of her coat and hung it up before kicking off her heels. She took a minute to gather herself before she turned around and headed up the stairs. She was halfway up the stairs when a voice stopped her in her tracks.

"You know most the women I know would be falling all over themselves having men like that assigned to them." Olivia said as she leaned against the wall crossing her legs at her ankles and her arms over her chest. The smile that was on her face made Alex's heart skip a beat.

"Maybe if that's what I like I wouldn't mind it" Alex replied back with a smile crossing her face "I take it the fact that you are standing in my hallway means you found something and its safe for you to be here?"

"We did find some things and more than you probably want to know about" Olivia said pushing off the wall with ease "As for safe the safe issue who cares but you won't be alone another second now."

"God I missed you last night." Alex whispered finally reaching the top stair and pulling Olivia to her.

"Did you now?" Olivia asked breathing into her ear and causing Alex to shiver.

"I did."

"Nice to know I'm missed" Olivia said pulling away from Alex's grasp "Now I heard you say something about a shower to Sanders and Chandler."

"My shower can wait." Alex almost pouted upset that Olivia wasn't in her arms anymore.

"Go take a shower Alex" Olivia said laughing as she pushed Alex toward her bedroom "I will still be here when you get out."

"Promise?"

"With my life." Olivia said leaning forward and capturing Alex's lips for a quick kiss. When she pulled away she smiled at the slightly flushed skin and Alex's attempts at hiding her rapid breaths from her.

Alex took a deep breath in as she walked into her bedroom. She knew the fact that Olivia was at her house meant they had found something and Jess had bugged her apartment. Granted she was pissed off that she had done that but at the moment, and totally out of character, she truly didn't care. Olivia was back in her apartment and that was all that mattered to her.

It had shocked her and scared her last night when she realized how much she wanted and needed Olivia to be at her house. It was no longer for the protection and well being for Olivia but it had turned into a need to have her close and not just in a sexual sense. She was more than content to curl up and watch a movie or just simply be in the same room as her. There was a peace that she felt being near the brunette detective something that she hadn't felt in a long time.

"So are you going to tell me what was found?" Alex asked as she walked into the kitchen where Olivia was throwing dinner together.

"Alex, will you trust me enough to believe that you don't want to know?" Olivia asked without looking over her shoulder at the blonde.

"That bad." Alex muttered as she took a seat at the island.

"Yes."

"OK" Alex simply said willing and amazed that she was willing to take Olivia at her word considering all that she had been through "What is the next move?"

"I'm hoping that us finding her devices and disabling them will make her mad enough to slip and do something stupid." Olivia informed Alex as she slid a bowl of salad in front of her "Until then get used to some extra security."

"Liv I don't mind the security" Alex almost whined "But they followed me into the bathroom at work. Do you know what that was like?"

"Did you just whine?" Olivia asked laughing.

"Yes and I'll pout too if it will get them to allow me to go to the bathroom alone." Alex pointed out as she stuck her lower lip out and fluttered her eyelashes at Olivia.

Olivia bent over at the waist and grabbed her sides as she laughed the hardest she had laughed in who knew how long. To see the ever put together attorney, who was snubbed the ice princess not long after starting the unit, stick her lower lip out and flutter her eye lashes like a child would was beyond hilarious.

"Detective Olivia Benson are you laughing at me?" Alex asked standing as she put her hands on her hips.

"Yes my love I am" Olivia said when she was finally able to catch her breath and pulled Alex to her "That was only because I would have never expected to see you do something like that."

"Liv just because I put on a hard exterior at work doesn't mean that I have it at home. You of all people should know and understand that."

"I do I do." Olivia said placing a quick kiss on Alex's nose before helping her back into her seat.

"Now about using the bathroom alone…" Alex started to say but stopped when Olivia held her hand up to stop her.

"Alex you were alone in the bathroom when Jess got to you and attacked you. So there will be no using the bathroom alone when you are out and that includes work. She managed to bug your apartment there's no telling what lengths she'll go through to get to you at work. I'm sorry."

"I hate this I feel as if I have lost all privacy." Alex said fighting back the tears she felt.

"I know honey and believe me I am sorry and if I could turn back time I would." Olivia whispered reaching out to hold Alex's hand "Let's just hope and pray that she will get reckless soon and I can get my hands on her."

"I know Liv I know." Alex said agreeing not bothering to point out that she was yet to be released to full duty. She knew without a doubt that full duty or not if Olivia had a chance to get her hands on Jess that would be all she wrote.

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**A/N: Finally we have Olivia back to where she belongs, with Alex. I want to thank everyone for hanging in there with all the twists and turns I like to throw into the story. Love to keep you guys guessing and on pins and needles. **


	53. Flashback

Alex stopped and stared at Olivia when she entered the kitchen. She was wearing black slacks and a maroon dress shirt that showed how defined her muscles were with every movement she made. Standing there and watching Olivia's muscles expand and contract reminded Alex that Olivia had not only the means and ability but the skill as well to cause someone harm if she needed to.

"Take it off" Alex ordered once she spotted the badge and the gun on Olivia's right side.

Olivia just arched an eyebrow at Alex as she slowly took a sip of her coffee.

"I didn't stutter Olivia Benson" Alex growled as she closed the gap between the two of them "Take it off."

"Not exactly how I pictured our first time" Olivia stated as she pulled Alex to her "But if that's what you want ok."

Alex shook her head as she reached for Olivia's badge and service weapon. Sometimes she truly thought she did spend too much time with the boys.

"NO" Olivia growled as she wrapped her hand around Alex's wrist and pulled it off her service weapon.

Alex could feel the panic building her when Olivia pulled her arm away. She tried to take a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself but she felt as if she was being smothered as memory after memory flashed before her eyes.

"I'm sorry" Alex cried as she backed away from Olivia "I'm sorry I'm sorry."

"Alex relax" Olivia began coaxing taking slow and carefully timed steps toward the blonde beauty "Just focus on my voice."

"Please don't" Alex sobbed as she fell to the floor and attempted to block the blows that she knew was coming with her arm "I'm sorry I won't do it again I promise. Please don't hit me.'

"Alex" Olivia whispered as she dropped to her knees and slowly crawled toward her "Look at me Alex. Focus on my voice. You're safe I'm not going to hurt you."

"I'm sorry I'm so sorry" Alex cried as she curled up into a ball.

"Baby you have nothing to be sorry about." Olivia whispered as she started to reach out and touch Alex but stopped when she flinched as if she had been hit "You did nothing wrong."

"Yes I did and I promise not to do it again" Alex choked out. "Just please don't hit me. I'll do whatever you want but please don't hit me Jess."

Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She knew she had to remain calm and not appear upset if she was going to reach Alex. God she was so close to losing it hearing Alex call her Jess.

"Alex please look at me." Olivia whispered as she waited for Alex to look at her. Once Alex did look at her she had to fight back tears as she stared into distant almost dead like eyes. They were the eyes of someone who had given up the fight and was ready to die. "That's it"

"I won't do it again."

"Alex baby" Olivia said a she sat and motioned for Alex to come to her "You didn't do anything. You're having a flashback but you are safe. Elliot's guys are right outside the door and its just me here with you in the apartment. I promise you if she makes it in she won't make it out ok."

Alex sat up straighter and pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs in a protective manner. She hated it when Jess was so loving and caring. She knew what followed in these instances and hated it more than the beatings that she endured.

"How do you want me?" Alex asked looking away praying that this time wouldn't be as painful as the times in the past.

"What?" Olivia asked confused

"How do you want me?" Alex asked again as she began to slowly unbutton her shirt "Just tell me how you want me Jess."

Olivia clenched her teeth together hoping to control the anger she felt coursing through her. She had never wanted to kill someone as bad as she wanted to kill Jess.

"Alex please stop undressing and look at me."

Alex did as she asked.

"I'm not Jess. It's me Olivia and I want you to focus on my voice and try to relax. You're safe I swear that to you."

Alex and Olivia sat there and stared at each other as Olivia slowly but surely tried to coach Alex out of her nightmare. She smiled when she began to see a flicker of recognition in Alex's eyes.

"What happened?" Alex cried as she frantically looked around.

"You had a flashback baby." Olivia answered as she held her arms open for Alex "Do you feel safe enough to come and let me hold you."

"If that's what you want." Alex said as she crawled into Olivia's arms.

"Only if it's what you want." Olivia said as she fought the urge to wrap her arms around Alex when she crawled into her lap.

"I'll never do it again I promise." Alex cried as she clung to Olivia like a child who had woken from a nightmare.

"Alex you will have flashbacks and plenty of them." Olivia whispered as she gently ran one hand up and down her spine in a soothing manner "We will work through all of them slowly and carefully like we just did."

"I won't make you mad again." Alex whispered as she began to frantically wipe at the wet spot on Olivia's shoulder "I got your shirt wet. I'm sorry I'm sorry."

"Baby you didn't make me mad and I don't give a damn about my shirt." Olivia whispered while trying to make eye contact with Alex.

"I'm sorry." Alex said again as she looked into Olivia's eyes.

"Who are you with right now?" Olivia asked hoping that Alex would realize who she was with.

"You"

"Who am I?"

"Olivia."

"Alex will I ever hurt you?"

"No"

"Ok" Olivia exhaled realizing that Alex was finally starting to come out of her flashback. "Can I wrap my arms around you?"

Alex nodded as she laid her head against Olivia's chest and listened to her heart beat. After a few minutes she of laying like that she pulled back and stared into a set of chocolate brown eyes that was full of concern.

"Hey you." Alex whispered as she caressed the side of Olivia's face.

"Hey yourself." Olivia answered with a smile thankful that it appeared that the flashback was over.

"Sorry about that."

"Want to tell me what triggered it?"

Alex looked away unable to meet Olivia's eyes.

"Alex please" Olivia almost pleaded "If I did something to trigger a memory I need to know so I won't do it again."

"You grabbed my wrist." Alex whispered so low that Olivia had to strain to hear her "Jess would grab my wrists and wrench them behind my back so hard that at times I was terrified she was going to break it."

"Alex I'm sorry" Olivia answered laying a gentle kiss on her temple. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think and it's a natural reaction to remove someone's hand from our weapon. It's what we're conditioned to do."

"I know it's my fault." Alex said as she started to pull away from Olivia but was stopped when Olivia pulled her back to her.

"It's not your fault. You are not to blame for everything." Olivia whispered as she studied her body and face for any signs of another flashback. "I wasn't thinking when I grabbed your wrist and I promise you I will be more careful next time. Why were you trying to take my weapon?"

"Olivia I will not have you going back to work before the doctor releases you to full duty. I told you the other night to gather all your bills and I will take them to my accountant."

"Alex" Olivia said but then thought twice about arguing with the attorney after what just happened. "Elliot is picking me up and we're going over to TARU to meet with Morales. It is a hell of a lot easier to get through the security with a badge and a gun on my hip then not wearing one. That's why I'm wearing it today.'

"Oh" Alex answered feeling herself turn red from embarrassment.

"Come on' Olivia said laughing as she stood and helped Alex to her feet as well "It's almost time for you to leave and El should be here any minute. We will discuss this further tonight."

"I'm really sorry Liv" Alex said but stopped when Olivia placed her finger on her lips to silence her before she could say anything else.

"Not the flashback Alex." Olivia answered as she kissed Alex's forehead "About you having your accountant paying my bills. If and I do mean IF I agree to it I want some stipulations ok."

Alex nodded in agreement even though she knew she would never accept a dime from Olivia. She figured the best thing she could do is just agree to it for now and work on a valid argument for her side while she was at work. With any luck and by the grace of God for once Olivia wouldn't fight her on this but if the past had proven anything to her is that Olivia was one hell of a fighter.

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**A/N: Wow guys I didn't realize till I was getting ready to post this chapter that this is Chapter 53. I am truly amazed that everyone has loved this story so far. I was afraid by taking it in a different direction and having Alex as a domestic violence survivor that no one would like it. Especially since it goes against everything we know about the strong dominate Alex. Thank you so much for accepting a different Alex than what we all know and love. **


	54. Taru

"I swear to you Morales better have something for us today" Olivia said as she followed Elliot into 1PP where TARU was stationed.

"I know"

"No I don't think you do" Olivia responded as she stepped on to the elevator "I'm in the mood to kill this bitch with my bare hands screw the justice system."

"Olivia" Elliot said in a warning tone.

"Don't Olivia me Elliot" Olivia growled back "You weren't there this morning when she had another flashback. You weren't the one she called Jess. You weren't the one that she looked at with the eyes of someone who had given up as she began to remove her shirt and asked how did I want it? So don't Olivia me."

"My god Liv what happened?"

"In truth it's my fault." Olivia admitted hanging her head "She walked into the kitchen and ordered me to take it off."

"Oh did she now." Elliot said with a smirk on his face.

"Wipe the grin off now" Olivia growled clenching her fist at her side. She had already been pushed to her limits to day and wanted to pummel something with her fists. "She was talking about my badge and gun."

"You're a cop with NYPD of course you have a badge and gun" Elliot said confused on why Alex didn't want her wearing her badge and gun.

"Really I didn't know" Olivia said taking a deep breath to stop the direction they were heading and with the mood she was in it would lead to blows "She knows my disability runs out next month and that I have to get back to work and she doesn't want me returning till the doctor clears me one hundred percent and has offered to pay my bills until I can return."

"Oh to be a kept woman."

"I'm going to show you kept woman if you don't shut your damn mouth."

"I'm sorry LIv" Elliot said raising his hand in defeat.

"I know."

"So seeing you with your badge and gun set her off? There's nothing in the file we have that indicates Jess ever had a job that required a badge or gun of any sorts."

"That wasn't what set her off. When she placed her hand on my weapon my training kicked in and I removed her hand. Carefully and easily might I add."

"That set her off?"

"Apparently in the past Jess, the wonderful bitch that she is, would grab Alex by the wrist and then wrench it behind her back so hard that Alex thought she would break her wrists. Then follow it up with some sort of sexual torture."

"Liv I'm sorry."

"Not as sorry as she will be when I get my hands on her. I promise you that."

"Liv think for a minute" Elliot said stopping her as they stepped off the elevator "What good are you going to be to Alex if you lose everything and go to prison."

"At this point I don't care." Olivia said leaning against the wall "At least she would never have to worry about her again."

"And what she goes through everything alone? Is that what you want?"

"NO IT'S NOT" Olivia screamed.

"Then let's do this legally because Alex needs you more than either of you are willing to admit. She needs someone who will stand by her and help her. Someone who has experience with victims and has the ability to help them through everything, that someone is you."

"I know." Olivia sighed pushing off the wall "Let's see if Morales can get us one step closer."

"Tell us you have some good news." Elliot said walking into TARU and spotting Morales at a computer.

"Yes and no." Morales said looking up from the computer.

"OK let's have it." Olivia said pulling up a chair.

"Like I suspected the micro camera's and the mini bugs are a dime a dozen and can be bought off a variety of websites most of which are outside the United States."

"But…" Elliot said

"But the two recording devices have serial numbers that are traceable. They were registered to a store in Westbury called Micro Center. They were purchased a little over a month ago and before you asked they were purchased with cash. The store does have security cameras but they only keep the footage for thirty days. We have missed that mark by seven days."

"Is there a chance that they haven't erased that footage yet?" Olivia asked praying for a break that they desperately needed.

"I called the owner first thing this morning. It's on an automatic loop so we lost all footage seven days ago."

"Damn it" Olivia growled through clenched teeth as she swiped the paperwork on the desk into the floor.

"Bad day already?" Morales asked looking from Olivia to Elliot

"Oh yeah." Elliot answered "Is there any chance you were able to obtain any other type of evidence from the devices."

"How will fingerprints work for you?" Morales asked with a smile.

"Fingerprints?" Olivia asked perking up "You found fingerprints and matched them?"

"I did. They match to Jessica Johnson."

"I could kiss you right now."

"Talk about a one eighty there." Morales said with a laugh "Wouldn't mind it detective but I think my wife might and something tells me that Alex would too."

"No you don't understand" Olivia said excited "Jess has never been in that apartment ever legally. Alex moved not long after they broke up and never told her where she lived. That means we have her own breaking and entering too. We can put her physically in the apartment."

"That's great Liv, but I hate to be the bearer of bad news but how do we draw her out."

"That is a waiting game that I hate having to play." Olivia began to explain "We have stopped all methods of keeping tabs on Alex. That is bound to piss her off. So now we have wait for the next move and hopefully it will be soon."

"You think she will show?" Elliot asked.

"Oh I'm willing to bet my life on it." Olivia said as she headed toward the door with Elliot quick on her heels.

* * *

**A/N: So we owe this beautiful chapter to the drunk and high female who wanted to fight last night. Nothing gets my brain going than a good fight at work with plenty of paperwork to follow. We are getting closer and closer to nailing that wonderful Jess. Slowly yet surely she is nailing her coffin shut as we like to say. Allow me to say thank you for all the reviews and PM's I have received. I love you guys.**


	55. I missed you

"Liv I'm home. Where are you?" Alex called out as she entered the apartment. When there was no answer she figured Olivia was still with Elliot. The fact that the apartment was dark when she walked in and that Olivia hadn't texted her to let her know she was back home should have been her first clue. Still there was a small part, who was she kidding a large part that wanted to have Olivia at home waiting for her.

Alex sighed as she turned around and shrugged out of her coat hanging it on the coat rack. She thought back and couldn't help but notice that Olivia was starting to spend more and more time at the precinct when she went and was starting to get back into work. It wasn't that she minded Olivia working or putting in ninety hour work weeks because honestly she didn't. It was the outstanding work ethic and dedication to her job that was one of the first things that had drawn her to her. For once she wanted her to focus on herself and not everyone else. To give herself the time she needed to fully heal and nothing more.

"Oh well the road to hell is paved with good intentions." Alex mumbled as she kicked her shoes off and flexed her aching feet.

"Is it now?" Olivia asked from her spot behind Alex.

"Jesus Olivia" Alex gasped as she turned around and almost stumbled backwards at the sight before. Olivia was still wearing her form, god they looked good on her, black slacks from this morning but had taken the maroon shirt off. Now all that was covering her upper torso was an a shirt, or wife beater as they had became known as, that fit her like a second skin. God she could see every ripple of her six pack through the shirt, lord help her. What really caused her heart to skip a beat and her to back up against the door was the look on Olivia's face. The best way to describe it was predatory and she was going in for the kill. There was no doubt that Alex was the intended target either.

"Alex" Olivia whispered as she took some very slow and controlled steps toward her. From the second Alex walked in and Olivia had seen her she had wanted to stalk over to her spin her around and kiss her like her life depended on it. She had started to when scenes from that morning flashed through her head like an old black and white movie. After that she stopped dead in her tracks and silently prayed that Alex would turn around quickly because she had never wanted someone like she did Alex at that moment.

"Liv" Alex managed to choke out.

"Yeah it's me baby and no one else." Olivia said moving forward slowly as she kept her concentration on Alex's face and eyes looking for any sign of a flash back.

Alex nodded unable to find her voice.

Olivia stopped within arm's reach of Alex. She smiled when she realized how ragged and shallow Alex's breath had become. The subtle flush of her skin and how her crystal blue eyes had turned almost black with desire encouraged her to continue.

"Alex I have every intention of kissing you." Olivia whispered amazed she was able to find her voice "Are you ok?"

"Please" Alex almost begged. Having Olivia look at her like she was going to be her last meal was her undoing and she felt like she would surely die if she didn't kiss her soon.

Olivia reached out and placed her right hand on Alex's hip while her left hand gently caressed Alex's face. Searching Alex's eyes for any sign of fear Olivia slowly closed the gap between them and allowed her lips to rest upon Alex's. Once she was sure there was no resistance or flash back's she traced Alex's bottom lip with her tongue and groaned when her lips parted automatically for her.

Alex moaned when she felt the gentleness that Olivia was taking with her. How careful she was to make sure that she didn't scare her. How despite how everything looked from the outside she knew without a doubt that she was in total control of this kiss every step of the way.

Olivia stepped closer to Alex and pressed her body against hers. The way they meshed together amazed her. It was almost as if they were two pieces that was needed to complete a puzzle. Olivia released a growl from deep within her throat as she became more confident that Alex was ok.

Alex pulled at Olivia's shirt desperate to feel her skin under her fingers. She cried into Olivia's mouth she the muscles started jumping as she raked her nails up her back. Never had she been with someone who was as receptive to her touch as Olivia was at that moment.

Unable to control herself Olivia's hand went to Alex's blouse and slowly began to unbutton it. She thought she had died and went to heaven when she felt the soft creamy flesh under her hands. She wanted to take Alex against the door when she threw her head back against the door and moaned at the sensations.

Alex cried out as her head hit the door. It was like Olivia knew exactly where to touch her and how to touch her. She threaded her fingers through her hair encouraging her to make her path down her body. She arched into Olivia even more when she felt her mouth take her taut almost painful nipple in her mouth through the bra. God they things this woman could do with her mouth.

Olivia felt Alex began to tense up under her. She slowly made her way back up and kissed Alex one more time before pulling back to stare at the blonde.

"Wow" Alex finally said once she found her voice and cracked her eyes open to see a smiling face staring at her "What was that for?"

"I missed you today." Olivia answered as she carefully re-buttoned Alex's shirt for her. "And I want you."

"Then why stop?" Alex asked as she draped her hands around Olivia's neck and pulled her to her "I'm yours for the taking."

"Trust me I will take" Olivia growled into Alex's ear smirking when she saw the goose bumps rise up on her neck "When you're ready but you're not ready right now."

"Thank you" Alex said when Olivia pulled back and looked at her.

"Anytime" Olivia said as she placed a stray strand of hair behind her ear "Now come on and let's get you settled into a nice hot relaxing bath. You can soak while I make dinner."

"Liv I can help you make dinner and take a shower later."

"Honey you have worked all day and need to relax." Olivia said as she guided her into her bathroom "Besides you being near me is not the best thing for you at the moment."

"I'm sorry" Alex whispered when it hit her what Olivia meant by the statement.

"Don't be." Olivia said as she turned the water on and checked the temperature before placing the plug in the tub "Give me about ten minutes to myself and I will be fine."

"I won't blame you if you looked elsewhere or left" Alex whispered so low that Olivia almost didn't hear her. "Besides we've only had one date and looked how that ended. It's not like you're committed to me or that we are serious. I understand that you have needs that need to be met and I'm not meeting them."

"Alex I'm a one woman woman and I have wanted you since the day your arrogant, pompous, know it all ass strutted and yes I do mean strutted into the bull pen like you owned it and us. When you stated you intended to get on our shoulders to reach a broader constituent base I was all for you getting on my shoulders but believe me when I say for a whole different set of reasons. It wouldn't be constituents that you would be reaching for unless you counted my head board as a constituent." Olivia smiled when she saw Alex blush as the statement she made sunk in "So if I have to wait longer to have my needs met as you call them I can wait longer. When you are ready you can reach for and grab my constituent as many times as you want. Believe me I won't complain."

"Get out of here woman" Alex said laughing as she tossed a wash cloth at Olivia. Only Olivia could take a situation where she felt like she was letting her down and turn it around. Seconds ago Alex felt like less of a woman and undeserving of someone like Olivia. After Olivia's speech, albeit very untraditional speech, now she felt as if and knew that Olivia was more than willing to wait for her. But she still felt that it was unfair to Olivia so as she leaned back and relaxed in the hot water she decided that she needed help.

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to update but being off light duty now means I'm back in the fight and thank god not stuck at a desk. As you can tell I'm not a desk jockey. I try to write on it daily but after working 12 hours and then hitting the gym for an hour or more by the time I get home stick a fork in me I'm done. Anyways thank you for being so patient in waiting for the update and I will try to have the next one as soon as I can. **


	56. Finding help

"Did you really mean what you said?" Alex asked as she walked into the kitchen and watched Olivia finish preparing dinner.

"Yes I did" Olivia said turning around and handing Alex a glass of wine "I can wait as long as you need and we can take it as slow as you want."

"Thank you but I meant the part about wanting me since I walked into the precinct." Alex said as she took the glass and took a sip.

"I believe the term I used was arrogant, pompous, know it all ass that strutted into the bull pen." Olivia said with a smirk on her face.

"Yes it was" Alex responded swatting at Olivia who easily dodged it. "Did you mean it?"

"I did Alex" Olivia said stepping closer to her "There was something about you that drew me to you. I had never been instantly attracted to anyone the way I was and still am to you."

"Thank you" Alex mumbled as she blushed and looked away.

"Alex what is going on?" Olivia asked sensing there was more than she was letting on.

"Its nothing." Alex whispered backing away.

"Alex I need you to look at me." Olivia said staying where she was and waiting till Alex finally looked at her. She swallowed hard when she saw the fear and trepidation in Alex's eyes "I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I won't judge or anything."

"I just don't feel like I'm being fair to you." Alex finally said as she fought to keep control of her emotions.

"Fair how?"

"HOW? HOW? Jesus Olivia you can't even kiss me without me having a flash back. Now when you come home you can't just leave work behind. You have to look at me and see another victim."

"OK"

"OK, OK. That's all you have to say?"

"Yes it is."

"WHY" Alex asked with tears streaming down her face.

"Because it won't always be like this Alex. One day the flashbacks will be gone. I don't come home and look at you and see another victim. I come home and look at you and see what I see in every person who survives what you have survived. A survivor, not a victim but a survivor."

"I need help." Alex mumbled.

"What do you need help with?" Olivia asked taking a small step toward Alex still watching her body language.

"I need to talk to someone."

"Well" Olivia said taking a deep breath. She of all people knew how hard it was to ask for help when you were as independent as they were "There is always Huang. I know he's FBI but he is also a psychiatrist. If you don't want him then we will find someone. I can ask my behavioral therapist when she comes tomorrow who would be good for you to talk to."

"If I talk to Huang then it will be on file. He will disclose it."

"No he won't." Olivia whispered taking the last step to close the gap between them "Huang is a doctor first and an agent last. If you tell him it needs to stay between you two then it will."

"How can you be so sure of that Liv?"

Olivia smiled as she held her arms open for Alex to walk into. She wrapped her in a loose hug when she finally did.

"You've talked to him before haven't you?" Alex finally asked inhaling the scent that always seemed to calm her.

"I have on several occasions and if you ask him anything about it he will deny it till his death. There are no records that I have talked to him outside our professional capacity. If you're afraid that it will get out I promise you it won't."

"I'll call him tomorrow." Alex whispered as she placed a gentle kiss on Olivia's chin. She was so thankful to have someone like Olivia at this time in her life.

"I'm ready to eat" Olivia informed Alex raising an eyebrow as she spoke.

"You are incorrigible do you know that." Alex said pushing Olivia away from her.

"What?" Olivia said feigning hurt "I'm starving. Me and El missed lunch trying to track down a few leads. Then when I got home I saw the time and wanted to wait on you to have dinner. If we don't eat soon I do believe I will die."

"It takes three days for starvation to hit and up to seven days to die from it." Alex called out over her shoulder "And I happen to know that you personally have gone without a real meal for days so don't try that with me."

"Most women I know would be worried about their loved one if they hadn't eaten." Olivia said setting a plate of food in front of Alex.

"Sure if their loved one was normal but let's face it Liv you are a lot of things but normal certainly isn't one of them."

"Now I really am hurt." Olivia said acting as if she was pouting.

"Please you and I both know that you take that as a complement." Alex said winking at Olivia "Can we get serious again for a few minutes?"

"What else do you need Alex?" Olivia asked.

"Your bills so I can give them to Charlie in the morning."

"Alex" Olivia warned

"Olivia we discussed this." Alex informed her

"No you ordered me we haven't discussed nothing." Olivia pointed out.

"Olivia I don't want you going back to work." Alex said deciding that being direct would be the best approach.

"I WILL NOT BE A KEPT WOMAN EITHER" Olivia screamed as she jumped up kicking her chair back.

"I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO BE" Alex shouted back as she jumped up as well. It amazed her how at times like this it didn't scare her one bit to go toe to toe with the detective. "I'm asking you to take more time for yourself and that's all. Olivia the last thing I want to do is change you. If I try to make you a kept woman you would die slowly inside, you and I both know it. What I do want to do is give you the ability to take however long you need to heal, fully heal. I want to give you the same thing that you are giving me."

"Alex all I'm doing is taking" Olivia said as she dropped back down in her seat her head hanging low in defeat "Taking your money, taking up space in your house, taking over your spare bedroom, taking your time. I'm not giving you anything"

"Please keep on taking if you need to" Alex said as she walked over to Olivia and lifted her head to make her look at her "You are giving me so much. So much that you don't even realize it. You make me feel safe just by being here. You have never looked at me with pity or contempt. You help me through each and every flashback no matter how bad they are or how violent I may become. Most importantly you have never asked for more than I can give at the moment or gotten mad over what I couldn't give at the moment. Just a little while ago is a prime example. So please Olivia, keep taking if that's what you think you're doing."

"I've always done it on my own."

"Every now and then even the strongest person needs help."

"Alex I have to repay you every dime. I know what my monthly out go is so don't think you can trick me into paying less."

"I will have Charles work out a repayment plan that will not go into effect until sixty days after you start back to work and not a moment sooner. I don't want you trying to short change yourself or taking side jobs either to pay me back." Alex quickly pointed out knowing how quick Olivia would jump at off duty jobs to pay her back "If you can only make a ten dollar payment then ten dollars is all I will take that month and nothing more.

"Alex" Olivia started to say but stopped when Alex placed her finger on her lips.

"Please Olivia allow me this." Alex whispered "Let me care for you a little longer. Let me take care of you until you can go back to work and give everything to the victims again and take nothing for yourself."

Olivia sat there and stared into Alex's blue eyes. She had done everything on her on since that night she had kicked her mother across the room and called Symone Brice. The most help she had ever received was when she was in college and received a discount on her tuition because her mother was a professor there. Even then the difference was paid by scholarships and student loans. For the first time ever she was going to accept the help that was offered to her.


	57. First Step

Alex raised her hand and lowered it for the fifth time since she stopped outside Huang's door. She was truly terrified to step into the office and discuss her darkest secrets. Cragen and the guys only knew the icing on the cake. If she walked in there and started to tell Huang she needed to be totally honest with him and tell everything, everything that she had worked so hard to erase and forget. Then again if she wanted to be the type of woman that Olivia deserved she had to empty her closet of all her demons.

"You know it helps if you actually knock on the door." Olivia said from where she was standing.

"Olivia what are you doing here?" Alex asked after she was able to calm her heartbeat down.

"I'm here for support Alex." Olivia said taking a small step toward Alex "I know how hard it is to take that first step. I'm pretty sure the first time I ever arrived to talk to him outside of a case I stood where you stood for close to an hour. At one point I even left and was heading out of the building but turned around and came back."

"You're…you're going to go in there with me?" Alex asked suddenly terrified there were things she never wanted Olivia to discover and if she walked in there with her she would discover them.

"Not unless you want me to."

"No." Alex shouted out quickly but the corrected herself "I mean not yet anyways."

"Then I won't" Olivia whispered as she reached out and caressed the side of Alex's face "I'm just here to support you and that's all. If you want me to walk away and pretend I never saw you here I will. I will go home and wait for you. If you want me to knock on the door for you and walk away I will. If you want me to stand right here till you're done then I will. That Alex is a ball you have to play. Now what part of the court are you going to throw it in?"

Alex glanced at Huang's door and then back to Olivia. She leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Olivia's lips. She couldn't help but think how Jess wouldn't give her the options she was just given. Jess would force her way into the meeting to monitor what was being said and how much was being said.

"Will you wait for me?"

"Where do you want me to wait?" Olivia asked

"Right here."

"Very well" Olivia said reaching out and pulling a chair to her "I will be right here waiting on you. But I want you to do something for me?"

"Ok"

"When you're done I would like you to join me for a night out on the town."

"Last time we tried that Jess attacked me." Alex choked out suddenly terrified and glancing in every direction.

"This time you will not be left alone at all." Olivia said trying to catch Alex's eyes "I promise you with my life that I will not let her near you."

"Where do you want to go?"

"I was thinking a nice dinner and then maybe some dancing or a movie." Olivia said "But we can do anything you want to do. It doesn't matter to me."

"You dance?" Alex asked shocked. She had never once seen or had ever had Olivia hint at dancing.

"Not well but enough to leave the women wondering." Olivia said knowing the old saying that how you move on the dance floor showed how you moved in the bedroom.

"Olivia I hate to break it to you but one look at you and the women wonder what type of lover and partner you are."

"Do you?" Olivia asked as she slowly backed Alex against the wall and laid a gentle kiss on her neck.

"Do I what?" Alex asked as she stumbled over her words her hands flattening against the wall to brace herself.

"Wonder what type of lover I am? What type of partner I am?" Olivia asked as she nipped at Alex's ear lobe.

"No" Alex said as confident as she could.

"I think you're lying to me." Olivia whispered into Alex's ear

"I'm not." Alex said feeling her confidence develop even more.

"Why is that?" Olivia asked

"Because Olivia" Alex said pushing her back so she could look into her eyes "There is no doubt in my mind that you will be as gentle and as caring with me in the bed as you are with me out of the bed."

"Why do you feel that?" Olivia asked knowing that she was probably pushing Alex too far too fast.

"Because."

"Because isn't an answer." Olivia said stepping back "I want to know why. You know why, I know why, but I want to hear you say why."

"Because you're not Jess." Alex finally said knowing that she never would have to worry about her safety with Olivia no matter what. God lord Olivia had proven that time and time again even when she had trouble controlling her anger in the beginning. No matter how bad or violent Olivia got she knew she would never be hurt by her. The safety she felt with her scared her and amazed her at the same time.

"Thank you." Olivia said as she kissed Alex knowing full well what it took for Alex to confess that too her and what it took for her to do so "thank you."

"I guess I need to go have a conversation with Huang." Alex said trying to keep eye contact with Olivia but feeling unsure of not only herself but what she was about to do.

"You do Alex" Olivia whispered as she took a seat "Remember you control the conversation. If you don't feel like talking about something or you're not ready to fully discuss something with him you can stop it. If it gets too much I will be right here to help you fight the demons."

"Thank you." Alex said taking a deep breath as she raised her hand and knocked on Huang's door. This was certainly going to be a test of her ability to keep herself composed. One that she hoped she could pass and wouldn't have to rely on Olivia for. With a finally look over her shoulder she received the last bit of encouragement from the smile she gave her as she turned to the sound of the door opening.

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**A/N: Two updates in two days. I know its been a long time since that has happened. I'm sorry but the criminals do insist on taking my time at times. I'm glad that everyone loved the last update and I hope that everyone will love this update as well.**


	58. Huang Part 1

"Alex" Huang said as he opened the door glancing over her shoulder to Olivia and then back to Alex "Is everything ok?"

"I need to talk to you." Alex said taking the final steps needed for recovery.

"Please come in" Huang said stepping to the side to allow her to pass "Olivia are you coming?"

"No Huang" Olivia said as she stretched her legs out and laced her hands behind her head "I'm only here as support this is all Alex."

Huang looked from Olivia to Alex and then back to Olivia. He had been read in on the case concerning Alex but was instructed to have no knowledge of it if ever asked. He had agreed never once questioning the order coming from Elliot as he had towered over him in his office that day. The loyalty that the unit he was assigned to astounded him on a daily basis.

"I will get you if we need you." Huang said as he shut the door softly behind him. "Alex please have a seat."

"Thanks but I prefer to stand if you don't mind "Whatever makes you comfortable" Huang replied as he took his seat and watched her with his eyes. He could tell that she was nervous and really wasn't sure where to start "Alex before you begin I need to ask you something."

'OK" She said as she stopped pacing and looked at him.

"Why are you here?"

"Why do you ask me? Think about it why else would I be here outside of a professional capacity."

"I meant are you here for Olivia or are you here for you."

"Does it matter?"

"Yes"

"How"

"Because if you're here for Olivia we will accomplish nothing and you will only tell me what I need to know and I want be able to treat you for the full issue at hand. If you are here for you then you will be totally honest with me and we will be able to accomplish plenty. So again I will ask you are you here for Olivia or are you here for you?"

"Her, Me, well both actually."

"Which one is tipping the scale?"

"For me." Alex said after taking a deep breath and being totally honest with herself "But I'll be the first to tell you Olivia is pulling a close second. I do mean very close."

"I can see that." Huang said with a smile and then laughed when Alex spun around and gave him a deer in the head light look. "Alex don't look so shock, I maybe a doctor but I am also an agent and we are taught to be very observant. Now start when you are ready.'

"I met Jess at a bar one night." Alex finally said almost so low that Huang had to strain to hear her "There was something that drew me to her. I do mean her Huang. I am gay I just don't exactly advertise it."

"Great I am too" Huang said with a knowing grin "Maybe one day you can meet my boyfriend and we can all go to dinner."

"Oh ok" Alex said unable to mask the shock on her face "Anyways. There was something that drew me to her and we talked until the club closed. When we went to part ways we swapped phone numbers which allow me to point out that is something that I never do. I never pick up at a bar."

"I'm not here to judge." Huang stated

"About a week later she called me. We met for coffee and really hit it off without the added benefit of alcohol. Pretty soon we were having regular dates and everything seemed great, almost perfect like. You know like every woman dreams of thanks to Hollywood but never get."

"How so?"

"She would hold the door open for me, pull my chair out, take my jacket or assist me getting it on. She treated me like I was a princess, her princess. No one had ever done that before and I was starting to think I may have found the one. You know after years of coming to the conclusion that I would be alone forever or spend my life with Mrs. Right now not Mrs. Right."

"What happened?"

"Everything, I do mean everything, was perfect to the point that I had told my parents I had met someone and wanted to bring them home over thanksgiving. That's saying a lot there."

"When did it change?" Huang asked trying a different method of questions. I had came home after a long day of work and she was standing in my living room. I thought she was there to surprise me. She had done that on several occasions. Been there waiting on me usually with a candle light dinner or a nice hot bath ran for me. I was so happy to see her that I walked up to hug and kiss her when she smacked me. She smacked me so hard that I fell on the couch. The hate and anger I saw in her eyes and face terrified me to my soul."

"Did she say anything when she hit you?'

"Wanted to know why the hell was I trying to kiss and hug her when it was so obvious I wanted dick that I was playing her and making her look like a fool to all her friends. I stumbled backwards scared and ordered her out of my house and to never comeback."

"But she did come back and you took her back." Huang said pointing out the obvious.

"Yeah later that night. She woke me up beating on my door. I tried to ignore it but she kept getting louder and louder so I finally decided to answer it before she woke the whole damn neighbor hood. When I opened the door she stood there soaked to the bone crying her eyes out. She begged for my forgiveness and explained that she had shown up at my work to surprise me for lunch. She had seen me talking to a male co-worker and apparently I laid my hand on his arm and laughed like I did with her. She told me that the longer she sat at my house and thought about it the madder she became. That by the time I finally made it home she was so furious that she couldn't even see straight, that when she looked at me she saw him and me together. That when she really smacked me she was smacking my co-worker, God I can't believe I was so weak." Alex mumbled as she wrapped her arms around her body.

"Alex you weren't weak and never was weak at anytime she was abusing you. You did what every woman who was abused has done. You took her back hoping and praying that it was a onetime event and if I know abusers you probably thought it was."

"You have no clue. It was a magical month.' Alex said as she smiled at one of the few good memories she had of Jess after the abuse started "She showered me with so much love and kindness I had forgotten about the incident. I really and truly thought it was a onetime event."

"It wasn't was it?"

"No. I had to work late one night. I had been so engrossed on preparing for trial that I lost track of time. When I realized what time it was I quickly threw everything in my briefcase and rushed home. As soon as I walked through the door she knocked me into the wall. I struggled to get to my feet as she told me she should have known that a slut like me would have to work late. Now she knew how I was a top notch attorney. I slept my way to the top. I told her to get out and if she came back I would call the cops. She told me I wasn't calling anyone as she shoved me back into the wall and choked me till I passed out."

Huang followed Alex with his eyes as she paced the room.

"When I came to she had me handcuffed to the bed. The look on her face made my blood run cold when she told me that she was going to make me hate men, show me what I was missing."

"Alex what did she do?"

"She She raped me repeatedly" Alex said breaking down in tears and crumbling to the floor. "I begged and begged for her to stop. It was like the more I pleaded the harder she went. The more she seemed to enjoy it. When I became quiet and decided that this was my fate she became so rough. She would slap me and thrust so hard that I would scream in pain."

"Alex we both know that a rapist thrives on control and anger."

"I hurt so bad the next morning and couldn't stop bleeding. I knew I needed to go to the hospital but if I did they would insist on a report. She told me that if I told anybody that it would be even worse. That I would wish I was dead. I was so weak."

"Alex you were far from weak." Huang said as he stood and made his way slowly over to Alex so not to scare her. He could tell that she was teetering on going into a flashback. "Alex I think we have covered enough for today. I would like to see you again on a regular basis."

"I don't think I can do this." Alex whispered in an almost childlike voice.

"Ok When you are ready to continue you know where to find me." Huang told her as years of experience had taught him that forcing someone to talk was never helpful. "Let me help you up and to Olivia."

"Thank you" Alex said accepting his help. She smiled when he opened the door and she saw Olivia in the same position she had left her. To anyone who didn't know her it would appear as if she was asleep and unaware of her surroundings. To her the slight almost unnoticeable raise of her eyebrow told Alex differently. One look at Olivia and she knew that as much as she dreaded it and thought that she couldn't continue with the therapy that she had to.

"Same time tomorrow?" Alex asked.

"That will be fine." He told her with smile on his face as he watched Alex willingly go into Olivia's open arms.

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**A/N: My deepest apologies for taking so long to update this story. I want to thank everyone for being patient and staying with me through the gaps of updates. I am so thankful and grateful that you take the time out of your day to read my stories. Thank you.**


	59. Routine

**A/N: This is more of a filler chapter than anything. I am so sorry it took me so long to update but I had the hardest time getting it started and knowing where to take it. Of course as always though we owe this chapter to the perp high on Cocaine that felt the urge to fight about eight of us. Nothing like a good fight to get a chapter flowing...LOL. I hope everyone enjoy's this chapter and as always reviews are welcomed.**

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The next few weeks, Alex would see Huang at least three times a week and most of the time at the apartment. Once he arrived Olivia would make herself scarce and allow them time alone never coming out of her room until Alex went in search of her. The one thing that struck Alex as odd was that she never once asked how the sessions was going or what was said. After agonizing over it for a few days she finally relented and asked considering she always questioned Olivia each day she had a session. Olivia had informed her that she knew that there were things being said that she didn't want her to discover. That she knew there was more to the story than what was being told so she opted to stay clear of it no matter how bad she wanted to know and lord knew she wanted to know.

Olivia was slowly trying to get back into the swing of things. After her last FMRI Dr. Mathews had agreed, despite Alex's objections, to allow Olivia to return to work on desk duty only and no more than twenty hours a week. Of course this had come with the agreement that she was to still maintain her once a week hyperbaric treatment and her weekly therapy session as well. If at any time she missed the appointments or canceled all together then her slight medical clearance would be pulled. Olivia, although not too happy about the stipulations, quickly agreed.

Together they had fallen into a comfortable routine. Alex would drop Olivia off at the station on Tuesday and Thursday's and would pick her back up on her way home making sure that she never stayed more than eight hours. Although to be honest and as much as Olivia hated to admit it most days after lunch Elliot would drive Olivia home. Alex would usually come home and find Olivia passed out on the couch from exhaustion even though she had only worked a few hours.

Alex would constantly remind her, not to rub it in her face but to try and get her to ease off, that her accountant was taking care of her bills and there was no need to push herself as hard as she was. Olivia would thank Alex for taking care of her bills and even though her barely eight hours a week wasn't covering anything she had to feel like she was financially contributing.

Their personal lives at home seemed to be moving alone just as well. Most nights Olivia would cook dinner except for the nights that Olivia went into the station. Those were the nights that Alex would come home and cook dinner before waking Olivia. Over the weekend they would always venture out into the city at least one night sometimes two.

Majority of the times they went out it was usually for dinner and then home. There were a few occasions that the night ended with a movie or a night of dancing. The really rare moments when Alex felt safe to walk the city they would venture over to the east village or the SoHO fashion district. Those were the times that Alex insisted on spoiling Olivia even more by purchasing items from the street vendors for her. Olivia had argued and fought Alex every step of the way citing that she was already spending more than enough on her for her medical expenses and her monthly bills. That was until Alex pointed one thing out that she just couldn't turn down.

"_Alex I am not trying on much less allowing you to purchase a two hundred dollar pair of sunglasses for me." Olivia informed Alex._

"_Olivia we've been over this if I want to spend my money on you that's my choice." Alex pointed out as she pulled Olivia too her "I know you don't expect it much less want it but there are times I would like to spoil you and this is one of those times."_

"_Alex a two hundred dollar pair of sunglasses, no."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Let's start with the price." Olivia pointed out "They're two hundred dollars and secondly when I start back full time there's no telling how long it will be before they would get broken in a fight with a perp. That would be two hundred dollars wasted. My forty dollar pair is still functioning just fine and I won't get as mad when they get broken in a fight."_

"_Fine I agree not to buy them for you." Alex sighed out frustrated that Olivia wouldn't let her purchase them for her, at least not right then "Please try them on. I want to see what they look like on you."_

"_Alex" Olivia warned_

"_Here" Alex said choosing a pair and handing it to Olivia "I want to see you in these."_

_Olivia shook her head and took the glasses from Alex. She had learned that since Alex was regaining some of her self confidence in therapy she was truly becoming a force to reckon with at times._

_Alex smiled to herself when Olivia took the sunglasses from her hand and watched her gently place them on her face. She waited until Olivia finally looked up at her with the glasses on before taking a step back and taking a full look. Olivia was wearing a pair of black jeans that fit her like a second skin, a blue turtleneck that fit her upper body the same as the pants did and her leather jacket that just added to what could only be defined as hot. She had recently had her hair cut and had decided to spike it some. That in itself was hot, no matter what she was wearing, but add the sunglasses into the mix, lord help her and every female that was walking by at that moment._

"_God you look so hot." Alex whispered into her ear once she was able to find her voice "I could take you right here on the sidewalk."_

"_Ok" Olivia choked out as she closed her eyes and swallowed hard "You can buy them."_

Olivia was almost asleep as replayed the scene from earlier that evening when she heard a blood curdling scream come from Alex's room.

* * *

**A/N: And I leave you with a cliff hanger.**


	60. Jess

"Alex you're having a nightmare" Olivia said as she opened the door but stopped at the sight before. No more than three feet in front of her stood Jessica in a NYPD uniform with a gun at Alex's head.

"Please come and join the party." Jess said with a smile "Oh I wouldn't think of doing anything heroic if I was you."

Olivia looked at Alex and felt her heart drop to the floor when she saw the fear that was in her eyes.

"Listen it's not too late to walk away" Olivia said as calmly as she could despite the fact that she wanted to kill the woman before her with her bare hands.

"Oh I think we are way past that now, don't you."

"Not really" Olivia answered taking a small step forward "It's never too late to walk away. Now is a chance you have to turn your life around."

"How stupid do I look to you detective?" Jess asked pushing the gun in Olivia's direction "And stop trying to get closer."

"I never said you were stupid." Olivia said taking a step back "Actually I believe you're a very smart woman."

"We both know I'm a very smart woman. Hell how long did it take you to realize I had this place bugged. I have recordings and video that goes back for months before this worthless slut moved you in."

"That was brilliant." Olivia said "We still haven't figured out how you made it in such a secure building. Want to tell me how?"

"Why not, it's not like I plan on letting either one of you survive this." Jess said lowering her gun slightly "I posed as an agent for the alarm company. After bugging her phone I knew what the security word was when she told an Abbie Carmichael it so she could come over. When I arrived at the desk I had a work order to fix the alarm and gave the security word to get on the elevator."

"The elevator operates by a code as well how did you activate it?" Olivia asked as she watched Jess's body relax

"I timed my entrance with another resident and entered the elevator with them. They conveniently made it to the pad before me and all I had to do was push the button for her floor."

"Let me guess you picked the lock on the door?"

"I did and our little bitch here is always predictable. I knew the code would be the year of her birth. So when I entered the apartment I was able to deactivate the alarm and start setting the devices. It was so pathetic to watch her in the beginning. She would come home and check every window and lock. The way she jumped at every noise was so funny."

"I bet." Olivia seethed out

"Then she moved you in." Jess said striking Alex with the barrel of the gun across the side of her face "I told you you little slut you were mine and only mine."

"Leave her alone." Olivia growled her anger boiling over when Jess struck Alex.

"Or what?" Jess taunted "You're going to attack me? Make me pay? Let's think about it detective, I have the gun and you have nothing. Hell you can't even work a full shift at work."

Olivia closed her eyes and silently cursed herself for not grabbing her gun or her phone before leaving her bedroom. She opened her eyes and connected with Alex pleading for forgiveness with her eyes.

"Want to know what was best about this little bitch?" Jess asked as she traced the out line of Alex's face with the barrel of the gun.

"What?" Olivia asked hoping to stall time and find some way for Alex to make it out alive.

"That even though she said she didn't like it rough and that she hated it when I used the stra-on on her that was when she came the hardest. She was so wet those times and that was what I loved. That was when I knew she what a little slut she was. Isn't that right Alex?"

"Screw you." Alex spat out.

"You became a brave little bitch didn't you?" Jess asked as she wrapped her hand around Alex's neck and began choking her "This little bitch here should have never encouraged that. I had you where you did what I said no questions. I will have you there again."

"Get your hands off her." Olivia growled as she lunged at Jess catching her mid body and sending her into the nightstand.

"I wanted it to go nice and slow but not now." Jess said as she struggled to maintain control of the gun and leveled it at Olivia's head.

Olivia glanced up at Alex and saw the tears streaming down her face and the bruise starting to form on her face as well. The red finger marks around her neck was the encouragement she needed to fight till the death. She quickly kicked the gun from Jess's hand and was on her feet knowing that hand to hand combat was the only way for them to fight.

"You will not hurt her anymore." Olivia ordered as she delivered a hard left hook to Jess's face.

Jess at a disadvantage of being on her back quickly swept Olivia's feet out from under her and was on top of her delivering punch after punch to Olivia's face.

Olivia used her body weight and flipped Jess over and off of her landing on top as well. She quickly delivered a couple of blows to her upper body.

Jess shielded herself the best she could from the frenzied blows that Olivia was delivering. After a few botched attempts she was able to wrap her legs around Olivia's upper body and push Olivia off her.

Olivia screamed out when her head hit the floor. She fought hard to fight the blackness that was starting to creep in on her. She slowly closed her eyes when she heard Alex screaming and crying her name in the far off distance. She fought with everything she had to stay awake and get back on her feet.

The room seemed to spin when she opened her eyes and stumbled toward Jess. She had to concentrate hard to make sure she connected with Jess and not Alex when she swung to hit her.

"You don't give up." Jess growled as she grabbed the gun and leveled it at Olivia again.

"Never" Olivia said using the last bit of strength to grab Jess and propel them both through the door and into the hallway. Before Olivia could let go of jess they crashed through the railing and started falling toward the living room floor.

"Olivia, Olivia" Alex screamed when she saw them go through the railing and screamed again when she heard the gunfire from down below. She fought against the rope and bit back tears as it cut into her wrist. Finally after what seemed like hours she broke free and launched off the bed to the hallway.

"Olivia Olivia" Alex cried as she saw both bodies lying in a pile on the floor each covered with blood.

* * *

**A/N: I know a cliff hanger again. I really am sorry about that but at least the infamous Jess has finally made an appearance and Olivia was able to get her hands on her but at what cost? **


	61. Arrival

"Olivia Olivia" Alex screamed as she grabbed her phone off the dresser. She quickly pressed a number she had come to know by heart and waited as patiently as she could for an answer.

"Stabler" Elliot said answering his phone on the second ring.

"Elliot Jess is here" Alex cried into the phone "They went over the railing there's so much blood. I don't know how bad Olivia is hurt. There was gunfire. Oh my god what if she's dead."

"Alex listen to me" Elliot ordered as he jumped to his feet and started dressing quickly "I want you to find a place to hide and stay there. I'm sending units over immediately we will be kicking in the door. Do not and I repeat DO NOT come out till you hear either myself or Fin calling for you."

"Olivia she's covered in blood there was gunshots when they went over. I can't leave her." Alex repeated as she made her way down the stairs to where Olivia laid.

"Alex find a spot and hide." Elliot ordered once again knowing full well no matter what he said she would still run to Olivia and try to help her "I will have a sector car there immediately. The best thing you can do for Olivia now is to hide."

"Elliot I will not leave her please you have to hurry." Alex cried as she dropped to her knees by Olivia's side. "It looks worse than last time."

"Just hang on I'm on my way" Elliot said as he snapped his phone shut.

"Come on Olivia I need you to stay with me" Alex pleaded as she gently cradled Olivia's head in her lap while applying pressure to her wound at her abdomen "You can't leave me now."

"Alex" Olivia groaned out as she struggled to open her eyes "Get out while you can."

"I'm not leaving you." Alex cried.

"Jess…" Olivia said trying to moving her head to take a look at Jess.

"I can see her she's still breathing but she's out cold at the moment." Alex whispered as she gently kissed her forehead "Just relax Stabler is on his way with back up."

"Alex go please." Olivia pleaded again as she struggled to raise her arm to caress Alex's face "I have to know you're safe."

"I feel like déjà vu here." Alex said with slight laughter.

"This makes it déjà vu" Olivia said as she reached for the gun and used her last bit of strength to place it in Alex's hand "You remember what I said last time. Do the same thing. I know the guys will take care of you. "

"I'm not doing this again Olivia Benson we have come to far so you better prepare to fight like there's no tomorrow do you hear me." Alex stated "Elliot should be here any minute along with back up. You have got to hang on."

"Alex I'm tired" Olivia whispered as she began to fade "I can't fight anymore. Please take the gun."

"OK" Alex cried as she gripped the gun in her hands "Just rest the guys will be here in a minute."

Alex sat on the floor as the tears poured from her eyes. Making sure not to cause Olivia any more pain than what she was already in she rocked her back and forth. She felt her heart sink to the ground when she realized that her breaths become shallow and ragged.

She glanced at Jess who laid no more than five feet from Olivia. As she sat there with the gun in her hand she considered shooting Jess, ending all the troubles she had had. She knew plenty of judges and had tried plenty of cases that she knew ways to get around it. She started to raise the gun but then thought twice. She knew she wasn't the type of person who could take a life without thinking twice.

"NYPD" An officer shouted as he kicked the door in and ran in with his gun drawn.

Alex jumped and spun around with the gun in her hand when they entered.

"DROP YOUR WEAPON NOW!" the officer ordered as he stopped and trained his sights on her "DROP IT NOW OR I WILL SHOOT."

"HELP HER." Alex screamed pointing down to Olivia in her lap.

"DROP YOUR WEAPON NOW." The officer ordered again.

Alex dropped the gun to the floor and screamed when she felt herself being jerked back and thrown on her stomach. She cried out in pain when the officer wrenched her arms behind her back and slammed the cuffs on her.

"Let her up." Elliot ordered as he came barreling through the door with Fin and Cragen hot on his heels. "That's ADA Cabot and that is Detective Olivia Benson. The woman who needs her wrist broken as you put the cuffs on her is over to the side."

"She had a gun sir." The officer said suddenly standing and justifying why he had handcuffed her.

"I understand that and I know what policy is when clearing a house. That gun belonged to Detective Benson." Elliot said stepping to the side so the paramedics could pass him.

"I woke up and she was standing over me with a gun." Alex cried as she stood by Elliot and watched the EMT's go to work on Olivia "When I screamed Olivia came running thinking I had another nightmare. I didn't mean to call her in there. I didn't think when I screamed."

"Alex its ok" Elliot said as he took his coat off and wrapped it around her shoulders noticing the blood on her wrist "Were you tied up?"

"She tied me to the bed. I was trying to be quiet and was just going to let her have her way with me." Alex said as she pulled the coat tighter against her "She told me if I was quiet she wouldn't hurt Olivia."

"What made you scream?"

"Once she had me tied up she leaned down and whispered that she lied she was going to torture and kill Olivia in front of me."

"We need to get you seen." Cragen said stepping forward "I need to know do we need to do a rape kit?"

"No I screamed before she had a chance to rape me." Alex croaked out pulling the jacket even tighter against her

"Officers we need to get her to Mercy and quickly" the EMT said as he walked up to them "Her pulse is very week and her BP is 60 over 40. To put it to you blunt if she doesn't get to the hospital and to an operating room now she may not make it."

"Go" Cragen ordered "I will have traffic stopped at every intersection between here and Mercy and Detective Stabler will be lead car."

"Thank you." The EMT said as they rushed out the door with Olivia on the stretcher with Elliot and Alex hot on their heels.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews and the messages. I know we still haven't found out about our favorite detective but I promise we will soon.**


	62. ER

"Get trauma bay one open" A doctor screamed as he ran beside Olivia "I need you to type and cross and lets get the clothes off her."

"She's A positive like me" Elliot said jogging behind the doctor "Here is the paperwork that gives me medical power of attorney."

"What else can you tell me about her history?"

"She has recently suffered a head injury and a gun shot to her left shoulder" Alex said as she stood like a statue watching them cut the clothes off of Olivia "Dr. Mathews is her doctor that she sees for her head injury. She was just cleared for light duty after her last FMRI."

"Do we know if she hit her head?" The doctor asked

"At least one time I know of." Alex whispered as she slowly stepped forward "They went over the railing and I couldn't see how they landed. She may have landed on her head hard then. That was when I heard the gunshots as well. I could only find the one on her stomach."

"Ok get a surgeon and an operating room ready." The doctor said looking up at a nurse "And get him the forms he needs to sign after he gives blood."

"I've already called Dr. Mathews and he's on a flight back to New York as we speak. When it comes to the surgeon it better be the best you have on call at the moment."

"Ma'am may I ask your relationship to the patient." The doctor asked wondering who she was to be giving such orders.

"I'm her "Alex started to say but then closed her mouth and looked at Elliot not sure what to say or what to tell the doctor.

"This is her partner" Elliot informed them as he pulled Alex to him in a hug "She was injured protecting her against an intruder in their home. That is Detective Olivia Benson you're working on at the moment. Not only will she appreciate you doing you're very best but so will the other thirty five thousand members of her family as well sir."

"Detective I swear to you on my life we will do everything we can to save her." The doctor said releasing the brakes on the bed "But if we don't get her to an OR now she's not surviving nothing."

"Ma'am" A nurse said stepping forward "If you will come with me we will have you looked at."

"What?' Alex said looking at her confused.

"Your wrists are bleeding." She said pointing to the blood that was dripping on the floor "Come in here and let me get a doctor take a look at you. At the very least allow me to bandage your wrists for you."

"I'll be ok" Alex said as her eyes followed Olivia on the stretcher until she couldn't see her anymore.

"Ma'am"

"Please call me Alex." Alex said interrupting the nurse.

"Nice to meet you Alex I am Tracy." The nurse said "there is nothing you can do for your partner until she is out of surgery. Why not come in here and let me fix you up. I'm pretty sure you don't want her coming to and seeing blood on your wrists."

"Last time she was in a coma for a while." Alex muttered as she allowed Tracy to lead her into a room "We almost lost her on the first day several times. It was my fault she almost died the first time and its my fault why we're in this same predicament again."

"There's no doubt in my mind that she doesn't blame you. This will sting some" Tracy said as she began to clean Alex's wound.

"She should" Alex hissed at the pain she felt from her wound being cleaned "I'm the one with the psycho ex-girlfriend who has tried to kill her not once but twice."

"Yet she's still with you I think that should tell you something?"

"She was only with me because I insisted that she stay with me." Alex said finally looking Tracy in the eyes "It was my fault that she almost died. I moved her in with me and made sure she received all the medical assistance she needed. That's why she's with me. She's not in my house as my partner and lover she's in my house because I feel guilty over what happened to her."

"Look Liv will not stay some place she doesn't want to be." Tracy said with a smile.

'I'm sorry do you know her?" Alex asked confused.

"We dated briefly about two years ago" Tracy said standing up "The one thing I learned during that time was that Liv does what she wants to do. Anyone who knows her knows that. If she stayed at your house it was because she wanted to not because you made her, unless she's changed her hardheadedness ways which I seriously doubt."

"No not at all" Alex said as she remember the countless arguments they had had over her treatment, her going back to work, her accepting help from Alex.

"You said you two aren't a couple then how long have you known her?"

"I started working with her about nine months ago now."

"You're a detective as well?"

"No actually I'm the Assistant District Attorney assigned to her squad." Alex said smiling "Name is Alexandra Cabot but please call me Alex."

"An attorney really? Tracy said amazed "I could never picture Liv with an attorney but you know what they say opposites attract. You are all patched up and ready to go would you like me to take you to the waiting room for the surgery ward."

"Please and thank you so much." Alex said as she quietly followed Tracy down the hallway till they came to a set of doors that was closed off.

"The detective that you came in with is waiting in this room." Tracy said turning to face Alex "You have a good woman Alex I hope you know that and will treat her right."

"I do" Alex said pulling Tracy into a hug before walking into the room.

Alex walked into the room and looked around at the detectives in the room. She could tell by the look on their faces that they knew nothing on how Olivia was doing. She silently took her seat next to Elliot and leaned back saying a silent prayer that Olivia would survive this one more time.

* * *

**A/N: I had every intention of this being the chapter where we discovered Olivia's fate but it didn't seem to fall like that. I know you guys are impatiently waiting to know the outcome of our favorite detective. I promise we will be discovering that soon. Please have a little patience with me. Trust me I know how hard that is coming from someone who was born with absolutely no patience at all. Yet I chose Law Enforcement where I have to have the most patience. **


	63. Outcome

It was almost an hour later that Alex jerked awake hearing the door open and shut quietly behind a man dressed in scrubs.

"Benson family?" A doctor asked as he walked into the room and looked at the four men who jumped to their feet instantly open hearing the door open and the blonde hair blue eye beauty that silently pleaded with him that everything was ok.

"That's us I'm Captain Cragen" Cragen said stepping forward "This is Detective Stabler, Detective Munch, Detective Tutuola, and ADA Cabot."

"I'm doctor Blount" The doctor said as he extended his hand to Captain Cragen "I was the surgeon on call when Benson was brought in."

"How is she?" Alex asked not really caring who he was at the moment.

"She is doing good considering she lost a lot of blood. She was shot close range in her abdomen which pierced her spleen. We had to remove about sixty percent of her spleen to stop the bleeding. By some miracle though she has survived. She is one hell of a fighter.'

"You have no clue." Elliot said finally releasing the breath he had been holding "When can we see her?"

"She is in recovery at the moment and will be there for about another hour. After wards we are moving her up to ICU for at least over night. If she comes too and all the tests come out ok then we will move her to a regular floor day after tomorrow."

"What tests? What are you talking about?" Alex asked.

"The test's I ordered" Dr. Mathews said walking into the room "Sorry I'm late. Alexandra I ordered tests to make sure that her hitting her head hasn't done any further damage."

"What if it did?" Alex asked reaching for Elliot's hand

"It could be a major set back for her. To be totally honest with you a person with multiple brain injuries especially as close together as these are are more likely to die. Each injury makes it harder and harder to reduce the swelling. A lot of times people who suffer multiple brain injuries suffer from depression and anxiety and no matter how hard they try they don't return to the person they use to be and that can and does often lead to suicide."

"Oh god" Alex cried "Is there a best case scenario?'

"There is" He said taking a seat and motioning for them to do the same. "Lets hope that somehow she didn't hit her head from the fall. That all she has was the minor fall where she hit her head in your room. That would be a best case scenario. What has happened is that she has reinjured a spot before its fully healed. Now she will have the scar tissue from the previous injury and the scar tissue from this injury both growing in the same spot. That will cause some interference with the brain signals and her behavior.'

"So keep with the same therapist? What" Alex sighed "Doc you tell me what she needs and she will have it by morning."

"if it is the minor injury I want to continue with the Hyperbaric Oxygen therapy. We will start with let's say three times a week but I can't do that till the gsw to her abdomen is healed or at least partially healed. Until then I want to start her on physical therapy that will pin point the areas that area damaged and what we need to do to retrain that part of the brain. I also want her seeing her behavorial therapist again as well."

"I'll call her behavioral therapist in the morning and start setting up appointments." Alex informed him "I need to locate the best physical therapist to deal with TBI's. They will be here by tomorrow afternoon."

"Alex I would wait if I was you." Dr. Mathews said looking at the ground dreading what he was about to have to tell her "Olivia is unconscious again. Although unlike last time we are not planning on placing her in a medically induced coma unless absolutely necessary. The problem lies in repeat brain injuries where they lose consciousness. The more that occurs the harder and harder it is for someone to fight back and return. Basically in a nut shell we're not sure if she's going to wake up. That's another reason why we are trying to avoid a medically induced coma. The longer she's out the more damage and longer therapy we are looking at."

"Let's get this straight right now." Alex said in a voice that all the men had come to know all to well since working with her "I don't give a damn how long we are looking at therapy. I don't give a damn about how much treatment will cost. The same standard stands that stood the first time we were here. You have a blank check for her treatment."

"I understand that but I need you to understand that there is a chance that she won't be the woman you fell in love with. I know how hard she fought to return to her old self last time. This time she might not."

"We will take it one day at a time" Alex said with conviction more for the guys than for herself "I want to see her."

"I know and as soon as we have her moved into her room I promise you." Dr. Mathews said standing to leave "I need to go and finish my paperwork. If you need anything call me."

It was almost an hour and a half later when a nurse arrived to escort them to Olivia's room. She held onto Elliot with a death grip until they stopped in front of her door.

"I need you to understand" The nurse said stopping at Olivia's door "When you walk in there she will be hooked up to wires and machines. We are starting to see bruises forming from the fight so don't be alarmed when you see them. The main thing is to talk to her. There have been studies done that even when someone is in a coma like state they can still hear you."

"I understand" Alex whispered as she swallowed hard and slowly entered the room.

She stopped just inside the door as she took in the sight before her. There were more wires and machines beeping than there was last time. A dark bruise was forming on her cheek and she could see where they had stitched a cut above her left eyebrow. Even looking as battered and as bruised as she was at that moment she never looked more beautiful to Alex.

"Go to her talk to her" Elliot whispered into Alex's ear encouraging her.

"Olivia, I'm so sorry" Alex whispered as she carefully sat on the bed next to her, laying her head on her shoulder and allowed the tears to finally fall.

"You know" Olivia said her voice raspy and very sore "I've been shot twice for you I think that entitles me to a second date."

* * *

**A/N: She's out of surgery and talking. Did you guys really think I would kill her off? NO way. I want to thank everyone for sticking with me and all the reviews I have received for this story. I need to give thanks to my faithful reader who is helping me with the medical portion of this story. This chapter would be far from the truth if it wasn't for them. Thank you so much for helping with this aspect of the story.**


	64. Pretesting

"It entitles you to whatever you want" Alex sobbed out as she looked at the woman who almost gave her life twice for her before turning to Elliot "Go get the nurse and have Dr. Mathews in here immediately.'

Elliot simply nodded as he quickly left to get the needed medical staff and give them a few minutes alone.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I've been hit by a Mack truck." Olivia groaned

"You hit your head during the fight and Dr. Mathews is afraid that you may have aggravated your previous injury. He has you scheduled for tests in the morning." Alex whispered as she swiped a stray hair away from Olivia's forehead "Now that you're awake that takes part of the fear away."

"Hey I hear someone is awake." Stephanie said with Dr. Mathews on her heels "That is good."

"I know" Alex said reluctantly stepping aside so Dr. Mathews could check Olivia over.

"She pulled through the first time she'll do it a second time" Stephanie whispered when she saw the worried look on Alex's face.

"I know" Alex answered turning to face Stephanie "I'm just worried with what Dr. Mathews told me earlier."

'I'll make sure she has the best just like before" Stephanie told her pulling her into a hug.

"Get your hands off her." Olivia growled when she looked over Dr. Mathews shoulder and saw Stephanie with her hands around Alex's shoulder.

"And that's the Olivia we have all grown to know and somehow love." Stephanie said laughing as she quickly stepped away from Alex "I'm Stephanie and I work here. Do you remember me from last time?"

"Yeah but I want your hands off her now."

"Is she normally a jealous woman?" Stephanie asked looking at Alex

Alex shook her head no.

"I see what new issue we have to work with."

"Yeah me too." Alex said sighing. She already had to deal with one jealous woman she wasn't too sure about having to deal with a second one. "Liv please relax. Stephanie is just a friend I promise you."

"I don't care" Olivia said closing her eyes and cussing the pain that shot through her.

"Let Dr. Mathews look at you and we will talk about it after he leaves ok."

Olivia went to nod her head in agreement but groaned as pain shot through her making her literally see stars.

"Tell me how you are feeling?" Dr. Mathews asked Olivia as he donned a pair of latex gloves.

'My head feels like it has about twenty jack hammers going off in it."

"That is to be expected and don't be surprised if you maintain a headache for the next few days to possibly a few weeks. As time goes on though it should decrease, but if at any time it gets worse or you start to have vision problems I need to know immediately. We could be looking at a much bigger problem."

"Like?" Olivia asked forcing one eye open to look at him.

"Like I told Alex earlier when I talked with her a person with multiple brain injuries, especially as close together as these are, are likely to die. With each injury it makes it harder to reduce the swelling. I'm not going to lie to you Olivia repeat injuries make it hard for the patient to return to the person they use to be. We could be looking at a long uphill battle even worse than the first time around. The one thing that will help us in determining this factor is do you remember how many times you hit your head?"

"Just once in the bedroom." Olivia answered "I was able to twist the perp around and use her as my cushion when we fell. She took the blunt of the fall."

"That is the best news there is." Dr. Mathews said with a smile glancing at Alex and then back at Olivia "I won't be able to confirm anything till the tests tomorrow but what we are looking at is that you have reinjured your previous injury."

"What does that mean for me?"

"That means you should make a full recover but I can't tell you how long that will take. If what I suspect is true you will have scar tissue growing over scar tissue. This will cause some interference with your brain signals and how you process things. In a nut shell we will need to retrain your brain."

"How?" Olivia asked wondering how much more could one possibly retrain their brain as she had already.

"We will start back on the hyperbaric oxygen treatment as soon as the surgeon will release you for that. I'm hoping no more than about two weeks max. The HBOT treatments will also help you wound to heal more quickly as well. So basically we will be killing two birds with one stone. You will need to increase your weekly sessions with your behavioral therapist and possibly a physical therapist. Again all this hedges on the results from the test tomorrow."

Olivia groaned in response.

"Now let's let you get some sleep." Dr. Mathews said turning to Alex and Stephanie "It's great that she has woken up on her own and so quickly. The thing is we need to wake her at least every two hours. The second she doesn't wake up we enter territory we don't want to enter. That is about all I can tell you until I perform the tests in the morning. If anything changes, I mean anything, I need to be notified immediately."

"Not a problem" Stephanie said as she followed Dr. Mathews out turning to face Alex "If you need anything let me know. The bedding is being sent down for you and the detective."

"Thanks" Alex said waiting till she heard the door shut behind them before walking over to Olivia's bedside "What was that with Stephanie?"

"I don't know really." Olivia whispered "It pissed me off seeing her arms around you. Not anger like before just pissed me off. I'm sorry but with everything that's happened I don't want anyone around you"

"I've known Stephanie for a long time and if it wasn't for her you wouldn't have some of the best doctors and therapist in the country working with you. I need you to work through whatever it is you're feeling like before."

"That's fine but they need to learn to keep their hands to themselves." Olivia growled as she reached for Alex needing to feel her and know that this wasn't a dream.

"Olivia look at me please." Alex whispered taking her hand and waited until she was looking at her before continuing "I cannot deal with another jealous woman. I can deal with the anger. I know what to expect and how to handle that with you. Not the jealously ok?"

"Where's Jess?" Olivia asked as if she didn't hear a word Alex had said

"At Bellevue in surgery at the moment" Elliot answered as he stepped forward letting his presence be known "You got her good partner. She has a gunshot wound to the chest and one to the abdomen like you. There are other injuries, but Huang hasn't briefed us on those yet. They're not too sure she's going to make it out of surgery."

"Save us a trial." Olivia groaned trying to keep her eyes open.

"Lay back and relax and just try to sleep" Alex said as she leaned down and laid a gentle kiss on Olivia's lips "We will be right here when you wake up."

Olivia mumbled something that was incoherent before allowing herself to succumb to the exhaustion that was overpowering her.

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**A/N: I have said it before but I will say it again. You guys really know how to boost my ego with all the reviews. LOL, Seriously though thank you so much. I am so thankful that you have enjoyed the story up to this point and hope you will continue to enjoy it with the chapters to come. **


	65. Complication

**A/N: I have good news and bad news for you guys. The good news is that here is the next update. The bad news is I am on vacation this week (Much needed) and not sure when I will be writing if any this week. I do promise to try to write to get you another update soon but can't promise anything. I want to thank each and everyone of you for sticking with me and the reviews I have received. You guys are the best.**

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The last time Alex ever remembered getting as little sleep as she did last night was when Olivia was first brought in a few months back. Even then they had only been woken up that once when her blood pressure started crashing. Last night every two hours sometimes less a nurse, usually Stephanie, would come in and wake Olivia up. After about the third time of being woken Olivia had become her usual charming self and informed Stephanie if she came in and woke her up one more time she would find some reason to arrest her since murder was illegal.

Stephanie had simply laughed and reminded the brunette detective that she would be back in less than two hours to wake her again. When Olivia informed her she was not kidding she would find some reason to arrest her Stephanie just turned around and stared at the detective. After what seemed like hours in the silence of the room minus the steady beeping of the machine Stephanie said that was fine but she needed to look over at Alex and explain why she wasn't getting checked and what she would like said at her funeral. Without her checking on her there was that chance that she could sink into a coma and eventually she would die. Olivia just gritted her teeth together before she growled at her informing her if that was the case she had better start waking her up every hour not every two hours. Stephanie had turned and walked out the door with a smile on her face.

That had set the tone for the rest of the night. Every hour on the hour Stephanie would come in and wake Olivia. Olivia would inform her she was fine and Stephanie would turn and walk out. Around seven when Stephanie came in to wake Olivia she had beaten her to the punch and stopped her at the door.

"I'm awake Stephanie" Olivia said turning to look at her as she walked in the room "When will the doctor return?"

"Which one?" Stephanie asked as she handed Elliot and Alex a steaming cup of coffee.

"Which one will stop you from coming in here every hour?" Olivia asked "Alex has gotten almost no sleep and after all she went through she needs her rest. I'm tired of you disturbing her."

"You're worried about Alex?" Stephanie asked looking slightly confused as she glanced between the two women. She would be the first to admit that the detective always kept her on her toes. The last time she was in here one second she would be yelling at Alex and the next so loving and caring. She was accustomed to seeing that from time to time during her rotation on the trauma ward. What really threw her for a loop with Olivia was how she turned everything about Alex and her well being, never once it being about herself.

"Yes I'm worried about Alex" Olivia pointed out as if it should have been obvious "Am I supposed to be worried about me?"

"Yes you should" Alex whispered as she laced her fingers through Olivia's "But we know better don't we?"

"I promised you I would protect you and take care of you. I'm not doing that with her waking you up every hour."

"Olivia" Alex choked out as she positioned herself on the bed "I would rather be woken every hour and have you alive then to be undisturbed and bury you. If lacking sleep means you're alive I will take that any day of the week."

Olivia smiled and accepted the gentle kiss that Alex had bent down to give her. Since she had came too last night there seems to be a difference about her. One that Olivia would be willing to attribute to the fact that Jess was currently under lock and key at Bellevue hospital.

"Elliot will you please take Alex to breakfast for me?" Olivia asked as she smiled at the blonde hair beauty just inches from her face.

"Sure as soon as you go for testing."

"NO now." Olivia ordered as she turned her head to look at Elliot "I want to talk to Stephanie alone."

"Olivia" Alex warned.

"DON'T OLIVIA ME" Olivia shouted "FOR ONCE JUST DO WHAT I ASK."

Alex released Olivia's hand and stood up abruptly. She quietly picked up her jacket and walked out the door without saying a word. She had prepared herself as much as she could for the Olivia she had encountered with the first injury but it still didn't stop the sting when she appeared.

"Get your head out of your ass and do it now" Elliot said as he stood and started to follow Alex but stopping at the door turning back to look at his partner "That woman has bent over backwards and gone through hell for you. You and I both know she's the best thing that's ever happened to you as well."

Olivia stared at the roof as she bit down on her bottom lip. She could feel Stephanie move toward the bed and sit down in the chair that Alex occupied just minutes before. She took a deep breath as she tried to find the words for what she wanted to say.

"Olivia I promise you there is nothing between me and Alex" Stephanie finally said "We are friends and nothing more and that's all we have been for over ten years now. I was just trying to assure her last night after all that she had been through. She needed a shoulder to cry on and you were temporally occupied with the doctor."

"That's not it Stephanie and I'm sorry about yelling at you. I know you're just friends." Olivia smiled as she continued to stare at the roof "After everything that happened I didn't want anyone near her. In my mind she wasn't safe and I have to keep her safe."

"Then what is it?" Stephanie asked "What's changed that you're scared to tell her?"

"Am I that apparent?" Olivia asked with laughter in her voice "I guess this head injury has me off my game."

"No but years in this profession has taught me that people send their loved ones out when they need to tell their nurse or doctor something that they don't want them to know. So I will ask you again what has changed."

"I'm seeing double." Olivia said after a few minutes of silence "I may not have a medical degree but I know that can't be good with a second brain injury."

"You're right." Stephanie said as she leaned forward and exhaled the breath she had been holding "How long have you had double vision?"

"This would be the third time you came in since it started. The first time I thought it was because I was woken up but when I woke up a little while before you came in this last time no matter what I did I couldn't focus."

"I need to notify Dr. Mathews immediately." Stephanie said as she stood and headed toward the door "For the record I will tell Alex you wanted to apologize but you need to tell her and tell her soon. She will know something is up the second Dr. Mathews arrives and you talk to him alone."

"I know but how do you break the heart of the one you love?"


	66. Coming Clean

**A/N: Faithful readers and new ones that are currently joining this story here's a nice suprise that I didn't think I would get done this week. I hope everyone enjoys this quick update.**

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"You don't" Stephanie said turning to face Olivia "You open up and let her in. Let her help you every step of the way. Don't shut her out. It would kill her and hinder your recovery."

"Oh yeah" Olivia said turning to face the wall "Hey Alex guess what I survived another round with Jess and possibly have a second wound. Now let me put the icing on the cake I have double vision. I may never work again. What am I then a worthless leach."

"Olivia I saw you overcome something no one should have overcome. I don't know what anyone has told you about your last visit here but you almost died on the table several times. Your first night on the floor your blood pressure bottomed out and we were doing everything possible to raise it back up when Alex forced her way through the nurses and whispered in your ear. I have no clue what it was but whatever it was it was enough to make you fight to survive."

"Don't you die on me Liv. I need you too much. I can't survive if you die." Olivia muttered.

"You heard her?" Stephanie asked truly confused. She had heard reports that people could hear and remember what was said to them when they were in a coma but had never witnessed it first hand.

"I guess." Olivia sighed "That was the only line that I repeated to myself. Can I tell you something else without you thinking I'm crazy?"

"Anything"

"I could have sworn when I woke up the first time that I could hear Alex talking to me daily about cases, what was going on in her life, things like that. When I saw Stacia sitting in the chair I was sure that I had been imagining things until Alex walked in the room."

"You're not crazy Olivia." Stephanie whispered as she sat on the bed next to her "There have been numerous studies stating that someone in a coma can not only hear but remember what is being said to them."

"I felt crazy and then my temper flaring at the slightest thing didn't help matters much either."

"You had a brain injury that alters peoples personality."

"I know but believe me when I say I'm that last person on earth who needs an altered personality. I'm the last person on earth that she needs to be with now. I've put her through hell when she deserves the world on a silver platter."

"Then give it to her and start by opening up to her. Let her know so she can help. Olivia even the strongest person needs to lean on someone every now and then." Stephanie added when she saw Olivia starting to cave.

"Think she will make it back before I go to my testing?" Olivia asked finally allowing her eyes to connect to Stephanie's.

"Think I know she will." Stephanie said laughing heading for the door one more time "I'll go get her from the waiting room."

Stephanie quietly shut the door behind her and made her way to the waiting room. It was no shock to find Alex not only waiting for her but jumping to her feet as she entered the room.

"Relax Alex she is ok" Stephanie said raising her hand to stop her friend from spouting off questions "She wanted a moment alone with me to apologize for how she acted yesterday."

"There's more to it." Alex choked out trying her hardest to keep the tears at bay. She could see it in Stephanie's eyes.

"Yes there is." Stephanie sighed hating how well Alex could always read her "But you need to talk to her about it. I cannot and will not break her confidence. Just know she is in there waiting for you to come and talk to her."

"Thank you." Alex cried pulling Stephanie to her.

"You're welcome now get in there." Stephanie said as she pushed Alex through the door but motioned for Elliot to stay where he was when he stood to follow.

Elliot who would have normal forced his way past someone trying to stop him simply nodded in agreement and took his seat again. During Olivia's first stay he had some to accept and trust Stephanie's instinct. Without saying a word he silently let Alex and Stephanie know that he would be waiting there when Olivia was ready to let him in.

Alex stopped outside Olivia's door and took a deep breath. She knew without a doubt that no matter what Olivia told her she had to take it in stride and not show too much emotion. She was afraid if she did Olivia would push away more than what she was already trying to do.

"Hey you" Alex said as she slowly walked back into the room finally confident that she could handle whatever Olivia was about to tell her.

'Hey" Olivia said as tears started to flow down her face upon seeing Alex walk into the room willing and ready to stand by her side no matter what she was about to endure.

"Hey don't cry" Alex whispered as she pulled her into her arms as carefully as she could "We fought hard the first time and you returned one hundred percent we'll do it again."

"I'm seeing double now." Olivia finally said as she struggled to sit up finally having to accept Alex's help to do so "I remember what he said when he said that vision issues are not good. That's a sign I won't recover."

"No Liv it's not a sign that you won't recover it's a sign that we have a new obstacle to overcome. It will be long and hard but I say screw it we won last time we'll win this time."

"Alex you don't understand what if I can't recover. What then?"

"Then we find other things for you to do." Alex answered as she ran her fingers through Olivia's short hair "We get you a hobby. Name it I don't care. But Liv before we, mainly you, start assuming the worse please let's have the testing done. It could be something simple."

"Like what?" Olivia asked the anger apparent in her tone

"Like a reaction to your pain medicine. Who knows? Let's wait until we see Dr. Mathews. Ok will you do that? For me?"

"You deserve better." Olivia whispered unable to look Alex in the eyes anymore "Someone who you don't have to walk down a long road of recovery."

"You need to recover and I need to recover" Alex whispered as she turned Olivia's head until she was looking into those beautiful brown eyes "Let's recover together."


	67. Prelims

**A/N: Before reading this chapter allow me to add the disclaimer I know nothing of the medical field. Thank you again to my reader who helps me with the medical portion of this story. This is more or less a filler chapter again.**

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"Ladies the nurse will be in to take Olivia to...Whoa would you like me to give you a few more minutes." Dr. Mathews asked as he walked into the room seeing Alex and Olivia kissing.

"No we're fine" Olivia said laughing as she looked around Alex at the doctor.

"Actually we are quite use to the interruptions and not having a moment to ourselves." Alex answered standing and turning to face the doctor. "I take it you are here to take her to her testing."

"I am" Dr. Mathews stated as he walked forward "I will start with the EEG and go from there in about a week maybe two do a FMRI. But that is all dependent on what your surgeon says when she arrives."

"When will she get here?" Olivia asked

"Her layover was delayed in Kansas and is expected to leave within the hour. She should be arriving by hopefully no later than noon. Once she can come in and assess you we will be able to know when we can start the HBOT."

"Two questions." Olivia said looking from Alex to Dr. Mathews and then back to Alex "Why is my surgeon on a layover in Kansas I thought they were here a few hours ago when they operated on me and second why do we have to wait for my surgeon for the HBOT?"

"Your surgeon is on a layover in Kansas because she is flying in from Seattle Washington. I had Stephanie find the best surgeon for gunshot wounds to the abdomen. A Dr. Tracy Delay is apparently it but she is stationed in Seattle. She caught the first flight to New York out of SEA-TAC Airport at six thirty this morning with a layover in Kansas City International Airport. Something happened there to delay the flight but her new expectant arrival time is around eleven. We figured with her getting out of the airport and here it should be no more than thirty minutes."

"You expect her to make it here in lunch hour traffic in New York within thirty minutes of arriving." Olivia said cocking her head to the side.

"With lights and sirens yes she can." Alex said with a smile on her face "Captain Cragen has authorized Fin and Munch to use lights and sirens and all intersections blocked once she is in the car."

"Well ok then." Olivia said with laughter in her voice "Why do we have to wait on her for the HBOT?"

"HBOT has proven very helpful on the recovery of wounds." Dr. Mathews answered as he signed some paperwork a nurse handed him "I need her to assess your wound and make sure everything is in good standing so you can start the treatments. In a manner of speaking we will be killing two birds with one stone and hopefully get you back to where you were before this setback. The main thing that we are worried about with the surgery is infection at the site."

"About setbacks." Olivia mumbled as she reached for Alex's hand "I have been seeing double"

"For how long?" Mathews asked as he looked up from what he was signing.

"I'd say about three hours possibly more." Olivia answered not missing the look Alex gave her when she discovered the truth on how long the vision issue had been occurring.

"They were instructed to notify me immediately upon any changes." Dr. Mathews stated pissed that his orders were not followed.

"I didn't tell anyone until just before you arrived. They weren't keeping anything from you." Olivia sighed "What are we looking at?"

"Honestly I can't answer that question until I perform the EEG possibly the FMRI. Hopefully this is just a minor setback that can be corrected with the HBOT. But I will tell you knowing that now it can go one of two ways. Either you won't recover fully and you can give up on your career in law enforcement or a career in pretty much anything for that matter."

"Or"

"Or it means that you may need more treatments than what I originally thought and we are quite possibly back at square one. What I need to know now is have you been having any mood swings that you were the first time?"

"With the exception of what you saw last night, no." Olivia answered him.

"Actually that we could contribute to you coming out of surgery and the anesthesia making you unaware of your surroundings or what was happening. Basically your brain was still in the fight before you became unconscious. I've seen it happen before. I've actually encountered people when they come to start throwing punches because the last thing their brain remembered was being in a fight. For you the last thing you remembered was Alex being in danger. Your first instinct was to do what was needed to protect her therefore your outburst."

"That's a good thing though right?" Alex asked

"It can be yes but I truly can't answer any of those questions until I perform the tests." Dr. Mathews said as he put Olivia's chart on the foot of her bed "Now Olivia I need you to be totally honest with me here. Have you had any other issues?"

"Just this god forsaken headache that has subsided some."

"I promise you once we do the testing I will see about prescribing you something for it but honestly I wouldn't recommend and don't plan to prescribe anything stronger than Tylenol. I plan to treat this just as before with very limited medications especially since this is a repeat injury. The last thing we need is for the medicine to mask any problems or issues that you may have."

"I understand."

"Good now if you ladies don't have any other questions, I'm going to give you ladies a few minutes alone and send a nurse in to take you to the testing room."

"I don't" Olivia answered as she looked up at Alex who shook her head no.

"Very well I will see you in less than ten minutes Olivia." Dr. Mathews said as he made his way out the door.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Alex asked once she was sure they were alone.

"I didn't want you to worry." Olivia said as she patted the bed for Alex to take a seat "How much is this new specialist costing you?"

"Honestly I have no clue nor do I care. The same thing stands as for the first time we were in this boat. I don't care how much it costs me you will receive the best care the US can provide. If at any point you get that thought in your head that you need to stop the treatments or seeing the specialists knock it out now."

"Alex"

"Don't Alex me."

"Shut up and listen woman." Olivia said raising one eyebrow as if to challenge Alex "I'm never going to be able to repay you and you will never know how thankful I am for this. I hope you know and understand that the leading specialists is not needed or expected."

"I know Liv. You would be happy with whatever doctors they assigned you from here. I need you to know and need you to understand that you _deserve_ the best, for as long as I'm capable you _will receive_ the best."

"Come here" Olivia whispered as she struggled to sit up straighter.

"Yes"

"I…I…" Olivia stuttered unable to say the words she felt scared that she would panic Alex.

"I know" Alex whispered as she slowly lowered her head and kissed Olivia gently on the lips "When the time is right the words will flow ok."

"Ok" Olivia agreed as she heard a knock on the door and a nurse step into the room "You're here to take me to the EEG?"

"I am any questions?"

"None I've done this before." Olivia answered as she laid back in the bed.

"In that case let's get you to the test."


	68. Breakfast

"Can I buy you breakfast detective?" Alex asked as she watched the doors close behind Olivia and the nurse that was taking her to her testing.

"I think my orders were to take you to breakfast." Elliot said with a smile on his face "Is everything ok?"

"It is. She has started seeing double and is afraid of what that will result in. She's so sure she's not going to be able to work again and end up leaching off me as she put it."

"Alex you need to understand" Elliot said as he stepped back to allow her to step on the elevator "Olivia has always been on her own. Yes she had a mother but well you know how that went. She prides herself on being able to rely strictly on herself. The simple thought of you paying her bills for her is tearing her up.

"I'm not doing it to be little her though. I only want to help."

"I know that, you know that, and deep down Liv knows that but its hard for her."

"Do I need to stop?" Alex asked as she walked into the cafeteria. "I just want her to be able to fully recover and not have to worry about anything. El you have got to believe me the last thing I would ever want to do is take her freedom from her."

"I do Alex I do. I know you are only doing this for her well being which is why I'm not saying anything. I would rather have my partner back hundred percent and pissed that someone paid her bills for her than to never have her."

"I know. I want you to know from me that I ordered my accountant to draw up a repayment plan as well."

"You what?" Elliot said looking at her shocked as he poured them a cup of coffee.

"It was only to satisfy her." Alex said with a smile "The only way she would accept my help was to have him draw up a payment plan. So he did and she signed it."

"But you have no plans on accepting any money from her do you?" Elliot asked as he pulled a seat out for Alex.

"Not at all.'

"How do you plan to bypass that one issued when the time comes?"

"I have ordered my accountant to open a new account and invest with the money he is given by Olivia in Olivia's name. He's a smart man and Olivia will never know until the time comes but she will be worth thousands possibly millions if he does as good with her as he has done with my family."

"That will truly throw her for a loop."

"I know." Alex said as she leaned back in her seat "What's going on with Jess?"

"She pulled through the night and came to about an hour ago. Huang is still with her. She has been advised what she is being charged with and she told Huang point blank that she will not accept a plea so be prepared for a trial."

"I was afraid of that. What is she being charged with?" Alex asked

"At the moment on the federal level violation of federal wiretapping laws, false imprisonment of an Assistant District Attorney, two counts of Attempted murder of an Officer."

"On the state level?"

"We are looking at Burglary, possession of a weapon in the commission of a felony, two counts of aggravated assault, impersonating an officer, felony obstruction, and battery of a court official."

"You do realize that the federal will trump the state charges."

"Yes and no." Elliot said sitting his fork down and leaned back in the chair "The federal prosecutor should be arriving either later today or early tomorrow to formal indict Jess on the charges. Meanwhile until then our ADA is going before the grand jury as we speak for an indictment against Jess on the charges on a state level. That will be enough to hold her until the Feds and get their grimy little paws on her."

"I'm your assigned ADA so who is prosecuting my case."

"That would be a Casey Novak." Elliot said pulling a card out of his pocket and reading the name off it "She works in white collar and was assigned this case. Apparently she has an outstanding record only rivaled by yours."

"She is also the same person that Ramirez met on the date where Jess showed up." Alex pointed out

"But I promise you she cleared every back ground check imaginable and even one from the Feds. She actually has a level five clearance with the government."

"How the hell did she get that?"

"Apparently her father was a black hawk pilot and she received that clearance when she applied for a special liaison position between the state department and some civilian position she was applying for out of college."

"Wow I'd have to say that is very impressive." Alex said laughing "Now who is the federal attorney of record for the case."

"She's a real pit bull and not one to go up against. Actually I would love to see you two go head to head. Honestly I'm not sure who I would bet money on her or you. It is actually a tie for me."

"You guys will bet on anything won't you?"

"Mine as well we gamble with our lives every day." Elliot said laughing.

"Don't remind me." Alex sighed ready but not read for what the life as an officer's girlfriend or spouse entailed "Now who is it?"

"The one the only Abbey Carmichael." Elliot said as he threw his hands up as a magician would do in an act

"You have got to be kidding me." Alex said with a grin on her face.

"Not at all, apparently when she heard that the case involved one detective Benson and ADA Cabot she begged for the job. Of course she would always jump at a case to be with Olivia."

"You mean to tell me her and Liv?"

"I think that is something that you should ask LIv." Elliot stated realizing that other than Stacia Olivia had not shared who some of her past lovers were. Hell to tell the truth if it wasn't for the fact that Olivia had shown up at a crime scene wearing one of Abby's shirts he would have never known. To be honest to the best of his knowledge only the three of them knew of the brief affair.

"Oh you best believe I will the first chance I get."

"I have no doubt in my mind over that counselor but please remember that she has almost given her life for you twice now." Elliot said as he stood and motioned that it was time to head back upstairs "So please go easy on her."

"El trust me I will never forget that she almost died for me twice and we both have a past. It's helped formed who we are now. I hope in time she will disclose everything to me until then I just have to piece it together as we go."

"So no third degree?" Elliot asked as he stepped back on the elevator

"No matter how bad I want to know no." Alex said leaning against the wall and closing her eyes "She has done everything she could to give me all the privacy in the world concerning my sessions with Huang and I will extend the same to her. If there's one thing I've learned from Jess is that if there is no trust there is no relationship. I don't want that with Liv."

"That's good to hear." Elliot said as the elevator dinged their destination "Now let's go see about the outcome of her tests.


	69. Final results

**A/N: My deepest apologies for taking so long to update this story. I truly had no intention of taking this long. I'm so sorry but with 12 hour shifts and other obligations my writing has fallen slightly to the way side. Please forgive me and I hope this chapter more than makes up for it.**

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"You have better be Dr. Delay." Alex said as her and Elliot walked into the room and saw a young short blonde hair woman examining Olivia's incision.

"I am" The woman said looking up from what she was doing "and you must be Alex Cabot."

"Yes and this is her partner Elliot Stabler."

"Nice to meet you both. Now if you will please give me a few more minutes to examine Ms. Benson I will be out to talk to both of you in a moment."

"They stay." Olivia said without blinking an eye "If you want to finish your examine then they both stay especially Alex."

"If that is what you wish." Dr. Delay answered as she went back to examining the incision. After a few more minutes she stood up and lowered the gown back over Olivia's torso and removing her gloves. She washed her hands in the sink before turning to face three patiently yet anxious looking faces.

"The surgeon who performed the surgery did an excellent job. By the looks of things there should be very minimal scarring that most likely you won't see unless you're up close. I understand that Dr. Mathews wants to start you back on daily treatments of Hyper Baric Oxygen Treatments, which has been proven in several medical studies to help in the healing process of wounds. Actually it usually speeds the healing process up to half the time. It's amazing what rich oxygenated blood can do to and for the body."

"Half the time let's start tomorrow." Olivia said with a smile on her face thankful that there was a possibility to speed the healing process up.

"We will but you will have to wait one week." Dr. Delay said.

"Why?" Alex asked.

"I want to watch for any signs of infection which should appear within the next few days. If there are none then I say let's start treatments one week from today." Dr. Delay explained as Dr. Mathews walked into the room.

"Good afternoon ladies I see you have met Dr. Delay." He said smiling at everyone.

"We have and she was just explaining that from the aspect of the GSW we have to wait a week to start the treatments." Elliot said "What's your thoughts on that?"

"I agree with her. If we start it too soon and an infection occurs we could cause the infection to spread throughout the body quickly and trust me that is the last thing you want." Dr. Mathews explained. "Waiting a week isn't going to make or break her process. In lieu of the HBOT for a week I would like her to do some physical therapy and her behavioral therapy until we can start the treatments. I have already notified the nurse's station who's busy scheduling her first appointments for in the morning and afternoon tomorrow. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all' Alex said as she reached for Olivia's hands "They have been told to get whatever or who whoever no matter what. The same thing applies now as the last time Dr. Mathews you have a blank check to do what you need to help her and that goes for you as well Dr. Delay."

"Thank you Ms. Cabot." Dr. Delay said as she extended her hand to Alex and Elliot "I have ordered pain medicine as needed for her. Here is my private cell number where I can be reached day or night. Now if you have no other questions I will excuse myself so I can check into my hotel."

"None at the moment and thank you for coming on such short notice." Alex said smiling sweetly at the woman as she walked out the door before turning her attention back to Dr. Mathews "Now for the EEG."

"It showed what I suspected and that was that she has reinjured the same spot." He said pulling the film from the envelope he was holding so he could show Alex "Here is where the first injury occurred and you can see the scar tissue from where it was healing. This red mark you see on top of it is the new injury along with this area over here. Essentially she has suffered a total of three TBI's. The double vision can be explained with this injury here. This is a portion of the brain that handles vision and other sensory elements along with some balance. I noticed when I had her walk a few steps as a test that she staggers much like that as a drunk person. Part of that is due in part to her double vision it is hard for her to focus which I am very positive that the HBOT will address that problem."

"If not?" Olivia asked speaking up for the first time since the doctors began discussing her treatment options.

"Olivia lets cross that bridge when and if we get there."

"Fine" Olivia exhaled "How much is all this going to cost?"

"However much it needs to" Alex whispered as she ran her fingers through Olivia's hair "Other than what you just said is there anything extra we can do to help her."

"Not really no, just what you're doing now by supporting her and being there for her. Majority of the times simply having someone who can be there and support them no matter what happens makes all the difference. I can tell she has an amazing support system."

"Thank you." Alex said smiling.

"You're welcome but let me ask you something Alex. Where's your support system?"

"I have the other detectives."

"I understand that but you need a professional to talk to as well. A lot of times when a injury of this magnitude occurs we focus solely on the patient and forget about everyone else connected. But Alex you are affected just as much as she was. She may have suffered physically but you have to carry the emotional burden. Have you considered talking to someone?"

"Actually I am now." Alex said.

"Good. Now one other thing, I would like both of you to start couples therapy once we have passed a few of the major hurdles. I think it would be very beneficial to both of you."

"What would you say if I told you that we aren't or actually wasn't a couple till after the first injury." Olivia said laughing

"I would find it hard to believe." Dr. Mathews answered in shock

"Alex is the ADA assigned to my squad. I was shot protecting her the first time the same as this last time. We never discussed our mutual attraction or making anything of it until this happened."

"In that case I would defiantly recommend couples therapy. The basis of your relationship at the moment is built on a traumatic injury. Once the injury is gone per se the couple no longer feels as if anything connects them. Often times what one feels for someone or think we feel for someone after they have almost given their life for us we misconstrued as love, when in truth it is gratitude."

"Whoa doc." Alex said holding her hand up to stop him "We've had one date. Neither one of us is anywhere close to saying I love you or anything similar to that. I am eternally grateful to Olivia for what she has done for me and I will be my entire life even if we don't work out. But let's slow this train just a little bit by about fifty miles per hour ok."

"Ok and I'm sorry if I over stepped my bounds. I was under the impression that…"

"It's fine I understand believe me." Olivia said with a smile on her face as she glanced up at Alex. She could see how their interactions could be misinterpreted by someone who hadn't seen them on a daily basis. Actually who was she kidding she wanted that type of claim on Alex before her injury and now that they've been through what they have so far she wanted it even more.


	70. More discoveries

"Olivia where are you?" Alex called out as she entered her apartment. It had been almost a month since Olivia's hospital stay and so far everything seemed to be finally returning to normal. Well as normal as it could get with the two of them. Olivia had her HBOT treatment almost daily, a physical therapy appointment three times a week to help with her hand eye coordination, and she saw her behavioral therapist twice a week. Thankfully unlike last time though Olivia only had two occasions where she lost control of her temper.

"Olivia?" Alex called out as she started to wonder if one of the guys had come and taken her somewhere.

"I'm in the kitchen Alex." Olivia finally called out.

"I was wondering if…" Alex said as she walked into the kitchen and stopped "Stacia can I help you?"

"She heard I was injured again and called to see how I was doing." Olivia said as she smiled at Alex "I didn't have any appointments today after my HBOT so I invited her over."

"Invited her over?" Alex said as she almost glared at Stacia "Invited her to my house? Really?'

"Excuse me?" Olivia said as she looked at Alex.

"Look I can see that you two need to talk." Stacia said as she stood to leave "So it was great seeing you again Olivia please take care of yourself."

"Stacia please sit back down." Olivia said as she stood.

"Yes Stacia please sit back down and enjoy yourself." Alex almost growled as she spun on her heels and walked out of the kitchen.

"I will be back." Olivia said to Stacia as she stormed after Alex "Hey mind telling me what your problem is?"

"My problem?" Alex laughed "My problem...You have your ex-girlfriend in my house."

"That's right my EX." Olivia pointed out. "Who had heard I had gotten shot again and called to check on me."

"Which you promptly said come on over too." Alex said as she turned to head up the stairs "Enjoy your date."

"Jesus Alex what the hell is your problem." Olivia said as she grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back to her "I am stuck in this house all day except to go to my treatments or doctor appointments. If I need to go anywhere else someone has to rearrange their schedule to accommodate me. So suddenly some calls and instead of sitting in this house alone till you get home I have someone to talk to. And you have a problem with this?"

"Your EX Olivia you are not getting it she's your EX." Alex almost screamed as she jerked her arm away.

"That's right my EX."

"What's to stop you from going back to her?" Alex asked as she fought to keep the tears from falling.

"You." Olivia answered with a smile on her face.

"What?"

"You asked me what's to stop me from going back to her and that's you Alex."

"But…"

"But we were just talking and catching up" Stacia answered from the doorway "I swear to you Alex. I had heard through some mutual friends of ours that Olivia was back in the hospital. I called her up to see how she was doing and if she needed anything. She invited me over to talk until you got home and that's all we were doing. I was telling her about a couple of our friends who got engaged and who had separated since the last time we talked. Before you ask the last time we talked was her last hospital stay and you were there."

"You're not trying to get back with her?" Alex asked suddenly realizing what a fool she looked and sounded like.

"No, no offense Olivia."

"None taken." Olivia answered never taking her eyes off Alex.

"Why would you think I was trying to get back with her?" Stacia asked wondering what it was that Alex thought she saw when she walked into the kitchen.

"Because…" Alex started to say but stopped

"Because I don't have to be extra cautious around her. Because I don't have to worry about her having a flashback and coaching her out of it. Because she won't wake me in the middle of the night screaming. Which one Alex?" Olivia asked as she slowly moved to Alex.

"All" Alex whispered as she looked away and the tears started to flow freely down her face "I'm so sorry I didn't mean please don't be mad. Please please."

"Alex look at me please." Olivia said in a calm voice "Who do you see?"

"You."

"Come here" Olivia said as she opened her arms and waited for Alex to walk into her arms and wrapped her arms around her.

"I'll leave you two ladies alone." Stacia whispered as she walked by and headed to the door "Call me if you need anything?"

Olivia nodded in agreement as she held Alex tight against her and let her cry. It wasn't until Alex had finally stopped crying and got control over her breathing before Olivia moved them to the couch.

"Alex I thought you and Stacia had discussed everything the last time. I wasn't trying to hurt you or upset you. I was under the impression that Stacia made it clear that we were over and nothing more than friends. If I had known any different I would have never invited her here."

"I walked into the kitchen and you were smiling and I don't know what came over me."

"I think it was a little something called jealously." Olivia said as she dipped her head down so she could look Alex in the eye "So how many times did Jess cheat on you and rub it in your face?"

"More times than I care to admit." Alex said as she looked away in shame "Said that if I was half a woman and could please her she wouldn't have to look anywhere else. She even even…"

"Even what?" Olivia probed

"She tied me to a chair one time and forced me to watch her with another woman." Alex cried as she pulled her knees up to her chest and began to rock "Told me to take notes maybe I could learn to please her and she wouldn't have to fake it with me anymore. I had to watch all night and when the woman left in the morning she untied me and said show me what you learned. I tried to remember I did I really did but apparently I made a wrong move and she hit me. Said that's why she had to have other women. Because the only thing I was good for was a hard fuck. That was why she could only have sex with me with a strap on."

"She used it on you that day?" Olivia asked as calmly as she could as her jaw flexed in anger.

"I couldn't even tell you for how long. It hurt so bad too. I begged her to stop let me have a break and she just laughed. Laughed said a slut like me should be able to take it for hours. She was so mad that she struck me several times. Told me I would have to pay for it later. I better get one of the guys at work to loosen me up because next time she wasn't stopping till she was satisfied or she was tired."

"When did she rape you again?"

"Actually I got a reprieve for about a week or two. She was too occupied with her new girl. It was wonderful coming home and finding them having sex on my couch or in what was supposed to be our bed. Then when the woman would leave she would tell me how much better she was than me. How she knew how to go down on a woman and make them come. How she would get so wet for her. How she didn't cry and beg her to stop if she used a toy on her instead she actually enjoyed it."

"What set her back off?" Olivia asked not really wanting to know the answer but needing to know.

"I came home one day and she proceeded to tell me how they fucked on the couch. How she rode her and came over and over again. Then to make her happy, which apparently she really liked, the woman got on her knees and cleaned her off. Jess told me that watching her service her like that made her come harder than ever before. Then she licked her clean. I was so mad I told her if she liked it so much she should go to her fuck her daily. She reminded me after she knocked me into the wall that sluts like me got fucked real women like her got made love to. Then she forced me over the arm of the couch and demonstrated the difference for me."

"Alex you do know that what she did to you was rape right?" Olivia asked knowing that sometimes women who suffered years of sexual abuse often couldn't tell a difference.

"Do you know I tried to be like the other woman one time? Tried to do what she did for her." Alex laughed as she finally looked up at Olivia "She laughed and smacked me. Said she should have known better you can't turn a ho into a housewife."

"Coming home and finding Stacia in your kitchen brought all that back to you." Olivia finally said after what seemed like an eternity in silence.

"Its not like I don't deserve it." Alex said shrugging her shoulders.

"No woman deserves to be treated like that. Alex I know it will take you a while but I need you to realize that I'm not her. I'm not here to degrade you or abuse you in way shape or form. What I do want to do is love you, honor you, and respect you the way you deserve. I promise you Alex Stacia was strictly here as a friend and nothing more."

"I'm really sorry I acted the way I did with her and I don't blame you that you're mad." Alex said as she stood up from the couch "I will…"

"Stop that sentence right there" Olivia said interrupting Alex and carefully turning her around so not to scare her any more than what she already was "You have nothing to make up to me and I understand why you acted like you did. I only wish you had told me sooner."

"Why so you'd know how weak and pathetic I was."

"No, so I'd know exactly how strong you are and what a survivor you are. And also so I would have avoided this and not caused you this pain. From here on out I will let you know if I have someone over or go and meet someone for lunch that isn't the guys ok."

"Why so I can control you like she controlled me. I don't want that Olivia. I can't survive that a second time."

"Then tell me how you want to do this."

"I want to go upstairs and take a hot shower." Alex said as she made her way to the steps "Then when I am done I want to crawl in my bed and cry myself to sleep."

"Ok" Olivia whispered feeling more defeated than she had in a long time. Absolutely hating the fact that there was nothing she could do to help Alex at that moment.

"I want to do all that in your arms please." Alex pleaded with Olivia stopping halfway up the stairs to look at her.

"Then in my arms you will be" Olivia said smiling "Go on up and take your shower. The pizza I ordered should be here any minute. After your shower we will eat dinner in your bed and then you can curl up in my arms and cry yourself to sleep. When you wake up in the middle of the night with a nightmare you can crawl back into my arms and cry yourself asleep again."

"Thank you." Alex choked out as she headed back up the stairs.

"You're welcome and Alex." Olivia said stopping her in her tracks.

"Yes?" Alex asked too scared to face Olivia.

"You can do that every night until you don't have to cry yourself to sleep anymore. When you don't have the need to cry yourself to sleep anymore then you can just curl up in my arms and fall asleep with a smile on your face."

* * *

**A/N: I love how when I sit down and write with a plan of how I want the story to go one way it ends up another. Much like this chapter did. As I like to put it I have to go on the track the train takes off on. I must say after reading the chapter again and hoping I caught all the mistakes that Jess is one piece of work. As if we needed another reason to hate the woman even more. **


	71. Preparing for Abby

"Alex, Abby is going to be here in a few minutes." Olivia said looking up from her book when she heard the door open and Alex walked in.

"I know I know." Alex said a she quickly kicked her heels off and flexed her aching ankles "Give me five minutes to change and I will be down here ready for her."

"Alex I need to talk to you first though." Olivia said standing and walking over to Alex.

"Liv is there any way this can wait till I change clothes or after Abbey leaves?" Alex asked as she headed for the stairs.

"It can't I'm sorry" Olivia said as she took Alex by the hands and lead her over to the dining room table and gently pushed her into a chair before pulling one out for herself.

"What is it?" Alex asked suddenly worried "What happened at your session today?"

"It has nothing to do with my sessions or anything like that." Olivia whispered as she took Alex's hands in hers and looked into her blue eyes.

"Then what Olivia you have me worried." Alex said searching her eyes for a hint of what was happening.

"Before you were assigned to SVU we just received random ADA's to try the cases." Olivia said hoping to ease the blow of what she was about to tell her.

"I know and they wanted someone permanent to stop the rotating door they had. That is why they created my position."

"And to keep a close eye on the rogue detectives of the 16." Olivia pointed out the obvious that Alex didn't want to say.

"Yeah that too." Alex said sighing remembering all the stories she had heard about the detectives and how she was dreading to work with them. That was until she got to know them and the cases they worked. Then she understood why they acted the way they did.

"One of those rotating ADA's was Abby Carmichael."

"Olivia I know all this and I also know she is one of the best federal prosecutors, which is why she is handling my case."

"What you don't know though." Olivia said taking a deep breath before telling Alex "Me and Abby dated briefly. Well if you want to call it dating. It was actually more along the lines of friends with benefits. None the less we were involved."

"Ok" Alex said smiling "Is there a reason you felt the urge to tell me now?"

"Because she's going to be here any minute and even though she's a professional I'm not sure if she'd say anything or not and I don't want you to think I was trying to hide anything from you."

"Olivia I'm not your first girlfriend and you're not mine. I know you have dated other women before me. Hello remember Stacia?."

"Which is why I'm telling you Alex. I tried telling you sooner but there never seemed to be a right time to tell you. I don't want what happened with Stacia happen with Abby."

"Olivia" Alex said as she leaned forward and kissed her gently on the cheek "I am so sorry about that incident and if I could turn back time and change it I would ok."

"Alex you don't have…" Olivia started to say but stopped when Alex placed her finger on her lips to silence her.

"Let me finish."

Olivia nodded in agreement.

"Thank you. Now as I was saying if I could change it I would. I don't want you to feel as if you have to tell me everyone you've ever been with or dated. Besides I already knew you were with her."

"Damn it Elliot." Olivia growled.

"How can you be so sure its Elliot?" Alex asked laughing.

"He was the only one who knew about us and that was by accident. She was trying a case for us at the time so we kept it under the rug."

"Until you showed up at the crime scene wearing Abby's shirt?" Alex asked standing.

"That proves it was him." Olivia said running her fingers through her hair.

"It was an accidental slip." Alex said raising Olivia's face so she could look into her eyes "He honestly didn't mean to tell me. Once the cat was out of the bag there was no capturing it."

"Are you ok with her being here?" Olivia asked

"I have no choice but to be she is prosecuting my case."

"I meant with me here, because of our history together."

"Olivia are you going to cheat on me with her?" Alex asked.

"Alex I'm NOT Jess." Olivia answered as she stood "I'm not going to cheat on you or hurt you in any way shape or form. I've told you before and I mean it I am a one woman woman. I swear to you Abby is strictly a friend and nothing more."

"I know you're not Jess" Alex whispered as she stepped into Olivia's arms and sighed "I would never feel as safe with Jess as I do with you. I want you to have your friends even those that are past lovers but I have to know that you understand my trust issue. I'm trying to work on it but it's really hard at times. I can't just forget everything I've gone through."

"I know baby and I don't expect you to forget overnight either. We will continue with what we have been doing taking it day by day ok. If you're uncomfortable with me talking with someone or having someone over let me know ok? It doesn't mean you are controlling me or anything like that but we can't talk it through if I don't know."

Alex nodded as she tried to snuggle even closer into Olivia's embrace and smiled when she felt Olivia tighten her arms around her. As much as she wanted to get the trial started and over with so she could move on with her life she wouldn't mind Abby not starting tonight simply so she could stay in Olivia's arms like she was at the moment.

"Alex" Olivia whispered as she kissed her on the head "Abby should be here any second and you wanted to change before she arrived."

"Can you call her and tell her to come over tomorrow instead." Alex mumbled into Olivia's shoulder.

"Alex you know as well as I do." Olivia said pulling away from Alex to look at her "That the sooner you face your attacker and put them behind bars the sooner you start to heal. We tell victims that all the time. You yourself tell them that when they are hesitant to testify."

"I know. I just never realized how hard it is to relive something over and over again."

"Until now?"

"Yeah until I had to do it. I always gave them the speech that I understood how hard it was and how they could seem embarrassed about what happened but I never really understood it till now. And now I feel like such a hypocrite."

"Alex you're not a hypocrite. We all say what we need to say to the victim to get them to testify. It's not only for that conviction but to get the scum of the earth off the streets and prevent it from happening to someone else."

"You want to know what I think is really hurting me the most?"

"Everyone will know."

"Yeah how did you know?"

"Alex most of the time that victims don't come forward its because they don't want anyone to know. They are terrified that people will start treating them different or giving them looks. Their biggest fear, which I'm sure is yours, is that people will think they asked for it."

"How do you stop them? How do you get them to change their mind?"

"You don't. You tell them the facts and hope that they will see the truth. That's all you can do."

"It doesn't get any easier does it?'

"Alex I will not lie to you. The easiest you are going to have it is telling Abby. The hardest you're going to have it is telling a courtroom full of strangers what happened to you. But I promise you I will be with you every step of the way. You will no longer go through this alone."

"I see why you are so good at your job." Alex said with a smile.

"I'm good because I know what the victims feel and think. I know it because I lived with it every day of my life. If I can stop one person from having to go through the hell that my mother went through on a daily basis then I've done something with my life."

"Olivia Benson believe me when I say you make a difference even when you don't think you do." Alex whispered as she leaned up and placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth "I'm going to run upstairs and change quickly before Abby gets here. Please tell her to make herself at home if she gets here before I make it back down. Whatever you do play nice."

"Yes dear." Olivia said in a mocking tone as she watched Alex walk up the stairs.

* * *

**A/N: Three updates in three days. I'm on a roll. ****I want to thank everyone for the reviews of the last few chapters and the patience you show me when it takes me a while to update. You guys are the best. **


	72. Abby

Olivia took a deep breath when she heard the knock at the door. She silently prayed that Abby wasn't going to be her usual self outside of the office. Most people who knew her outside the office was shocked at the difference between the two sides they saw. At work she was all business and probably the most professional person one would ever met. Outside of work she put on a whole new definition of letting her hair down.

"If it isn't Detective Olivia Benson." Abby said with a smile on her face when Olivia opened the door. "I heard you were here but I didn't believe it."

"Protective detail." Olivia answered as she stepped back to allow Abby in. "How have you been?"

"Me, I've been doing good but let's talk about you. I hear you have been shot twice by the same person. The first time we almost lost you."

"Yeah" Olivia said glancing over her shoulder at the stairs "I took one to the chest and suffered a slight brain injury that I have been recovering from. Then when this last incident occurred I took one to the abdomen and reinjured my brain."

"If you ask me the abs are still looking good." Abby said with a devious grin on her face as she reached for Olivia's shirt.

"Abby no" Olivia said as she tried to step away from her.

"Actually if you ask me they seem more defined." Abby said ignoring Olivia and raising her shirt "Damn that is a six pack you have now. I can only imagine what contracting those muscles can do now. I mean before it was amazing but now. "

"What would you call it now?" Alex asked as she walked down the stairs.

"I'd say beyond amazing." Abby answered trying to run her hands over Olivia's abs despite Olivia's attempts to swat her hands away.

"Jesus Abby you are here to do business." Olivia growled as she glanced at Alex with pleading eyes "Act like the top notch prosecutor you are."

"You used to know how to let loose in private as well." Abby answered back glancing between the two women "But then again you were single those times. No one told me."

"It's something that we're working on." Olivia said as she motioned for everyone to follow her to the table. "I'd say you're successful since rumor is that you now live here. I only have one question how did you manage that Alex?"

"I don't live here." Olivia said turning to face Abby "After I was first shot and my head injury I was under protective detail as well. Also with my recovery I couldn't be left alone. So Alex was kind enough to let me stay here and assist with my recovery. Once I am fully released I will be moving back to my apartment."

"Something tells me you will be staying here." Abby said as she glanced at Alex's face and noticed how she seemed to become slightly withdrawn when Olivia mentioned moving out. "Alex are you ready to get started?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Start with telling me how you met the defendant." Abby said as she pulled her legal pad from her briefcase and prepared to take notes.

"Umm I met her at a club one night." Alex said looking down as if she was afraid to look Abby in the eyes.

"Had you ever seen the defendant before that night?"

"No I haven't." Alex answered playing with the shirt she was wearing "Listen I don't make it a habit to go to pick women up at clubs and I didn't take her home that night either."

"Alex I could care less if you picked a different woman up every night at the club and since the charges involve sexual abuse the rape shield law will cover the defense from bringing up your past sexual experiences."

"Ok." Alex mumbled as she nodded her head.

"After that first night when did you two make contact with each other again?"

"Maybe a week later, she called and we met for coffee."

"From there you two started a relationship?" Abby asked even though she knew the answer.

"Yes."

"How was the relationship?"

"It was good, great actually."

"Alex you're not on the stand here." Abby said laughing "You can expand on your answers without being asked to."

"Sorry."

"Its ok so it was great?"

"Yeah it was I mean she's the woman every lesbian dreams about. She held the door open for me, pulled my chairs out, held my coat open for me. She would send me flowers for no reason or a card to simply say she was thinking about me. There were often times I would wake up to a text saying I want you to know I'm thinking about you and I hope you have a wonderful day at work. You know little things like that."

"I do." Abby almost whispered as she glanced at Olivia and locked eyes with her. Granted they were more like friends with benefits than anything else but when they were *together* Olivia would do those things for her. She would be the first to admit that they were better as friends than as lovers but she did love that side of Olivia.

"Would you two like a moment?" Alex asked as she stared between the two women. She was trying to keep her emotions in control and knew they had been lovers before but seeing Abby look at Olivia there was nothing more she wanted than to lay her out.

"No" Olivia said with a little more force than she meant to as she quickly turned to face Alex "There's no need for that."

"I was wondering." Alex said motioning between to two women.

"Sorry Alex." Abby said as she faced Alex "can we please continue?"

"If you two are done?"

"We are and have been for a while now." Abby answered understanding the double meaning of the question "Nothing to worry about here."

Alex nodded in understanding.

"Good so tell me when the abuse started?"

"About seven months in. She had apparently came to work to surprise me and saw me with another co-worker and misinterpreted what she saw. When I came home I thought she was there to surprise me but instead smacked me. I kicked her out but later she came back crying and begging for forgiveness and like the idiot I am I did."

"Alex you're not an idiot for forgiving her" Abby said sitting her pen on her notepad and making sure she had Alex's attention before continuing "You did what every other woman out there would do. You prayed it was a one time thing and forgave her. You found what you hoped was your prince charming and in our life that is next to impossible to do. Believe me I understand ok."

"ok."

"Good. Now when did the abuse start back?"

"About a month later that was when the sexual abuse started. It was the first night she raped me. She had choked me till I passed out and when I came to she said she was going to teach me to hate dick. It continued all night long."

"Alex I need you to tell me about some of the other sexual abuse you suffered."

Alex looked between Olivia and Abby before staring at the table. How could she tell Abby everything with Olivia sitting there? There was no way Olivia would ever want to look at her again much less talk to her if she knew everything that had happened.

"You know I'm a little tired" Olivia said understanding Alex's hesitation in answering Abby's question "I'm going to head on up and take a shower before hitting the bed. If you ladies need anything come and get me."

"Liv wait" Abby said stopping her in her tracks "Alex I need you to know and understand if you don't tell Olivia here then she will find out at court. Do you understand that?"

"I won't find out anything she doesn't want me to" Olivia said as she quickly made her way to Alex's side "I will sit in the hallway if need be and you will not push her into telling me anything she's not ready to reveal to me."

"Olivia you need to know before trial to avoid any surprises." Abby said standing.

"No I don't" Olivia growled as she closed the distance between them "So help me god if you force her to tell me I will put you straight through that wall do you understand me."

"You can threaten me all you want" Abby said not phased by Olivia's actions "You need to know this and you two need to face this together. Now is as good as any."

"I guess you didn't understand me" Olivia growled as she grabbed Abby by the collar and shoved her into the wall lifting her off her feet and holding her there "You push her, you force her to tell me something before she is ready it will be the last thing you will ever do, do you understand me?"

"Olivia…" Abby started to say but was stopped by Olivia.

"Don't Olivia me DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" Olivia asked lifting Abby higher off the floor "If you push her or force her to tell me before she is ready I will kill you."

"I got it." Abby said shocked at seeing this side of Olivia. She had never once seen her lose her temper with anyone. Not even some of the perps she interviewed but the anger she felt and saw in her eyes was something new that terrified her.

"Say it again." Olivia growled tightening her grip on Abby's collar.

"Put her down." Alex whispered as she walked over to them and placed her hand on Olivia's shoulder. It took all she had not to pull back in fear when she felt the tension and anger that was vibrating through Olivia's body. "its ok."

"She needs to understand she will not force you." Olivia said slightly lessening her hold on Abby's collar but never breaking eye contact with her.

"She does I promise you." Alex whispered turning Olivia's face so she could focus on her instead of Abby "She's not going to hurt me or force me. Please put her down and let her go. Will you do that for me?"

Olivia nodded as she released Abby and let her fall to the floor catching her before she completely lost her balance. She took a step back to allow Abby to move around her before fully turning to focus on Alex.

"Take a deep breath and try to relax." Alex said with a smile on her face "I'm ok see. Not a mark or scratch on me and she has caused me no pain in any other or form either."

Olivia nodded as she swallowed hard. She hadn't felt that much anger come over her since her first injury and to think she could be back there again scared her. Without saying a word to Alex she turned and started walking toward the stairs stopping long enough to stare at Abby for a few seconds.

"She doesn't tell me anything one second before she's ready not one thing."

"I understand." Abby answered scared of what she may encounter if she said anything else.

"Thank you." Olivia whispered before she continued to her room.

* * *

**A/N: I'm the writer here and I say there's nothing hotter than Olivia becoming protective of Alex. LOL. **


	73. Full Confession

"Does that happen often?" Abby asked once she was able to calm her racing heart and knew she could talk normally.

"It hasn't been that bad since the first injury." Alex said never taking her eyes from the direction that Olivia went in "She's lost her temper twice since she was reinjured but nothing like this."

"Alex I have to know has she ever laid a hand on you?"

"Abigail Carmichael how dare you ask that question, you know Olivia."

"Yeah I do and the Olivia I know would have never done that. So I will ask you again has she ever laid a hand on you?"

"No she hasn't." Alex said walking toward the stairs stopping long enough to look at Abby "Even at her worse I have never feared her and believe me when I say it has been worse than this. My walls have been on the receiving end of her anger more times than either of us care to admit and I have lost a whole set of glasses. But not once have I ever been on the receiving end or worried about being on the receiving end. Even though her outbursts caused me to have flashbacks somewhere somehow I knew I was safe with her. I think that terrifies me more than her actual outbursts because the last person I trusted like that, hurt me. She degraded me and humiliated me in ways I don't ever want to repeat but know I will have to in court. But that is for another day right now I'm going to go up there and talk to and calm Olivia. You Abby will show yourself out."

"Alex we need to finish though."

"Not tonight we don't" Alex said as she continued on her way to Olivia "You can come back tomorrow and we will continue it but as of right now we are finished."

"Alex the sooner we finish this the better."

"I'm guessing you're not understanding me" Alex said in her courtroom voice that left no room for argument "I'm about to go upstairs and have a discussion with Olivia I never wanted to have. I pray that she will still want to give me a chance after she hears everything although to be honest I wouldn't blame her if she didn't. You can come back tomorrow and finish this discussion because there is no way in hell I'm going to tell you before I tell her. So show yourself out and I will see you tomorrow."

Abby sighed knowing that when Alex got like this there was no stopping her. She also knew that the two women needed to have this discussion but was actually scared for Alex. She quickly gathered her belongings and began dialing Stabler's number on her way out the door.

"Liv it's me" Alex called out to the closed door after knocking several times and receiving no answer "Can I come in please?"

"It's your house Alex" Olivia said when she finally opened the door and started walking back toward the bed "You can enter any room you want."

"But this is your room and I won't do that to you." Alex said as she exhaled a breath she didn't realize she had been holding when she didn't see Olivia's suitcase on the bed being packed. A quick glance around the room told her everything was still in its proper place.

"Where's Abby? Shouldn't you be down there finishing with her?"

"I sent Abby packing and told her she could come back tomorrow. Meanwhile we need to have a talk." Alex said sitting on the edge of Olivia's bed.

"No you don't Alex. You can have this talk when you're ready and if that happens to be never that's fine ok."

"That means a lot to me believe me." Alex said reaching out for Olivia, smiling when Olivia readily took her hand "But you have a right to know and you need to know before anyone else. I will not have you discovering this at court."

"Only if you're sure."

"You know about the first time she raped me. All the detectives do." Alex said closing her eyes to fight the tears that were threatening to fall "You know it became common after that as well."

Olivia simply nodded in agreement.

"What you don't know was the different ways she degraded me."

"Alex you don't…"

"Yes I do and please Olivia let me say this. If you want to walk away when I am finished I will not blame you."

Olivia clenched her jaw hearing Alex say that. For Alex to think she would walk away after she told her something let her know exactly how bad it was.

"She seemed to really get off on raping me, especially if I was tied to the bed. Majority of the times when she was finished she would crawl up me and umm" Alex looked away ashamed of what she was about to say "She would force me to umm perform Oral sex on the toy lets say. Sometimes to the point where she would gag me and one time I vomited. That night she was so pissed she forced it in my throat and tied it in place. Told me I had to hold it there till I could learn to take it all in my mouth. Every time I would start gagging she would smack me and push it deeper in my throat. You know when she would finally pull it out she would lean down and whisper in my ear "You see how bad you taste. That's why I can't stand to go down on you." Once I seemed to learn how to control my gag reflex it seemed to piss her off. So she would start by raping me then removing the toy and tying it into place in my mouth and then pull out a larger dildo and rape me all over again. This time as I screamed I would gag on the toy. The smile she got on her face when she did that made my blood run cold."

"Alex" Olivia whispered as she tried to pull her into her arms but stopped when Alex shook her head no.

"Most weekends when I was off she would tie me to the bed and leave me there for hours on in. She did that so she could have her way when she pleased. I couldn't tell you how many times I woke up with her on top of me. She would laugh and tell me it was better when I was asleep. One night I woke up to her raping me. What I didn't realize at the time though she had someone in the room watching it. I didn't know until she pulled out and got off me. Then they stepped forward and umm well" Alex blew out a breath as the tears fell freely on her face "Jess told her to take what she wanted and she did. I begged her not to but she just laughed as she pushed into me. I will say she was easier than Jess. When she finished and pulled out of me she thanked me as she left. Thanked me, like I was a hooker or something."

Alex wiped the tears from her face before continuing "After that I could hear them downstairs having sex. It was like they were intentionally being loud. Then they came back up and forced me to clean them both off. The other girl told me that was some of the best sex her and Jess ever had. It was the wettest she had ever seen her when she fucked her. Maybe the next time we could do a threesome."

"They made you" Olivia stated hating where this conversation was heading

"I didn't have a choice although Jess was so proud of my performance that she gave me a break for a couple of weeks. I found out later it was because she wanted it nice and rested for our threesome. I was once again tied to the bed as before except this time. While one used a strap-on on me the other forced me to, they would , ummm…"

"Forced you to pleasure them with your mouth." Olivia said understanding what Alex was saying

"Yes."

"OK"

"Unlike the last time though I was untied halfway through because the other female decided she wanted me to ride her. I had to ride her as I umm…"

"Alex listen if you don't want to tell me you don't have to. It is ok."

"You deserve to know Olivia." Alex said finally meeting Olivia's eyes since starting "I had to pleasure her by giving her a blow job as I rode her friend. When we were finished I was locked in the bedroom while they went to the next room. I could hear them for hours. After that Jess pretty much took what she wanted when she wanted. It was worse than before. She began choking me till I passed out while raping me. She also bought a harness that would keep the vibrator in me. She loved to push it all the way in turn it on high then force me to put the harness on to hold it in place. She would laugh as she forced me to do things with it on. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't keep from having orgasms at times."

"Having an orgasm does not excuse it as rape or mean that you wanted it."

"I know, but the more times I had an orgasm the more I started to think I deserved it. If I didn't I wouldn't have orgasms right. She would always point that out to me as well. Said it was one more reminder of how I was a slut. You know I can still hear her laugh in my sleep at times. It was so cold."

"So" Alex said standing slowly making her way to the door too scared to look at Olivia. She stopped and hung her head before continuing "There you go. You now know everything. She has forced me to watch her with another woman, allowed another woman to help herself, forced me to have a threesome and was able to make me to orgasm even though I fought it. She choked me, gagged me, tied me up, and beat me on a regular basis. Every bit of it I deserved because I was stupid enough to believe that she would never hurt me again after that first time."

"Stop" Olivia said as she carefully placed her hand on Alex's shoulder to keep her from leaving "You are far from stupid and never once did you deserve what she did to you."

"Olivia who are we kidding I asked for it. Had I never taken her back I would have never been raped and beaten on a regular basis. Your life would have never been in jeopardy. You would have never been shot not once but twice and never would have suffered the head injury that you did. So yeah I asked for every bit of it but I never meant for you to be hurt I swear to you. Now that you know everything believe me when I say I won't blame you if you walked away now. Actually I know its best cause god knows I'll never be a normal girlfriend. I will call Elliot and have him come and get you. You don't have to worry about your medical expenses or your bills. I will continue to pay them and I do not want or expect you to repay me."

"Excuse me I get a say in this." Olivia argued.

"Not this time." Alex cried "You deserve the best and I'm not it. I know you will stay if for no other reason than to avoid hurting me. You don't deserve that. So please pack your bags and I'll have Elliot over here in no time."

Olivia opened her mouth to argue more but was too shocked to say anything as she watched Alex walk down the hall and shut her door.

* * *

**A/N: Just when you didn't think you could possibly hate Jess anymore than what you do already you discover a whole neew level of hate for her. **


	74. Olivia's Past

"Stabler" Elliot answered on the second ring.

"Hey El it's Abby." Abby said as she hailed a taxi "You need to get over to Alex's immediately.'

"What why?' Elliot said sitting up and reaching for his clothes mouthing Olivia and Alex to Kathy

"I have never seen Olivia that violent or angry. I'm afraid for Alex and I've called for a sector car to come over till you make it there."

"Oh god what did you do?" Elliot asked mouthing to Kathy to call Cragen

"Me?"

"Yes you what did you do or say to Alex where Olivia perceived it as a threat. The only time Olivia becomes that violent is when she perceives a threat to Alex. Believe me I speak from experience when I say she doesn't care what she does to protect Alex."

"I told her she should tell Olivia before court otherwise she would find out during court when Olivia tried to leave from the table. Olivia stopped me but when I insisted she lifted me off the floor and forced me into a wall. Saying I will not force Alex into anything and if I did she would kill me. El I've seen Olivia angry but this was a new one on me. Alex says she's never laid a hand on her but its only a matter of time till that anger gets directed to Alex."

"I take it since you're still in one piece that Alex was able to calm her?"

"Yes but still."

"No buts as long as Alex can calm her we're good." Elliot said as he grabbed his shield and gun before heading out the door "I'm heading over there but I have to stop the sector car before it arrives otherwise Olivia will kill the cops when they enter the apartment. The amount of protectiveness she has over Alex is astonishing."

"Alex please open the door and let me talk to you." Olivia pleaded from outside Alex's locked bedroom door.

"Olivia there's nothing to say." Alex called out. "Please just leave its best I promise."

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath she could hear the tears and pain in Alex's voice. If she wasn't so hell bent on making sure that Alex was ok and understood that she didn't care she would personally hunt Abby down and beat her, until she knew that Alex was ok though that would have to wait.

"Alex I'm coming in" Olivia called out as she slid the credit card between the door and frame "I'm not going to hurt you. We need to talk and you know I have to see for myself that you're physically ok."

"Olivia please I beg you." Alex cried as the door slowly opened and Olivia stood in the doorway. Taking a deep breath she slowly raised her eyes to meet Olivia's knowing she would see nothing but hate and disgust in them. What shocked her and took her breath away was the half smile she got when she looked at her.

"Alex you know about my conception and how I was raised but what you don't know is before I joined SVU I would go out to the clubs regularly and pick women up from there as well." Olivia started to say as she shoved her hands in her pants and leaned against the door frame not making a move to come any closer than she was at the moment "Most times I didn't know their name when they left my bed in the morning. There were times we never made it out of the bar either. To be honest I have christened more bathroom stalls then I would like to admit."

Alex looked at Olivia with disbelief written all over her face.

"Didn't think I was ever like that counselor?" Olivia asked raising one eyebrow.

"NO." Alex said shaking her head.

"Surprise everyone has a past and it's not all roses. If a woman said no I stopped and I have never raised my hand to a woman either. Let's get that straight right now. I have had multiple partners at the same time as well. There were a few times that the multiple partners included a man. I have gone to an underground sex club as a client and let's just say they are open to try anything. None of this I am proud of and would quite frankly like to forget I ever did but I can't."

"Why are you telling me this?" Alex asked as she took a seat on the bed. She just knew Olivia would try to convince her everything was ok not suddenly tell her what her past was like.

"Because for some reason you seem to think I am some saint and lord knows I am far from that. You also believe that if I knew everything that she did to you I wouldn't want you. I wouldn't be able to stand to touch you. So I will ask you, now that you know how I was when I was younger does that change your opinion of me?"

"Olivia that was your past I won't judge you on that." Alex said sitting up straighter than she was to make sure she got her point across.

"Good" Olivia said as she pushed off the door frame and walked to Alex's side slowly sitting on the bed not wanting to scare Alex "I'm not judging you for yours."

"You turned that around on me." Alex said laughing.

"I did." Olivia said pushing a strand of hair out of Alex's eyes "I want you to know that I have not engaged in any activities like that for over four years now. I by the grace of god have a clean bill of health. I had one scare which is what straightened me up. After that I didn't do one night stands, bathroom fucks, or sex parties ever again. I seriously started dating and even then it would be months before I would consider taking it to the bedroom. Abby was the closest thing to my old way of life I got after that. The difference was that we knew each other and only accommodated each other if we both were single."

That sat there in total silence while Alex seemed to absorb everything that Olivia had just told her. Considering the picture Olivia just painted and the Olivia she knew today was like night and day it was extremely hard to. Even though she had a wild past and nothing really came close to touching hers she still didn't judge her for it. One thing for sure the detective seemed to amaze her more and more each day.

"Olivia I am so terrified that I am going to do something wrong and make you mad." Alex finally said so low that Olivia had to strain to hear her. "I keep waiting for that blow. I don't know how to stop that. I keep waiting for that moment where we're kissing and you get tired of waiting and take what you want like she did."

"That's a fear that only time will diminish. There's nothing I can say to stop that and I can only hope that my actions will change how you feel. Alex I wish I could take your pain from you so you wouldn't have to endure it. I wish I had met her first and she had gotten me not you. But she didn't. Now you had to live through a hell that no one should ever have to live through and continue to each and every day. I'd give anything to go back in time to change everything."

"You can't change the past" Alex said realizing that was the point that Olivia was trying to make all along.

"No, but I can change the future if you let me." Olivia said as she held her breath and her arms open for Alex to accept the invitation. She slowly exhaled her breath as Alex crawled into her lap and began to cry into her shoulder. She slowly ran soothing circles over Alex's back until she calmed down and fell asleep in her arms.


	75. Elliot To The Rescue

Once Olivia was sure Alex was asleep and wouldn't wake back up she tucked her in and quickly made her way downstairs. One thing was for sure her and Abby was going to have a little discussion and Abby wasn't going to be happy about it. She was on her way to the door when she stopped in her tracks and looked at Elliot when she saw him sitting on the couch reading the newspaper.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked as she cocked her head to the side and reached for her jacket.

"Abby called me" Elliot said as he stood "Apparently you lost your temper and she was scared for Alex."

"I lost my temper at Abby not Alex" Olivia growled "Speaking of Abby where the hell is she we need to have a discussion."

"About?" Elliot asked even though he knew the answer.

"About? About? Try her forcing Alex to tell me before she was ready. I told her that Alex was not to tell me one second before she was ready and she made her."

"Abby didn't force Alex to tell you Liv. Either she told you now or you would have discovered it at court."

"That's bullshit" Olivia said as she headed for the door. She had just opened it when Elliot quickly shut it to stop her from leaving.

"El let me go I need to have a little discussion with her." Olivia said pushing him back.

"Really do you?" He asked holding her in her place "What will that do to Alex?"

"I'm doing this for Alex. That bitch had her in tears."

"Abby didn't have Alex in tears Olivia it was Jess. Jess was the one that had her in tears. It was Jess that made her life a living hell."

"It doesn't help that Abby is making her relive it." Olivia pointed out.

"No it doesn't but you know as well as I do that she has to relive it. All rape victims do. That is why we say a victim is raped twice, once by the attacker and then again by the system when they have to relive every horrible detail of their attack. The only reason why it's an issue with you now is because it's a loved one and you are working so hard to protect her."

"And I failed at that." Olivia said leaning against the door "I let her in here a second time. I let that worthless bitch get her hands on her one more time."

"We all failed Alex in that aspect not just you." Elliot said "We thought we had all the bases covered and we didn't. We never once thought she was able to break through the security measures we had in place. It never once crossed our minds that she would have impersonated an officer but she did."

"I should have thought of that." Olivia said as tears started falling from her eyes.

"We should have all thought of it but we didn't. It doesn't fall solely on your shoulders it falls on all of ours. So if you plan to beat the hell out of Abby then you need to do it to all of us. Is that what you want because we can go rounds right now?"

"Screw you Elliot." Olivia said as she lunged at him hitting him squarely in the stomach and taking him to the ground. She delivered several well placed blows before Elliot spun them over and held her arms to the ground preventing her from hitting him even more.

"Do you feel better now?" Elliot asked

"LET ME GO." Olivia screamed as she tried to flip Elliot but was unsuccessful.

"Once you calm down I will."

"Now you become all righteous? Now you want to control me?" Olivia spat as she head butted his face hoping to make him break his hold.

"NO I want to stop you before you go off and do something stupid. Think for a minute will you. If you go after Abby and she presses charges where will that leave you? Where will that leave Alex?"

Olivia stopped struggling against Elliot and thought about what he was saying. If she hurt Abby and wound up in jail she would be useless to her when she needed her the most. She promised Alex that she would never hurt her. Which, if Elliot hadn't stopped her, was exactly what she was on the way to do.

"Liv for the next few weeks while Alex is going through the trial there will be times that she will cry. You can't try to attack everyone who causes her to cry. The only thing you can do is stand there with open arms and offer you her shoulder. That's it. Deep down you know that."

"I don't want her to have to relive that hell Elliot." Olivia said sitting up and leaning against the couch once Elliot let her up "I don't want to see her cry anymore."

"I know believe me I know. There is nothing more I would love to do than to prevent a tear to ever fall from any of my kids eyes or Kathy's but I can't. It's a fact of life they will cry from time to time and there's nothing we can do about it but be there and hold them when they do."

"I hate that." Olivia sighed as she leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

"You think I don't?" Elliot asked "Every time Kathy cries and I can't do anything about it I feel like a failure. Like some way I let her down and I'm a failure as a husband. Believe me when I say that feeling is magnified when it pertains to my children."

"Why won't she just plead out? What type of deal is Abby offering her? Tell her to offer her one she can't refuse.'

"She has believe me she has. We have tried everything we could think of to get her to take a deal. Hell if you want to know the truth we were hoping that if we took the two counts of attempted murder of an officer off the table she would take what was offered to her but she wouldn't. She always smiles and says see you at court."

"Why? Why is she so hell bent to go to court? Jesus El we have her on tape shooting me. I caught her red handed in Alex's apartment where she tried to kill me a second time."

"Think about it. Why else would she want to make Alex go through a trial?"

Olivia locked eyes with Elliot when it hit her. Why didn't she just kill her when she had a chance? Why wasn't she successful then?

"To humiliate her more." Olivia finally mumbled.

"Exactly." Elliot said as he stood and helped Olivia to her feet as well "Which means you thought Alex needed you before, try more so now."

"I need to get back upstairs." Olivia said as she stared at the ground.

Elliot just nodded as he spun his partner around and gently shoved her in the direction of the stairs. Watching her walking into Alex's room and secure the door behind her he made a mental note for him to be there when Abby came back to finish her questions. Know what they say better to be safe than sorry.


	76. Confrontation

Olivia paced back and forth in the room trying her best to stay calm which she found increasingly more difficult as time passed by. She took one last deep breath hoping to calm her nerves and her anger when she heard a noise outside the door. She had to do this right. She only had one shot and if she messed it up Alex would never speak to her again. She knew that just as well as she knew she couldn't stand the thought of being without the blonde bombshell.

"Sit her there please." Olivia ordered as the guards guided the dark haired woman to the seat and locked her cuffs to the table.

"What do you want?" Jess sneered

"I want you to take a plea." Olivia said surprised at how calm her voice sounded.

"Not happening." Jess snarled as she turned away from Olivia.

"Why? Why is it so important for you to take this to trial? The death penalty is on the table for you trying to kill me twice. Anyone else would take a plea. You do realize we have it on video of you shooting me? I can have them take the death penalty off."

"I know and I don't care if I get the death penalty or not." Jess said leveling her cold stare at Olivia "What I do care about is everyone she knows and respect knowing what type of slut she is. How she likes it in the bedroom. Let's see how her cases go for you after that."

"I won't let you destroy her." Olivia informed her.

"Please you couldn't stop me if you tried" Jess said with laughter "Let's be honest I almost killed the wonderful Detective Benson not once but twice. I remember when she said she would tell you and you would make me stop. I beat the shit out of her that night."

Olivia gripped the table to try and prevent herself from lunging over the table at the cold hearted bitch in front of her.

"Oh did that make you upset" Jess taunted.

"No one deserves to be treated the way you've treated Alex."

"Please that little slut deserved every second of it and don't let her fool you either she loved it too."

"NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED." Olivia shouted as she stood and kicked her chair out from underneath her. "NO ONE."

"Aww look at you getting all noble." Jess said as she jerked at the handcuffs "Let's get one thing she deserved it. You know you should try it sometimes."

"I will never lay a hand on her or treat her the way you did."

"Please you will be surprised at how wet she becomes when you beat her or better yet make her watch you with someone else. Oh my god. I can't think of another time I ever found her so wet and ready for me."

"That's not love." Olivia said taking deep breaths trying to calm the rage she felt building in her "That's control and abuse. I only want to love her and nothing more."

"Ha that worthless slut doesn't know what love is."

"That's because you never showed it to her" Olivia growled as she towered over Jess "You're incapable of love."

"Please I tried to love her but lord she was so bad in the bed. I couldn't tell you how many times I faked having an orgasm just to get her to stop. That woman couldn't eat pussy if her life depended on it. Have you had her yet?"

Olivia just glared at her she wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of more ammunition against Alex.

"No I can tell by the lack of response you haven't." Jess said leaning back in her chair as much as possible "Believe me move on now. I swear or if you insist staying get a bitch on the side. I promise you it will be worth it. Lord knows having sex with Alex was like stepping on nails barefoot. That bitch whined about everything. It hurt or please don't. I got so tired of hearing her mouth it was ridiculous. I had to start gagging her just to make it through fucking her."

"She was begging because you were raping her."

"Please if I was raping her she wouldn't have become so wet. You know one of the best times I think I had with her was when we had our threesome. She did tell you about that right. Oh I can tell by the look in your eyes she did. Anyways, how she rode my friend and came again and again. Don't tell me that was rape. I do believe when Anna went down on her that was the wettest I had ever seen her. Good lord she was dripping so much she was soaking the sheets beneath her. Not to mention it was the first time she ever tasted decent as well. Hell after I tasted her on Anna's mouth I had to have some myself. Oh my god that pineapple and strawberry old wives tale works. She tasted so good I almost couldn't get enough. If it wasn't for Anna leaning down and telling me she was soak and wet I would have kept my head buried there. But instead I bent Anna over and fucked her real good right there in front of her. You know I made her keep her legs open so I could watch her get wet over and over again. See all that sweet nectar just pouring from her. MMH I finally couldn't take it anymore. I pulled out of Anna and dove back in. I just had to have it that day. It made Anna mad until I told her she could have her again but I just had to go down on her. She had never tasted as good as she did at that moment. That seemed to satisfy her. As soon as I was done and came up for air she licked my face cleaned and then said watch. She flipped Alex over into all fours and pounded into her like never before. When she pulled her hair and jerked her head back I shoved my rubber cock in her mouth and fucking came like never before. Don't let that little bitch fool you she loves cock."

"You Fucking Bitch." Olivia growled as she shot across the table at the woman before her only to find herself slung back into the wall.

"Get yourself together" Elliot growled as he held her against the wall so the guards could get Jess out of the room "Are you trying to throw the damn case."

"Let me have her." Olivia growled as she kneed Elliot in the groin trying to escape "I'll kill the bitch."

"I would love to let you do that." Elliot moaned out and struggled to keep his hold on Olivia "I want to go ten rounds with the worthless bitch myself for Alex but we can't. Now get your ass together."

"How did you know I was here?" Olivia asked as she started to calm some but not much

"Huang came to do another psych eval on her and saw your name on the visitor log." Elliot explained as he slowly lessened his hold on her "He called me immediately and I rushed over."

"Figures" Olivia mumbled as she pushed Elliot away from her.

"Call it what you want but what doesn't figure is you being here." Elliot said taking a few steps back but making sure the door was blocked 'Why you of all people should know better."

"I wanted her to take a plea." Olivia explained as she flopped down in the chair and buried her head in her hands "I wanted her to stop the torture she's putting on Alex. I told her I would have them take the death penalty off and she still refused."

"Liv this trial is her last chance to humiliate, degrade, and destroy Alex. You know it and I know it so it's useless to try to get her to plead out. This is her final amount of control that she is going to have on Alex. She thinks Alex will crumble and not testify. You need to be there and be the rock for her to lean on so she won't. You sure as hell can't do that doing stupid ass stunts like this one."

"I know I know." Olivia sighed as she stood with her shoulders slightly slumped "Will you take me home and let's keep this between us."

"Yeah come on" Elliot said in a softer tone as he led her from the room.

* * *

**A/N: I know a lot of you are waiting on the courtroom scene and I promise you it will be coming up in about a chapter maybe two.** **I had to have a chapter where Olivia tries to get Jess take a deal and as always remember for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. What will the reaction be to this.**


	77. Alex's reaction

**A/N: I know you guys probably thought that I had forgotten about the stories but I promise I didn't. Apparently my work thought I would be a great training officer and was assigned an officer to shadow me. In turn meant I was no where near a commercial or had a moment to my self to plan or write out the chapter.**

* * *

Alex strummed her fingers on the bar as she waited for the elevator to take her to her floor. Just as she was getting ready to leave for work she had received a call from Abby. She didn't think twice on seeing her number on the caller ID since the trial was set to start first thing Monday morning. Without a second thought she had answered the phone thinking that they were going to have a last minute session over the weekend. Instead what she got was the shock of her life. Abby was seething on the other end demanding to know what the hell was Olivia thinking by visiting Jess. At first Alex was positive she had heard her wrong. Why would Olivia visit Jess in jail. Then she had pointed out how she was staring at the sign in log herself. If Abby hadn't texted her an image of the sign in log she wouldn't have believed her no matter what she said. Now she was patiently waiting to find out exactly what was going through Olivia's mind when she pulled what had to be her stupidest stunt to date.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Alex yelled as she entered the apartment and slammed the door shut behind her seeing Olivia laying on the couch watching TV "Are you trying to set her free? Because of your stupid stunt she can walk free now and terrorize me even more. Is that what you wanted me living in constant fear?"`

"What?" Olivia asked jumping to her feet.

"Don't what me." Alex almost growled as she stormed toward Olivia "You know damn good and well what I'm talking about. You going to see Jess today. You of all people should know the value of staying away."

"What is that suppose to mean?" Olivia growled back.

"I mean I understand you have had two head injuries and had to recover odds that most people don't recover from but it affected your behavior not your damn memory. So please tell me what the hell possessed you to jeopardize a case and go and see the suspect when you're a victim yourself."

"It is impossible for that man to keep anything to himself." Olivia stated as she spun on her heels and headed for the kitchen.

"Oh Jesus don't tell me that Elliot was in on it too." Alex said following behind Olivia "We could play you off because of your head injuries but him there's no way."

"Wait El didn't tell you?" Olivia asked stopping and spinning on her heels so fast that Alex ran into her.

"No he didn't tell me." Alex said once she had gained her balance again "I didn't know till you just mentioned him. But did he drive you there? Was he right by you? Hell did he encourage this little escapade of yours?"

"NO he didn't drive me there or encourage me or anything else for that matter. He met me there at the end of my visit and if he didn't tell you how the hell did you find out."

"Hello you have to sign in when you see a prisoner." Alex growled as she watched Olivia spin on her heels and continue into the kitchen "It's a matter of public record now that you went to see her."

"It's the victim not the perp contacting each other so there's no witness tampering. You don't have to worry about that."

"Oh really so when the defense attorney puts you on the stand and asks you why did you visit his client. What will you say?"

"It doesn't matter." Olivia answered as she shrugged her shoulders.

"Yes it does." Alex stated as she slammed her fist down on the table "Why did you visit her? What will you say when her attorney asks you why did you visit his client."

"Leave it alone Alex." Olivia growled.

"NO I want to know."

"I went for you." Olivia shouted as she spun and threw the glass she had in her hand past Alex and against the wall "I went for you."

"Me?"

"Yes you." Olivia sighed as she took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair trying to calm her anger. "I wanted to get her to take the plea deal. Not make you have to tell everyone what happened to you. What she did to you."

"I'm sorry that it embarrasses you that I am a survivor of rape. I'm sorry that everyone will hear how weak I am. Everyone will know how I was treated and will look at you with sympathetic eyes because they know you are just taking pity on me. But you want to know something Olivia I'm not forcing you to stay here and right there is the door if it's such an issue for you." Alex said as she stormed out of the kitchen and started to make her way upstairs.

"You don't get it do you." Olivia almost shouted back as she grabbed Alex and pushed her against the wall "I didn't do it for me I did it for you. I don't want you to have to sit on the stand and have to relive every horrific thing that bitch forced you to do. Its not because I don't want anyone looking at me with sympathetic eyes as you call it it's because I want to protect you."

"Don't play the noble one." Alex said as she pushed her away and the tears started to fall from her face "You did your job just go. You don't have to pretend anymore. I'm sorry if you're ashamed to be with me or can't stand to touch me because of her."

"Damn it." Olivia growled as she grabbed Alex by the collar and pulled her to her "I'm not pretending and I stopped doing my job with you a long time ago. I'm not ashamed to be with you and I don't give a damn about what she did to you in the manner you are talking about. It doesn't change how I look at you or see you. I promise you it doesn't drop my level of desire for you any. There's not a moment that goes by that I don't look at you and have to fight the urge to jump your bones."

"Olivia please?" Alex pleaded as tears streaked down her face.

"Please what baby." Olivia whispered as she carefully wiped the tears that were falling from Alex's eyes

"Please don't do that again." Alex sobbed out.

"Ok but I need you to know and understand that I did it to protect you. Not because I'm ashamed of anything but because I will move heaven and earth to protect you."

Alex nodded unable to find her voice.

"Good." Olivia whispered in an even softer voice as she cradled Alex's face. She knew Alex didn't realize it but for the first time she referred to herself as a survivor and she didn't have a flashback no matter how heated their argument had gotten. Not only was that something that hadn't happened since her first injury but it was also a sign that the healing was beginning.


	78. Court Part 1

**A/N: I know some of you probably thought I had forgotten about this story but I promise you I haven't. I have currently been assigned as a trainer at my job and now have what I call a shadow (officer) following me which makes it difficult to write. Not to mention it was time to bring up the court scene and I have a difficult time with those scenes having been able to avoid most of my court cases thanks to plea deals. **

* * *

Olivia sat back in her chair and watched Alex pace the room. Over the weekend, after the blow up on Friday evening, Alex spent her days going through case files and Olivia spent her nights holding Alex as she had nightmare after nightmare. Each seemingly worse than the last one and lasting longer each time.

"Honey if you keep that up you are going to pace a hole in the carpet."

"Tell me how are you so calm?" Alex asked as she stopped pacing long enough to look at Olivia.

"I've been on this side of the court room scene my entire career." Olivia responded as she shrugged her shoulders "I'm use to it."

"I meant with what is going on. What is about to happen? How Jess is about to torment us even more?"

"Alex" Olivia said as she stood and walked to Alex "She can only torment her for as long as you allow her too. By walking in that courtroom and testifying to everything you take the control and the ability to torment you out of her hands. Now it is you who controls her and has the ability to torment her."

"It's so hard." Alex sighed as she wrapped her arms around Olivia and laid her head on her shoulder "I want to just turn and run."

"You can't and I won't allow it." Olivia whispered as she pulled back enough so she could look Alex in the eyes "But know I am right here to lean on, no matter what."

Alex nodded as she closed her eyes in an attempt to calm herself and if possible absorb some of Olivia's endless amount of strength. When she thought she finally had all she could steal from Olivia she slowly opened her eyes and smiled when she found herself staring into Olivia's warm chocolate brown eyes.

"Ms. Cabot they are ready for you." The guard said opening the door and unknowingly interrupting a moment between the two ladies.

"Yes sir." Alex said swallowing hard and turning to head to the court room. She was about half way to the door when she stopped and turned to face Olivia "Will you please come with me and sit in the courtroom.'

"Are you sure that's what you want?' Olivia asked needing to know she was one hundred percent positive.

"I need you there. I have to have you there."

Olivia smiled as she met Alex and took her hand in hers "Come on I think it's time to show her she doesn't control you anymore."

Alex slowly walked into the courtroom and glanced around, thankfully to Abbie's pull and the nature of the case she had managed to get a closed courtroom. There was also a gag order in effect as well which she suspected was Olivia's doing to try and protect her even more. Even though she was grateful for the gag order in a way she was upset. She wanted other women who had suffered through what she had to know they weren't alone.

With one last squeeze of Olivia's hand Alex finally released it as she walked the short distance to the witness booth. Taking another deep breath hoping to calm not only her beating heart but her nerves upon what was about to occur. As she took the oath the court officer was administering she caught a glimpse of Jessica sneering at her and struggled to keep her composure. Upon completion of the oath and being allowed to sit she finally met Jess's eyes and held them for what seemed like an eternity till Jess finally gave in and looked away. Smiling to herself she turned and gave a slight nod to Abbie that she was ready to start.

"Ma'am can you state your full name for the record." Abbie said.

"Alexandra Cabot."

"For the record can you please tell us what you do for a living?"

"I am an Assistant District Attorney for the city of New York assigned to the Special Victims Unit of the 16."

"Thank you." Abbie said as she moved closer "Do you know the defendant, Jessica Johnson?"

"I do."

"Can you please tell the court how do you know her?"

"I was in a relationship with her."

"So you and the defendant dated?"

"Objection your honor." Jess's attorney shouted as he jumped to his feet "Ms. Cabot has already answered that question."

"Your honor I am only trying to be specific about the type of relationship she had with the defendant." Abbie said "There are several different forms of relationship. I have a working relationship with Ms. Cabot I would just like to be specific."

"Overruled." The judge said as she turned to face Alex "Please answer the question Ms. Cabot."

"Yes we did date." Alex answered looking each of the jurors in the eyes as she did so.

"Please tell the court how did you and the defendant met?"

"I was at a lesbian bar with some friends and we began to talk."

"Did you two leave the bar together?"

"No ma'am but we did exchange numbers."

"How long was it before you were in contact with the defendant again?"

"About a week after we met at the club she had called me and we met for coffee."

"From there you two began dating?"

"Yes we did."

"Was she abusive from the start?"

"No" Alex almost whispered as she felt a cold shiver going through her body at the coldness she saw in Jess's eyes

"When did the abuse start?" Abbie asked as she positioned herself between Alex and Jess so Alex didn't have to see her at the moment.

"About seven months after we started dating." Alex answered as she snapped out of her zone and met Abbie's eyes.

"Ms. Cabot" Abbie said as she reached out and laid a hand on Alex's "I know this is extremely difficult for you but could you please describe the first attack for us?"

"Jess had apparently showed up at my job to surprise me and saw me with another co-worker. She had misinterpreted what she saw between myself and the co-worker. When I came home I thought she was there to surprise me like she had done several times before but instead smacked me as soon as I walked up to her. I kicked her out told her to never come back but later that night she came back crying and begging for forgiveness."

"You allowed her to return did you not?"

"I did."

"Can you please tell the court why?"

"She had stated that she had seen me with my co-worker and the longer she thought about it the madder she got. By the time I made it home from work she was furious and all she saw was me and him together. She swore to me that she would never lay a hand on me again."

"She did though didn't she?" Abbie asked as she walked back toward her table.

"Yes."

"When did the abuse start up again?"

"About seven months later."

"Will you please tell the court what happened on that occasion?"

Alex looked around the courtroom and took in every face that was there. She took a deep breath to start the story she never wanted to repeat when she locked eyes with Jess. Tears sprang to her eyes when she motioned with her hand that she would kill her and Olivia.

"Ms. Cabot." Abbie said noticing the change in Alex. "Alex?"

"Yes." Alex said snapping out of daze.

"Could you please tell the court what happened on that occasion?" Abbie repeated.

"Yes I uhh. I had to work late one night and didn't call her. As soon as I came through the door she knocked me into the wall. Said she should have known a slut like me would conveniently have to work late. Wanted to know if he was as good as her? When I stood up I told her to leave and never come back. She pushed me against the wall and choked me till I passed out."

"What happened when you came too?"

"I was naked and tied to the bed. Jess was standing to the side naked and wearing a strap on. She told me she was going to show me what I was missing. Make me hate men. She then crawled on top of me and forced herself into me.

"Was this the first time she sexually assaulted you?"

"Yes."

"How long did the assault go on?'

"Objection your honor how would the victim know the exact amount of time an attack happened."

"Because that is something a victim never forgets" Alex growled back.

"Ms. Cabot you are not an attorney in my court room so please keep your comments to yourself."

"Yes ma'am my apologies."

"I will rephrase the question." Abbie said before the judge could rule "Could you please tell me how long the attack seemed to go on?"

"Objection your honor each person's concept of time is different."

"I will agree with you sub stained." The judge said reluctantly "Move on counselor."

"Did she sexually assault you just one time that night?"

"No."

"So it was repeated assaults?"

"Yes."

"When did she stop that night?"

"It wasn't until the next morning when she had to leave for work."

"Did you seek medical attention?"

"I did not." Alex said looking away.

"Why was that?"

"I was afraid of what people would think if they found out."

"Objection your honor she never received medical attention therefore the accusation of rape cannot be substantiated. For all we know she is crying wolf trying to get attention."

"I was raped." Alex shot back "I was raped almost daily by your client and when I wasn't being raped I was her punching bag. So don't you dare sit there and tell me I am making it up. I have the medical records and emotional scars to prove it."

"Overruled." The judge said as she turned to face Abbie "counselor control your client."

"Yes ma'am" Abbie said glaring at Alex "Could we have a brief recess your honor maybe ten minutes."

"Does defense have any objections to a recess?"

"No your honor we do not."

"Very well court will reconvene in ten minutes at which time your client needs to be in control of her outbursts, understood."

"Yes your honor." Abbie said as the judge stood and walked out of the courtroom.


	79. Recess

"Alex what the hell are you thinking?" Abbie asked as they walked out of the courtroom into a private room "If you keep this up the judge will throw you in jail for contempt. Get a hold of yourself."

"I'm sorry but it got under my skin hearing him say that." Alex answered. "It just pissed me off."

"Yeah well learn how to control your emotions while you're in there." Abbie growled back. "I know how hard it is being on the other side of the wall but you have to find some way to shut down the prosecutor in you down."

"Abbie calm down." Elliot said placing his hand on her shoulder to get her attention.

"I'm sorry Elliot but her little stunts in there is pissing the judge off. Honestly, at this moment that is the last thing we need."

"Well the judge will be the least of your worries if you don't back down now." Elliot said motioning toward Olivia who looked like she was ready to kill Abbie.

"I'm sorry if you don't like me snapping on Alex but if she don't get it together our case is going to be screwed." Abbie said turning to face Olivia. "Not that what you did isn't helping matters any."

"I don't give a damn about the case" Olivia growled as she started to stalk toward Abbie but stopped when Alex stepped in her path. "Alex please move."

"It's ok" Alex whispered making sure that Olivia was looking at her. "You can't go after everyone who snaps at me or is rude to me. Believe me when I say that would be a full time job."

"I understand, believe me I do, but I will not have her making it any more difficult for you than what it already is." Olivia sighed "I will do everything in my power to make this as easy for you as it can possibly be and having your attorney snap on you is not making it easier."

"Olivia look at me." Alex said waiting till she had the brunette's attention "I appreciate it I do. You do realize in less than three minutes I am going to have to take the stand again and relive something I don't want to but have to. I have to relive it in front of twelve strangers and a variety of co-workers. During that time period I will cry. When the defense gets up there he will yell and be little me the best he can to ruin my credibility, that's his job. You cannot, as much as you want to, save me from that."

"I know and I'm not too thrilled at it either." Olivia mumbled ashamed that she wasn't able to protect Alex even more than what she had at that point.

"Good cause neither am I." Alex said with laughter in her voice "Now what I need to know is will you be able to sit in there and maintain control of your temper. Because if you don't think you can then I need you to stay here. I can't be on the stand worrying if you are going to snap and try to kill the bitch, again."

"Again?"

"Yes again I know you went after her at the jail but Elliot stopped you in time. "I need you to control your anger during my testimony. If you don't the defense can use that against us and make you sound unstable and get your testimony discredited. We need your testimony to get the death penalty for trying to kill you twice."

"Honestly Alex I don't care about me. It comes with the job and it happens from time to time. But what I do want is justice for you and her to pay for what she did to you. I want her to know and realize that you never treat a woman like she treated you. I want you to have the closure of seeing your attacker found guilty and sentenced."

"Then for that to happen you have to control your anger. Can you do that sitting in the court room or do you need to stay in this room."

"Do you want me in the court room for the rest of your testimony?" Olivia asked.

"Yes I do." Alex answered "I need you there to do what I have to do today Olivia. To be honest with you I'm not sure how much more I can do or handle without having you sitting in the court room."

"Then I promise you my anger will be under control while you are testifying." Olivia said

"Thank you." Alex sighed relieved that Olivia would try to keep her anger under control the best she could so she could be there for her.

"If you two are done coming to terms it's almost time to get back in there." Abbie said "We're already on the judge's shit list the last thing we want to do is give him more reasons to hate us and start siding with the defense."

"You ready?" Alex asked having yet to take her eyes from the brunette.

'Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Olivia asked raising an eyebrow at the blonde.

Alex smiled as she shrugged her shoulders.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh as she took Alex by the hand and they walked back to the court room. Once in the court room she took her seat behind Abbie and despite how bad she wanted to glance over at Jess or just basically kick her ass she didn't. She kept her eyes forward and on Alex. She had a promised Alex she would keep her anger in check and she had every intention doing so no matter what it took.


	80. Chapter 80

**A/N: I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for being so patient with me on this story. You guys are truly the best. **

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"Ms. Cabot please remember that you are under oath." The judge said as Alex took a seat in the witness box.

"Yes your honor."

"Is the prosecution ready to proceed?"

"We are your honor."

"Very well you may begin."

"Thank you" Abbie said before turning to face Alex "Ms. Cabot was this the only time you were raped by the defendant?"

"NO it wasn't."

"So this was a repeat event?"

"Yes it was."

"How often?"

"After the initial time and she was sure I didn't report it she began to rape me weekly. Most of the times on the weekends but there were times it would occur during the week."

"Did you ever ask her why she only raped you on the weekends?"

"I did."

"What did she say?"

"She said it was because she couldn't have me drawing attention to myself during the work week so she could only rape me on Fridays and Saturdays giving me Sundays to heal."

"Objection your honor" The defense attorney said jumping to his feet "Hearsay."

"Sustained the jury will strike that last remark."

"Will you please describe for the jury what the defendant would do when she would attack you."

"She would" Alex started to say as she turned to face the jury after locking eyes with Olivia for a moment "She would always tie me to the bed both my feet and hands. Once I was tied she would take her time in raping me over and over again."

"Can you please describe for the jury how Ms. Johnson raped you."

"She would use her fingers, sometimes a strap on, and there was a few times that she would use whatever was nearby."

"Did she seem to enjoy it?'

"She would always laugh and smile as she raped me."

"Besides raping you were there other instances of her humiliating you?"

"There was."

"Alex I know this is difficult for you." Abbie almost whispered as she closed the gap between them and laid a hand on Alex's "Can you please tell the court how Jessica Johnson humiliated you?"

Alex felt the tears and for the first time in a long time a flashback coming on. She looked around the courtroom in a panicked manner until Olivia caught her attention. She sat in the witness chair staring into Olivia's chocolate brown orbs as if she was taking every bit of strength and courage that she had until she knew she could continue.

"I was tied to a chair in our bedroom and forced to watch her have sex with another woman."

"How long did this continue?"

"All night."

"When the woman left what happened?"

"I was untied and told to show her what I had learned. I apparently made a wrong move and she struck me."

"Did she say anything to you at that time?"

"She did."

"What was it?"

"The only thing I was good for was a hard fuck. That was why she could only have sex with me with a strap on and preceded to rape me."

"Did she rape you with the strap on that day?"

"She did. I begged her to stop and she just laughed at me as she pushed into me over and over again."

"Why did she laugh."

"She said because a slut like me should be able to take it for hours and I would have to pay for it later."

"When was later?"

"Almost two weeks later."

"Was there a reason why it was so long before she raped you again?"

"She had found a new woman to date and would bring her home on a regular basis."

"Was this the same woman that she forced you to watch her with?"

"It was."

"Did you ever say anything to Ms. Johnson about this?"

"I did."

"Would you please tell the court what you said?"

"After coming home one day and hearing how great she was in bed I informed her that if she liked having her so much she should go move in with her so she could fuck her daily."

"What happened when you told her that?

"She knocked me into the wall and told me that sluts like me got fucked real women like her got made love to. Then she forced me over the arm of the couch and demonstrated the difference for me."

"Alex I know this is difficult for you would you like to take a ten minute recess?" Abbie asked.

Alex looked over at Jessica and could see the smug look of happiness on her face. Yes there was nothing more she wanted than to take a break and drop everything just so she wouldn't have to tell everybody more humiliation she had endured. But upon seeing the look on her face she decided right then and there that she had one enough and this was one battle she wasn't winning.

"Thank you but no thank you I can continue." Alex said almost laughing out loud seeing the look of shock cross Jessica's face.

"What was other ways that the defendant humiliated you?"

"After raping me she really enjoyed having me orally service her while she was still wearing the strap-on."

"To be clear for the court She forced you to perform oral sex?"

"Yes."

"Thank you please continue."

"She would force me to the point that I would gag and at one time vomited."

"What happened after you vomited?"

"She forced the strap-on into my mouth and tied it there, told me I had to keep it there until I learned how to take it all without gagging or vomiting."

"Would you still gag?"

"I would."

"What would happen if you gagged?"

"She would push it in deeper and hold it there."

"I know this is embarrassing but did you learn how to control your gagging?"

"I was."

"Objection. Whether Ms. Cabot can deep throat a strap on without gagging or not is irrelevant."

"Her attempts to please the defendant lead to more forms of abuse which includes blow jobs with a strap on since you want to use street lang." Abbie almost growled while spinning to glare at the defense attorney. She knew this was just a tactic to attempt to dirty the victim in the jury's eyes without actually saying or doing anything.

"Over ruled I will allow it."

"But your honor…"

"I've already ruled on the matter have a seat."

"When you learned how to control your gag reflex what happened?"

"She would rape me with a strap on and then force it into my mouth tying it in place. Once she was sure it was secured she would pull out a larger strap on and began to rape me all over again. The pain I felt was immense and would cause me to scream which caused me to gag at the strap on that was tied to my face.

"During this did the defendant say anything to you?"

"She did.'

"What was it?'

"I looked just like the slut I was with both holes filed." Alex said looking away afraid to chance a look at Olivia or anyone else for that matter.

"During your time with the defendant, Jessica Johnson, did allow other people to rape you?"

"She did."

"Was this on more than one occasion?"

"It was."

"Will you please describe for the court the first occasion that she brought someone else in to rape you?"

"She had me tied to the bed and I had fallen asleep. When I woke up she was on top of me forcing herself in and out of me."

"She would rape you in your sleep as well?"

"Yes."

"Please continue." Abbie said glancing over her shoulder and seeing the set shoulders of Olivia. She silently hoped and prayed that she would listen to what Alex wanted.

"After she finished and pulled out I realized that someone else was in the room. Jessica told her to take what she wanted."

"Did she?"

"Yes I begged her not to but she just laughed and pushed into me. When she finished and pulled out she leaned down and said thank you."

"What happened after that?"

"I could hear them both downstairs having sex. When they were finished they came up and forced me to clean them both off orally."

"What was another time that she allowed another woman to rape you?"

"It was a couple weeks later with the same woman. They wanted a threesome."

"Alex I understand how difficult this is for you could you please describe this event for the court."

"As always I was tied to the bed and they would take turns on me. While one was raping me the other demanded me to orally pleasure them. After a while they untied me and flipped me over onto all fours. They both really enjoyed that because the harder one would thrust into me would send me forward and make me take all of the strap on of the other." Alex stopped and looked down as tears formed in her eyes "One time I heard Jess say stop. I thought she was going to give me a reprieve but I was wrong. She made sure they both were buried deep in me when she leaned forward and kissed the other woman. She told her that she was so wet and couldn't wait for her to take her."

"Did the other woman say anything?"

"Yeah she agreed with her but said she wanted to get off with me one more time."

"Did she?"

"Yes Jess pulled out and told her that I was all hers. Take what she wanted how she wanted."

"How was that?"

"she grabbed my hair and pulled it so tight I cried out. As she thrust in me she thanked me again because sex with Jessica had never been as good as it had been since they brought me in the equation. As soon as she was done she pulled out and pushed me to the side. She ripped her harness off and they started having sex right next to me."

"You were free did you try to leave?"

"I did but they grabbed me and said it would be worse if I left they weren't done with me and I knew what worse meant so I stayed."

"What happened after they were finished?"

"I had to clean Jess off and then the other woman jumped on my face and forced me to clean her off as well. After that it was back to me."

"How long did it last?"

"All night except for small breaks here and there."

"Why the breaks?"

"They were focused on each other."

"Did this happen on more than one occasion?"

"At least once a month."

"How long total did you endure sexual abuse?"

"For close to two years.'

"When and how did it stop?'

"It wasn't long after I started for SVU. The longer I worked there the more I realized that what was happening wasn't my fault. Finally one night I saw some of the detectives out and told her if she didn't stop I would tell them."

"What was her response?'

"She laughed and said she would kill them."

"I told her maybe so but once she did that she would have over thirty five thousand officers out for blood and that never ended well."

"Did she?"

"Actually she did. I came from work one day and she was gone."

"But the terror didn't stop there?"

"No she started stalking me and leaving me threatening letters. She would show up places I was having business dinners at and just stare at me."

"Did she ever stop stalking you?"

"Not until she was shot and arrested in my apartment no."

"Thank you Ms. Cabot I have no more questions." Abbie said as she walked back to her table.


	81. Defense

**A/N: I am so sorry for the delay but it is extremly difficult to think like a defense attorney for me. Between that and how wild work has been lately is making it extremely difficult to write on any of my stories. Please accept my deepest apologies on this matter.**

* * *

"Mr. Langen are you ready to proceed?" The judge asked looking over at the defense.

"We are your honor."

"Very well."

"Thank you" Langen said as he stood and made his way to Alex "Ms. Cabot why didn't you report it the first time my client supposedly raped you?"

"Because I was embarrassed like so many victims are."

"Isn't it because you wasn't raped?"

"No"

"That you made it up?"

"No."

"That all this was made up to get sympathy from the squad you work with?"

"No" Alex growled trying her best not to snap on Langen.

"That in fact you have made all this up because no one knew you were gay? That you were ashamed of your sexuality?"

"I have never hidden my sexual preference."

"But you don't exactly announce it do you."

"I feel no need to put my personal business out for everyone."

"That the reason you have made these accusations against my client is because you are ashamed of preferring bondage and rough sex to what one would call normal sex?"

"I have the healed injuries to prove that I was abused." Alex shot back

"Injuries that are common with rough sex and bondage correct?"

"I have no clue."

"Of course you do Alex you engage in it on a regular basis."

"I do not."

You know Ms. Cabot it is ok if you are into fetishes and bondage. It's becoming common practice now days."

"That may be what you like in your bedroom but I don't care for it in mine."

"During these times my client was supposedly raping you did you not have an orgasm?"

"I did."

"So that meant you were enjoying it does it not?"

"NO it doesn't. It is a response of the body that one cannot control. It does not excuse rape."

"Isn't it true that you became wet as well when my client would use the strap on?"

"I did." Alex almost whispered as she looked away.

"Again another thing to prove that you not only wanted it but enjoyed it." Langen said.

"Again, It's a natural bodily reaction." Alex pointed out.

"Please Ms. Cabot do you expect me to believe that you did not enjoy it but yet you not only became sexual aroused to the point that you were wet but had orgasm's as well?"

"Objection your honor asked and answered." Abbie said jumping to her feet.

"I agree Ms. Carmichael please move on Mr. Langen.'

"I am merely trying to prove that that this was consenting sex."

"That's great Mr. Langen but you will need to find a different way this question has been asked and answered. One more time from you and I will hold you in contempt."

"Yes your honor." Langen said before turning to Alex again "Isn't true that you used to ask my client to tie you up sometimes beg because she was not into bondage?"

"No it is not."

"That it was in fact you yourself that asked to bring a third person into the bedroom?"

"No it was not."

"That all of this is made up because you're wanting to date detective Benson and was ashamed and afraid that she wouldn't date you if she knew the truth about how you were in the bedroom?"

"That is not true." Alex growled as she sat up straighter.

"It is true that you are dating Detective Benson correct?"

"We have had one date."

"But Detective Benson is living with you though correct?"

"Yes while she is recovering from some injuries."

"Come on Ms. Cabot are you ashamed that you are shacking up with Detective Benson?"

"I am not shacking up with her. She is staying with me till she is medically cleared."

"Please Ms. Cabot everyone in this court room is more than aware of the fact that you are not only shacking up but dating as well as sleeping with Detective Benson. Just like we all know that you are lying about being tied up and raped. You had an orgasm and became wet that is not rape." Langen stated to the jury with a smirk on his face.

"I have had one date with Benson one where your client showed up and assaulted me in the restroom."

"One where my client caught you cheating on her, correct? Which was the exchange of words that occurred in the bathroom correct?"

"No."

"Did you not tell Detective Benson to leave your apartment that night because she had caught you cheating?"

"I told her to leave to keep her safe."

"From who my client?"

"Yes."

"You mean to tell me that a decorated NYPD veteran could not protect herself from my client?"

"At the time no, she was still recovering from injuries sustained from your client." Alex pointed out as she glared at Jess.

"But she had the presence of mind to shoot my client in your home?"

"At that time she was released back to partial duty."

"Yet still living with you?"

"At that time yes."

"But she had returned to work why did she continue to live with you?"

"She had returned to partial duty and was still needing some medical assistance.'

"But not enough to prevent her from working?"

"She was allowed to work no more than twenty hours a week. She would only work about four hours a day and then come home."

"Home meaning your apartment?"

"At that time yes.'

"So she has since moved back to her apartment?"

"No sir she is still staying with me." Alex said as she locked eyes with Olivia.

"But she has returned to duty correct?"

"Not full duty."

"But enough to where she is competent enough to work in the station?'

"Yes sir."

"If she is competent enough to work in the station why isn't she competent enough to live on her own?"

"Due to her head injuries she has some problems processing some things."

"Meaning her temper correct."

"Her temper has been an issue with her first head trauma yes."

"So in fact it was Detective Benson's temper that caused you all those injuries was it not?"

"Detective Benson has never lost her temper with me."

"What about all the holes she had placed in your kitchen wall or how about the drinking glasses she had broken. Didn't she lose her temper with you then?"

"She lost her temper but not at me. I have in no way ever been harmed nor terrified of Detective Benson."

"But she punched a hole in your kitchen wall right by your head?"

"How do you know this?" Alex asked realizing that the only people who knew of that incident was herself and Olivia and she knew without a doubt Olivia had not told the defense anything.

"Answer the question Alex." Langen said ignoring her question.

"How did you know Langen?" Alex asked again.

"Your honor please instruct the witness to answer the question."

"Yes she did but considering only myself and Detective Benson was present at the time of the incident tell me how the hell do you know that."

"Objection your honor" Abbie said jumping to her feet "This has no bearing on the case."

"It does." Langen said looking at the judge. "I am simply proven that the injuries were not made by my client but by Detective Benson who seems to have an anger issue."

"That would be all fine and dandy your honor" Abbie said "If all of Alex's injuries wasn't predated and healed by the time that Olivia Benson had her head injury that caused her to have an anger issue, an anger issue that was caused by the defendant your honor."

"There is no proof of that." Langen said as he spun to face Abbie.

"There is and we will be proving it here shortly but you went ahead and opened the door." Abbie said with a smile.

"She's correct Langen." The judge said "You brought up Olivia's anger issues. Once you open the door you can't close it when its convenient for you. Therefore overruled."

"I have no further questions" Langen said as he stepped back toward his table.

"Very well." The judge said turning to face Alex "You may step down Ms. Cabot and we'll reconvene tomorrow morning at nine am."


	82. Olivia's Questioning

"Is the prosecution ready to call their next witness?" The judge asked as court reconvened the next morning.

"We are your honor." Abbie said standing

"Please proceed."

"We call Detective Olivia Benson to the stand." Abbie said.

Olivia stood and took a deep breath as she slowly walked to the witness stand.

"Raise your right hand and place your left hand on the bible please." The guard said as he stepped forward and waited for her to do as he instructed "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god."

"I do." Olivia said before taking her seat.

"Could you please state your name for the court?" Abbie asked once Olivia had taken her seat.

"Olivia Benson."

"Ms. Benson could you please tell the court where you work?"

"I am a detective for the Special Victims Unit at the 16."

"How long have you been a detective with them?"

"For five years now."

"How long have you been with the New York Police Department?"

"Almost ten years."

"Were you employed as a detective on April 15th, 2003?"

"I was."

"On that date were you shot?"

"I was."

"Is the person who shot you in this court room?"

"She is."

"Will you please point out your shooter for the court?"

"It is the defendant Jessica Johnson." Olivia said pointing at Jessica.

"Please let the record show that the detective is pointing at the defendant." Abbie said glancing at the court stenographer.

"So noted." The judge said agreeing.

"Will you please tell the court what happened on the morning you were shot?"

"I was walking down the street when I ran into Alex Cabot. I had just caught her from falling when I saw someone behind her pull a gun and point it in our direction. I pushed Cabot to safety and pulled my weapon. I was ordering her to drop her weapon when I heard Alex call my name. I looked away for a split second and that was when she shot me."

"Objection" Langen said jumping to his feet "If she looked away how can she be so sure it was my client that shot her."

"I had a clear view of her before I turned my head." Olivia answered before the judge could rule on the objection.

"Detective please wait for my rulings before continuing" the judge stated before turning to face the court room "Over ruled."

"Do you remember much of the shooting?"

"I remember feeling a sharp burning sensation before I fell and hit the ground."

"What else about that incident?"

"Alex Cabot had applying pressure to my wound before I passed out."

"From that shooting what type of injuries did you endure?"

"I was in ICU in a medically induced coma to assist me in healing. I was shot in the chest and sustained substantial blood loss."

"Any other injuries?" Abbie probed.

"I suffered what is called a Traumatic Brain Injury and had to receive therapy for it."

"I know you don't have a medical degree or any form of medical knowledge but since you suffered the injury can you try to describe it for the court room."

"Objection your honor the prosecution just stated that she has no medical knowledge how can she describe the ins and outs of a Traumatic Brain Injury."

"Your honor the witness has suffered and recovered from a Traumatic Brain Injury. I am only asking her to describe in her words what a Traumatic Brain Injury is."

"I will allow you a little lead way but not much counselor so watch your step." The judge said.

"Yes ma'am." Abbie answered as she turned and faced Olivia "In your own words please explain your Traumatic Brain Injury."

"When I fell from being shot I hit my head extremely hard which caused injury to my head affecting my temper and my eye hand coordination."

"You said it affected your temper, in what way?"

"I was quicker to lose my temper and be angered."

"At any time did you ever lose your temper with Alex Cabot?"

"There were times I yelled at her." Olivia almost whispered as she hung her head ashamed of how she acted "But I never once physically attacked her."

"What type of therapy did you have to take to recover from the Traumatic Brain Injury or TBI for short?"

"I had to have the hyperbaric oxygen therapy daily for one hour each time and met with a behavioral and physical therapist at least three times a week while I was in the hospital."

"When you were out of the hospital?"

"After I was released but had to return daily for the hyperbaric oxygen treatments and the therapists would come to the apartment twice a week."

"While you recovered did you stay at Alex Cabot's apartment?"

"I did."

"While staying at Alex Cabot's did the defendant break into her apartment?"

"She did."

"On the night in question that she broke in can you please tell us what happened?"

"I heard a scream coming from Alex's room..."

"I'm sorry to interrupt you Detective Benson did you say from her room?"

"I did."

"You do not share a room with Alex Cabot?"

"No ma'am I have had my own room while residing with her during my recovery period."

"Ok thank you please continue." Abbie said smiling.

"I heard a scream from Alex's room and ran to it. When I opened the door I witnessed the defendant standing over Alex in a NYPD patrol officer uniform holding a gun to her head."

"What did you do?"

"I attempted to talk her into surrendering the gun but she wouldn't. At one point she began to choke ADA Cabot and since she was distracted that was my chance to catch her off guard. I charged her and we went to the ground fighting. We moved from the bedroom and fell through the railing and fell to the first floor."

"Were you reinjured during this second incident?"

"I was."

"What were your injuries?"

"I suffered a gunshot wound to the abdomen and I aggravated my Traumatic Brain Injury again."

"Aggravated it how?"

"I began having vision problems and problems with my hand eye coordination again."

"What type of therapy did you have to take from being injured a second time by the defendant?'

"I had to repeat all of my previous treatments."

"The hyperbaric treatments along with both therapists, correct?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Are you finished with the treatments?'

"I have a reassessment appointment next week to see where we stand in my progression."

"While healing from your second set of injuries you are currently still residing at Ms. Cabot's residence?"

"I am."

"Do you know for how long you will remain there?"

"Until I am fully released for full duty."

"While you have been out did you visit the defendant in jail?"

"I did."

"You are the victim in the case why would you jeopardize the case by visiting her?"

"I was trying to see why she wouldn't take the plea deal that was being offered."

"Why did you do that?"

"I had already failed twice at protecting Ms. Cabot. I was trying to see what it would take for her to accept the plea deal so I could protect her from the trial." Olivia said as she locked eyes with Alex "My own little way of trying to make it up to her for failing her before."

"Thank you detective." Abbie said as she walked back to her desk "I have no further questions."

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**A/N: To everyone who is still with this story thank you so much for hanging in there with me. I know my updates have become sporadic and I am so sorry blame the criminals. They are keeping me hopping again.. Love that summertime rush. I am going to try to and keep a steady update on all my stories going but all that hinges on work. But I do promise to do my best. Love you guys.**


	83. Cross Examination

**A/N: WOW 83 chapters now. That is all I can say. I want to thank everyone for reading and following and everything else with this story. I write for my release and to turn some cases around that I have heard, dealt with or seen into the way I wish they would have gone. Yes some of the cases I have used are actual cases but the names have been changed to protect the victim's identity. The fact that everyone reads them and enjoys my stories are an added bonus.**

**When I receive PM's like I did the other day telling me that they had suffered from PTSD for many years and find my stories calming and entertaining and that my depictions are spot on I know I'm doing something right. If I can help just one person through my writing the same as if I can help and save one person in my career then I've done something with my life and something worth while at that. Thank you so much.**

**On that note without further delay here is the next installment with hopes of many many more to come.**

* * *

"Good afternoon Detective Benson" Langen said as he stood "How are you feeling today?"

"I'm doing good, thank you."

"That's good to know and I'm glad that you are recovering so well from the injuries you have obtained."

Olivia just smiled at him as she wondered what was he up to this time.

"Am I to understand that you never knew my client until the day she supposedly shot you correct?"

"That is correct?"

"And that you had no clue that her and Alexandra Cabot was lovers?"

"Correct."

"But isn't it true that you had pursued Alex?"

"No sir."

"But you want her though don't you?"

"Objection your honor." Abbie said jumping to her feet "Relevance?"

"I am merely pointing out that the reason that the detective is saying it was my client that shot her is because she wants Alex.'

"I believe you just did so with your little statement." The judge said looking Langen in the eyes making him squirm "Now move on please."

"Detective when you came too you described my client to your fellow co-workers correct?"

"No I did not." Olivia answered sighing

"So how did they know it was her that shot you? Or is it possible you have your fellow co workers working with you to get Alex?"

"No sir."

"Correct me if I'm wrong but a Traumatic Brain Injury can affect your memory right?'

"I believe its dependent upon what part of your brain was hit."

"So your memory was fine?"

"Yes it was the part that I injured was the part that controlled my anger."

"So you had a short fuse?"

"At times." Olivia said realizing where he was taking this questioning.

"Your temper." Langen said as he reached for a piece of paper "Had you slinging the nurses around one day to where they were trying to restrain you."

"In the hospital yes."

"If that happened at the hospital how did you react at home or shall we say Alex's apartment?"

"There were some occasions that I had a short fuse at Alex's apartment." Olivia said hating to admit it to him or a courtroom full of people for that matter. She had been doing this long enough to know that one little seed of questioning that the perp could walk.

"In fact there were several occasions where one of your co-workers would have to come over to Alex's place because you had lost your temper isn't that right."

"There was a time or two that Elliot came over because of my temper." Olivia said trying not to take the bait.

"During your temper fueled outbursts you were violent?"

"Yes."

"How violent were you Detective?"

"I had broken several glasses and there were times that we would have shouting matches at each other."

"Broken several glasses, didn't you punch a few holes in the wall as well?"

"Yes "

"So in fact it wasn't my client that had abused Alex Cabot but in fact it was you. You were the one that raped Alex repeatedly and beat her on a regular basis."

"I would never lay a hand on Alex." Olivia growled.

"But on one such incident didn't you get so violent with Stabler, your partner, that you pushed him into Alex leaving her with a bruise on her cheek?"

"Yes." Olivia said as she clenched her fist closed in her laps and fought to maintain her anger.

"Did you not just minutes before that incident placed a hole in the wall just inches from Alex's head?"

"Yes."

"So you have laid a hand on Alex Cabot, just not directly, or at least not directly in front of other people."

"It was never done directly or in directly counselor."

"On the night that you shot my client in Ms. Cabot's apartment it was out of anger was it not."

"NO"

"You were mad that she was there." Langen continued as if Olivia had not said anything "That Alex had invited her over. You figured if you could just get rid of her Alex would want you."

"I shot her in self defense of not only myself but in defense of Alex as well."

"If that was self defense what was it when you visited my client at the prison she is being held at?"

"I was trying to protect Alex." Olivia said through clenched teeth.

"Isn't it more like you were trying to protect yourself detective? Isn't it true that you needed her to take the deal so that your dirty little secret wouldn't come out?"

"NO" Olivia growled.

"That even in the prison you charged at my client because she refused to take the deal to cover for you. That you were and still are pissed that she will be outing you, per se?"

"No." Olivia growled as she narrowed her eyes at Langen.

"Please detective one look at you right now and we can tell that you are pissed and ready to attack. Is that what's it's like with Alex. One wrong word or pointing out where you were wrong and you attack her. It's more than obvious that you have a problem controlling your temper." Langen said as he walked back toward his desk "I have no further questions your honor."

"Detective you may step down." The judge said once she confirmed that Abbie did not want to re-cross Olivia.

Olivia took a deep breath as she stood and slowly walked toward the exit of the court room. She stopped long enough to glare at Langen. There was a little satisfaction when she saw him swallow in what appeared to be fear. Taking a moment to glance at Alex she cut her eyes one more time to Langen before slowly walking out of the court room and then the building.

* * *

**A/N: I know I'm not a very good defense attorney. Which is why I am paid the low bucks to put them in jail. Not the big bucks to get them out and keep them out.**


	84. Hashing it Out

"If I thought I could get away with it I would wrap my fingers around Trevor Langen's throat and squeeze the life out of him." Alex said as she walked into her apartment and removed her coat. "He had some nerve to do what he did today."

"Alex he was only doing his job." Olivia said shutting the door behind her "You can't get mad at him for that."

"Really" Alex growled as she spun to face Olivia "He accused you of beating on me. He accused you of raping me and I can't get mad at him. I think you need to schedule an appointment with Dr. Mathews again. If you're defending him we need you re-evaluated."

"Alex let's face some facts here" Olivia said as she headed for the stairs "You and I both know all he needs is too put a little doubt in one jurors mind and he's done his job. By pointing out that I have punched the wall inches from you head and caused a bruise on your face is enough to do just that."

"That's all you have to say." Alex almost mumbled amazed to hear something to of that magnitude coming out of her mouth.

"Yeah it is." Olivia almost snapped as she stormed up the stairs and slammed the door.

Alex stood in the living room and took a deep breath. Olivia had been distant almost to the point of being rude since she took the stand. She knew what the issue was and had silently hoped and prayed that they could wait till after the trial to address it but like everything else in her life she wasn't that lucky. Taking a deep breath she headed up the stairs to have what was going to be probably one of the most important discussions that she never knew she needed to have with Olivia.

"You never once failed me." Alex said opening Olivia's door without knocking deciding to go straight to the point.

"Who are we kidding here?" Olivia growled as she punched the bag again grimacing at the pain that shot through her from the force of the punch. "I should have shot her the second she pulled the weapon on me the first time. We both know that New York has the statue where I do not have to give a warning or order if a weapon is pulled on an officer. I could have shot her, been cleared of it, and you would have never had to endure this, but I didn't."

"Olivia it's a normal reaction to not want to take someone's life."

"Really" Olivia said spinning in her spot to face Alex "Had I done it she would have never been able to get in here and torture you some more. Another prime example of how I failed you."

"Stop it." Alex ordered taking a step closer.

"Stop what, pointing out the facts." Olivia said jerking her gloves off her hand and throwing them on the bed.

"NO, BLAMING YOUR SELF." Alex screamed.

"Who else is there to blame?" Olivia asked as she closed the gap between them "certainly not you so that only leaves one person, me."

"No, the only person to blame is Jess." Alex said reaching out and placing a hand on Olivia's arm. She hadn't felt that much tension and anger radiating off Olivia in a while. She wanted to pull her hand away out of habit but she'd be lying if she said that she didn't enjoy, actually more than enjoy it to be honest it turned her on, knowing that she had the ability she had to calm Olivia with a simple touch. "Not you. Olivia I have never blamed you or felt as if you failed me. Not Once."

"Alex."

"Shut up and listen." Alex whispered taking a small step till she was almost pressed against the detective so she could whisper in her ear "If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be alive. I know without a doubt that she would have killed me that night she broke in. As much as I wanted to stay silent to protect you I knew if I didn't you would spend the rest of your life hunting her down and killing her. To the point that you would ruin everything that you have worked so hard for and you wouldn't have cared. I couldn't let that happen. So I screamed, I screamed to not only protect you from yourself but so that you could also save me from her. You did Olivia. You have saved me in so many ways and some that you will probably never know."

"Alex." Olivia choked out as she pulled back and stared into Alex's eyes. Every fiber of her being was telling her to stop but no matter what she pushed those voices to the side as she slowly leaned forward and brushed her lips across Alex's.

Alex moaned as Olivia slipped her tongued into her mouth and began dueling for control with her, something that she was more than willing to surrender to her. She ran her fingers through Olivia's hair and pulled her even tighter against her. It felt as if she could feel the detective's heartbeat through her clothing and their hearts was beating as one. Suddenly she had, no needed, to feel the detective's flesh under her fingers.

"Alex" Olivia said gasping for air as she pulled away when she felt her undoing her shirt. The blush covering Alex's cheeks and her kiss swollen lips almost broke what little restraint she had left.

Alex's hands were shaking as she pulled Olivia's shirt free and began unbuttoning it. Never in her life had her body been wound so tight by a simple kiss. She truly felt as if she would die if Olivia didn't touch her and knew without a doubt that she wouldn't last more than thirty seconds the second that she did.

"Alex" Olivia whispered again as she carefully took her hands in hers praying that it wouldn't send her into a flashback. As much as she wanted to push Alex against the wall and take her, oh hell who was she kidding, she would gladly shove her hands in Alex's pants where they stood and take her, she be damned if she sent her into a flashback because of it. Which is why, she quickly released her hands when she felt Alex struggling to against her.

Alex struggled to free her hands from Olivia's grasp and smiled when she was successful. Before Olivia could even register what was happening she had her hands back at Olivia's buttons and was once again attempting to make short work of them. She was almost to the last button when Olivia grabbed her wrists again.

"Alex." Olivia said a little more forceful as she grabbed at Alex's wrists again. "Alex."

Alex stopped and finally looked at Olivia. She smiled when she saw Olivia struggling to maintain control of not only herself but the situation as well. The simple thought that despite how bad she wanted her, and it was more than obvious in her eyes, she would rather kill herself than to push Alex past her point or into something that she wasn't ready for. That right there made what she wanted to do and say even easier.

"Make love to me." Alex whispered.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah I know I am a tease but you guys love me right? **


	85. The beginning

**Since you all asked so nicely.**

* * *

"Alex, are you sure?" Olivia asked as she pulled back to look at the blonde. She had wanted her since the day she walked into the precinct and even more so now but she'd be damned if she would ever push her for anything she wasn't ready for.

Alex swallowed hard and nodded "I want you Olivia. I want to know what it feels like to be made love to by you. I want to know what it's like to make love to you."

Olivia took Alex by the hand and slowly walked backwards never breaking eye contact with the blonde. When she felt her knees hit the bed she slowly lowered herself to the bed in a sitting position. She knew that she by sitting down and leaving Alex standing she was giving her the upper hand without her knowing it. She smiled up at Alex as she slowly began to unbutton her blouse.

Alex stared down at Olivia and bit her lower lip as she watched her slowly unbutton her shirt never once taking her eyes off hers. She waited till she was half way down the shirt before she leaned over and captured Olivia's lips with her own. The care and caution she was taking with her made her desire for the detective raise up a few notches if that was ever possible.

"Beautiful" Olivia whispered as she broke the kiss "Absolutely beautiful."

Alex blushed at the compliment.

"So beautiful." Olivia whispered again as she leaned forward placing a kiss on Alex's exposed abdomen. She had to hold back a moan when the muscles jumped at her touch. God she wanted to rip every piece of clothing off her and ravish her like a prisoner fresh out of jail. Not this time though. Next time might be a different story but this time she will take it as slow as Alex wanted to.

Alex ran her fingers through Olivia's hair and let her head fall back. She moaned when she felt Olivia circle her belly button and nip at it. She gasped though when she felt Olivia roughly grab her by the hips and pushed her back a step. She was terrified that Olivia was about to push her away unable to stomach the thought of touching her when she realized that Olivia had stood and was slowly, downright seductively, removing her shirt. Making sure that she ran her fingers down her arm as she removed the shirt, never once breaking contact.

Olivia smiled when Alex opened her eyes and looked at her. She saw the flash of insecurities flash through her eyes before she masked them. She growled as she pulled her back to her wishing once again she had killed the worthless bitch that made Alex feel like she was unlovable.

"If at any point you want to stop tell me." Olivia whispered into Alex's ears smirking to herself as she watched the goose bumps form on her skin "If I do something that makes you uncomfortable tell me. If you want something that I'm not doing tell me."

"Please" Alex cried out as she ran her nails down Olivia's back knowing that she was leaving a mark on her skin even though she was still wearing her shirt.

"Please what Alex?" Olivia asked suddenly terrified that Alex was starting to lose herself in a flashback.

"Please Olivia don't stop." Alex said as she grabbed her hand and placed it securely between her legs. She moaned as she tried to find the release she so desperately needed and craved only to be denied when Olivia pulled her hand away.

"In due time my love." Olivia whispered as she held Alex's face in her hands her lips mere inches from Alex's. "Right now I want to look at you."

*Look at her* Alex felt the panic rise in her when she heard those words. She squeezed her eyes shut as she prepared to hear the laughter she always heard when she was told that. To hear how disgusting she was. She was pulled out of her thoughts when she felt Olivia tracing a scar with her tongue that crossed over her shoulder. When she felt Olivia's hands on her bra undoing it she almost collapsed.

"Shh baby." Olivia whispered to reassure her as she locked eyes with Alex as she slowly moved her red lacy bra from her.

Alex instantly started to cover her body with her arms until Olivia grabbed them and stopped her. She brought each hand up to her lips and kissed the palm.

"Please don't cover yourself." Olivia whispered into each palm as she kissed them. "You are so beautiful."

Alex blushed again as she looked away.

Olivia groaned when Alex looked away exposing her neck to her. She could see her pulse point pounding, the slight flush covering her body and the little beads of sweat that was forming on her body despite the fact that the room was chilly. Despite the fact that she told herself she would take her time no matter what with her the urge and desire to mark her as hers was too much.

Alex cried out when Olivia bit her and began to urge her on as she began to suck harder and harder at her pulse point. She knew if she didn't stop she was going to leave a mark and realized that she wanted to be marked by her, in more ways than one.

Olivia pulled back smiling at the red, swollen area she had just attacked. To know she would have to sport that mark under her shirt for the next few days and that was probably one of the biggest turn-on's that Olivia had ever experienced. She attacked the area one more time if for no other reason but for good measure. She wanted Alex to look in the mirror and remember this night for the rest of her life, well after the mark was gone.

Olivia pulled back once more and stared at the mark once more making sure that it would be there for a few days before allowing her hands to trail down her body to her slacks. She ran her fingers along the waist band once more checking for any uncertainties before slowly, ever so slowly undoing the button and lowering the zipper.

Alex was pretty sure she just came when she felt Olivia lower the zipper stopping long enough to brush her hands against her throbbing clit through her pants. The very thought that she had soaked not only through her matching lacy underwear but her pants as well was a fleeting thought when Olivia dropped to her knees and nuzzled her through her clothing.

Olivia took a deep breath as she nuzzled Alex and inhaled her scent that was uniquely hers. She sucked lightly on the wet spot that was starting to show through Alex's pants. She pulled back long enough to slide Alex's pants down her beautiful creamy white toned legs and help her out of her pants.

Alex smiled at Olivia as she placed her hands on her shoulders to balance herself as she stepped out of her pants. She was about to point out to Olivia that she was still fully clothed when Olivia ran her tongue through her soaked folds.

Olivia was determined to hold out till she had laid Alex on the bed but seeing how wet she was, was her undoing. She leaned forward and ran her tongue through Alex's soaked folds. Olivia knew right then that one taste would never be enough for her. She latched on to Alex's clit and gently sucked on it. She knew in doing so she would send Alex over the edge and as much as she wanted to drag it out she knew she needed this release. So she gave Alex what she needed.

Alex cried out as her hips bucked against Olivia and her body began to lock up on her. She tangled her hands in Olivia's hair and held her in place as she shamelessly rode her release out. God the woman had only licked her once and barely sucked on her and she was already screaming her release for all to hear. How in the world would she last when Olivia took her fully in bed?

"I can't" Alex gasped as she roughly grabbed Olivia by the hair and pulled her from her once she had somewhat gained control of herself. "I can't stand much longer."

Olivia pulled back and smiled up at the attorney. With lightening quick reflexes Olivia stood and captured Alex's lips with hers once more as she bent slightly at the knees. In one swift movement she placed her arm behind Alex's knees and lifted her into her arms. Never once breaking the kiss till she gently laid her on the bed.

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**And you thought I was done teasing you didn't you? I'm sorry (maybe a little) apparently I am in a teasing mood. But I promise to make it worth your wait or atleast try my hardest at making it worth the wait.**


	86. Olivia

Olivia stood and stared at her lover. Her lover, she never thought she would get the chance to say though words about Alex but here she stood staring at the most precious gift she had ever received. She smiled as she took in Alex's kiss swollen lips, her swollen almost painful nipples to her rock hard abs. Her eyes darted back up to Alex's when she covered her body with her hands. The openness of fear and rejection she saw in Alex's dark blue eyes made Olivia feel like she had been punched in the stomach. She closed her eyes taking a deep breath trying to steady her emotions and desire for the angel on her bed.

Alex felt the tears start to fall from her eyes when Olivia closed her eyes. She knew it was only a matter of time before Olivia would see her as the disgusting whore that Jess say her as and be repulsed by her but a part of her had hoped that things would be different, even though deep down she knew better. She had started to roll away and reach for the blanket at the end of the bed when she felt a hand on her arm stopping her.

Olivia reached out and gently placed her hand on Alex's arm hoping to stop her from covering her beautiful body. It took a few minutes for Alex to finally look up at her and despite the fact she tried to mask it she could not only see but feel the terror that seemed to consume Alex at that moment.

"Hey." Olivia finally managed to choke out her voice over ran with emotion "She's not here baby. You're with me. Just keep your eyes on me."

Alex opened her mouth to protest but quickly closed it. She wanted to tell Olivia it was ok she didn't need to take pity on her. That she understood her reluctance to touch her but she couldn't. Not when she saw the raw desire and need in Olivia's eyes.

Once Olivia knew she had Alex's attention and knew she wouldn't turn away she began a slow and teasing strip tease. She licked her lips as she undid the last two buttons on her shirt allowing it to fall open. Slowly lowering one side of her shirt off her shoulder as she turned around, glancing over her shoulder at the blonde blowing her a kiss before dropping the shirt completely onto the floor.

Olivia jumped up and spun around in the air landing with her hands out in the air as if she was an airplane. She crossed her arms over her abs and grabbed the edge of her undershirt gripping it tight as she slowly inched it up her body inch by inch. It wasn't until she had the shirt off that she began to shake her hips back and forth while twirling the shirt above her head.

Alex laughed at the performance that was being put on for her benefit.

Olivia dropped the shirt and pretended she was pouting at Alex laughing at her until Alex sat up quickly and pulled her to her, placing feather kisses all over her abs. She swallowed hard when she felt Alex slowly unbutton her pants and pull the zipper down.

Alex pulled back and looked up at Olivia as she pulled the zipper of her pants down. She bit down on her lower lip and sucked on it before allowing it to pop free. The instant dilation of Olivia's pupils gave her the last little bit of courage she needed to continue.

Olivia was pretty sure she had died and gone to heaven when Alex bit and sucked on her lower lip and then released it. She had never found it erotic before with the other women she had been with but with Alex. Lord with Alex it had to be the hottest thing she had ever witnessed.

Alex leaned forward and kissed the patch of skin she had just exposed and moaned when she felt the muscles beneath her mouth tighten. She licked her way up to Olivia's belly button as she slowly maneuvered the slacks past Olivia's hips and down her toned thighs and calves.

Olivia groaned and tangled her hands in Alex's hair. She gently tugged at her hair and pulled her away from her body. She knew if she stayed there much longer any and all resolve she had would fly out the window.

Alex moaned and looked up to Olivia with what could only be described as an attempt to look innocent. Attempt being the key word since her face was flushed, her breathing was labored and her eye lids were half drooped all indicators of her what appeared to be constant state of arousal.

"Baby if you keep that up I'm not going to last." Olivia whispered as she gently caressed the side of Alex's face.

Alex raised an eyebrow as she ran a finger through Olivia's soaked folds. She made sure she had complete eye contact with Olivia as she carefully licked her finger and sucked it clean. She closed her eyes and moaned feeling herself becoming even wetter.

Olivia had to fight her urge to grab Alex by the head and guide her where she wanted her. What she wouldn't give to hold her in place as she rode her face to release the same as she had done to her. That very thought making her become even more painfully aroused than she already was. She had to get Alex away from her and take a few calming breaths if she wanted to last longer than thirty seconds with her.

"Let me" Alex whispered as she pulled Olivia by the hips to her latching onto her tight throbbing bundle of nerves.

"Alex" Olivia cried out as she tried to pull Alex away from her.

"MMH" Alex hummed against Olivia's engorged clit as she flicked it with her tongue.

Olivia's body jerked when Alex hummed and flicked her clit. The fact that she didn't come at that moment was amazing. The only reason she could think of was years of holding out till her partner was satisfied.

"Let go" Alex whispered as she blew gently on Olivia's clit before flicking it with her tongue "Baby you need this as much as I do."

"Alex you…" Olivia choked out as she tried to put distance between her and the attorney.

"We have all night" Alex growled as she forcefully pulled Olivia back to her "All night."

Olivia groaned pulling Alex to her apex as she finally surrendered the fight.

Alex smiled knowing she had won this battle and quickly latched onto her clit. It was so engorged she could have sworn she felt Olivia's heartbeat in it. Alex, who was one to normally take it slow and gentle, decided it would be best to take her hard and fast. She had to make her climax before her brain started working again and stopped her.

Olivia yelped when she felt Alex's teeth graze across her super sensitive bundle of nerves. Every fiber of her being was screaming for her to pull away that this night was for Alex but her need and desire won out.

"YES ALEX" Olivia screamed as she could feel herself reaching the peak. "Harder baby please harder."

Alex hearing Olivia's demands happily sucked harder and flicked her tongue across the tip. No matter what she did Olivia would not crest over the peak. She knew that Olivia was subconsciously holding out for her benefit. That thought right there truly made her love the brunette even more.

"It's ok" Alex whispered before she pushed two fingers deep into Olivia curling them at the last moment massaging that little bulb that was hidden deep within her. Smiling at the shock that crossed on Olivia's face as she made sure she had her undivided attention as she sucked even harder on her clit.

Olivia thought her knees were going to give out the second Alex entered her and found her spot. OH god it was as if she knew instantly where it was. There was no searching, no directions needed, no nothing. It was like her fingers were instantly drawn to it. Then looking down at Alex watching her pleasure her. God she loved her more than she loved anyone ever before.

Alex hummed as she felt every muscle in Olivia's body began to tense. She knew she was so close. With one last curving of her fingers she rubbed her hidden bulb until she felt her inner walls tighten around her fingers till it was beyond painful. Carefully she eased off her pressure on her clit and began to lightly suck on it and flick it with her tongue bringing her down as easily as she could. When she felt the detectives knees buckle she quickly moved her body so she could wrap her free arm around her waist and carefully maneuver her to the bed.

Olivia gasped for air as she allowed Alex to pull her to the bed. She felt as if every muscle in her body had turned to mush. She groaned as a sudden movement to better position herself caused Alex's fingers that were still buried deep in her to move.

Alex could feel the gush of wetness our down her arm and smiled. She knew that Olivia was still primed and ready despite the fact she just had an earth shattering orgasm. She also knew Olivia well enough to know she would push her desires to the back burner to satisfy her. Despite her growing desire and need Olivia's satisfaction was most important.

"Do you want to ride my fingers baby?" Alex whispered in her ear "Do you want and need to come again."

Olivia simply nodded as her need overcame her.

Alex groaned at the pleading she saw in Olivia's eyes. She slowly began thrusting in and out of Olivia more and more turned on at the sound and feel of wetness. She had never been with a woman who was as wet as Olivia was at that moment for her.

"Alex Alex" Olivia chanted trying her hardest to get the blondes attention.

"What is it baby?" Alex asked as she increased her pressure and thrusts "What do you need?'

"You" Olivia cried out as Alex's palm hit Olivia's clit just right. "I need you."

"You have me baby." Alex choked out unable to stop the tears from falling from her eyes.

"I love you" Olivia choked out as she grabbed Alex on either side of the face pulling her to her "I love you." She whispered one more time before screaming and biting Alex's shoulder in an attempt to not wake the neighbors.

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**A/N: Who needs a cold shower? I know I do and I'm the author. LOL. I know I don't say it enough but thank you, thank you, and thank you. Oh and thank you again. You guys are truly fantastic. **


	87. Making Love

**A/N: I want to thank everyone for waiting so patiently on this chapter. I had to make sure it was just right. I hope everyone enjoys.**

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Alex carefully brought Olivia down from her earth shattering orgasm. She slowly pulled her fingers from her tight sheath and smiled up at Olivia when she realized that her glass eyes were somewhat focused on her. She couldn't begin to tell you where her courage came from other than the fact she was with Olivia but she smiled as she slowly, teasingly, brought her fingers to her mouth and sucked them clean. She closed her eyes and moaned as she wrapped her tongue around them licking and sucking ever piece of Olivia's essence off her fingers that she could. She finally opened her eyes and was met with Olivia's smoldering gaze.

"Come here" Olivia choked out as she lightly pulled on Alex's arm smiling when she quickly moved to accommodate her.

"Yes" Alex whispered.

"You are so beautiful." Olivia said as she pushed a piece of hair behind her ear and pulled her to her their mouths meeting in a kiss that was as sensual as it was sexual. Olivia moaning at the taste of herself on Alex's lips and Alex at the care and gentleness Olivia was taking with her.

Alex blushed and looked away gasping "No I'm not."

"Hey look at me." Olivia said in a gentle tone as she guided Alex's face back to look at her "Yes you are. You are so beautiful."

"Thank you." Alex mumbled her eyes down casted.

Olivia inhaled deeply as she used her weight to push Alex over and on her back and roll over on top of her.

"You ok?" Olivia asked when she heard Alex gasp and tense up.

Alex nodded with her eyes clenched shut.

"Alex open your eyes and look at me." Olivia urged as she caressed her face.

Alex forced her eyes open and felt the air catch in her throat. In the past when she opened her eyes she would always see Jess above her smirking and laughing at her. Her voice ringing loud in her ears telling her what a terrible lover she was. This time when she opened her eyes instead of seeing Jess she was looking at Olivia her detective. Her Detective, the thought hit her like a ton of bricks. Olivia was hers and hers alone. She would never treat her or hurt her the way Jess had. She would never have to fear for her safety with her. She would always be cherished, worshipped, and honored the way a woman should be with her. She pulled Olivia to her kissing her hoping to convey everything she felt at that moment without talking.

Olivia accepted Alex's tongue into her mouth sucking on it slightly as she held her face with her right hand running her thumb across her cheek. From the moment Alex opened her eyes to the second she pulled her to her she could tell something was different. There was a sudden spark in her eyes, a spark that Olivia hadn't seen in her eyes in a long time. Reluctantly Olivia pulled back when her lungs began burning with a need for oxygen.

"Let me love you." Olivia whispered half as a statement and half as a question.

Alex nodded in agreement.

Olivia choked back the tears she felt forming as she placed feather like kisses all over her faces in no particular order and on occasion she could place a kiss each time a with a little more pressure on her lips.

"You're an angel" Olivia whispered into Alex's right ear as she began to kiss her along her jaw line to her left ear "My angel."

Olivia pulled back and took one last look into Alex's eyes. Not seeing any fear or hesitation she continued down her neck to her collar bone. She licked the area she had marked earlier smirking when Alex arched into the touch. From right to left she kissed every inch of her collar bone until she reached her shoulders.

"Such strong arms." Olivia mumbled between kisses as she made her way down her left arm. Not leaving one inch of skin untouched "Such beautiful creamy skin. Almost porcelain like."

She took each finger, starting with the pinkie, in her mouth and sucked on it gently. Taking her time to look up at Alex and smile as she twirled her tongue around each digit.

Alex felt like every inch of her body was on fire. She wanted to urge and push Olivia to where she needed her. The ache between her legs becoming more and more prominent with each kiss, but she couldn't. No one had ever taken the time with her the way that Olivia was.

Olivia winked at Alex as she raised her body and shifted her weight so she could work on her right arm the same as the left arm. She had to bite her inner cheek to keep from groaning when Alex lifted her body and pressed her soaked folds against her. There was nothing more she wanted than to make Alex scream her name over and over again but she refused to give in. Alex more than deserved to be worshipped in the bed as well as out of the bed.

"Olivia" Alex cried out.

"Yeah baby its me." Olivia answered in a calm voice.

"Please please." Alex pleaded as she raised her hips trying to get the connection she craved more than anything.

"In time my love in time." Olivia whispered laying a kiss on her hip before taking Alex's fingers on her right hand in her mouth one at a time. She licked, sucked, and nipped each finger till Alex was writhing with need. Taking pity on the blonde she made her way back up her arm till she was looking her in the eyes.

"I love you Alex." Olivia whispered over come with emotion "I've loved you since the moment you strutted into the precinct and will till the day they lay me in the ground."

Alex cried out as she ran her nails up Olivia's back then held her tight against her. The words she heard were music to her ears.

Olivia inhaled Alex's scent and felt the calm she always felt near her. The calm she needed to make this last the way she wanted to. She pulled back taking one last look at her angel before wagging her eyebrows and scooting down the bed some.

Alex couldn't help but laugh when Olivia wagged her eyebrows at her. Of course her biting her lower lip and masking her face with that of an innocent smile helped to.

"These are like perfect sized apples." Olivia whispered as she cupped both of Alex's breast's with her hands "Fitting perfectly in my hands. They were made just for me"

Alex arched into Olivia's touch as she began to carefully knead each breast. She thought she was going to die of need if Olivia took any longer and that fact was confirmed when she took her nipple in her mouth.

Olivia took the rosy bud that was standing at attention into her mouth and flicked her tongue across it. She smiled and bit it gently when Alex cried out and arched into her touch even more. Finally taking pity on the attorney she took the bud in her mouth and sucked on it gently till she released it with a pop. She smiled down at her work and blew air across it watching it become tighter. So tight that she knew it had to be painful bliss for Alex.

She glanced up at Alex and then to her other breast and back up. Her need taking over she quickly grabbed it in her mouth and sucked it hard flicking her tongue across the tight bud in her mouth as she tried to pull more and more into her mouth.

"GOD YES." Alex cried out as she buried her hand in Olivia's hair and encouraged her on. The way she was ravishing her breast was going to send her over the edge. Not to mention she could feel herself becoming so wet that it was dripping down her legs. IF she didn't get release soon she was going to take matters in her own hands. "Please baby please."

"Please what?" Olivia asked as she nipped the span of skin between Alex's breast and soothe the ache with her tongue. "Please what?"

"I need you" Alex cried as she tried to push her down to where she wanted her.

"You have me my love you have me." Olivia whispered as she began to make her way down Alex's flat stomach. "You have me"

Alex sighed with some relief as Olivia started to make her way down. Maybe she could finally get the relief she so desperately craved and needed.

Olivia nipped, sucked, and licked her way down Alex's body smirking when Alex spread her legs even more to accommodate her. The full smell of her arousal hit her like a ton of bricks when she slowly kissed her way down her right leg and then made her way back up her left not leaving a patch of skin untouched by her lips or her fingertips. She took a deep breath as she settled herself between Alex's legs.

"Wow someone is so wet." Olivia said as she blew air across Alex's soaked folds.

Alex bucked and tried to push Olivia's head to her aching bundle of nerves.

Olivia smiled up at Alex and carefully ran her tongue through her drenched folds placing her hands on her hips to keep them in place. She pulled back and swallowed the generous portion of liquid that had just coated her tongue before going in for another swipe and then another.

"Yes please yes" Alex chanted as she held Olivia in place this woman was a goddess with her tongue.

Olivia moaned as her face was coated with Alex's wetness. She latched onto her swollen clit and sucked on it for a minute but stopped when she realized how close to the edge Alex was. She had no desire to torture Alex and keep her on the edge. What she did desire was to look into her eyes as she came this time.

"No please." Alex cried out as Olivia pulled away.

"Shh baby" Olivia whispered as she pulled herself back up the length of Alex "Relax I want to see you."

Olivia ran two fingers up and down Alex's folds getting them soaked. "Look at me" Olivia said waiting till Alex was looking at her before inserting two fingers slowly stopping ever so often to allow Alex to adjust to the intrusion. She continued in a slow tantalizing pace till she was fully embedded in Alex.

"Alex are you ok?" Olivia asked forcing herself to remain still.

"More than ok" Alex moaned as she began to move her hips removing Olivia's fingers then slowly taking them back in "More than ok."

Olivia smiled as she took over the pace. She continued in a slow easy manner not wanting to scare or hurt Alex. Slowly moving her fingers out till just the tips remained and then just as slowly pushing them back in curving them as she buried herself deep in Alex massaging the tight bulb straightening her palm so that with every thrust in she would rub against her clit.

"Please Olivia more a little harder please." Alex cried as she tried to increase the temp of Olivia's thrust.

Olivia groaned as she thrust back in harder this time rubbing hard against her clit while she massaged her deep inside feeling her silken walls clench around her fingers.

"OH GOD' Alex screamed as she pushed against Olivia's shoulder then pulled her tight to her as she wrapped her legs around Olivia's waist holding her in place pumping against her hand milking every ounce of her orgasm. "God stop no don't stop oh god DON'T STOP."

Olivia continued to massage her bulb and rub her clit the best she could with as tight as Alex was holding her. Watching her come undone like that was amazing. To know that she trusted her enough to fully let go brought tears to her eyes. When she felt Alex's walls start to release some of the pressure she began to ease up on her, slowly and carefully bringing her back down. Once she felt her inner muscles relax she began to slowly pull out.

"No don't" Alex cried as she pushed Olivia's hand back in screaming as a second orgasm hit her. Her hips pumping against Olivia's hand as she held it in place riding out her orgasm. When the last wave hit her she fell back and gasped for air removing her hand from where she held Olivia in place.

Olivia waited a few minutes allowing all her muscle contractions to subside before she slowly pulled her fingers out. She had just cleared Alex's beautiful entrance when Alex took a hold of her wrist and guided her hand to her mouth. With the last bit of strength Alex had she sucked Olivia's fingers clean moaning at the taste of herself.

"I love you too Olivia." Alex said with a sigh as she released Olivia's fingers smiling at the woman who not only somehow wormed her way into her heart but made her feel so safe no matter what. The woman who she knew just put every need she had to the back burner to make sure she was more than satisfied.

Olivia fought to keep the tears at bay as she rolled off of Alex and onto her side pulling her tight against her. She kissed her shoulder, her neck, and her head as she kicked the blanket up to cover them both.

"Just rest Alex" Olivia whispered into her ear "When you wake up I promise I will be right here holding you."

Alex sighed as she snuggled into Olivia's embrace closing her eyes realizing for the first time in a long time she may finally have a peaceful night sleep without visions of Jess.


	88. Morning After

Alex woke up and felt the panic rising in her. She was trapped and unable to get free. She tried to take a few deep breaths to calm herself but was unable to.

"Alex it's just me" Olivia whispered when she felt Alex began to shake wanting to tighten her hold on her but scared it would frighten her even more.

"The blanket can't move." Alex said through panicked breaths.

"Ok" Olivia said as she rolled off the bed and threw the blanket back and off Alex "Better?"

Alex nodded as she took some deep breaths trying to calm herself now that she was able to move.

"Can I lay back down next to you?" Olivia asked

"Please."

Olivia smiled at Alex as she carefully stretched back out next to Alex loosely laying her arm across Alex. She took a deep breath and released it when Alex grabbed her hand and pulled it tight around her and snuggled in tighter to her embrace.

"I'm sorry." Alex mumbled as she brought Olivia's hand up to her mouth and kissed it "I woke up and was pinned by the blanket I couldn't move or break free."

"Hey it's ok" Olivia whispered as she kissed her head "I didn't think about that. I got to hot and rolled out from under the covers but you started shivering so I tucked the blanket around you and curled up against you. I didn't want you to be cold."

"I wouldn't have been shivering if my personal heater had stayed next to me under the covers." Alex said sighing.

"Well excuse me princess." Olivia said laughing as she tickled Alex "But your personal heater was starting to sweat."

"Well" Alex said rolling over to face Olivia moving Olivia's arm so that is was under her and Olivia could still hold her tight against her. "I guess I can forgive you this time but don't let it happen again."

"I promise you Alex" Olivia whispered as she pushed a few stray strands of hair out of her eyes "I won't tuck the blanket around you like that again ok."

"I meant you not staying by me." Alex said smiling at Olivia "Just because you were getting to hot was no reason to get out from underneath the covers."

"Yes ma'am" Olivia said with laughter in her voice as she pulled Alex tight to her.

Alex sighed as she buried her head into the crook of Olivia's neck and kissed her neck before closing her eyes. Why couldn't she have met Olivia before Jess? Why couldn't she have experienced so much love and safety and never know the terror of being tortured on a daily basis? It would have been nice real nice.

"Alex are you ok?" Olivia asked feeling the tears against her shoulder.

Alex shook her head and took a deep breath willing the tears to stop.

"Baby talk to me." Olivia said pulling back to look down at Alex "Please don't shut me out now."

"It's nothing." Alex mumbled trying to unsuccessfully roll away.

"If you're crying it's not nothing at least not to me. Now please tell me what's wrong?" Olivia said taking a deep breath before continuing with the question she dreaded the answer to "Do you regret last night?"

"What" Alex said sitting up quickly grabbing the blanket to cover herself "I can never and will never regret last night."

"Then talk to me. What is bothering you? Did I hurt you in some way? Do you want me to leave? What is it?"

"Olivia" Alex choked out as she turned to face Olivia "You didn't hurt me. Last night was the best night of my life and possibly the best sexual experience I have ever had."

"I hear a but coming" Olivia said closing her eyes hoping to calm the dread she was starting to feel. She knew she should have stopped and not proceeded but the need that was showing through Alex's eyes told her everything she needed to know. Shall she say at least she thought it did? Thinking back now maybe she had read all the signs wrong. If that was the case she wanted to crawl up in a hole and die.

"There is no but, well maybe a small one." Alex said pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them in a protective gesture.

Olivia swallowed hard and fought to keep her emotions under control. She had to keep them under control until she made it out of the room at least. The last thing she ever wanted was for Alex to think that she had hurt her or worse that she regretted it. Lord knew the last thing Olivia wanted was to look over and see the pain she knew was waiting for her in Alex's baby blue eyes.

"You know Alex" Olivia said in what she hoped was a calm voice even though she could tell it wasn't."It's ok. I understand more than you know. I'm going to go take a shower."

"I don't understand" Alex crying.

"Alex I'm giving you the out here." Olivia said with her back to her "I'm going to go take a shower. It will give you time to leave and I can meet you downstairs in about an hour." Olivia hung her head hating to say the next words that were about to come out of her mouth "If it helps you, or makes it better, we can just pretend that last night didn't happen."

"I don't understand" Alex cried as she reached out and stopped Olivia "Why couldn't I have met you before her? Why did I have to suffer through everything? It's not fair."

Olivia quickly pulled Alex against her and rocked her gently as her body was racked with sobs.

"Shh its ok I promise you." Olivia whispered as she gently kissed her head "It will all be ok."

"Why? Though why?"

"I don't know Alex. I wish I did. I wish I knew what turned people into the monsters that I deal with daily. If we could figure it out then I wouldn't and you wouldn't have to know the terror. Maybe just maybe we could stop it before it happened and spare everyone the pain. Until that happens we will always ask why."

Alex nodded against Olivia's chest as slowly gained control of her emotions. She couldn't help but think this was probably the last way Olivia wanted to spend the morning after. Hell it was the last way she wanted to spend the morning after and she started it.

"Come on baby just rest some more" Olivia whispered as she felt Alex's breathing start to calm and pulled the blanket up around them.

"For the record detective" Alex said as she tightened her hold on Olivia sighing "I will never regret last night."

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**A/N: Not the morning after you expected? I have to keep you on your toes. I was looking over this story and have to say wow. Over 827 reviews I don't say it enough but thank you so much for reading my stories. You guys are the greatest I swear.**


	89. Waking up again

"Are you enjoying yourself?' Olivia asked stretching.

"I am" Alex said with laughter in her voice "I had no clue that your muscles are so well designed. I know men who would give anything to have a set of abs like this. Besides I do believe this is a better way to wake up then having to deal with a panic attack. Don't you?"

"No this is." Olivia said as she turned Alex's face up and kissed her.

Alex moaned into the kiss as she slid her hand up along Olivia's body till it was resting on her right shoulder. Closing her eyes she pushed against Olivia and broke the kiss.

"You ok?" Olivia asked suddenly terrified that she had pushed Alex too far too fast.

"I am more than fine detective." Alex almost purred as she straddled Olivia and smiled down at the brown hair beauty. "I owe it all to you."

"You owe me nothing Alex."

"You may not think so but I do." Alex whispered as she grazed her nails along her collar bone. "

"What is that you think you owe me?" Olivia asked swallowing hard.

"Hmm" Alex breathed as she ran her finger along Olivia's face "There is so much to name but most importantly my life or should I say giving me back my life."

Olivia opened her mouth to say something but stopped when Alex's placed her finger on it and shook her head no.

"For so long I have been terrified to step out of my apartment and when I did I was constantly looking over my shoulder. There were times that I would sit in my bed with a bat across my knees shaking in terror believing that any moment she would come through my door and attack me again. Often times I would stay up for days at a time, I was never really sure what was worse, waiting on her to attack me or the nightmares I would have if I did sleep. Now, now I'm not terrified to go outside and enjoy all the sights that New York has to offer even though I was raised here. Now, when I go to bed I no longer sit up with a bat or fight sleep because of the nightmares. Now when I lay down I actually sleep. That Olivia is all because of you. You have given me my life back."

Alex removed her finger and leaned down to kiss Olivia once again. She knew at that moment that kissing this woman and making love to her would be something that she would ever tire of. It was something that she realized she never wanted to stop doing either.

Alex broke the kiss when her lungs began screaming for air. Taking a deep breath in she began to explore Olivia's body much like she had done to her. She kissed and nipped her way down to her hand and then made her way over to the other hand before nipping and kissing her way back up the opposite arm.

"Lay back and relax for me." Alex whispered into Olivia's ear "I want to show you how much you mean to me, please roll over."

Olivia nodded, taking a deep breath trying to will her body to relax as she rolled over groaning when she felt Alex straddle her lower back.

"You are always so tense." Alex whispered into her ear as she laid against her back reaching to open the drawer to her left grabbing a bottle of lotion. "You should try to relax more."

"Kind of hard with my line of work" Olivia mumbled into the pillow.

"I'm going to fix that." Alex answered as she sat up and popped the top on the lotion generously pouring some in her hand. Alex rubbed her hands together before she began to massage the constant knots on Olivia's shoulders.

Olivia groaned at the feel of Alex working the knots out of her shoulder.

Alex smiled and leaned down to kiss the shoulder she had just worked two very large knots out of before moving down her back taking her time at each knot she encountered until there was nothing there.

"I have never met someone with such tone and muscular legs." Alex exclaimed as she began to massage Olivia's legs.

"I work out." Olivia moaned

"Flip over" Alex said laughing.

Olivia flipped over and closed her eyes simply enjoying the feel of Alex's hands on her.

Alex continued her assault up Olivia's body amazed at the amount of tension that one body could carry. No wonder Olivia always seemed like a highly coiled body ready to strike at any given moment.

"How does that feel?" Alex whispered into her ear once she had worked her way back up Olivia's gorgeous body.

"That felt like heaven." Olivia mumbled not opening her eyes "Pure heaven."

"I'm glad." Alex whispered against Olivia's shoulder before biting it gently.

Olivia gasped at the sudden bite and then moaned when she felt Alex sooth it with her tongue. She had just stilled her sudden beating heart when Alex continued her assault with her mouth southward.

Alex pulled back and licked her lips as she stared at the taunt bud that was aching for her attention. With a devious grin she slowly lowered her self and pulled it into her mouth, pulling at it with her teeth before releasing it and flicking it with her tongue. She hummed when she took it in her mouth and sucked on it as hard as she could.

Olivia screamed out when Alex hummed against the already over sensitive nipple. She had to grab the sheets to prevent herself from tangling her hands in Alex's hair and holding her in place.

"Looks like someone is so primed and ready." Alex said as she kissed her way to the other nipple flicking her tongue across it.

"Please" Olivia begged as she arched higher off the bed.

Alex closed her eyes and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. To hear Olivia beg and know that she was the cause of her begging was almost more than she could handle. Taking a deep breath Alex pulled the tight straining bud into her mouth and sucked on it. Occasionally flicking her tongue across it or biting down on it depending on the sound she heard coming from Olivia.

"Baby please please" Olivia cried as she arched her body trying to receive the contact she so desperately needed.

Alex released the nipple she had in her mouth with a pop. "What is it you need my love?" She asked as she blew gently across the nipple causing it to become even more taunt and aching with need. The same need she felt coating her leg when she placed it between Olivia's legs.

Olivia groaned as she ground herself against Alex's knee finally receiving the pressure and connection she needed. She threw her head back and cried out as she reached for Alex. God she was so close.

"Not yet." Alex whispered into Olivia's ear as she pulled her knee away breaking the contact.

"Please Alex I need.." Olivia sobbed out as she raised her hips off the bed seeking contact once again and being denied it.

"What do you need my love?" Alex asked flicking the swollen clit with her finger as she ran her finger through Olivia's soaked folds.

"I need release" Olivia said opening her eyes locking them with Alex's blue ones.

"Do you now?" Alex asked as she raised her finger so Olivia could see how drenched it was with her juices before taking it in her mouth and sucking it clean.

Olivia grabbed Alex's hand and tried to push her in the direction that she wanted her.

"Do you know how good you taste?" Alex asked pulling her hand away not letting Olivia guide her to where she wanted.

Olivia clenched her eyes shut in what could almost be described as desperation.

"I bet" Alex said as she scooted down the bed and settled between Olivia's legs taking time to inhale the aroma that seemed to engulf the whole room "You are going to taste even better when you come in my mouth."

Olivia's eyes shot open and she raised her head to look at Alex. She opened her mouth to tell Alex its ok when all that could come out was a strangled cry of pleasure.

Alex waited till the words registered and Olivia was looking at her before running her tongue through Olivia's folds. She knew Olivia would try to stop her but she so badly wanted to do this for Olivia. She needed to do this for Olivia.

Olivia grabbed for the sheets and clenched them tight in her hand till it was almost painful for her.

Alex glanced up and saw the death grip that Olivia had on her sheets and she could have sworn she just fell in love with the brunette even more at that moment. She knew she was doing that for her safety and comfort which made what she going to do next even easier.

"Alex" Olivia choked out trying to pull against the blonde when she realized she had pulled her hand away from the sheets and placed it on the back of her head.

"I trust you' Alex said locking eyes with questioning brown ones. "Guide me, show me what you want."

Time seemed to stand still for the two women as they stared at each other. Silently encouraging the other to do what would make the other happy. Finally Olivia relented and tangled her fingers into Alex's head and pulled her into her aching core where she held her in place.

Alex groaned when Olivia finally gave in and pulled her to her. What should have terrified turned her on because she knew she was beyond safe with Olivia. She inhaled deeply before she flicked Olivia's clit with her tongue smirking when Olivia's hips bucked off the bed.

"Baby." Olivia cried out as she tightened and released her hold in Alex's hair.

Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia's legs holding her hips in place as she went to work on her soaked core. Never had she wanted and needed to tasted a woman as she did Olivia at that very moment. She flicked and sucked on her clit moaning at the taste that flooded her mouth. She knew Olivia was close by how tight she was beginning to hold her hair.

"I want you to let go" Alex whispered against Olivia's leg "Let go for me."

Olivia's only response was a moan as she tried to pull Alex back to where she desperately needed her.

Alex pulled her clit in her mouth and began to suck on it as she slowly circled it with her tongue. With each pass she could feel the muscles in her legs twitching more and that tell tale hitch in her breath. Wanting to send her over the edge and do for her what she has done for her Alex moaned and hummed as she sucked even harder and pressed against her clit rubbing it with her tongue.

"YESSSSSS" Olivia screamed as she felt the first wave crash over her. "Please don't stop."

"MMHH" Alex moaned as she continued her assault on Olivia. God she loved how the woman tasted and even more than that she loved how she sounded when she came.

"Alex" Olivia cried as she arched her back and the scream caught in her throat. She tightened her grip on Alex's head but let go when she realized how tight she was holding her against her.

Alex carefully brought Olivia down from her high lightening the pressure she held on her clit with each stroke of her tongue. She didn't pull away completely until Olivia finally laid back on the bed gasping for air. With one last gentle kiss to her lips she quickly made her way up Olivia's body so she could look in her eyes.

"Hey" Olivia said her voice hoarse as she brushed a few strands of hair that was matted to Alex's forehead away.

"Hey yourself." Alex whispered placing a gentle kiss on each eyelid.

"Are you..I didn't…Did I?" Olivia asked searching Alex's eyes for the answer to the question she was terrified to ask.

"You were perfect." Alex answered smiling as she settled down next to Olivia laying her head on her chest "Just perfect."

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**A/N: I checked the stats on this story and found myself utterly amazed. 883 Reviews, 72 favorites, and 164 following the story. All from a story that I was afraid that everyone would shun since I turned the strong, independent Alex cabot into an abuse survivor. There are not enough words to say thank you for giving this story a chance. **


	90. Punishment

"Thank you for last night," Alex whispered as she gently kissed Olivia on the cheek and quietly left the bedroom.

Olivia remained in bed, keeping her breathing as even as she could as Alex exited room. She opened her eyes and stared at the door that the woman she loved more than anything had just walked out. She had hoped that last night would be more than a one-time thing, but all evidence pointed to the contrary. Taking a deep breath, she rolled out of bed and decided to take a hot shower in hopes of gaining control of her emotions before facing Alex outside the bedroom.

"Feeling better?" Alex asked as Olivia walked out of the bathroom drying her hair.

Olivia looked up and stared at Alex, "You're here."

"It is my house; where else would you expect me to be?" Alex asked, holding a cup of coffee out to Olivia.

"I thought you had snuck out," Olivia answered, smiling as she took the cup of coffee, "I thought you were trying to gracefully exit and, maybe, wanted to pretend last night never happened or that it was a one-time event."

"Not a chance, detective," Alex said laughing, "I don't know about you, but I am starving and was quite thirsty. So, I ordered some lunch…"

"Lunch?"

"Yeah, lunch, it is after eleven."

"Oh."

"So, I ordered lunch and fixed some coffee. I was going to be sweet and surprise you in bed with the coffee, but someone was already up and in the shower."

"Lesson number one," Olivia said as she sat her coffee cup on the nightstand and quickly pinned Alex to the bed without thinking, "I am a light sleeper. So, the second you moved and left the room, I was awake, but when you said thank you for last night I thought it would be best to pretend to still be asleep. "

"I'm sorry," Alex choked out.

"You never have to apologize to me, for anything."

"Please, I'm so sorry," Alex pleaded, "I won't do it again. Please, don't."

"Alex, relax, you're with me," Olivia whispered as she quickly rolled off Alex and cussed herself for not thinking and scaring Alex, "Baby, its' ok."

"I'm sorry. Please don't, please."

"Alex," Olivia said in as calm of a voice as she could, "I need you to take a deep breath, you're safe and here with me. Jess is nowhere around. She's in jail and can never hurt you again."

"I didn't mean to leave the bed," Alex cried, not hearing Olivia, "I'm sorry. I forgot to ask permission."

"Deep breaths," Olivia repeated as she moved to the end of the bed to look at Alex. She could tell by the look in her eyes that she was far from being out of the flashback, "You're safe."

Alex cried as she stood and removed her shirt, knowing what type of punishment she would have to endure for not asking permission first.

Olivia saw red when she saw Alex's back, the scars that covered her back from repeated beatings at the hands of Jess. If some jack ass on the jury voted not guilty and let her walk, Olivia was going to make damn sure to drop her where she stood at the defense table, consequences damned.

Alex gripped the headboard of the bed and hung her head. She tried to prepare herself for the pain she knew was to come even though no matter what she was never prepared for it. After a few minutes she broke the rules and chanced a look over her shoulder to see why she hadn't received her punishment.

"Alex," Olivia whispered, trying her hardest not to cry, "You're safe and here with me. I will never hurt you. I swear to you, I will never hurt you. Try to relax and take deep breaths."

"Please," Alex pleaded, just wanting to get the punishment over with, "Please, just do it."

"Alex, listen to my voice, honey. I will never hurt you. You are here with me, Olivia, not Jess."

Alex felt the tears fall from her eyes and gripped the headboard tighter. Why wasn't she beating her yet? Why was she trying to drag the punishment out? Was this another form of torture that she loved?

"Alex, I need you to look at me," Olivia whispered, no longer trying to stop the tears that flowed from her eyes, "Please, baby, please look at me."

Alex felt her whole body shake with terror.

"Alex, look at me. Please look at me, Alex."

Alex trembled and dropped her head. If Jess wasn't beating her yet, she knew that meant she was going to torture her sexually. She slowly turned over and laid down, clenching her eyes shut preparing for the pain that was to come.

"Alex," Olivia said as she slowly walked up the side of the bed so she could look at her. "Please open your eyes and look at me."

Alex slowly opened her eyes and stared at Jess. She hated it when she forced her to watch her, to see the happiness that would cross her face when she tortured her.

"I'm not Jess," Olivia said as she fought the urge to reach out and caress Alex's face in hopes to calm her, "Take a deep breath, Alex, and look at me. It's Olivia."

Alex blinked as she continued to stare at Olivia, slowly everything started to come into focus.

Olivia smiled when she started to see Alex recognize her surroundings.

"Hey beautiful, just listen to my voice and focus on me," Olivia continued to coach, "You're safe now and she will ever hurt you again."

"Oh god," Alex grabbed the blanket and covered herself quickly.

"Take a deep breath," Olivia whispered as she continued to smile at Alex, "It's ok."

"I'm sorry," Alex cried.

"Alex?"

"Yes?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm in your bedroom, making a complete fool of myself."

"Yes and no," Olivia said cautiously coming closer, "Can I sit down?"

"It's your room," Alex said as she scooted over.

"Ok, how about will you be ok if I sat down?"

Alex shook her head and looked away. She jerked when Olivia placed a blanket around her back and draped it over her shoulders.

"I'm not trying to scare you," Olivia whispered as she moved away, "You're shivering and I'm not sure if it's because your cold or that your still terrified."

"Both," Alex sobbed out as she grabbed the blanket and pulled it tight against her.

"I wasn't thinking, Alex, and I'm sorry," Olivia finally said after a few minutes of silence.

"Why are you apologizing? You're not the one who had the flashback and ruined the moment."

"No, but I'm the one that caused it by pinning you to the bed," Olivia sighed as she ran her hand through her still damp hair, "I wasn't thinking, Alex, and I am so sorry about that."

"This is why I have…" Alex started to say, but was cut off by Olivia.

"Do not finish that statement," Olivia ordered, turning so she could look at Alex, "Do not even began to say it. I am tired of hearing it. I don't care how many damn flashbacks or nightmares we have to face. I don't care if it's a battle we fight till the day we die, but do not tell me to go and find someone else. Especially after all that we shared last night, unless it meant less to you then it did to me."

"Never."

"Then stop saying that because if I wanted other women, I would have them. I would have continued to date after you started with our division, but instead I stopped dating all together. Why? It's simple because I knew from the first time I shook your hand that you were special and, as cliché as it sounds, I started falling for you at that moment and I haven't stopped yet. So, do not sit there and tell me I need to find someone else because you have a few flashbacks. Instead, let me help you fight them, each and every one. Let me be the one you wake up in the middle of the night, screaming. Please, Alex, let me be there for you every step of the way."

"Liv," Alex choked out as she struggled to swallow past the lump in her throat.

"Yeah?"

"Will you hold me?"

"You never have to ask, baby," Olivia answered with a smile on her face as she opened up her arms for her to crawl into.

Alex nodded as she quickly crawled into Olivia's waiting arms. She sighed when she felt Olivia take the blanket and wrap it loosely around her so she wouldn't feel trapped. At that moment, being held in the arms of the woman who loved her she knew she was as safe as could be.

* * *

**A/N: Remember with me always expect the unexpected. **


	91. Telling More

Alex jumped when she heard someone knocking on the door, looking around, panicked.

"Relax, baby," Olivia whispered as she continued to rub soothing circles over her back, "You ordered lunch."

"Oh," Alex whispered, almost so low Olivia had to strain to hear her, "I guess I need to go get it."

"Stay here," Olivia said as she carefully placed her on the bed and kissed her forehead before standing, "I will go and get it. You just rest."

"My wallet is in my purse," Alex said as she nodded in agreement.

Olivia smiled as she discretely grabbed her wallet from the dresser and headed down the stairs. She opened the door and apologized to the delivery man for taking so long as she paid him. She had just shut the door and turned around to head back up stairs when she stopped in her tracks.

"I thought I would come down here," Alex said with a shaky voice, "Is that ok?"

"We can eat anywhere you want to," Olivia answered, once again cussing Jess for conditioning Alex the way she had and wishing she had killed her when she had the chance.

"Thank you," Alex answered as she meekly sat down, almost scared to look at Olivia.

Olivia carefully sat next to Alex, gauging her reactions out of the corner of her eyes as she sat the food out on the coffee table. Without saying a word, Alex quietly picked up her container of Chinese and began to eat, occasionally glancing at Olivia as if she was waiting for her to yell at her or punish her.

"Do you want to go lay down?" Olivia asked when she noticed Alex had finished her lunch and was sitting on the other end of the couch, shaking.

"If that's what you want," Alex answered automatically as she stood and started to slowly walk toward the stairs.

"Stop," Olivia ordered in a voice harsher than she meant to use.

"Yes, ma'am," Alex said as she hung her head, jerking at the tone used.

"Alex, who are you with right now?" Olivia asked in a softer voice.

"You."

"Who am I?"

"Olivia," Alex answered as she turned to face her with tears in her eyes.

"Then, why are you scared? Are you scared of me?"

"No."

"Then I need you to talk to me. I need you to tell me what you need me to do."

"How can you still look at me?" Alex asked wrapping her arms around herself in a protective gesture.

"What are you talking about?" Olivia asked as she carefully moved closer "Why wouldn't I still want to look at you?"

"You saw the marks. You saw how ugly I am and why she couldn't stand to look at me."

"No, what I see is a very strong and beautiful woman," Olivia answered as she leaned down so she could look into Alex's eyes, "One that I love just as much, if not more so, as I did last night when I made love to her."

"How?"

"How what?"

"How can you see me as a beautiful woman? Not someone who you find disgusting, like she did."

"We will start with the obvious and point out that I'm not her. This may come out sounding wrong, so please here me out before you judge or run away, okay?"

Alex nodded her head in agreement.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What some men and women find as beautiful, others do not. To me, you are the most beautiful woman who has ever walked the earth. Even if every inch of your body was scarred, you would still be the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth, to me, that I love. That is simply because external beauty is only skin deep, but your internal beauty, what I see every time I look at you, that's what is truly breath taking. Alex that is what I love more than anything."

Olivia took the final step closer to Alex and gently caressed her cheeks, wiping the tears that

were falling from her eyes.

Alex leaned into the touch and closed her eyes.

Smiling, Olivia allowed her hand to trail down Alex's arm taking her hand and gently pulling her against her body, wrapping her arms around her.

Alex sighed as she laid her head on Olivia's chest.

"Come on, Alex," Olivia whispered into the golden blonde hair, "Let's go stretch out on the couch."

Alex nodded and allowed herself to be guided to the couch.

"Why don't you find us something to watch?" Olivia said as she handed Alex the remote once she was situated on the couch and was sure that Alex wouldn't have another flashback.

"What do you want to watch?"

"Anything, you pick," Olivia said as she took the blanket and covered them with it.

"I used to have to ask for permission to do anything," Alex said after almost thirty minutes of silence, having settled on a talk show that neither was interested in, "If I didn't, she would beat me, sometimes with her fists and other times with whatever she could grab. Although, she really loved the sound the belt made as it smacked across my flesh."

Olivia pulled Alex tighter against her, laying a kiss on her shoulder.

"I would try to do nice things like surprise her with breakfast in bed or bring her some coffee and she would get so mad. She would often come down to the kitchen wanting to know what right I thought I had to leave the room without asking. I would cry and try to explain that I only wanted to surprise her. She would laugh at me, with this laugh that could make a murderer's blood run cold, and say why would I want a surprise from a worthless bitch like you? A nice surprise would be for you to be quiet when I fucked you. Do you know how hard it is to fuck a slut like you, when all you will do is scream and cry?"

Olivia could feel the rage rush through her body hearing how Jess would treat Alex.

"I remember, one time, I came down for a glass of water," Alex whispered as she began to stare at a spot on the wall, "She came down the stairs so mad that I didn't ask for permission first. She knocked the glass out of my hand and smacked me so hard I stumbled back. Then, she grabbed me by my hair and dragged me back to the bedroom, ripping the shirt off me that I was wearing. She forced me on to the bed and onto my hands and knees. Before I could prepare myself, she took the leather belt she kept in the drawer and struck me across my back. I screamed so loud and rolled away, I knew that first hit had broken skin and I was bleeding. That was the wrong thing to do because she jerked me back over and tied me to the bed, so I couldn't get away. Once she was certain I couldn't escape, she started hitting me with the belt over and over again. I remember her stopping and I dropped my head sobbing, I was so happy she was finished."

"She wasn't?" Olivia asked, trying her best to keep her voice as calm as possible.

"Not even close. She had gotten tired of hearing me scream, so she took the gag she would use when she raped me and gagged me. She jerked my head back and said it was hard to concentrate when all she could hear was my screams. She forced it into my mouth and tied it so tight that I thought it would leave marks on my face. She stepped back and smiled, she smiled, then said that's the only way a slut should ever be, on all fours with her mouth full. The only thing that would make it better was if my mouth was full of her cock. Then she got that look in her eye and I knew it was over. For over half the day, she had me tied to the bed, like that, raping me over and over again."

"It's okay, honey," Olivia whispered as she ran her hand up and down Alex's arm in a soothing manner, when she felt her tremble from the fear she felt.

"As if that wasn't bad enough," Alex continued on as if she never heard Olivia, "She would pull out of me and jerk the gag from my mouth. She would hold me by my hair and look at me, with what could only be described as pure happiness at what she was doing, and force herself into my mouth. She would pump in and out of my mouth as she laughed, saying that's right my little slut, take it just like that. I know how much you love to suck on it after it's been in you, how you like to gag when I force you to take every inch."

"Alex, will you look at me please?" Olivia asked as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, hoping to calm the anger that was coursing through her body. There was no denying the smile that crossed her face when she opened her eyes and was staring into what could only be described as the darkest sea of blue she had ever seen, "I am so sorry that you went through that. If I could turn back time and stop you from meeting her, to keep you from this pain, I would, believe me, I would."

"I know."

"I hope you know that, with me, you never have to ask permission for anything. I don't care what it is. I want to love you, not control you."

"I know you do," Alex said, smiling a smile that finally reached her eyes, "And that's why I love you."

* * *

**A/N: I recently reread this story just refreshing my memory and the one thing I have discovered is that after 90 chapters I have a very sick, warped, and demented mind to come up with the abuse that Alex has endured. Then it dawned on me that some of the abuse that is mentioned in this story is a mixture of multiple cases that officers had worked. Then I realized why I don't sleep with out the help of sleep aids. The demons of the night that haunts our sleep are the worse. **


	92. Surprise

**A/N: I knew from previous PM's and reviews that in some way my stories were helping you guys but I don't think I ever realized the full extent till last chapter. After my note at the end of the chapter I have received so many PM's and reviews reassuring me that I'm not as warped as I think I am but on how much this story has helped them in someway. I was truly shocked on how many I have touched with this story. As awful as it is, it is a reality to so many out there. I hope that I can continue to encourage and inspire each and everyone of you. **

* * *

Alex raised her head and glanced at her sleeping lover, smiling at the sight. After Alex had revealed more of what Jess had done to her, she didn't feel as if she could return to the bedroom, at least not at that moment. Instead, Olivia told her to find a movie and they would stay right where they were. Alex did, and in no time at all, Olivia was asleep and her steady rise and fall of her chest had calmed Alex and lulled her to sleep.

"You ok?" Olivia mumbled as she hugged Alex to her.

"Yeah," Alex said, jumping, "I'm just not use to someone that is as light of a sleeper as you are."

"Didn't mean to scare you," Olivia answered with a smile as she finally opened her eyes and looked down at Alex, "You're so beautiful."

Alex blushed and looked away at the compliment.

"What would you like to do for the rest of the evening?" Olivia asked, deciding that it would be best to change the topic.

"Would 'you' be an appropriate answer?" Alex asked, looking back at Olivia the desire and need shinning through her eyes.

Olivia groaned, seeing the look in Alex's eyes, she was certain at that moment that she would be the death of her.

"I take that as a yes," Alex whispered as she nipped Olivia's chin, "That is the best answer you could give."

Olivia let her head roll back when Alex began to assault her neck. It was taking all she had not to beg Alex to hurry it up when she started to slowly pull her t shirt off. The woman seemed to love teasing her and trying her restraint. Something that she was finding harder and harder to control each time they made love.

"How do you keep your body in such excellent shape?" Alex asked as she nipped her way down Olivia's body.

"I work out," Olivia moaned as Alex latched onto a nipple.

Alex hummed against Olivia's nipple as she sucked on it flicking it with her tongue before releasing it with a pop, "I happen to love your body," Alex purred out as she made her way to the other nipple, "And I enjoy worshipping it."

"Alex," Olivia cried out as she tangled her hand in her hair, "Please."

Alex glanced up at Olivia, hearing the pleading in her voice. The tightness of her jaw, her eyes clenched shut, and the trembling of her body that she tried to keep hidden from her. All signs that she was fighting to maintain control, something that as much as it scared her, it excited her too, the thought of Olivia losing control with her.

"What will it take for you to let go with me?" Alex whispered into Olivia's ear as she slowly moved her hand down her body, groaning when she realized how soaked and ready for her she was, "Wow, baby."

"I will never lose control with you," Olivia choked out as she gripped the couch tighter.

"You can only be so gentle with me for so long."

Olivia took a deep breath and raised her head grabbing Alex's wrist stopping her from continuing.

"Don't you want it?" Alex asked as she licked her lips and smiled a very seductive smile at Olivia.

As easy and carefully as she could, she flipped their position on the couch so that she was hovering over Alex.

Alex moaned at the feel of Olivia's body on hers.

"I can and will be gentle with you till the day you die," Olivia said, her voice so full of desire and need that it caused Alex's throat to close up with emotion.

"Baby."

"Shh," Olivia said as she pulled Alex's hand back to where it was before she had stopped her, "Together."

Alex nodded in understanding as she circled Olivia's entrance.

Olivia searched Alex's eyes for any hesitation as she slowly, and almost painfully, slid her hand into Alex's underwear. She circled her entrance, moaning at the amount of wetness she found there. Swallowing hard, she inserted two fingers deep into Alex.

Alex arched into the intrusion. She ran her free hand over Olivia's straining muscles on her back as she focused all her energy in focusing on Olivia.

Olivia growled at the feel of Alex pushing into her. God, no woman had ever had the effect on her that Alex had. There was nothing she wanted more than to take Alex, mark her, and make her hers.

Alex felt the trembling muscles in Olivia's arms as she began a slow and steady pace in and out of her. She felt her heart skip a beat when she looked into Olivia's eyes and saw nothing but love pouring from them.

"I love you, Alex," Olivia said as she locked eyes with Alex, smiling at the woman below her.

"Please, Liv."

"Please, what baby? What is it you need?"

Alex pulled Olivia down for what could only be described as a soul searching kiss.

Olivia pulled away, gasping for air. She felt like her lungs were going to explode. Her need for Alex becoming too much for her, almost consuming her, as she increased her thrusts, and the force that she was using bringing Alex closer and closer to the edge.

Alex knew that she wouldn't last much longer under Olivia's experienced fingers. With a conscious effort, she was able to maneuver her thumb to graze across Olivia's tight, swollen, bundle of nerves. She knew she had hit the jack pot when Olivia cried out throwing her head back.

"Come with me," Olivia pleaded as she gained control over herself and stared down into Alex's blue eyes, "Please, baby, please."

"Yes," Alex choked out as she matched Olivia thrust for thrust, trying her best to keep her concentration on Olivia at the same time.

Olivia curved her fingers, finding Alex's spot instantly. She carefully massaged the bulb that was hidden deep in Alex as she buried herself as deep as she could. The feel of Alex's muscles clenching around her fingers, holding her in place, causing her to cry out in pleasure was enthralling.

Alex arched into Olivia's fingers crying out when she began to massage her spot. No woman before had ever found her spot, but Olivia always went right to it. It was almost like it was a beacon that called her, and only her.

"Look at me," Olivia cried out as she stared down at the woman smiling when she did so, "I love you." She whispered as she maneuvered her thumb over her clit and circled it twice, before

Alex arched off the couch, screaming her release.

Olivia felt her body tighten up as she fell over the edge with Alex, finally collapsing onto her when her muscles no longer cooperated with her, panting for air.

"That was amazing," Alex finally said as she ran her hand up and down Olivia's back, smiling each time the muscles on her back and Olivia, herself, would jump under her finger tips.

Olivia grunted in response as she carefully removed her fingers, taking a sharp breath as Alex did the same. Taking a deep breath, she flexed her wrist and pushed herself up so she wasn't smothering Alex, "You okay?"

"I'm perfect," Alex answered, wrapping her arm around Olivia's neck pulling her against her, smiling when she gave in and buried her head into the crook of her neck. She waited until she felt Olivia's body relax and her heartbeat had slowed to a normal beat before she said the words that scared her to death.

"Olivia."

"Hmm," Olivia hummed, content to stay where she was, even though she knew she had to move and move soon before she sent Alex into a flashback.

"Move in with me."

* * *

**On a lighter note though to my reader who is assisting me with the medical portion of this story A) I need to say thank you again because who knows how far off from the truth it would be and B) I have a few more questions for you if you don't mind. **


	93. Discussing the Move

"Alex, I already live with you," Olivia said, sitting up and pulling Alex into a sitting position as well.

"I know, I mean permanently," Alex said, looking anywhere, but at Olivia, "I know you should be cleared for duty soon and I don't want you leaving. So, I was thinking I could buy out your lease and you move in here."

"No," Olivia said standing and starting to pace the living room, "I will not be a kept woman and I will not have you buying out my lease."

"I'm not saying you're a kept woman or you're going to be a kept woman," Alex explained as she watched Olivia pace the living room, "I'm just saying there's no need to go back to your apartment. I can hire some movers who can pack up your items and have them brought here."

"I'm not a kept woman, but you're going to hire a moving company to take care of my move, question, Alex." Olivia said as she stopped pacing and turned to look at her, "Am I going to live rent free here?"

"If you want to, I don't care."

"If I want to, you don't care," Olivia said, through clenched teeth as she almost towered over Alex, but stopped herself for fear of sending her into another flashback, "I'm not some charity case for you to take care of. I can pay my own way."

"Then, fine, pay me some rent," Alex stated, standing up ready to square off with Olivia if need be, "Honestly, I don't care. If it makes you feel better, you can pay me what you pay for your apartment."

"Please, I'm sure what I pay in rent doesn't even come close to what you pay monthly?"

"Actually," Alex said, smiling, "You pay more than I pay."

"How the hell do you figure?" Olivia asked, looking around, "You've been to my apartment; you see the size of it. Hell, I can probably fit my apartment in here at least twice, if not more, and you're going to stand there and tell me I pay more?"

"Yes."

"Really, is this some way to make me feel better for not being able to cover half the expenses? Tell the poor cop that you don't pay that much. Alex, I'm a lot of things and I know I have suffered some head trauma, but I'm not stupid or slow by any means."

"I never said you were or was trying to imply it either, Olivia," Alex said, taking a step closer to her despite the anger she could feel radiating off her, "You happen to be an extremely intelligent woman who doesn't give herself enough credit."

"Then, how the hell can you stand there and tell me I pay more in rent than you do?"

"Because, I bought this apartment."

"You what?"

"When I signed the lease, I had a purchase option," Alex explained, "I had originally signed a six month lease when I moved in. I wasn't sure if I was going to stay here or move from apartment to apartment. You know how it is when you are being stalked and harassed. I really liked the security features they offered, which at the time made me think she couldn't get to me. So, after my six months was up I purchased the apartment. The only monthly outgoing I have here is my utilities."

"So, what I pay the monthly utilities and we call it even?" Olivia asked.

"If that's what you want to do," Alex answered, smiling again, "I will be blunt with you, Olivia; I don't care what you pay or how much you pay. Hell, to be honest, I don't care if you never pay for anything as long as you are here with me."

"Why?"

"'Why' what?"

"Why is it so important to you for me to stay here?"

"Olivia, I love you," Alex whispered as she reached out and took Olivia by the hand, "Because I love you and I want you here with me."

"I understand that, I do," Olivia answered as she carefully moved a piece of hair out of Alex's face and tucked it behind her ear, "But what happens when you decide that I'm not the one for you? What about when you realize that what you really feel for me is gratitude, not love? What then? What am I suppose to do then?"

"What makes you think that what I feel for you isn't love?" Alex asked as the lawyer in her started to come out.

"Alex, there is no doubt in my mind that I love you. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I truly believed I started falling for you when I first shook your hand. I'm not saying that what you've been telling me is a lie either, please understand that. But this relationship was formed under extreme stress and a traumatic event."

"Olivia, both of our lives are filled with extreme stress and one traumatic event after another."

"You're right, but those traumatic events that we deal with is not our own."

"So, now you're telling me that I don't know what I feel," Alex said as she fought to hold back the tears and started for the stairs, "Glad I see how you feel now instead of later. I would hate to repeat the same mistake as I did with Jess."

"I'm not saying that," Olivia yelled as she grabbed Alex and pulled her back to her, "Alex, you have watched me take a bullet, not once but twice, for you and, believe me, I would do it again in a heartbeat. You, yourself have stated that you will be forever grateful and in debt to me for it. The last thing I want is for you to realize down the road that you were never in love with me and then stay with me because you feel as if you owe it to me."

"Olivia, please don't doubt what I feel for you," Alex pleaded as the tears started to fall from her eyes, "I have been in love with you for a while now. I was too scared to say or do anything because of Jess. It is because of what she did that I was finally able to let you know. If you want to take it slow, move back home when you're cleared, I will support you. I will always support you in whatever you chose to do."

"I'm not going to lie to you, I do like staying here. You do have me spoiled now and going back to my apartment doesn't look that appealing. Not to mention seeing a hot blonde that is an outstanding attorney everyday is one hell of a perk."

"But?"

"But, I really do think this is something we should move slow at and examine more."

"Examine how? I know what I want."

"I know you do believe me. We all know what you are like when you have your head and heart set on something, but let's be sure about this. We still don't know if I will be released to duty or much less be able to return to the force. Do you really want to be stuck with someone that you will have to care for, for the rest of your life?"

"If it's you, yes, I do."

"There is some chance that some moron on the jury will set Jess free."

"All the more reason to stay here," Alex pointed out

"What about my temper? What if, one day, I lose it with you, what then?"

"Olivia, if I had ever been terrified of you or your temper you would have never stayed in my apartment," Alex whispered as she cupped Olivia's face in her hands, "I would have hired around the clock nurses for you to have at your apartment or found an excellent rehab center for you to stay in till you were better. Even at your worse, I had never felt safer."

"How about a compromise?" Olivia said realizing that, no matter what she said, Alex would have a valid argument to combat it.

"What do you suggest the compromise be?" Alex asked, knowing that she was winning the battle.

"I want to wait and see what the doctor says."

Alex nodded even though she knew whether Olivia could work again or not, she wanted her there.

"If, and I do mean If, I move in nothing will become official till after the trial."

Alex nodded again.

"Lastly and most importantly, we discuss this with our therapists, both alone and then in a session together. We, well mainly me, need to make sure this is the best thing for you in your recovery and me in my recovery."

"I don't care what the doctor says about you working or not working, I am more than willing to wait as long as you want to before telling anyone you are living here permanently, and lastly I don't need a therapist to tell me this is the best thing for me because I know it is," Alex answered, "But if that's the compromise you want and need, you have it."

"Thank you," Olivia whispered as she pulled Alex to her and kissed her.

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**A/N: I hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July. I need to thank ****IBME for the therapy suggestion. I actually would have never thought of that but once I read your review I could see the need for it. Thank you so much for that. **


	94. Normalcy

**A/N: I know it has been a while since I've updated this story and I am so sorry about that. I had hit a brick wall with this story and didn't know where to take it or what the next chapter should be. Not to mention work has been a little wild and busy at the moment. After many false starts and deleted attempts I was able to write this chapter. Now that I have it flowing again hopefully I won't hit anymore cases of writer's block. Again my deepest apologies for taking so long on updating this story. **

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Olivia looked up from the book she was reading when she heard her bedroom door open. After their discussion earlier, they had a quiet dinner and spent the rest of the evening watching TV. It wasn't until Alex had yawned for about the tenth time in as many minutes that Olivia had suggested that they gone on to bed.

Alex had been eager to go to bed and jumped from the couch when Olivia suggested it and held her hand out for the brunette. She maintained contact with Olivia during their short walk upstairs until they had reached her bedroom door. She stopped and turned around to face Olivia; she really wanted to go curl up with Olivia again, but she wasn't sure if that was what the brunette wanted. After everything she had gone through with Jess, she didn't want to ask or seem too needy so instead she kissed Olivia gently on the lips and quietly made her way into her bedroom shutting the door behind her.

Olivia was hurt when Alex kissed her goodnight and closed the door behind her. She had thought with all they had shared over the last twenty four hours that Alex would be curling up with her, if not in her bed then, in Alex's. She had wanted to knock on the door, but decided that it would be best to just go and stretch out in her room. Maybe Alex needed some time alone to work through some of the things they had gone through so, with a defeated look on her face, she had slowly made her way into her room and opted to occupy her thoughts and time with a book she had been trying to finish for the last month.

"Alex, are you okay?" Olivia asked as studied the blonde standing at the door looking scared.

"Yeah, I, uhh, thought I would sleep in here," Alex said, looking anywhere but at the brunette, "That is, if you don't mind. I mean, if you prefer, I can sleep in my room."

"Come on," Olivia said with a smile as she flipped the covers back on the other side of the bed.

Alex sighed with relief as she quickly made her onto the bed thankful that Olivia hadn't turned her away.

"Give me just a minute and I will turn the light off," Olivia said as she reached for her book mark.

"No," Alex whispered as she rolled over to face Olivia and placed an arm around her waist, "Please keep reading for as long as you want."

"Alex, I don't mind."

"I know, but I need this normalcy," Alex answered her as she looked up at her with pleading eyes, "I need to know that this can exist."

"Okay," Olivia whispered as she leaned down and gently kissed Alex on the lips, "You got it."

"Thank you," Alex said as Olivia wrapped her arm around her and held her tight against her. She closed her eyes and slowly exhaled a breath that she didn't realize she was holding and felt her heart calm down to a normal beat. "I didn't mean for it to seem like I didn't care earlier."

"I thought you wanted some time to yourself," Olivia said as she ran her hand up and down Alex's arm, "I'm not going to push you any further than you are ready for."

"You know, sometimes, people need a push," Alex said, smiling as she drew imaginary designs on Olivia's toned stomach.

"Sometimes, they do, and sometimes that push will set them back."

"But that push may be all they need to know everything will be okay."

Olivia lowered her book and looked down at the blonde and studied her for a minute before finally smiling, "In that case, I wouldn't mind you in my bed every night, but only if you want to be here. If you want time alone and sleep by yourself, all you have to do is let me know."

"I can work with that," Alex whispered as she leaned up and kissed Olivia on the lips, "Thank you, now, finish your reading."

"Yes, boss," Olivia said, laughing as she picked her book back up and picked up where she left off as Alex pulled the covers up around her and laid her head on Olivia's chest.

"I need you to remember that line the next time you decide to argue with me over a warrant," Alex said with laughter in her voice, "That will make our work environment so much better."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't push your luck."

"Girl's gotta try," Alex said, laughing, "So, what book are you reading?"

"It's called The Bone Bed by Patricia Cornwell."

"The Bone Bed?"

"Yeah, the book centers around Kay Scarpetta who, in her earlier books, was the chief medical examiner of Virginia, and is now just a medical examiner in Boston. A woman has come up missing while digging for bones in a place nicknamed "The Bone Bed" in Canada. The only piece of evidence of her missing person case has wound up being sent to her in an email. As time goes on, the woman's disappearance is linked to a series of crimes much closer to home. The more she investigates,, the more the danger and suspicion surrounds those close to her."

"It sounds good and like a book I would like to read."

"It is, and you're more than welcome to read it when I'm done, if you want. Actually, I have the rest of her books at my apartment; I can have Elliot swing by and grab one of them for you."

"How many in this series is there?"

"This is the twentieth book, and the next one in the series is due out in November called Dust. Luckily, this is one of those series where you can pick it up mid series and won't be lost."

"I think I'll like to start with the first one and go from there."

"Okay, I'll have Elliot stop by my place and grab the first novel and bring it to you," Olivia said as she closed her book and set it on the nightstand, "And if you like these, you will probably like all the novels by Kathy Reichs. They are along the same lines, but a little more difficult to follow at times."

"I've heard that name before, but not from books."

"She's the one that the show "Bones" is based off of."

"So, you're a cop that has to deal with this gruesomeness on a daily basis, but still reads books about it as well."

"In the books, the good guys always win and justice is served. It's a nice change of pace. If you don't like those, I recommend the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich. They are about a woman who falls into bounty hunting by accident, and every possible thing that can go wrong does go wrong, but she still manages to catch her guys. Those books are the ones that you sit around reading and laugh out loud at."

"Then those are the ones that I would want to read."

"You're in luck; I have the complete series of those as well. I'll just have Elliot bring those over instead."

"Or," Alex said with a sly smile on her face, "You could just let my movers bring everything over and we wouldn't have to make Elliot run back and forth to get the stuff, everything would be right here."

"We could, but we've already discussed this," Olivia said as she kissed Alex, "But I will give you props on how you snuck that back in there."

"I'm not a top notch attorney for nothing."

"No, you're not, and if we don't get to sleep you're going to be an exhausted attorney tomorrow," Olivia said as she wrapped her arms around Alex and pulled her to her.

"But tomorrow's Sunday, so it doesn't matter."

"I know, but I need the sleep."

"I know you do," Alex said as she entwined their fingers and closed her eyes for what she hoped would be the first of many peaceful nights for her.


	95. Preparing for Defense

**A/N: You guys are great. You have stuck with me for over 90 chapters on a story I was very hesitant about. Thank you all so much. Before you start reading this chapter I have jumped ahead about two weeks. The next chapter will probably take a few days to pull together it will be the much anticipated chapter of Jess's testimony. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter.**

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"Alex, you don't have to go today," Olivia said as she watched Alex get dressed for court. Every morning without fail, for the last two weeks, she and Alex were sitting in the court room to watch the proceedings. Yesterday, Abby had told them that Jess was schedule to take the stand and it wasn't needed for either of them to be there. Olivia had secretly hoped that she would listen to Abby and stay home, but she knew, without a doubt, that they would be having this discussion.

"Yes, I do," Alex answered as she reached down and slid her heels on.

"No, you don't," Olivia stated as she reached out and stopped Alex, "Abby said we're not needed at court today."

"Olivia, you and I both know that the healing begins when you face your attacker."

"Honey, what the hell do you think you've been doing?" Olivia asked as she struggled to keep her anger under control, something that was becoming more and more difficult since the defense began its case on Monday.

"She takes the stand today."

"I'm aware of that," Olivia stated as she ground her teeth together, trying her best to keep composed.

"You can stay here if you can't handle being in court today," Alex shot back as she grabbed her coat and headed for the door, "Besides I wouldn't want to disgust you anymore than what you already are."

"I've had it," Olivia shouted as she slammed the door shut that Alex had just opened and grabbed Alex spinning her around to face her, "It has nothing to do with how disgusted I am because you and I both know that's a lie. I don't care about any of that, and lord knows we've been through it enough times already."

"Olivia, if you can't handle it then, just stay home," Alex said as she laid her hand on her chest, "Elliot will be there with me. Take today and relax."

"I will not let you go through this by yourself."

"It's hard for you, I get that, believe me, and if you can't handle it today stay home. You've pushed yourself so much lately. It's okay."

"No, give me five minutes to put something different on and I'll be ready," Olivia said as she turned back toward the stairs.

"Olivia, stop," Alex called out, blowing out a breath when Olivia did stop, "Honey, since the defense has started on Monday, you have hardly slept. I have three new holes in my, your bedroom wall and its becoming extremely difficult for you to concentrate. Stay home today, take a nap, or just try to relax."

"What about you?" Olivia asked as she finally turned around to face Alex, "You haven't shared a bed with me since then. You cry and whimper in your sleep and when I come in there to you, you're terrified and begging her not to hurt you again. When do you get your time to relax, Alex? When do you realize you're not alone anymore and I'm here for you?"

"I can't lean on you forever," Alex whispered as she closed the gap between them and caressed the side of Olivia's face, "You can't always hold my hand; at some point, I will have to be a big girl and face the real world without you there as my protective shell."

"Yes, you can," Olivia answered as she kissed Alex's palm, "I told you that I would stand by you ever step of the way and I meant it. I'm not backing out on you. When we come home, I will take a nap, okay?"

"No, it's not, Olivia," Alex said as she smiled at Olivia, "Honey, you know if you don't get enough sleep that you become easily angered and have trouble focusing. You haven't been sleeping and you won't take the sleep aid for your insomnia because of me."

"I can handle it, Alex."

"Really; is that why I have those holes in the wall in your bedroom? Is that why you just slammed the door shut and jerked me around so I was facing you? Is that why your jaw is clenched so tight right now that I'm afraid that you will break a tooth? Is that why you threw the manual across the room and shattered my vase last night when you realized you had reread the same sentence at least five times and still didn't understand it?"

"I'LL FIX YOUR DAMN WALL," Olivia shouted as she got in Alex's face, "I'VE FIXED THE DAMAGE I'VE DONE BEFORE. THIS TIME WON'T BE ANY DIFFERENT."

"HOW MUCH MORE DAMAGE IS MY HOUSE GOING TO HAVE TO ENDURE BEFORE YOU REALIZE YOU CAN'T CONTINUE ON THE WAY YOU USE TO?" Alex screamed back, taking a deep breath trying to calm herself and hopefully Olivia before they both did and/or said something they would regret, "Olivia, I know it frustrates you that you can't continue on like you use to. Despite what you think, I do understand that is a very hard adjustment for you to make, but we need to start facing them and making them now before you return to work and not after. Right now, I am forbidding you to force yourself today, and demanding that you go upstairs, take your medicine, and rest. When I come home, we will have a quiet evening, just the two of us."

"NO."

"Olivia."

"Don't "Olivia" me," Olivia choked out as she fought hard to keep the tears from falling, "I'm going upstairs and I am changing my clothes. I will be next to you in the cab, holding your hand, just like always. I will be there by you in court like always. Then, when this day is over, we can come home and have that dinner you were talking about. Then, when it's time for bed, you can come to my bed and I will fall asleep holding you."

"My nightmares will keep you up."

"Is that why you haven't been in the room with me?" Olivia asked as she turned her head to the side to look at Alex, finally realizing the reasoning behind Alex not sharing a bed with her anymore.

"Yeah, I know how bad you need your sleep," Alex said, looking away, "I knew with the first sound I made, you would be awake and stay awake to protect me the best you can."

"In case you didn't notice, I'm up anyways," Olivia said, stepping off the stairs and turning Alex's head so that she could look at her, "I wake up the second I hear you whimper or plead in your sleep. I try to comfort you back to sleep, but only scare you more so instead I sit on the floor by your door so I can be there for you when you need me. So, you staying in another room so I can get some sleep isn't working. Hell, if we're going to be honest, it isn't working for either one of us, so tonight we will curl up in each other's arms, okay?"

"Okay, but I'm still going to court today."

"I know," Olivia said, laughing, "And I will be right there by you, like always too."

Alex nodded as she watched Olivia jog up the stairs to change clothes. As much as she wanted to sit in court today, alone, she knew she needed Olivia there with her. She just hoped that with Olivia's lack of sleep that she would be able to control herself when Jess took the stand today.


End file.
